When talking about yourself

[tryst type]

How do you when you're saying too much?

I have a problem where when a girl asks things about me that I feel we'd really have in common my mind makes me want to get thorough so she can sense a connection.

My don juan side knows I should keep it minimum though. Examples are family life, personal feelings about the world. Mind you I don't just bring these up and talk about myself its when she asks. Suggestions?

 

[Mr. Wolf]

Do you feel proud talking about yourself?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

How do you when you're saying too much?

When they stop asking about about. Women who are really into you will want to know what makes you tick.

Presented the right way will keep them constantly interested. This isn't to say that you have to be an enigma but present things in an entertaining way where she gets a better understanding without knowing every single story about you. Story telling skills help immensely when doing this. Presentation plays a huge part in addition to content.

 

[tryst type]

Hmm interesting.

Here's what happens she'll ask something and I perceive it as an open question. I feel I need to tell everything on that subject, instead of bringin it up later when itd be totally random.
Sometimes I stop myself and say whoa was I just blabbering?

 

[kdnash82]

when out and about with girls that i've just met, i keep everything about myself short and sweet. i hate direct questions about myself, so i always turn it around. say for instance:

her: what do you do for fun?
me: i dunno.... i like things that are hands on. as long as it's an activity, then i'm having fun. it could anything from playing a game of flag football to flying a kite in the park. (from here, I change the subject completely)
this might sound crazy, but tell me one thing that made you smile this week. out of all the things that made you smile, what was the one that sticks out the most?
her: (tells me the one thing, then I have her tell me the story about it. it's long and boring, but keeps her talking and she goes on and on about absolutely nothing. i nod and pretend like i give a damn. smile as if it was funny and when she's done, i can't repeat a damn thing she just said, which is something i wouldn't recommend anyone else do because girls like a guy who pays attention. i just have a short attention span.)

so, my point is to never leave the conversation on yourself and turn everything back to them. if they continue to press, answer the question shortly, change the subject and keep it moving.

 

[tryst type]

What if its a potentional relationship developing? Ok to open up more?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Hmm interesting.

Here's what happens she'll ask something and I perceive it as an open question. I feel I need to tell everything on that subject, instead of bringin it up later when itd be totally random.
Sometimes I stop myself and say whoa was I just blabbering?

OK, gotcha. Try this, change your perception of what a conversation entails. Think of it of something more than just the exchange of information. Try considering more as a banter; yes, it's still an exchange of information but its presentation is more like a game of ping pong.

The object is to go back and forth with the information almost rhythmically. Every once in a while you put a little backspin on the information that you volley over the net and hopefully (if she's a conversationalist) will be able to return the volley and perhaps with a spin of her own.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What if its a potentional relationship developing? Ok to open up more?

Think about content. The thing that best feeds a good relationship is intimacy, not just sexual but emotional. This isn't to say that you open up the floodgates but it does help if your woman starts learning not only about how you operate but why. This helps sidestep a bunch of situations where you could end up arguing about seemingly meaningless crap. More often than not it's not the crap you're arguing about, it's the "why" behind it.

 

[tryst type]

Very informative thanks. Could you just give some examples of your ping pong conversation analogy?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Very informative thanks. Could you just give some examples of your ping pong conversation analogy?

The best example of this which I keep in the back of my mind is from an old television show from the mid 80's with Cybil Shepard and Bruce Willis called "Moonlighting." Even though their banters were mostly arguments, you could feel the sexual tension through the c/f tossed back and forth by each of them. There may be some clips on YouTube.

 

[kdnash82]

I agree with Francisco. My converstations with women on dates tend to be in the now. I tend to tell a lot of stories and ask off the wall questions that have absolutely nothing to do with nothing. (What made you smile this week?)

Whatever she says, will most likely be told in a story kind of way. I in turn, will tell a similiar story. Not about what made me smile, but something similiar to her story. So if she was to say something like "I watched a comedy show this week. This guy was so funny and he did this thing about blah blah blah blah." I would in turn tell her a story about how I went to a comedy show. Tell a joke that stood out during that comedy show, then say that we should go catch a live comedy show, because they're better in person.

This does a few things in a woman's head. It makes her think that we have similar interests. Even though the joke wasn't mine, I told it and it was funny, so I must be a funny person. Every girl loves to laugh. Then I threw in a future event. Makes her think that I wanna see her again. If she says yes, without even trying, I've just set up another date.

I think this is what Francisco meant by ping pong conversation. You're not talking about yourself. The converstation should never feel like an interrogation. It should always be fun and upbeat. Not really personal.

 

[Grizou]

Probably one of the best methods to advance your ping-pong conversation skills would be to analyze some interviews between some celebrity (no matter which one) and a good journalist.

What makes a journalist a good journalist is his ability to listen and, furthermore, to create an atmosphere of intimity. If he doesn't succeed in establishing such a connection with his interview partner, the answers he'll get will be not worth mentioning even in the regional new section of Hillbilly Town's gossip mag.

As Strauss (and probably many other DJs) already mentioned and as is common knowledge in the media: ask open questions (what, why, how,...) that encourage your opposite to add more or less interesting details to the conversation. Now when you listen carefully, you should be able to pick out the interesting stuff and maybe even deepen it with some anecdotes of yourself you consider interesting.

Btw. if the girl you're talking to seems bored by the stuff you're telling her, i reckon she's apparently not girlfriend material...

Saludos
Grizou

 

[Dole]

Thanks guys awsome material.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I agree with Francisco. My converstations with women on dates tend to be in the now. I tend to tell a lot of stories and ask off the wall questions that have absolutely nothing to do with nothing. (What made you smile this week?)

Whatever she says, will most likely be told in a story kind of way. I in turn, will tell a similiar story. Not about what made me smile, but something similiar to her story. So if she was to say something like "I watched a comedy show this week. This guy was so funny and he did this thing about blah blah blah blah." I would in turn tell her a story about how I went to a comedy show. Tell a joke that stood out during that comedy show, then say that we should go catch a live comedy show, because they're better in person.

This does a few things in a woman's head. It makes her think that we have similar interests. Even though the joke wasn't mine, I told it and it was funny, so I must be a funny person. Every girl loves to laugh. Then I threw in a future event. Makes her think that I wanna see her again. If she says yes, without even trying, I've just set up another date.

I think this is what Francisco meant by ping pong conversation. You're not talking about yourself. The converstation should never feel like an interrogation. It should always be fun and upbeat. Not really personal.

You got it.

 

[Mayfly]

Isn't this all basic information in how to have a conversation?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Isn't this all basic information in how to have a conversation?

Yeah, but it's becoming a lost art. This is probably why texting is so popular. It's not that it's necessarily an easy medium to use to have a real conversation, it's just easier than having a real conversation.

 

[Nexus Polaris]

Very true. Most of us who spend large amounts of time online are social retards in real life. No conversational skills. I didn't realize until I started coming here how much most of the conversations I have with my friends are one way. My friends are all very talkative. I just provide the necessary responses here and there.

I'm actually having to learn how to talk now. It's been hard.

 

[jesusrules]

just tell her a little so to that she doesnt know everything about you, like a mystery. then turn the questions around on her.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Very true. Most of us who spend large amounts of time online are social retards in real life. No conversational skills. I didn't realize until I started coming here how much most of the conversations I have with my friends are one way. My friends are all very talkative. I just provide the necessary responses here and there.

I'm actually having to learn how to talk now. It's been hard.

That is exactly what I am talking about. With the explosion of "information on demand" there's no real need for a lot of people to say a word. You don't need to be online all the time either, between the MP3 and streaming video players in our carry around devices there is always something around for people to listen to without the need for engaging. We are able to find out about damn near anything in the world without asking one vocal question. Think about it.

 

[Mayfly]

Maybe it's a different age completely in the past five years, but I was raised to have conversations with people. Ask questions, tell them a story, and then find out more. At times during college, I had a five hour conversation with a girl, and when it ended, she just looked at me and said, "I feel I know you better than my own brother."