When refusing to be manipulated gets you nexted.

[Raasay]

She's done no favors for me.

Why do you complain then? She wasn't interested, tried to manipulate you and as you refused she nexted you. Period.

According to your initial post you seem to hang out a lot with girls that are not interested in you, maybe improve your selection...

 

[Grounded eagle]

Tell me about it. I'm going through a rough patch right now in terms of dating, and damn, it's frustrating.

Met a woman at the pool hall who was all over me - got her number, and the texting began the following day, where SHE initiated. I'm paraphrasing but I believe she asked why I didn't bother hitting her up first.

Her: "So tell me, do you live alone? What do you do for fun?
Me: "I don't do 21 questions over text, but you're more than welcome to ask me in person."
Her: "Wow. Bye"

No harm, no foul but really, bro? Give me a break. This immature and petty behavior reminds me that dating is just not a right fit for me. I genuinely don't have the patience or tolerance for this nonsense. I understand it's a "game" and I'm still learning to stop being serious about it and (hopefully) will eventually start to treat it as such.

This,and OP’s post, is the problem with the binary,”Being nice is bad,being an a/s/s/h/o/l/e is good,”,rhetoric often perpetuated here.

 

[SargeMaximus]

I agree that female manipulation shouldn't be tolerated. I suspect that she's also thinking the same thing about men.

If you only want to give her time when she's offering the goods, I'm not knocking it. But just be sure that you're also acknowledging your own form of manipulation as well.

You're not a victim.

never said I was a victim. All I want to know is how to smooth things over

Why do you complain then? She wasn't interested, tried to manipulate you and as you refused she nexted you. Period.

According to your initial post you seem to hang out a lot with girls that are not interested in you, maybe improve your selection...

Yeah they aren't interested that's why they have sex multiple times with me

As I've said throughout this thread: I want to know how to keep the connection or whatever the fvck these girls are testing for with their manipulation without giving into said manipulation.

But I suspect all the hate I'm getting is because my iron spine that none of you possess.

 

[rjc149]

You may be able to salvage this if you detach and leave the ball in her court. Honestly, there’s some awkwardness now. Most women prefer cutting bait and moving on to other options than working through awkwardness with a guy they just started seeing, who has come off as butthurt.

“Sure no prob babe. Let me know when your schedule clears up.”

And that’s it.

 

[SargeMaximus]

You may be able to salvage this if you detach and leave the ball in her court. Honestly, there’s some awkwardness now. Most women prefer cutting bait and moving on to other options than working through awkwardness with a guy they just started seeing, who has come off as butthurt.

“Sure no prob babe. Let me know when your schedule clears up.”

And that’s it.

How is “Gonna have to pass” butthurt? My brother says sh!t like that sometimes when I ask if he wants to hang out or whatever. I never read into it.

you guys are projecting hella much

 

[Black Widow Void]

never said I was a victim. All I want to know is how to smooth things over

You won't. Well, not until you recognize your own contributions.
1. You made this posting to paint yourself as a victim of potential manipulation. (your posting behavior is a sign that you have some previous baggage to work through)
2. You (so far) fail to acknowledge your own form of manipulation with this gal. After working on yourself, you'll be in a better position to make things happen.

But I suspect all the hate I'm getting is because my iron spine that none of you possess.

If you have to resort to outwardly reminding forum members (male strangers of all things) that you have an "iron spine" then you probably don't.

 

[SargeMaximus]

If you have to resort to outwardly reminding forum members (male strangers of all things) that you have an "iron spine" then you probably don't.

We’re playing that game are we? In that case you must be full of it too because you’re posting on a forum

 

[Bokanovsky]

And you know what, I agree. I still didn’t think I was rude as again, what I displayed wasn’t our entire conversation but I’ll reconsider it and go back to the drawing board as usual.

Remember, women have very fragile egos and are easily offended. And in text conversations, you can come across as an @sshole even if you are not trying to.

 

[Bokanovsky]

How is “Gonna have to pass” butthurt? My brother says sh!t like that sometimes when I ask if he wants to hang out or whatever. I never read into it.

The fact that you don't understand the difference between a) speaking to your brother and b) speaking to a girl you've just started seeing, and that it hasn't occurred to you that the two scenarios require different communication strategies shows are you either completely lack social skills or perhaps have some kind of a developmental disability.

 

[SargeMaximus]

The fact that you don't understand the difference between a) speaking to your brother and b) speaking to a girl you've just started seeing, and that it hasn't occurred to you that the two scenarios require different communication strategies shows are you either completely lack social skills or perhaps have some kind of a developmental disability.

Whatever you say bro. You’re posting on a forum so you aren’t credible according to Black Widow Void

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

This has happened to me many times, and has certainly cost me numerous relationships. Sometimes it's not even outright manipulation from them as it is my unwavering "my way or the highway" mindset. Women are so used to men simping that it might not even occur to them that guys could refuse to fold under them, and so they see it as a personal insult if they don't.

Bear in mind that today most of the guys in relationships with women are supplicating doormats who don't wear the pants. Is that what you want?

Unfortunately in your case she was comfort-testing you. You probably came across as a jerk to her and that's why she's gone cold.

I've only heard this term "comfort test" once before...what exactly does this mean?

 

[SargeMaximus]

Bear in mind that today most of the guys in relationships with women are supplicating doormats who don't wear the pants. Is that what you want?

Of course not. Like I said, I'm looking for a way to pass this "comfort test" as Pan called it without giving into the manipulation. Personally, I think that's a good goal for all of us guys to have.

 

[rjc149]

How is “Gonna have to pass” butthurt? My brother says sh!t like that sometimes when I ask if he wants to hang out or whatever. I never read into it.

you guys are projecting hella much

Maybe “butthurt” wasn’t the right word. It was definitely terse and chilly, though. If she wanted to analyze it (which she probably did) she’s wondering if your sudden drop in temperature indicates that she overstepped. To be fair to you, she did a little, but your reaction to it now makes the dialogue awkward. There could have been a warmer or a more playfully cheeky way to decline her request.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Of course not. Like I said, I'm looking for a way to pass this "comfort test" as Pan called it without giving into the manipulation. Personally, I think that's a good goal for all of us guys to have.

My point was that for some women, the only way to be in a relationship with them is to fold into their frame. So there's nothing to be gained from being with these types of women anyway.

I would need to hear more specific examples of what a comfort test actually is.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This has happened to me a lot. Classic pua wisdom says women like men that have a spine and don’t get taken advantage of or refuse to be mistreated.
And yet, every time I do this a woman uses it as an excuse to next me.

case in point, I have been sleeping with a new girl. We’ve had sex 3 times and she has been texting me like crazy and all the good things.

we had plans to meet to fvck again tomorrow after she is moved into her new place .

however, this weekend she texted me asking if I would help her move. Seeing as how we only had sex 3 times, I didn’t feel right about that. So I told her I’d have to pass.

then magically today when I text to ask if we are still on for tomorrow she claims her landlord is fixing her bathroom tomorrow.


so, my frustration is that even if you do have a spine and don’t get manipulated by the woman and stand firm to your boundaries, a woman will still (and maybe more so) pass you up.

that’s my frustration.

The mistake was simply not saying you were busy or doing something etc...

The action wasn't wrong but how you got to that place was kind of tactless. How you say/do something is often more important than what you do.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Maybe “butthurt” wasn’t the right word. It was definitely terse and chilly, though. If she wanted to analyze it (which she probably did) she’s wondering if your sudden drop in temperature indicates that she overstepped. To be fair to you, she did a little, but your reaction to it now makes the dialogue awkward. There could have been a warmer or a more playfully cheeky way to decline her request.

Agreed. And I'll totally do the whole "Didn't realize we were at this stage of our relationship" thing in future similar situations. I replied to her and, from her response, it seems things are neutral. Pic below.

My point was that for some women, the only way to be in a relationship with them is to fold into their frame. So there's nothing to be gained from being with these types of women anyway.

I would need to hear more specific examples of what a comfort test actually is.

Yeah I don't know. I'd like to try and get to that point before I assume I can't be with these women unless I give into manipulation. If there are other avenues (and I believe there are) it seems silly to assume being manipulated is the only solution if we haven't explored them.

The mistake was simply not saying you were busy or doing something etc...

The action wasn't wrong but how you got to that place was kind of tactless. How you say/do something is often more important than what you do.

Yeah but I'm not interested in that. I'd rather stand my ground and let her know it's not what I want.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Agreed. And I'll totally do the whole "Didn't realize we were at this stage of our relationship" thing in future similar situations. I replied to her and, from her response, it seems things are neutral. Pic below.




Yeah I don't know. I'd like to try and get to that point before I assume I can't be with these women unless I give into manipulation. If there are other avenues (and I believe there are) it seems silly to assume being manipulated is the only solution if we haven't explored them.


Yeah but I'm not interested in that. I'd rather stand my ground and let her know it's not what I want.

I'd suggest you learn social tact.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Yeah I don't know. I'd like to try and get to that point before I assume I can't be with these women unless I give into manipulation. If there are other avenues (and I believe there are) it seems silly to assume being manipulated is the only solution if we haven't explored them.

Honestly, I don't think relationships should take this much work. To quote Patrice O'Neal, "there is no reason you should ever have a bad time in a relationship." If someone has to ask advice about how to get a girl stick around (assuming they're experienced and competent) why bother with her?

If the answer isn't obvious it means she probably doesn't even know herself. The answer is probably that she's an ADHD thot who cannot commit to one guy in the same way she cannot commit to watching a movie or reading a book without getting bored 15 minutes in and checking her likes. Or, like I said, she's so used to interacting with faggot simps or simp-lites that when she sees a guy holding frame, her fragile ego cannot handle it.

We men take too much responsibility sometimes. Not everything falls back on us. Women are are just not worth the effort. Let them chase you, do your own thing, if they won't play ball, then so be it.

 

[rjc149]

Agreed. And I'll totally do the whole "Didn't realize we were at this stage of our relationship" thing in future similar situations. I replied to her and, from her response, it seems things are neutral. Pic below.




Yeah I don't know. I'd like to try and get to that point before I assume I can't be with these women unless I give into manipulation. If there are other avenues (and I believe there are) it seems silly to assume being manipulated is the only solution if we haven't explored them.


Yeah but I'm not interested in that. I'd rather stand my ground and let her know it's not what I want.

I didn't see the "could be on" part. I'd say things are still okay.

If I feel like a girl is overstepping or taking liberties with me, I'll playfully just call her out.

Her: Can you give me a ride to [somewhere]
Me: No, it'll be too hard for me to say bye to you when you get out

At a restaurant:

Her: Can you get me a water?
Me: Huh? You suddenly crippled now?
or
Me: I look like a waiter to you, woman?

Her: Can you hold my bag?
Me: Sure in a minute. (don't take the bag).
or
Me: You're a strong independent woman right?

Always with a cheeky smirk. Never affronted, never butthurt.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Honestly, I don't think relationships should take this much work. To quote Patrice O'Neal, "there is no reason you should ever have a bad time in a relationship." If you have to ask advice about how to even get a girl to stick with you (assuming you're doing everything right or at least good enough) why bother with her?

We men take too much responsibility sometimes. Not everything falls back on us. Women are are just not worth the effort. Let them chase you, do your own thing, if they won't play ball, then so be it.

Yeah totally agree. I was just addressing something I have noticed happens a lot. I think I have a good idea what to do next.
Thank you all for weighing in