When does "shyt test" cross the line to "unacceptable disrespect"?

[johnnyrem]

This is related to some recent posts here.

I'm familiar with shyt tests, and I understand that it's supposed to "test" your security as a man and your ability to take her crap without wimping out. I would (and sometimes still do) fail **** tests because I don't recognize them. Then it is sayonara, dude, you're not boyfriend material. Those more subtle tests that have me playing along to the best of my ability I can sort of understand. But it's the ones that seem blatantly disrespectful to me that have me annoyed. I'd especially like to hear from the successful Don Juans on just what their limits are regarding these tests.

Some examples I see from my past dating experiences that annoy me:

The last minute date cancellation, especially if it's on the first through third date. Usually, I find out they're flaking when I call them, say, fifteen minutes beforehand to let them know I'm one my way to pick them up. Do they have the courtesy to let me know well before the date? Hell No! I gotta call to find out that they're flaking! In the past, I used to try to reschedule at the time of the cancellation (say the next evening), and I'd get rebuffed. Lately, I haven't tried dating them again after they pull this stunt. About half the time I hear through mutual friends that these chicks wonder why I haven't called again. Hello? This isn't a shyt test TO ME, just very disrespectful. Yet the girlies think we men shouldn't take offense at this? A variation is when a woman you've been seeing suddenly stops returning your calls for a few weeks, then pretends her cell phone "lost its battery", not her fault.

The Open Bar **** Test, when she drinks and eats like Shamu and acts as if you're supposed to pay for it all-after all, YOU asked her for the date-women's priviledge, right? This conveniently takes advantage of the fact that women don't ask for dates, thus the guy is unable to return the favor. I've had some women act like a date was an excuse to get blotto for free.

When she flirts with every other guys she sees. Now, I thought a date was an opportunity to get to know someone better, not an opportunity to see how many guys will drool over her and ask for her phone number. A variation of this is when they spot some friends while you're out with her, then hangs out with them for 25 minutes, leaving you to sit at the table by yourself, neither introducing you to them or inviting you over to share their company.

Guys, what are deal breakers for you? Possibly some of you are so adept at passing these by controlling the situation that there are no such things as "deal breakers." Maybe I'm overreacting, but I would rather think I've got some self respect.

Please tell me how you overcame some of these shyt tests. I'm here to learn.

Or empathize, if you have the same things happen to you.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

This is related to some recent posts here.

I'm familiar with shyt tests, and I understand that it's supposed to "test" your security as a man and your ability to take her crap without wimping out. I would (and sometimes still do) fail **** tests because I don't recognize them. Then it is sayonara, dude, you're not boyfriend material. Those more subtle tests that have me playing along to the best of my ability I can sort of understand. But it's the ones that seem blatantly disrespectful to me that have me annoyed. I'd especially like to hear from the successful Don Juans on just what their limits are regarding these tests.

Some examples I see from my past dating experiences that annoy me:

The last minute date cancellation, especially if it's on the first through third date. Usually, I find out they're flaking when I call them, say, fifteen minutes beforehand to let them know I'm one my way to pick them up. Do they have the courtesy to let me know well before the date? Hell No! I gotta call to find out that they're flaking! In the past, I used to try to reschedule at the time of the cancellation (say the next evening), and I'd get rebuffed. Lately, I haven't tried dating them again after they pull this stunt. About half the time I hear through mutual friends that these chicks wonder why I haven't called again. Hello? This isn't a shyt test TO ME, just very disrespectful. Yet the girlies think we men shouldn't take offense at this? A variation is when a woman you've been seeing suddenly stops returning your calls for a few weeks, then pretends her cell phone "lost its battery", not her fault.

Then Open Bar **** Test, when she drinks and eats like Shamu and acts as if you're supposed to pay for it all-after all, YOU asked her for the date-women's priviledge, right? This conveniently takes advantage of the fact that women don't ask for dates, thus the guy is unable to return the favor. I've had some women act like a date was an excuse to get blotto for free.

When she flirts with every other guys she sees. Now, I thought a date was an opportunity to get to know someone better, not an opportunity to see how many guys will drool over her and ask for her phone number. A variation of this is when they spot some friends while you're out with her, then hangs out with them for 25 minutes, leaving you to sit at the table by yourself, neither introducing you to them or inviting you over to share their company.

Guys, what are deal breakers for you? Possibly some of you are so adept at passing these by controlling the situation that there are no such things as "deal breakers." Maybe I'm overreacting, but I would rather think I've got some self respect.

Please tell me how you overcame some of these shyt tests. I'm here to learn.

Or empathize, if you have the same things happen to you.

I hear what you're saying, and pretty much everything you have listed sounds like it's legitimate. I'm kind of a hardass when it comes to shyt tests. Because of being an AFC before, I have absolutely ZERO tolerance for anything even resembling a shyt test.

I know this is overboard, and I probably miss out on a lot of cool chicks this way, but it's what I do.

I think if a girl is interested in you, she won't make you wait. I understand there are legitimate reasons for making people wait, but I don't allow it. I simply say I don't take rain checks, and adios.

I don't suggest everybody does this, and to be honest it really doesn't work that often for me. But what I have noticed is that it cuts through the shyt and finds you a woman with super high interest level...

 

[DonJuanForever]

The "shyt test" just like "****y/funny" are all apart of this made up don juan religion that causes more problems then heals them.

There is no such thing as a "shyt test." When women do things that are disrespectful, we are no longer in the first grade, women don't beat up the boys they "like" anymore. When she is disrespecting you that means simply put, SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU. Begin to be more serious around her, not saying you can't smile and have a good time, but also keep your ground and don't let anybody take your kindness and "having a good time" for weakness and insecurity.

Start acting real serious around her, tell her you don't like what she is doing, and for her to stop it or get on. Again, a "shyt test" is another made up version of the don juan religion. There are no shyt tests. This is not first grade, where a girl likes a boy and goes and beats his azz or makes fun of him......when a girl does that today, SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU. And honestly, if she is your girl, she'll cheat on you, use you, etc., and think a damned thing about it.

READ THIS POST TWICE.

 

[johnnyrem]

To me, a last minute date cancellation isn't a shyt test. Mostly because YOU know it's bullshyt, SHE knows it's bullshyt, and the next step is what are you gonna do about it? Women pull this way too often, yet some are fully expecting you to put up with it. Why would you?

I think the only way to pass is not to play, so in that respect I agree with mrknowitall. You lose the girl, but you keep your self respect.

 

[Phyzzle]

Everything you named is an instant deal-breaker. There is room for improvement.

Usually, I find out they're flaking when I call them, say, fifteen minutes beforehand to let them know I'm one my way to pick them up.

Stop that. Don't call. You already have a date to show up at x o'clock, so show up then. It's harder to flake when your standing there.

If a girl says "please call me 10 minutes before you get there," I say "sure, absolutely." But I don't do it.

I've had some women act like a date was an excuse to get blotto for free

Ha, the 1st 3 dates or so should be cheap. The first one should be coffee, $5 or less. Filters out gold-diggers. And, no alcohol on the first few dates.

When she flirts with every other guys she sees.

Probably because she's drunk. Look, if she wonders off to talk to some random person she knows, you may have said something ro REALLY freak her out. Did you mention your toenail clipping collection? That might trigger "hey, I think I know those people from somewhere", Zing!

 

[johnnyrem]

My point is, I guess, that ALL shyt tests are disrespect.

Some are gentle disrespect, like the kind you send back at her when you're practicing c&f to build attraction. Nothing like tearing someone down a bit to show that you're on their level, after all. But, failing a number of shyt tests or a single "shyt bomb" (a really disrespectful test) and you're toast either way.

One of the dumbest claims about shyt tests was posted by Wyldfire, normally a solid poster. Here she succumbed to the illogic of her gender by claiming women shyt test only in response to some slight directed at her by a man. Total crap. Women shyt test to test men for backbone; to see who is the fycker and who is the fyckee. No woman that harbors disrespect for you will let you penetrate her cootchie. You've got to PROVE that you've got the dominant dyck by slapping her down when she acts up. That's a damn macho thing to say, but women are the ones who enforce this and yield to it. The biggest lie of all was the feminist claim of desiring "sensitive" (read wussy) men when their juices literally flow by being in the company of dominant, take no bull**** men.

Go ahead and pass the shyt test-but recognize some shyt tests are deal breakers and walk away. Respect is the most valuable thing you possess.

My opinion. Anyone else?

 

[tmpgstx]

Here is the problem. The majority of guys hit on girls. The majority of girls do not hit on guys. This leaves the girls with alot more option than the guys, thus its easy to flake.

Guys have it tougher, if our society is becoming feminized, a real man doesn't go for shyt tests, does what the hell he wants. He's not a trained dog, yet cares enough to go after what he wants. If she is too much of an idiot to blow him off for some guy that passed a shyt test because he didn't care or show much interest, then that's what she'll get eventually, a guy who doesn't care.

I don't think its tests so much as it is flakiness due to alot of options usually. One guys and has a date, yet Joe Schmoe calls (and hasn't called for weeks) and she cancels to go with Schmoe because he's showed less interest, therefore it must be that he is worth pursuing (scarcity mentality).

Stop hitting on girls, let them hit on us, and we'll be the ones who can be flakes and giving 'shyt' tests.

 

[DonJuanForever]

Protend I am a girl, here's an example of the "don juan" shyt test belief.

Me: Hey Brad, your fvcking shirt is too small, haaha, what did you borrow that from your brother?

So Brad is supposed to laugh this off and say something funny back, and he "passes the test." Are you kidding me? Do you lack any amount of masculinity?

Why would you want somebody disrespecting you like that? And do you honestly think the girl is saying, let me try this to see if he has backbone? If you showed backbone from the beginning, I would have no need to disrespect you to see if you will continue allowing me to do so.....she is NOT TESTING YOU FOR NOTHING. She is doing it and saying it because SHE CAN. But if you showed her you're not the one to talk to like that, SHE CAN'T just say some shyt like that, even if it's true. She'll say it in a better tone, Brad, I think maybe that shirt is too small though babe. Okay, I'll get the point.

You guys are seriously screwing yourselves over with this don juan techniques and tests stuff. A "shyt test," how is a shyt test from a girl any different from a AMOG shyt test? When you show them you are not the one to play with like that, there won't be no shyt tests, piss tests, or any other kind of tests.

You guys are literally making the situation worst, because the "rules" say you are not supposed to get mad, ahahahaha. So it gets worst. Next she svcks a guy's dyck in front of you, but remember, you're not supposed to say anything or get mad........Dudes, stop the insanity. Girls only are attracted to guys they respect, if she is shyt testing you, she is not all that attracted buddy but is just playing with your little head. While you are trying to pass her shyt test, I will let her svck my balls and buy my drink tonight.

DJF

 

[johnnyrem]

Tmpgstx, good observation.

The only way to combat flakiness is to raise our value so she's less likely to flake. I'm working on my value most of all.

That, and to develop our "bullshyt detectors" so we know when to recognize a lost cause.

I agree that men have it tougher on the dating scene, optionwise. We've got to WORK for our dates, but we need to hold women accountable for their bad choices and behavior.

DonJuanForever, all I can say to your post is "fvckin' A!" Women may try a test or two on you to see your response, though. Deal with it properly and THEN you may see no more. If she continues, she should be history.

There ALWAYS should be consequences for a woman's bad behavior. No consequences, no pvssy.

 

[DonJuanForever]

Johnny you have it tougher, because you make it tough on yourself.

In a club, or a big bookstore, there's about 100 girls that are single, free, and sexy in that club. There's about 100 guys, 80% are too shy and timid to say anything.....so only 20% are approaching. Do you seriously think that those 20 guys are getting all 100 of those girls? You guys make it hard on yourselves because you choose to not increase your masculinity, which is totally a mind set, and go in the field and run the numbers. You guys make it hard on yourselves.

Women DO NOT HAVE MORE OPTIONS, WE DO. Like I said,
100 women in one place
100 guys

80% of the guys are AFCs, and too shy and timid to say anything. That leaves 20 guys.

Let's see, 20 guys and 100 girls....who has more options?
And it's usually like this everywhere, from the club to church. A room full of women and men, but about 20% of the men are actually approaching.

Now, of course your attraction level must be up, I already told you how to do that.......but women do not have more options, we do.

 

[tmpgstx]

That's in a club scene, and it's almost always more guys in the club than girls. It's the guys not hitting on the girls, that the girls usually wish were hitting on them.

Some of you seem to think that masculinity means to approach. Haven't you ever noticed though, that the real masculine males who are in control of their masculinity (not being a jerk and hitting 30 girls a day) are the ones the girls are chasing?

Girls are the masters of communication, they find ways to communicate their interest to this type of guy.

The guys that are hitting on them, sure they'll take em every now and then, but they're history if the girl has value for herself.

 

[johnnyrem]

We can argue numbers all we want; we might say that only 20 out of the 100 women are attractive enough to approach. Now we're back to parity with your example.

I am certainly not the one with all the answers here, and I hope I don't come off as someone who does.

Agreed, though, that men must ask for dates; women must accept or reject these advances. There is power inherent to both roles. Both have options, in that the man picks the target, and the woman picks the suitor. If we're truly comfortable with our biological roles, the man is comfortable as the aggressor, and the women is happy playing the passive role. The man must learn to accept rejection as a matter of course, and my take on it is that is the most difficult thing for me and many aspiring DJ's here to do. Especially when you consider that men may have to have many rejections for each successful date, and women shield themselves from rejection until the date starts. Again, biology in action, but society messes us up.

It is when we allow the woman to assume the aggressive role in the disrespectful "shyt test" that the balance goes out of whack. Let her become the disrespectful, insulting aggressor and she's essentially emasculated you. No pvssy for you.

Let's go back the the topic.

tmpgstx, that's the ideal: when women give signals that can be interpreted as an invitation. My success rate went way up when I learned how rare the true approach invitation was, and I felt less badly about rejection. I increased my value, and I started seeing them (ai's) more often. A guy should never convince himself that girls will ever be obvious about pursuing men, though, as restraint seems more dignified to them, even when they think you're hot. And the more desirable the woman, the more shyt tests come with the territory.

 

[tmpgstx]

It's the female who first selects a male of interest by showing non-verbal cues. At this point, it is the male's choice to advance it. She selects and he chooses to be with her or not. This is the law of integration when it comes to the mating dance.

So long as you keep your respect, you have nothing to lose. If she dis-respects you while you are keeping your respect, in essence, she is disrespecting herself by not respecting you. Why would you not respect someone that respects themselves and they are mature? The only way you would not is if you had silly hang-ups, insecurities, problems or are 'damaged', and those are your bullshyt benchmark criteria for moving on.

If you keep chasing her though and you know how she is, then you're damaged or disrespecting yourself. Do not do this.

Work on your masculinity, and charm. Women are inheritantly attracted to these qualities sub-conscously. Why? for the same reason you're attracted to her feminitity. It's polar opposites.

 

[tmpgstx]

Yeah, a person of integrity always respects others who respect themselves and whom also have integrity. If you don't, then you're not on that level of maturity or haven't lived enough so to speak.

If you're prone to jealousy and envy, then you're not on that level.

A good example would be one of my professors. A very intelligent guy. He doesn't like how Bill Gates has done some things he has, but still respects the guy. If they were both in the same room, this professor would no doubt listen to every word Bill says.

Johnny, good points. A girl will feel compelled to let you know eventually if she finds you attractive enough. They do it very subtlely where men are much more forward.

 

[johnnyrem]

That's a tough one for many of us. If enough women treat you like crap, you start thinking you're crap. It happens, and it did for me.

Here I was, with a number of women I WASN'T dating telling me what an attractive guy I was, yet the reality for me was very few second or third dates were occurring. What was I to believe, women's words or the actions of the women I was trying to date?

Here I was (and am) at 25 years of age, with no clue that women found me attractive at all. It was the discovery of the shyt test dynamic, and the realization that women actively TRY to misbehave on dates, that increased my success. Truly, your reactions to a woman's presence are communicated to her in both obvious and subtle ways, both of which she can read like a book from a very early age.

The best advice to me, at, say, sixteen years of age would have been, "Take no crap from women and you will do well."

All other dating advice for men comes from that realization distilled to a single sentence.

 

[tmpgstx]

We're at the mercy of women until sex occurs, and then us guys have more if not most of the control (or should). We have to play by their rules until that happens.

This is why girls who give it up on a minutes notice have no value in themselves. They're already giving away their power in exchange for short-term attention. The cycle continues and becomes more vicious.

The girls doing too many BS shyt tests are highly insecure with themselves and should be disregarded or no longer pursued.

 

[johnnyrem]

The discouraging thing is just how prevalent the disrespectful shyt tests are. I compare notes with a lot of other guys, and it seems like it's a problem with female behavior. Are we men so wussed out that women need to behave this way? Definitely the downside to becoming civilized and feminized as a society. Tell me the male Huns put up with this sort of behavior, or at least to this degree. I bet they didn't.

I mean, they barely know me, and they're out with the shyt tests already. This is a big warning sign, agreed. So is the sudden shyt bomb, and I've received those so early on dates in the past that there was little left to do but to end it. (And I don't have the most objective viewpoint, but I don't think I was acting like that much of a wuss. Sort of a pre-emptive strike on their part, I think). Most times I think strategizing your way around repeated shyt tests is destined to fail, because it's the pattern of behavior on her part that's objectionable. Maybe that's why it's important not only to know how to beat shyt tests, but also to know what deal breakers are. And to remind yourself, again and again, that most dates are failures. Deal with it, and move on.

 

[johnnyrem]

When that happens, you've probably found a good one.

We need to keep reminding ourselves of the reality-in this day and age, it's rare.

Keep actively seeking the good ones, and let the beyotches know that misbehavior won't be tolerated. It may be women's duty to try and civilize men, but it's our role to let them know what their limits are.

Guys, I'm on very casual date #3 tonight with a girl that's got potential, in that there's been no crap so far. Wish me well, and I'll try to hold up my end.

 

[( . )( . )]

There is no such thing as a "shyt test."

I think evolution just laughed in your face.

And trust me bro, when she tests you theres nothing "childish" or "schoolyard behaviour" behind her reasoning. Give a b!tch some credit dude.

If it wasnt for your great grandmother weighing up the pros and cons , evaluating which potential suitor would have the best genes and striking the lessers off her list you wouldnt be here talking out your ass today.

Have some respect for our "non physical" (theres a hint there) sisters, my male brain thinking friend.

 

[DonJuanForever]

Hey, tmp, I believe I'm on that maturity level you were talking about, so I'll disagree with you but not disrespect you, kind of like your teacher does with Bill Gates, is that fair?

First off, I know you are a destini believer, and that's fine, but it sounds to me you don't really speak much of experience, you basically restate what she said, which really means you have not TRIED it for yourself, I mean....it's not really even in your own words.

Destini is right on the fact that, women are attracted to masculinity, but she preached about a polarity balance, which is in it's whole persona, a lie. There is no such thing.

For one, how can she make a claim that women are attracted to dominant masculine men, when she herself could not define what masculinity was? That's like me going out and trying to sell you life insurance, and I don't even know what the hell it's all about...how do I know if I am structuring your policy right? How do I know if you should have this type or this type? How can Destini talk about women are attracted to masculine men because of a polarity balance of dominance and submissive, when she could not explain what a dominant male was? Can you tmp? Explain it then, gone head.

I said it once, I'll say it again, dominance in the mind. You don't go out and dominanate people to become dominant, that's a guy whos about to get beat the hell down. You dominant yourself, which basically means you control yourself and thus, control your destiny.

How do you do that? Well, we allll are controlled by our minds. For instance tmp, after reading Destini's posts, you were programmed by her to believe in this polarity balance. Just how easy that was, it's easy to program your mind to have beliefs like an alpha male. That's dominance, you are dominanting yourself to think and form beliefs that YOU WANT TO HAVE, to become the person you want to become, which then.......BRINGS THE PEOPLE INTO YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WANT.

See, you have to become a millionare in your mind before you become one on the street. I have to reprogram you to invest and have a millionare's mindset or you'll never do what a millionare does to get what he has.

Similar to this women stuff. The bottom line, the "secret," women fvck behaviors. It's the way a guy behaves that makes him attractive, the behavior that turns women on is the alpha male behavior. Now women don't see it as "alpha male" behavior, they see it as this, he is a cool guy, he probably has a fun life, he is a king. He is fine. ........In other words, it's the king INSIDE of us that women are attracted to, and he only comes out with a certain belief. When we form beliefs we begin to behave like that king, which makes her pvssy wet. No sorry, it wasn't because you were ****y funny or were popular in school.

Now when I say beliefs, I mean programming. Now these affirmations I put on my wall, no, no, no. I mean, I reprogram the way I see myself and my world. The best way to do this, look up this book, "Instant Self-Hynopsis" he can tell you how to do it better than me.

Tmp, back to you, and I'll quit because this is getting long. You said, ahahha that women are in control and we are playing THEIR GAME, until we fvck? Are you serious? ahaaahah. What's makes you think that women and men are not equal? What makes you think I have to "play a game" or "kiss azz" or "use a pattern(you didn't say that, but it's an example)" to get some pvssy? Why do you think women make the choice on if we fvck or not? You see, when you have the beliefs and the natural behaviors, if you want some girl, you don't have to wait for some cues or her "running her fingers through her hair" before you go get her. I am the fvcking king, woman get over here. Hey tmp, did you know, and I know this from experience. When a girl really, really, really is interested in you, the more shy she gets? So do you really think she is going to do those little "come get me" signs? Women that do that are the flirty, overly horny type, that have probably gave those same signs to the other 5 guys standing behind you as well.

DJF.