When do you fight?

[babsan]

Today some junkie asked for 60 cents. I told him no and went into a 'coffeeshop'. Outside again, he spit on me. I was thinking: why would I beat up someone like that. Later I thought that response was based on fear. What is your personal boundary?

 

[Interceptor]

My response woudl be that I cannot control his lack of control and have to realize that he is his own worst enemy.
If you cound't avoid hium, and he spit at you, you have to deal with that.
Him spitting on you is NOT life threatening. So you cannot justify phsical force on him for that reaosn.
It is a form of Battery though. And you coudl press charges.

Bascally, if you felt Anger then, you weren't in control of your emotions, and did NOT make a good Threat Assessment then.

I would get annoyed, yeah of course. His action was entirely uncalled for.


But not go and kick the guy's ass.

We use our SD/MA skills in Self Defense scenarios in which we cannot escape or are protecting some one from harm.

 

[Rhoto]

Today some junkie asked for 60 cents. I told him no and went into a 'coffeeshop'. Outside again, he spit on me. I was thinking: why would I beat up someone like that. Later I thought that response was based on fear. What is your personal boundary?

You really couldn't spare 60 cents?

 

[(JJ)]

You really couldn't spare 60 cents?

that's not the point. the point is he doesn't feel like passing out money to a lazy bum. that's not his job. but yea imo fighting shows a major lack of control, and to a greater extent, character. if you can't calmly diffuse a situation, why would you be considered someone worth getting to know (by girls)?

 

[babsan]

Indeed, I'm only paying for my own drug habit (hasj). Trying to cut down though, because of exams.

I did diffuse the situation calmly, but being spit at in the face is a lot of disrespect...

 

[DJVladdy]

ur a *****.
NEVER ask a question "when do i fight". Do you need US to tell u that??
**** no, only YOU know the answer to that question.

 

[Rhoto]

that's not the point. the point is he doesn't feel like passing out money to a lazy bum. that's not his job. but yea imo fighting shows a major lack of control, and to a greater extent, character. if you can't calmly diffuse a situation, why would you be considered someone worth getting to know (by girls)?

Ok then, what would you've done?

say "Now thats not nice Mr. Crackhead"

The bum chose his lifestyle, and by giving him sixty ****ing cents, you'd made his day a little easier.

Spitting can be tried as battery, I've seen it.

What happens if had pulled a knife on you? Or spit on a girl you were with?

(Get over it.)

 

[babsan]

No, it wasn't a real bum. I have given real bums money. This dude just didn't have enough money to buy his stuff and was aggressively demanding money from total strangers.

Oh and btw, 60 euro cents is like a dollar.

 

[DJVladdy]

Interceptor, man get real. I know what kinda stuff you write - that you know life better than me and most these other guys put together. but you gotta get real with this guy.

 

[Interceptor]

Interceptor, man get real. I know what kinda stuff you write - that you know life better than me and most these other guys put together. but you gotta get real with this guy.

Interesting.

Please elaborate, if you don't mind.

 

[(JJ)]

Ok then, what would you've done?

say "Now thats not nice Mr. Crackhead"

The bum chose his lifestyle, and by giving him sixty ****ing cents, you'd made his day a little easier.

Spitting can be tried as battery, I've seen it.

What happens if had pulled a knife on you? Or spit on a girl you were with?

(Get over it.)

it is true it's much easier said than done cuz of testosterone and everything, but if i was in the same situation, a dominant period of eye contact/glare would most likely do the trick. and if he pulls a knife its a little different. that IS something that warrants protecting yourself. spits on a girl is almost the same thing as if he spits on you. you take care of it remaining calm and dominant at the same time by getting in his face and doing the glare thing again, or maybe even saying something to him. and im not saying don't give him money if that's what you want to do. but don't be intimidated into it. i damn well better know my hard earned money's going to a good cause before i hand it out.

 

[DJVladdy]

I didn't read ur post in Tips but i think something was titled "boundaries and standards" something like that... this kid HAS NONE. I'm saying you are wise and you know alot about life, but you also have to call a square a square and circle a circle. If a guy's being a bytch, tell him to stop being a bytch, and never let any1 fvck wit you like that.

 

[DJVladdy]

Wow, jj u got a lot to learn, dawg.

 

[Interceptor]

I didn't read ur post in Tips but i think something was titled "boundaries and standards" something like that... this kid HAS NONE. I'm saying you are wise and you know alot about life, but you also have to call a square a square and circle a circle. If a guy's being a bytch, tell him to stop being a bytch, and never let any1 fvck wit you like that.

EDIT: OK I reread this.

We shoudl look at the timing of the incident.

IF I could have STOPPED the Spitting, I woudl have.

If I have good threat assessment skills, I woudl have recognized his body language and did smoething pro actively, especially if he was close to me.

BUT.........

If I was unaware, and he spit on me.

There's nothing PHYSICALLY I can do that IS LEGAL and justifieable in court(here in the United States).

Because resorting to physical Violence AFTER an incident, is not justifieable here in the US in a Case like this.
(there are exceptions, but I am nly referencing this case)

Example, you're at abar. Someone pushes you and you fall down.

You get up and attack him.
A cop sees this, and charges you both for assault.

It's not Self Defense at the particular INSTANT in TIme.

Now this is in the US.

Does this mean that you CAN'T hit the guy back?

No.

Just that you will have no LEGAL backing in the incident.

Likewise, if I were in this situation, and did not see and stop the guy BEFORE he spit on me, and did manage to spit on me, I would have just cursed the guy out and walked off. I also would have looked for a police officer.
But, to tell you the truth, I would have giventhe guy the 60 cents in the first place. But that is my choice, my reosurces to give if I wish.

And if after or in the midst of my displeasure the bum decided to do something AGAIN......THEN I would be FULLY JUSTIFIED in exectuting physical action to STOP any further escalation.

 

[(JJ)]

vladdy just cuz you can't tell your iq from the number of fingers on your left hand doesn't mean i have a lot to learn. "dawg". what i DO know is that as soon as a guy spits on me and i hit him, i become the person at fault. at least that's the case legally where i live. the guy spitting's a punk, not unlike yourself. someone who cannot control their emotions is basically half a man. and you can tell me about how much i need to learn till you're blue in the face, but it won't help you out of prison. this is becoming a stupid thread. fighting should never be anything but a last resort. it doesn't make you look dominant.

hb: (whispering to her friends) oh theres that guy that beat the s h i t outta a homeless guy

doesn't sound good to me.

 

[LoneSilver]

If he spit on a girl that I am with then that would be different story and I would justify her kicking his ass while I watch.

LoneSilver

 

[babsan]

nah, ya'll misunderstanding. I should've been more descriptive. It wasn't a homeless guy, I think.

I don't care about legal backing or not, being spit on felt like a first punch. All I did was chicken out and make a sign like 'next time I'll kill you'. So I was intimidated by this random addict. Ah well, he's not even worth to fight.

 

[Interceptor]

nah, ya'll misunderstanding. I should've been more descriptive. It wasn't a homeless guy, I think.

I don't care about legal backing or not, being spit on felt like a first punch. All I did was chicken out and make a sign like 'next time I'll kill you'. So I was intimidated by this random addict. Ah well, he's not even worth to fight.

OK, well, when you say you 'don't care about legal backing" you are proclaiming yourself a Violent Criminal.
Sorry, but that is one of the dumbest things I have ever read.

As for you 'chickening out", you are correct that you did not feel courage.

That is something you must learn to develop and put into practice.

But beating up some guy AFTER he did something is not going to hold up in court, and your Ego and Pride will get the best of you if you don't understand how to deal with this.

Also, I reiterate , people who have Low Self Esteem and are extremely Insecure look at everyone and every thing as a potential Threat and an Offense.


And also consider, that what if the guy had a weapon?
You don't even have any training.
You woudl have been killed easily.

All for what?

Becasue you coudln't avoid the entire incident in the first place, and your Pride is bigger than your Self Esteem.

Look, it is NOT about being a Coward.

It is about PROPER Threat Assessment.

UNderstanding if you have strong Personal Boundary that this idiot cannot harm you, only your EGO.

Now, if he woudl have taken a swing at you or tried to jump you and grapple with you, THEN you have EVERY RIGHT to deal with him with Physical Force.




This is done.

It's over.
Now you have to use this expereince to teach you how to properly deal with these things.

 

[DJVladdy]

"Dawg" is a vernacular term people sometimes use to address another person, whom they consider their EQUAL. What do you expect me to say JJ your majesty? Do you always need to talk "properly" and to show that you are smarter than others? IQ? I got 1510 out of 1600 on SATs, what did you get?

You think one cannot know his way around people of all types, be dominant i.e. not putting up with any crap, down to earth, AND intelligent simultaneously, don't you? Didn't think so. I can have a good, honest, meaningful conversation with, as well as come to mutual understanding with all kinds of people from an old black person, to a Russian Alcoholic, to a math geek, to a frat boy, to a doctor. Can you? I'm guessing that some of these types of people you think are far below you... some - you feel are above you and you will be intimidated to look them in the eye. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I know more about life that you because I've made friends with people from walks of life, have you?
I talk/read/write 3 languages, how many do you know?

I said it before, Ill say it again - you have a lot to learn. Whether you choose to learn it or not - that's your decision.

 

[Bible_Belt]

My response woudl be that I cannot control his lack of control and have to realize that he is his own worst enemy.
If you cound't avoid hium, and he spit at you, you have to deal with that.
Him spitting on you is NOT life threatening. So you cannot justify phsical force on him for that reaosn.
It is a form of Battery though. And you coudl press charges.

Bascally, if you felt Anger then, you weren't in control of your emotions, and did NOT make a good Threat Assessment then.

I would get annoyed, yeah of course. His action was entirely uncalled for.


But not go and kick the guy's ass.

We use our SD/MA skills in Self Defense scenarios in which we cannot escape or are protecting some one from harm.

I agree. Martial arts training has made me chill out a lot in regard to strangers. Learning to fight makes you not want to fight on the street, ironically enough. The people who would be the most likely to beat your ass are usually the hardest people to pick a fight with.

Another good reason for not fighting with him is that you might catch his diseases. He is likely to have hepatitis and/or HIV. A few punches to the face, some cut knuckles, and you might get it, too.