When a chick says let's be friends, but we can still hang out, is she just basically putting the chump in a parking orbit?

[MatureDJ]

This 40-something harridan said the chump was a "great guy", but the attractive guy she had been "casually seeing" turned out to be a "douche". She then blabs on about this being a "life lesson" ...

 

[BaronOfHair]

2:15 In a similar fashion:

-Most employers expect their applicants to be anything but stellar, given that most job seekers have no idea how to prepare for and behave during an interview

-Most casting agents in Los Angeles understandably expect those who audition for them to be Abercombie&Fitch models, who possess sub-CWish dramatic chops

-Most audiences at local clubs expect the comics who walk out on stage to be less amusing than the sight Gypsy newborns being yanked from their mothers's arms by the guards, then tossed into the ovens at Auschwitz to roast alive


The list could go on for pages. Are we going to devote most of our energies towards being aghast that things are the way they are, or begin focusing on how WE OURSELVES can defy stereotypes/stand out from the crowd? I'm not even posing this as a rhetorical query: If the answer is the former, there's a case for shutting down all forums(both online and in-person)ostensibly devoted to self-development for the next few months

A prolonged period of doing nothing but lamenting all that we find disagreeable may be what's required, for all of us to regain the virtue of contemplating questions such as:

-Well, having diagnosed the malady, what do we do now?

-Hell, is our current diagnosis 100% accurate, less than 50% accurate, or less than 5% accurate?

-Do we really yearn for life to become more vibrant and richer than it currently is, or are we actually gaining a fair amount satisfaction from our own misery, and thus deeply invested in it continuing?

 

[SW15]

This 40-something harridan said the chump was a "great guy", but the attractive guy she had been "casually seeing" turned out to be a "douche". She then blabs on about this being a "life lesson" ...

She represents everything wrong with the current era of women.

As for your original question, I don't agree. A "parking orbit" means nothing. It doesn't mean that guy is going to get laid with her in the future.

Men should reject female friendship. I have rejected female friendship with any woman I found attractive.

Here's an example of time I rejected an offer to 'hang out' with a woman on a friendship basis.

Successfully Approaching Women at Work (General Public Workers)

I work in hospitals. I want to warn you all against expecting a hot 20 something nurse to stay hot into her 30s or 40s. No sir. That job takes its toll on them.

www.sosuave.net

I am pleased that I have avoided being in the friend zone with women's I've found attractive. I've done this all the way going back to high school. That's 2+ decades of avoiding getting stuck in a friend zone.

 

[Mike32ct]

The friend guy generally will not be upgraded to bf. It doesn’t matter if she breaks up with her current guy or goes through 12 breakups in the future.

Either don’t be friends with women or, if you do, just accept that she’s F-ing other guys and not you.

I do agree with Mike Sartain about how there is a difference between friends and friendzone. In the former, you have no expectations of sex/dating. In the latter, the guy is hurt about the situation and holding on to false hope.

 

[SW15]

The friend guy generally will not be upgraded to bf. It doesn’t matter if she breaks up with her current guy or goes through 12 breakups in the future.

I agree that nearly all platonic friends will never be upgraded to boyfriend. Most platonic friends are stuck in a zone where they aren't getting pussie from the woman.

Platonic friends are only one type of orbiter. Most women have many types of orbiters. Most orbiters are harmless and meaningless. The platonic friends, social media followers, and random acquaintances fall into this category. Most co-workers will also be here.

There are occasional harmful orbiters, like ex-boyfriends and ex-situationship/friends with benefits (FWB) guys. Many times, those men are occupied with other LTRs or FWBs.

If women are in a sexual or relational drought, they can think about pulling a man from their orbiter pool. They usually don't do this, but they might consider it momentarily before ultimately passing on it.

Either don’t be friends with women or, if you do, just accept that she’s F-ing other guys and not you.

I have chosen not to be friends with women that I find physically attractive in any way. I started doing that in high school and am still doing that in my early 40s. It's been a good idea.

I had one friendship with a mid female. I rated her as a 5 and I wasn't at all attracted to her. The friendship was a disaster too.

I do agree with Mike Sartain about how there is a difference between friends and friendzone. In the former, you have no expectations of sex/dating. In the latter, the guy is hurt about the situation and holding on to false hope.

Most male-female platonic interactions are the latter. I don't think unmarried men and unmarried women are good at being platonic friends. I think unmarried men and unmarried women can be passable acquaintances.

An unmarried man and a married woman aren't likely to be friends either. The unmarried man likely won't get anything out of it. The married woman generally lives in a married woman bubble. All her contacts are other married women, who are usually married moms. The unmarried man doesn't get social circle introductions of it. Therefore, he isn't incentivized to invest much in that interaction. It is likely to be a passing, pleasant interaction of maybe 1-2 in-person things per year and maybe a few phone calls/texts/social media messages. That last sentence is more of a best case scenario.

 

[MatureDJ]

As for your original question, I don't agree. A "parking orbit" means nothing. It doesn't mean that guy is going to get laid with her in the future.

This is what a parking orbit means. He is like a reserve husband for when she thinks that an attractive man is unattainable in time to make babies or marriage.

 

[SW15]

This is what a parking orbit means. He is like a reserve husband for when she thinks that an attractive man is unattainable in time to make babies or marriage.

Women don't commonly do this. An aging woman (late 20s - late 30s) will meet someone new (either through apps, social media, or real life) when the clock is ticking to get married or get her "Last Call" 1-2 babies. She typically won't pull that guy from her existing orbiter pool. If she does this, she'll settle for a random beta with whom she shares no past history.

A lot of aging Millennial women (1981-1989 births) are forgoing the option of settling for a random beta and choosing to be never married and childless for life.

 

[Vanderdonck]

I do agree with Mike Sartain about how there is a difference between friends and friendzone. In the former, you have no expectations of sex/dating. In the latter, the guy is hurt about the situation and holding on to false hope.

Agree with this. If a chick wants to be friends I have no problem with it. But I have abundance so I'm not going to be longing for her if she's not interested. Actually what's happened in the past is some "friends" have later opened up sexually to me. So the less I care, the better, no matter what.

 

[BadBoy89]

The woman is the video is 40 years old. Would I be friends with a 40 year old? Sure, as long as she pays her half and I have a hot younger girlfriend or wife, preferably from South Korea.

I do agree with Mike Sartain about how there is a difference between friends and friendzone. In the former, you have no expectations of sex/dating. In the latter, the guy is hurt about the situation and holding on to false hope.

A man can only be friends to a woman he is not attracted to. And even then, why would he hang out with said woman?

If a man hangs out with a woman as "friends", he is attracted to her. For sure for sure. He will not waste his time otherwise. A woman will hang out with a man is she is not attracted to him. Why? Because a woman needs as many platonic men in her life as possible to do things for her. Men can take care of themselves so they don't want this, they want sex. Preferably sex with fresh young woman.

I can't believe you guys have the patience and time on your hands to be friends with a woman, to go for coffee with her for 1 hour and talk about things. I'd be like "honey, you are older and not a virgin, you got about 17 seconds to take off your clothes or get the f out of my face. I got bills to pay"

 

[CoolWave1331]

Depends the context

If you ask her out on a date and she hits you with a variation of "let's just be friends" your goose is cooked. She probably isn't even your "friend". Don't take these one's seriously.

If she refers to you as a "friend" (to other people especially), there is a chance. This happened to me several times. There are lots of women who call the guy they are with their "bestfriend".

When in doubt, ask, it'll save you lots of time

 

[RickTheToad]

This 40-something harridan said the chump was a "great guy", but the attractive guy she had been "casually seeing" turned out to be a "douche". She then blabs on about this being a "life lesson" ...

When I was dating a girl back a few years ago, after a few months, she said she wanted to continue to hang out, but no longer exclusive. I told her bye. She was shocked, and I went silent. She then reached back out a month later, my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas; I never responded.

It's a test to see what you will let her get away with. I always have a one strike rule, and she was out. The dude controls the relationship, not the girl. It also depends on what he wants.

If she said this and they are not banging yet, what's the point. Say best of luck and jet.

 

[MatureDJ]

Agree with this. If a chick wants to be friends I have no problem with it. But I have abundance so I'm not going to be longing for her if she's not interested. Actually what's happened in the past is some "friends" have later opened up sexually to me. So the less I care, the better, no matter what.

Yes, being "friends" (i.e., wanting to hang out, not just LJBF and avoid him) is essentially an orbital manouver. And for the man that has no options, he has to stay within her gravity well.

 

[MatureDJ]

A man can only be friends to a woman he is not attracted to. And even then, why would he hang out with said woman?

If a man hangs out with a woman as "friends", he is attracted to her.

Eh, I'd kept in contact with a chick I was no longer attracted to (she got big).

 

[sangheilios]

@SW15 @Mike32ct @Vanderdonck

I think it all comes down to whether or not a man actually has a solid interest in these female "friends" of his. IF a man has shown interest in these women, both he and these women should minimize contact if there is no interest on their end. I think a lot of this friend zone stuff is a situation where the women kind of entertain these men or allow them to kind of orbit for any number for reasons. I think the other reason this happens is because the guy really never expressed his interest but is in a set of circumstances where he has some sort of contact with these women.

I think men can be friends though with women if they either have no real interest in them or they just don't entertain these thoughts or in a set of circumstances where much can come of it. These female friends though are not going to be as close to you as a group of guy friends though and the dynamic is very different.

 

[DJ Novice]

A woman offering to be friends with you means she gets all the benefits of being in a relationship (your time, validation, emotional bandwidth and money spent on her etc.) without the s*x.

It’s a win for her and a loss for you. You should always reject the friendzone. It offers no benefits for you. I’ve been there.

 

[SW15]

You should always reject the friendzone. It offers no benefits for you. I’ve been there.

I have always rejected the friend zone over the years. It has been one of the best decisions that I have made in the mating environment.

That said, I have likely lost social circle introductions as a result of what I've done. As I've mentioned in numerous threads over time, the girlfriend/wives of my male friends/acquaintances haven't chosen to introduce me to potential single women they've known. I've always felt that should have been more of a introduction source than it has been for me over time.

Most male-female friendships will offer zero benefit for men.

Unmarried male - unmarried female friendships are a bit unstable, often because of sexual attraction. It is usually the male possessing sexual attraction and sexual feelings toward the female.

Unmarried male - married female friendships might be more stable with less sexual tension, but have their own issues. There's less commonality there since a lot of married women live in a married woman bubble with other married women (often married moms). Some husbands might object to a married woman spending time with an unmarried male. If a marriage is decaying, the married woman might start getting feelings for an unmarried male friend, but that's usually less common. The unmarried male friend who has been in her life for years has usually been disqualified from sexual contact when she's ready to have an affair. She would been more likely to have an affair with a man that's more of a fringe acquaintance, a former co-worker, or even a current co-worker. She also can find an affair partner in nightlife venues or using tech methods.

 

[MatureDJ]

A woman offering to be friends with you means she gets all the benefits of being in a relationship (your time, validation, emotional bandwidth and money spent on her etc.) without the s*x.

It’s a win for her and a loss for you. You should always reject the friendzone. It offers no benefits for you. I’ve been there.

Well, one would presume that a friend wouldn't be paying for her - just like platonic friends don't pay. I think the Friendzone could be worth for SocialCircleMaxxing as the man could hit on her friends, etc.

 

[MatureDJ]

Some husbands might object to a married woman spending time with an unmarried male. If a marriage is decaying, the married woman might start getting feelings for an unmarried male friend, but that's usually less common. The unmarried male friend who has been in her life for years has usually been disqualified from sexual contact when she's ready to have an affair. She would been more likely to have an affair with a man that's more of a fringe acquaintance, a former co-worker, or even a current co-worker. She also can find an affair partner in nightlife venues or using tech methods.

Unless the man is a puffda poofta, it would be totally inappropriate.

 

[SW15]

Unless the man is a puffda, it would be totally inappropriate.

What is a puffda?

 

[MatureDJ]

What is a puffda?

I should have said poofta.

poofter - Wiktionary, the free dictionary

en.wiktionary.org

That's the 2nd word you have learned from me.