What's your take on being a stiff man?

[sph21]

Today I asked a girl who has friendzoned me about what she thinks about me that I can improve upon. The conversation was in our local language. I'll try to write it in English as close as possible.

Me: "since we're friends, I want to know about all the things that I can do to improve. What do you think?"
Girl: "your question is too sudden. Keep talking. I need some time to think"
Me: "okay. Take your time. You don't have to answer it now. Are there something that I do too little or too much?"
Girl: "hmm. I think you're kind of stiff ."
Me: "being stiff is not good?"
Girl: "yeah. Something like that."

I know she was just being nice. Being stiff is definitely not good in her eyes.

Me: okay. Does that mean that I'm too boring?
Girl: no. You're a fun person to be with when someone really know who you truly are.
(I remember my ex girlfriend said something like that too)
Me: what else?
Girl: are you often being spontaneous?
Me: of course. (I really did some spontaneous actions lately)
Girl: Oh. I thought you weren't.
Me: anything else?
Girl: you're kind of building walls between your friends. You're isolating yourself.
Me: well, it's not like I don't want to get close to them. People are contagious. If I think that there's something I don't like about a person, I tried to create a space. ( I was avoiding explaining to her about a heavy idea since it would make our conversations will become too heavy so I explained it in a more simple way) Have you ever admire someone and get close to him/ her and then you realised that you were adopting his/her characteristics?
Girl: yeah, of course.
Me: so, it's just something like that.

I know it was a quite boring conversation. I didn't add any humour because it was kind of an awkward situation between us. We had some bad stories some years ago so they affected our relationships and they might affecting her judgements of me. Even so, I believe her thought about me of being stiff is quite true.

A little background about me. I am an introvert . when I was a teenager, I was so scared of being close to any girl. I started to fix the way I see about interacting with girls by my own efforts and read David D'Angelo's books. I did fix some of my weaknesses around human interactions. I've read and watched some books or videos about character building. Some years ago I found this forum and it was truly an eye opener for me. Some months ago, I had a positive outlook about myself and my view of everything around me was a fun experience and I was so playful and funny around anyone. Then I got sick of my financial situation and has been 'so serious' and not fun to be around others.

What do you think about it? Do you agree that being stiff is a bad thing? Does her description of me being stiff mean that I wasn't initiating enough kino to her and not having enough fun?

Do I need to change myself by not being stiff? If so, how can I change it? Will it affect my DJ mindset in a good way or not? I really like Pook's mindset about embracing your own nature.

 

[amazingswayze]

why do you care so much what a girl thinks. are you stiff? it sounds like you dont even agree with her.

 

[marmel75]

I think being stiff is a hell of a lot better than being Limp D!ck Lenny...

You should have grabbed her hand, put it on your c0ck and asked her if it was too stiff for her...is this what you mean by too stiff?

Lmao

 

[sph21]

LOL. That's a great idea.

She said 'kaku'
Here's what Indonesia - English dictionary translation :

kaku 1 stiff, rigid. 2 clumsy, awkward, ungainly.

Any other thoughts about this matter?

 

[Tictac]

Do you like yourself, your hobbies, interests and activities? Do you enjoy your friends, your family, work colleagues, the women in your life? Are you having a good time personally, professionally?

'Stiff' would infer formal, halting conversation where loose, fluid actions might be better suited. As though you never left 'the office' or maybe on the over-serious side.

But if you're good on the first paragraph above, don't worry about what any one person says about you, especially a woman.

And never change yourself for a woman, ever.

You may be an introvert. But not many guys would have the balls to conduct 'market research' with a woman the way you did. But it's what you do with what you learned that counts.

 

[RangerMIke]

Waste of time. Never ask a woman what she thinks of you... she will never give you the whole truth. She either wants to spare your feelings, or she simple does not know. Most women have no idea what they really respond to. They watch movies and media, and the see that it's the needy slightly broken befuddled dork that somehow breaks though (i.e Hugh Grant). Or the guy that waits on them like a butler. The guy that's safe, have a decent job, is reliable....

Most women do not know they are attracted to men that are not afraid to go after what they want, can take control of situations in spite of their emotions, and who they can not control. Women do not want to be in charge, so they want men that will take charge and who she is sure will take care of things.

They think that they want a stable guy, with a good job, that will change diapers, and clean the house, will do as they are asked, and treat them like queens. When a guy like that comes along, they have no idea why they don't feel anything for him. So when someone like that asks them "what wrong with me... " they just don't fvcking know, and say the first thing that pops in their head that doesn't sound too insulting.

 

[thatfeel]

Waste of time. Never ask a woman what she thinks of you... she will never give you the whole truth. She either wants to spare your feelings, or she simple does not know. Most women have no idea what they really respond to. They watch movies and media, and the see that it's the needy slightly broken befuddled dork that somehow breaks though (i.e Hugh Grant). Or the guy that waits on them like a butler. The guy that's safe, have a decent job, is reliable....

Most women do not know they are attracted to men that are not afraid to go after what they want, can take control of situations in spite of their emotions, and who they can not control. Women do not want to be in charge, so they want men that will take charge and who she is sure will take care of things.

They think that they want a stable guy, with a good job, that will change diapers, and clean the house, will do as they are asked, and treat them like queens. When a guy like that comes along, they have no idea why they don't feel anything for him. So when someone like that asks them "what wrong with me... " they just don't fvcking know, and say the first thing that pops in their head that doesn't sound too insulting.

This is pure gold.

 

[sph21]

why do you care so much what a girl thinks. are you stiff? it sounds like you dont even agree with her.

why do you care so much what a girl thinks. are you stiff? it sounds like you dont even agree with her.

I don't mind if what I do are considered stiff or not by anyone. Her advice made me wonder whether some of you guys here are stiff men. Thus I created this thread. I believe when you guys here have many different ways about interactiI was wondering whether being stiff is equal as being nice guy.

 

[sph21]

Do you like yourself, your hobbies, interests and activities? Do you enjoy your friends, your family, work colleagues, the women in your life? Are you having a good time personally, professionally?

'Stiff' would infer formal, halting conversation where loose, fluid actions might be better suited. As though you never left 'the office' or maybe on the over-serious side.

But if you're good on the first paragraph above, don't worry about what any one person says about you, especially a woman.

And never change yourself for a woman, ever.

You may be an introvert. But not many guys would have the balls to conduct 'market research' with a woman the way you did. But it's what you do with what you learned that counts.

The answer is a definite 'yes' to all of your questions above.

She was comparing me to a silly nice guy friend. How absurd. Most men around me don't have a good sense of humour and worst, they're AFCs. That's why I created invisible walls around them. Perhaps that was why she thinks I'm stiff.

Of course I don't want to change myself just to make her happy. If I want to change myself, I'll do it because I believe it is a good thing for me. I have worked so hard to be who I am today just to let it go. I asked those questions above because I love myself.

I was just being spontaneous when I asked her those questions. Suddenly I remembered an advice I read a long time ago to ask a girl who has friendzoned you to improve yourself and around women next time. I just gave it a go without thinking much about it.

 

[sph21]

Waste of time. Never ask a woman what she thinks of you... she will never give you the whole truth. She either wants to spare your feelings, or she simple does not know. Most women have no idea what they really respond to. They watch movies and media, and the see that it's the needy slightly broken befuddled dork that somehow breaks though (i.e Hugh Grant). Or the guy that waits on them like a butler. The guy that's safe, have a decent job, is reliable....

Most women do not know they are attracted to men that are not afraid to go after what they want, can take control of situations in spite of their emotions, and who they can not control. Women do not want to be in charge, so they want men that will take charge and who she is sure will take care of things.

They think that they want a stable guy, with a good job, that will change diapers, and clean the house, will do as they are asked, and treat them like queens. When a guy like that comes along, they have no idea why they don't feel anything for him. So when someone like that asks them "what wrong with me... " they just don't fvcking know, and say the first thing that pops in their head that doesn't sound too insulting.

What a great insight. I was struggling to understand why men mustn't ask a girl about what they really want. Your first paragraph is something new to me.

I could sensed that she was hiding something from me because a few months ago, she was the one who pursued me.

When I think about it again, how she compared me to become as loose as a silly nice guy friend of us is just a clear indication that she is clueless.

 

[ubercat]

Not sure that walling off your friends is a good thing. Most guys are a f c that is y its AVERAGE frustrated chump. You don't need to talk red pill with them you can come here and do that.

People like things in common. Doesn't mean you have to be a wimp.

I was out on a nature walk yesterday with a group. There was a guy there who wasn't very socially calibrated. HE started some s*** with me and I slapped him down. But then later on we spent about half an hour talking. He s a published historian actually an interesting guy.

Point of the example ears buy all means have boundaries but always be looking to engage with people and build bridges.

Hey we have guys from all over the world here. It would be great if you could share your thoughts on dating in a Muslim country

 

[El Payaso]

Why the f*ck would you ask a woman to tell you what you can improve on. Please, go read the DJ Bible ASAP.