What's wrong with Mr. Nice Guy?

[bario]

Genuine questions, what is wrong with being a nice guy in your interactions with women?

 

[PokerStar]

nice guys can be replaced. if you are between a nice guy and someone who is indifferent, now thats attractive to women.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Being nice to someone that don't reciprocate. Don't waste time we're she's not into you.

 

[Epicurus]

The nice guy sites like this reference is the guy who is nice BECAUSE he expects something in return. I’m so nice so she should obviously **** me. Look look at me how nice I am suck my **** pls
Nothing wrong with being a nice and honest human being. Despite what others might tell you

 

[Bible_Belt]

Here's an example of a nice guy - truckers tend to be horrible AFCs with women, and the way they regard female truckers is even worse. The other day, I pull up to a stop sign, about to cross a highway. There is a female truck driver to my left who has pulled over onto the shoulder to check her load. It is a really stupid place to park, because her truck is hanging out into the road a few feet. She's checking straps on the flat bed, blonde hair flying around in the wind. As she is finishing, a male truck driver decides that he is going to stop in the road and block traffic so she can pull out. The problem was that she wouldn't go. He just sat there making more of a traffic jam, and then some cars started trying to pass the backup. It quickly became ridiculously dangerous. I turned the other way just to get out of there.

That's a good example of nice guy gone wrong. He's willing to get someone killed in a car crash just so he can look chivalrous to the lady driver. That's not being nice to anyone else, just the woman. And I think that is really a core trait of the Mr Nice Guy idea. He's like that to women, not to everyone. In fact if other people get in the way of his ass-kissing, he is quite the opposite of nice.

 

[wifehunter]

Nice guys are usually trying TOO hard, and don't have enough life experiences.

They come off as having weak frames. Which is, very unnattractive to other people.

 

[Atom Smasher]

bario, that's a very good question. It depends on how one defines "nice guy". The trick is to be polite, gentlemanly, but give off a vibe that you're not to be F'd with. It's all in nuance.

My girlfriend regards me as extraordinarily kind, nice, protective, loving, and all of those things, and they are all true. She also has a healthy respect for me (one might say fear, but not in the sense that we guys use the word) and knows not to go over my lines. She knows she will be strongly and sternly corrected if she does and she loves that fact, meaning the fact that I am in charge and I am man enough to stand up to her. There is only one way to punish a woman. That is to remove attention. That is the only tool in our toolbox but it is extremely effective.

That is true of women you are in a relationship with. For b!tchy women with whom you are not involved, calling out their stupidity and openly rejecting them is the only tool. Some men in the community say that we should appear that nothing bothers us, and that we should not respond to disrespectful behavior. I strongly disagree with this. Men acting this way is the very reason that women are out of control today. They need guidance and correction. They are incapable of self-governance. Man is the authority of the earth, not woman. Most women recognize this on a deep level, even if they think of themselves as a "feminist". The feminists are just railing against the facts of nature which they consider "unfair" ("fairness" being a feminine concept).

That doesn't mean you punish a woman you're involved with for every little thing. "Correction" is a better term for the sake of discussion. Sometimes a simple turn of the back or a certain look is enough to communicate to a woman that she is approaching the danger zone.

When a man sets up a framework of requiring respect (I liken it to a benevolent King allowing certain chosen ones into his kingdom and gradually letting them know the rules), he is free to love her, protect her care for her, and be gentlemanly and friendly. That is the essence of being a man. A woman who "gets it" wants a man who she can look up to, one who will not take any crap from her and whom she must respect, or be corrected.

So develop a frame of strength and character where you simply will not tolerate bratty behavior from women, and with that frame you will have the freedom to be very nice, polite, caring, all the things that women need.

A woman MUST earn your attention and kindness. They seem to despise guys (notice I don't say "men") who have that sing-songy, over-polite way about them. They project being eager to please. Women respond positively to men who extend a bit of politeness until they prove themselves.

The trick to getting rid of that (this used to be me) is to think of yourself as grounded to the earth, taking care of your kingdom. Men who are eager to please are airy and ethereal. Ground yourself as part of your main frame. Paradoxically, within that established framework of strength and groundedness, you become free to be ethereal and bring her into flights of fancy that thrill her.

It's all paradox, and it's all nuance. Your main frame is strength and dominance. Within that frame, is room for creativity and being nice to those whom are under your care.

This post is a bit of a brain dump, but there might be a worthwhile nugget to chew on here. I usually approach things from a relationship angle, but there is plenty here that applies to women you see in your day to day.

A good idea is to look for men who seem to be strong, no-nonsense, and yet nice and friendly as you're out and about. There is a certain aura about them. That is a good model of what to strive for. It involves deliberate body language, deliberate speech, and a certain friendliness that demands respect.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The nice guy sites like this reference is the guy who is nice BECAUSE he expects something in return. I’m so nice so she should obviously **** me. Look look at me how nice I am suck my **** pls
Nothing wrong with being a nice and honest human being. Despite what others might tell you

Just don't be too nice for folks who don't feel the same

 

[Atom Smasher]

Thanks, and yes, you're absolutely right. I actually meant to add your point but forgot. Do it unemotionally and in a detached, matter-of-fact way. Thanks for adding this.

 

[marmel75]

Because it's a weak form of passive-aggressive manipulation.

The nice guy spends money, takes them out to dinner, buys flowers,buys presents ALL in an attempt to get laid. He EXPECTS her to have sex with him after he has done enough of these things.

It's an extremely weak display of manliness and a form of supplication. Be too afraid to act sexual and go for what you want, instead try and "buy" your way into her pants. His acts of niceness are NOT genuine, they are simply an attempt to manipulate her into giving him sex because he is too scared to show her his sexual side.

It's needy, weak and about the least manly thing you can do.

Being nice in and of itself because you want to and expect nothing in return is fine. Nothing wrong with it. Just make sure you aren't afraid to be sexual, women find this type of guy "charming".

 

[Roober]

bario, that's a very good question. It depends on how one defines "nice guy". The trick is to be polite, gentlemanly, but give off a vibe that you're not to be F'd with. It's all in nuance.

My girlfriend regards me as extraordinarily kind, nice, protective, loving, and all of those things, and they are all true. She also has a healthy respect for me (one might say fear, but not in the sense that we guys use the word) and knows not to go over my lines. She knows she will be strongly and sternly corrected if she does and she loves that fact, meaning the fact that I am in charge and I am man enough to stand up to her. There is only one way to punish a woman. That is to remove attention. That is the only tool in our toolbox but it is extremely effective.

That is true of women you are in a relationship with. For b!tchy women with whom you are not involved, calling out their stupidity and openly rejecting them is the only tool. Some men in the community say that we should appear that nothing bothers us, and that we should not respond to disrespectful behavior. I strongly disagree with this. Men acting this way is the very reason that women are out of control today. They need guidance and correction. They are incapable of self-governance. Man is the authority of the earth, not woman. Most women recognize this on a deep level, even if they think of themselves as a "feminist". The feminists are just railing against the facts of nature which they consider "unfair" ("fairness" being a feminine concept).

That doesn't mean you punish a woman you're involved with for every little thing. "Correction" is a better term for the sake of discussion. Sometimes a simple turn of the back or a certain look is enough to communicate to a woman that she is approaching the danger zone.

When a man sets up a framework of requiring respect (I liken it to a benevolent King allowing certain chosen ones into his kingdom and gradually letting them know the rules), he is free to love her, protect her care for her, and be gentlemanly and friendly. That is the essence of being a man. A woman who "gets it" wants a man who she can look up to, one who will not take any crap from her and whom she must respect, or be corrected.

So develop a frame of strength and character where you simply will not tolerate bratty behavior from women, and with that frame you will have the freedom to be very nice, polite, caring, all the things that women need.

A woman MUST earn your attention and kindness. They seem to despise guys (notice I don't say "men") who have that sing-songy, over-polite way about them. They project being eager to please. Women respond positively to men who extend a bit of politeness until they prove themselves.

The trick to getting rid of that (this used to be me) is to think of yourself as grounded to the earth, taking care of your kingdom. Men who are eager to please are airy and ethereal. Ground yourself as part of your main frame. Paradoxically, within that established framework of strength and groundedness, you become free to be ethereal and bring her into flights of fancy that thrill her.

It's all paradox, and it's all nuance. Your main frame is strength and dominance. Within that frame, is room for creativity and being nice to those whom are under your care.

This post is a bit of a brain dump, but there might be a worthwhile nugget to chew on here. I usually approach things from a relationship angle, but there is plenty here that applies to women you see in your day to day.

A good idea is to look for men who seem to be strong, no-nonsense, and yet nice and friendly as you're out and about. There is a certain aura about them. That is a good model of what to strive for. It involves deliberate body language, deliberate speech, and a certain friendliness that demands respect.

Great post dude!

To provide an example, the last woman I dated, I was always so desperate to see her that I would

a) Stay up late to talk on the phone when I had to wake at 4am
b) Would go completely out of my way to see her for lunch or other times
c) I bought her gifts when nothing was done in return
d) I cancelled on events with friends to hang out with her

All things I should not have done! I was compromising myself. I should have just cut it off wayyyy earlier when I could only see her every two weeks.

Women want men that will say "no" as crazy as that sounds. There is a big difference between being "nice" and being "the nice guy"

 

[sosousage]

hmm im jerk to women all the time but no sechs neither here. that nice guy thing is overrated.

 

[Von]

Great post dude!

To provide an example, the last woman I dated, I was always so desperate to see her that I would

a) Stay up late to talk on the phone when I had to wake at 4am
b) Would go completely out of my way to see her for lunch or other times
c) I bought her gifts when nothing was done in return
d) I cancelled on events with friends to hang out with her

All things I should not have done! I was compromising myself. I should have just cut it off wayyyy earlier when I could only see her every two weeks.

Women want men that will say "no" as crazy as that sounds. There is a big difference between being "nice" and being "the nice guy"

Agreed!

Atom smashed it but you bring concrète examples of how à "desasparate-needy-nice guy" would act.


I used to do that, eventually found with expérience... it bore girls eventually or you aint moving anywhere. Actually that she start losing respect.

So over time, I changed my approach and as i got more mâture.. I decided to be ground, friendly yet selfish and learn to say No.

It works wonders! Everytime à girl ask you stuff and its obvious she expect à Yes! But you say No! While keeping frame (and a short explination).... their personality changé.. they go from sweet to Surprised and In shock to all séduction mode

Notice when you say No... how after the shock they become all touchy and hugging

 

[RangerMIke]

It's okay to be nice, it's just not okay to be a push-over. When you are a push-over you appear inauthentic. You are too easy and the chick does not have to work for you. If she won't work for you, she does not value you... no value = no respect, no respect means no love. It's just the way chicks are.

Be kind and reward chicks that put an effort towards you, ignore and walk away from chicks that do not.

 

[Infern0]

Some great answers in here.

Generally it boils down to "nice guys" actually aren't nice. Watch how they treat wimen they arent attracted to and people they don't want something from and you see that. Oftentimes they are actually quite nasty and toxic.

It's manipulative behaviour which nobody should subscribe to. Now, being genuinley a warm friendly person, nothing wrong with that.

 

[Glassguy]

The biggest difference is being nice to women vs always doing nice things FOR women (as in doing nice things in attempt to EARN her attention).

I have never treated a woman poorly, I am a gentleman, chivalrous, etc. On the flip side, I have no problems at all withdrawing attention or walking away when the situation calls for it.

A nice, fun, positive personality and aura gets me a decent amount of chicks. On the flip side, they understand that I will not tolerate BS.

If a woman asks me to help her with something or do something for her, I either do or I dont. It depends on if I want to do it. I think that is the key.....I never feel obligated and I never do nice things for a woman that won't/Doesn't reciprocate the same for me.

As long as it's not a one way street of the man doing things only, it works out.

 

[guru1000]

If a woman asks me to help her with something or do something for her, I either do or I dont. It depends on if I want to do it.

Exactly, be governed by your will. There are no right or wrong answers; only variegated nuances which shape your volition.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Generally it boils down to "nice guys" actually aren't nice.

Nice are usually "nice" in a "fake polite" kind of way because they are really scared of being themselves. So it's not really nice. But they think they are being nice, but then they get rejected because they are being fake (girls can smell fakeness) and then they get butt hurt and angry because girls don't like "nice guys" and out comes the anger and toxicity.

If you are genuinely nice AND real, then once you find your type, you'll be a dream come true.

Problem is being "real" with anybody is pretty terrifying for most people.

 

[guru1000]

Nice are usually "nice" in a "fake polite" kind of way because they are really scared of being themselves. So it's not really nice. But they think they are being nice, but then they get rejected because they are being fake (girls can smell fakeness) and then they get butt hurt and angry because girls don't like "nice guys" and out comes the anger and toxicity.

If you are genuinely nice AND real, then once you find your type, you'll be a dream come true.

Problem is being "real" with anybody is pretty terrifying for most people.

Perfectly stated.

 

[Infern0]

Nice are usually "nice" in a "fake polite" kind of way because they are really scared of being themselves. So it's not really nice. But they think they are being nice, but then they get rejected because they are being fake (girls can smell fakeness) and then they get butt hurt and angry because girls don't like "nice guys" and out comes the anger and toxicity.

If you are genuinely nice AND real, then once you find your type, you'll be a dream come true.

Problem is being "real" with anybody is pretty terrifying for most people.

Agree 100% you worded it better than i did.

I used to have massive issues with being a nice guy it takes a lot of effort and awareness to change but once it does life gets a lot better