What's the funniest thing you heard a female say?

[Mike32ct]

We've talked about the funniest things you guys have said to a girl.

What is/are the funniest thing(s) you've heard HER say?

I'll go first...

1. I was double grinding two women in the club way back. Some guy tried to steal girl #2. She SCREAMED at him, "We're with Mike. We're his b$tches." LOL

2. Before going down on me, the teacher with glasses looked up at me and said "This is MY class." LOL

 

[Purefilth]

"wrong hole!"

- It wasn't :crackup:

 

[Mike32ct]

I was drunk and tired. After having sex with my ONS once, I had no energy for round two. So I decided to finger her. But she felt REALLY tight all of a sudden. She definitely wasn't tight before. I thought she got nervous and tensed up down there.

HB: <As I'm trying to finger her unsuccessfully>. Mike?

Mike: You seem kind of tense.

HB: That's my A$S ! LOL

 

[Greasy Pig]

1. That's the nicest tasting cvm I've ever had.
2. You have the best legs I've seen on a white guy.
3. Don't go down on me...it's pretty messed up down there.
4. Ummm, you need to get out of the cab and ask your friend to get in.
5. (Morning after) Who are you and where the fvck am I? Did we have sex?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I once hooked up with a drunk chick in her car. After we were finished...

HER: OMG, I don't feel drunk anymore. I think you f--ked me sober!

True story

 

[Dominance]

Laying in bed at a girls house and started kissing her and she goes "it's really dark" and I said "that's ok, i'll have to go by feel".

And she in all seriousness goes loudly "WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO GO AND BUY FUEL AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT".

Damn I laughed so much after that.

 

[JohnChops]

Some girl asked me how I got my ass to be so nice then she grabbed it so I grabbed hers squats babbbby

 

[Gunner26]

Came home from a night out with a girl, went to the kitchen with her to get some water, her housemate is in there, my girl starts chatting **** about her friend getting with a virgin.

Looks at me and goes 'It's good you're not a virgin'

I was cracking up inside because I was a virgin, didn't get to f her though, she chundered everywhere after we hit 3rd base.

 

[sageproduct]

Thumbs up for this thread. Girls generally aren't that funny but there are a few who can really deliver the zingers, and most do things in certain situations that are hilarious.

I'm blanking right now, this text conversation is all I can remember:

Sage: I want to cvm all over your face
Sage: SH1T sorry I sent that to the wrong person
Sage: That was for my grandmother.
Girl: That wasn't for me

Also from the same girl a while back:

Girl: Well would you enjoy a pink fun patterned skirt for your birthday
Me: Yes, on my bedroom floor...
Girl: Well I'm sure your boyfriend would be willing to oblige

 

[Mike32ct]

Exactly. Females aren't funny most of the time, so when they do come out with a good one once in a while, it's more powerful because it's not expected.

Of those that DO have a sense of humor, IME, it's the females that have a brother. Growing up with a brother, they pick up the guy humor.

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled program...

My first worked as a drug and alcohol counselor. We met online and dated for about six weeks. I was stalling on the sex part because I was a virgin and nervous about it. Finally, she calls me one night and says this funny shyte...

"Mike, the first step is admitting you have a PROBLEM (ie virginity). The next step is seeing a professional like me for help." LOL

"So, we can do this easy way or the hard way. You come over tonight and F me, or I come over your place and rape you." LOL

 

[yyc12]

"but...but...but I do want a guy that's emotional and willing to tell me how he feels about me", :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

They know damn well they don't respond to that sh*t, lol, why they keep saying that, i'll never know.

 

[sageproduct]

My first worked as a drug and alcohol counselor. We met online and dated for about six weeks. I was stalling on the sex part because I was a virgin and nervous about it. Finally, she calls me one night and says this funny shyte...

"Mike, the first step is admitting you have a PROBLEM (ie virginity). The next step is seeing a professional like me for help." LOL

"So, we can do this easy way or the hard way. You come over tonight and F me, or I come over your place and rape you." LOL

That is. Fwcking. Hilarious. Is that how you lost your virginity Mike? Cuz that sounds like an awesome chick.

 

[Mike32ct]

That is. Fwcking. Hilarious. Is that how you lost your virginity Mike? Cuz that sounds like an awesome chick.

Yes, absolutely.

 

[Mike32ct]

Let's bring this thread back.

What other funny stuff has a female said to you?

Off the top of my head...

"I love it Mike. It's short, but it's FAT lol"

 

[SamTheHobit]

I have a boyfriend..

* Proceed to make out with her. *

(lol this is why I don't want a club slvt girlfriend)

 

[Alvafe]

well since its funny things. here some said.

I don't care about money.

I don't care abou the guys looks.

I know what i'm doing

in a party I was on my knees to take a pic after the pic was taken(I was holding a girl arm so it was not on my face)she says. looks like you are asking to marry me (and not didn't look like it) and I started to tease her a little over the night

 

[Dali_tx_o]

A female friend of mine, a very shy, inexperienced girl from religious family that blossomed quite late that I have known for over 15 years now. A few months ago I was at her place to pick up a piano she was lending me.

"...why is there a cucumber on your shelf?"
"I.. uhm, I... I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago"

I still tease her about this every time we're in a grocery store.

 

[JohnChops]

yes this got bumped!

"If we dont F tonight prepared to get raped....."
Ive had that said to me on multiple occasions actually.... o_0

 

[vatoloco]

"We're not gonna have sex, okay?"

 

[sageproduct]

Text convo:

Me: Booooooobies
Her: Peniiiiiiiiiis
Me: Ewieeeeee
Her: Yummy ;-)
Me: Lol!!! Is that your mouth or your poophole speaking
Her: Mouth! Penis tastes very good!
Me: Has many calories tho stick with the tiny ones
Her: Of course ;-)
Me: You're the best. My penis chef was sad no one wanted his Asian dishes
Her: Probably too expensive ;-)