Whats the best way to handle this?

Mick88

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Hey guys,

I turned 30 in early november. For the last month or so i've been talking to a woman of 34. She's a friend of a friends girlfriend.
Initally I told her we would be better off as friends after our 1st date, however, she persisted in chasing me and she came to my apartment last friday.
We didnt sleep together then but on sunday she brought a mini xmas tree to mine and put it up. We ended up sleeping together twice on sunday.
I can sense shes looking for a relationship just by some of the things she's said. ("Lets hit the town at new years" "come to mine for dinner" etc)
I honestly can't see myself being with this woman long term as I don't feel that way about her.
She has 2 girls of 14 and 17. How would you guys proceed with this?
Right now i'm just lookin to play the field before settling down later in my 30's (maybe), i have no interest in a relationship right now (perhaps just with this woman).
I know either way i'll probably be accused of using her for sex and an xmas tree .

Thanks,
Mick
 

kbbroiler1971

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First off, she has two girls 14 and 17 that should be a red flag right there. I hope you used protection and then flushed the condom down the toilet. I mean you yourself flushed it. Yes she probably is looking for a relationship and she did put on the good face by getting you a Christmas tree. Women always put their best foot forward until they get their next victim and they are in. My advice. Run. Stop seeing her. It won't end well. I was in a situation similar to this and I found out she had kids younger and I never called her back.
 

4evehayoung

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Your SMV is still rising and her's is rapidly declining. Leave raising someone else's kids to the Betas. You're in the driver's seat. For the next 10 years spin some plates, educate yourself on risk management with dating and marriage, read,read,read and really understand what's at stake. You have way more to lose. If you have not read Rational Male start there. Another is The Tactical Guide to Woman: How men can manage risk in dating and marriage. Just be clear to her you have no intention for a LTR and if she's OK with being in your rotation then great, if not then thank her for the tree and move on. Good Luck!
 

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Glassguy

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Just tell her that you are not ready for a serious relationship but would like to continue hanging out with her when you have free time.

You guys assume that women are not cool with this but if her ATTRACTION for you is high enough, she will be cool with it.

And if she isnt, oh well. Dont lose frame.
 

Mick88

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Ok guys.
So i spoke to this girl earlier and she seemed to accept me telling her we wouldn't go anywhere, and should just put the past weekend down to some fun between consenting adults.
She said at 1st that she would "let me off the hook" as this was the 2nd time I rejected her and thats the limit for her.
However, she persisted throughout today, with flirting and sending suggestive photos over whatsapp along with saying she would come to mine and make me a sandwich .
I asked her to "please just stop it, we've discussed this" At this point she seemed to take great offence and said I was "very rude" and she would just "leave me to it" and she "had been nothing but nice to me"
So it looks like she was trying to get me to relent again, and when I didn't, she blew a gasket. I feel a sense of relief and maybe that I saw what she can really be like.
I've stuck to my guns and haven't slipped up again in terms of sticking to what I know is right .
Thanks for the input everyone
 

xuzaki

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I echo the answers by @kbbroiler1971 and @4evehayoung which I think are spot on.

This woman had her Alpha Fvcks (at age 17 apparently) and now her hypergamy is looking to consolidate on some Beta security. Her relative age, children, and incessant chasing are major red flags. You can be dating girls in their 20s with no kids. I highly recommend reading the Rational Male. Needy girls have a skill at weaseling their way back into your life, so be careful. Don't keep letting this girl engage you, even over text, and don't feel bad for her.
 

kbbroiler1971

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I echo the answers by @kbbroiler1971 and @4evehayoung which I think are spot on.

This woman had her Alpha Fvcks (at age 17 apparently) and now her hypergamy is looking to consolidate on some Beta security. Her relative age, children, and incessant chasing are major red flags. You can be dating girls in their 20s with no kids. I highly recommend reading the Rational Male. Needy girls have a skill at weaseling their way back into your life, so be careful. Don't keep letting this girl engage you, even over text, and don't feel bad for her.

Xuzaki is spot on reading the Rational Male. I've read all 3 books plus I bought the audiobooks and I plan to buy the physical books so I could lend it out because I know at some time the men I know in my life are going to get screwed.
 

princelydeeds

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Dude, you are too nice. You don't really have a problem. You have a horny, single mother who wants to get laid and have some companionship.

Do what every other guy does, enjoy her company, have sex with her as much as you like, enjoy yourself, and always remain true to yourself. If she pushes for more, that's her problem, just stay real with her. When/if she gets too pushy pull back a little bit, don't be too available to her and stay far away from her kids.

You are the man, she needs to follow your lead. If she tries to lead, push, whine, demand girlfriend level stuff or be forceful don't answer her calls for a few days. Also only see her on your terms, try to limit it to once or twice a week.
 

sazc

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From what I read, the insecurity/anxiety she is displaying to you is because she feels that isn't getting the intimacy/connection she is looking for/wants from you. Seems like she wants the relationship to grow. She's doing the "grown up" thing and telling you what she needs, asking for what she wants.

That's the "level" she is on.

Now you have to decide what level you are on. It seems like you aren't where she is and that's okay. Act accordingly.

If you ignore her for a few days and/or try to run the hard game described here, there is a good chance she will bail permanently. Not a big deal since you're both not looking for the same thing.

Enjoy it for what it is right now
 
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