What would you do?

[MT93]

So here's the dilemma

Been dating HB9 now for around 4 months - from what I've ascertained so far, minimal red flags, very high IL, great sex and displays great affection (Also in terms of how she treats others, family etc) she makes it very clear how she views me within the RS.

This is the issue, I kind of jumped in with this girl following a long term break up, didn't really work on myself following it (HB9 would initially hook up with me as a friend and we would go out and do things together etc with no thought from my side of becoming romantic)

I think this is affecting my investment level towards her as I've still got some unresolved emotions.

I know first hand I would be SILLY to push away this person given how she treats me, and how supportive she is in terms of career, gym etc etc, my friend group and family also echo that statement, my own parents: "Shes done more for you in 4 months than any of your previous girlfriends"

And I have to say that is true.

She has recently brought up the exclusive talk- holiday talk etc etc - I don't want to be the guy that hurts anyone so I'm reluctant to dive straight in.

How would you approach this one DJ's?

Thanks in advance

 

[backseatjuan]

What is the problem that you are having?

 

[MT93]

What is the problem that you are having?

That would help wouldnt it....

I don't feel as though I'm as invested in her as I should be, I guess I am slightly concerned that I haven't handled or dealt with the issues from my previous break up which is preventing me from putting in the type of effort and commitment she deserves.

 

[MT93]

But.... I know id be a fool to let her go, she is LTR from what I have seen so far

Its the old cliche of 'its not her its me'

 

[sosousage]

tell her what she wants to hear but dont marry/engage

 

[oldmanofthesea]

You are literally in a dream situation. Dating an HB9 that has high IL, does things for you, and possibly most important is the thing you seem to think is bad: you haven't caught dopey feelings for her. I see all of that as good, especially the last part. Not catching feelings is probably why it's working out so well and why she is so into you.

Why do you think you *should* have certain feelings for her? What do you think she deserves? Why are you looking at this from what you think she wants? Have all the women in your life sat around obsessing over what you deserve? Have you ever thought that women want and need different things than men, and that perhaps you are actually giving her EXACTLY what she wants and needs? Have you considered the fact that, months down the road if your wounds from your previous ex begin to heal and you start catching strong feelings for this girl, things will suddenly change and she will begin to withdraw as you begin to invest at the level you currently assume she "deserves"?

I'm not saying any of the above will happen for sure or is certainly true, but it is likely, given the way things are.

You need to be a LITTLE more selfish. Not saying be a tyrant, but everyone (including women) look out for themselves first. She obviously likes what you are giving her now, so she is getting what she deserves and so are you. Enjoy it. Be in the moment. Stop worrying about the future with her or placing her needs (or your assumption of her needs) above your own. And I would really take the opportunity to analyze how you treat her in your current state, because it sounds like you are giving the exact amount of investment that girls want, while not giving too much. Memorize what that looks like so when you catch dopey feelings down the road (with her or someone else), you can think back to this and remember what it looks like.

 

[SoSuave666]

Arent you the one who wants to move in with her? Sounds like you're pretty invested to me.

 

[AJ84]

You are literally in a dream situation. Dating an HB9 that has high IL, does things for you, and possibly most important is the thing you seem to think is bad: you haven't caught dopey feelings for her. I see all of that as good, especially the last part. Not catching feelings is probably why it's working out so well and why she is so into you.

Why do you think you *should* have certain feelings for her? What do you think she deserves? Why are you looking at this from what you think she wants? Have all the women in your life sat around obsessing over what you deserve? Have you ever thought that women want and need different things than men, and that perhaps you are actually giving her EXACTLY what she wants and needs? Have you considered the fact that, months down the road if your wounds from your previous ex begin to heal and you start catching strong feelings for this girl, things will suddenly change and she will begin to withdraw as you begin to invest at the level you currently assume she "deserves"?

I'm not saying any of the above will happen for sure or is certainly true, but it is likely, given the way things are.

You need to be a LITTLE more selfish. Not saying be a tyrant, but everyone (including women) look out for themselves first. She obviously likes what you are giving her now, so she is getting what she deserves and so are you. Enjoy it. Be in the moment. Stop worrying about the future with her or placing her needs (or your assumption of her needs) above your own. And I would really take the opportunity to analyze how you treat her in your current state, because it sounds like you are giving the exact amount of investment that girls want, while not giving too much. Memorize what that looks like so when you catch dopey feelings down the road (with her or someone else), you can think back to this and remember what it looks like.

If he was giving the exact amount of investment she wants, she would not be asking about exclusivity. He’s giving the exact amount of investment he wants, which is totally fine, he should not progress to a relationship level he is not comfortable with, but he should also not waste her time if he’s really not feeling it.

As an aside, I can’t help but notice a few posts where the girl is doing everything the guy wants her to do, but he’s not into her as much, contrasted with posts about girls being outright cold and entitled and the guy asking the forum how to keep her.

Head scratch.

 

[Skyline]

I’d do it.

You risk nothing. She’s max interest and likes the way you are treating her.

It’s a relationship not marriage...

 

[oldmanofthesea]

If he was giving the exact amount of investment she wants, she would not be asking about exclusivity. He’s giving the exact amount of investment he wants, which is totally fine, he should not progress to a relationship level he is not comfortable with, but he should also not waste her time if he’s really not feeling it.

I agree that he should not progress to a relationship level he is not comfortable with; I would add that I didn't suggest this, but I don't think you are saying I did. I disagree that she wouldn't be asking about exclusivity if he was giving her the exact amount of investment she wants though. Someone has to be the first person to bring that subject up. He can tell her he isn't ready for that but still wants to keep seeing her in order to determine if that's something he too wants, which is what I would suggest. There is a likely chance that once he agrees to being exclusive, she starts to lose interest.

As an aside, I can’t help but notice a few posts where the girl is doing everything the guy wants her to do, but he’s not into her as much, contrasted with posts about girls being outright cold and entitled and the guy asking the forum how to keep her.

Head scratch.

Many people want what they can't have. They enjoy the chase. Once they've caught it, they suddenly lose interest. Yes, it works this way for both men and women but by the numbers, it works more this way for women than men. You may disagree but my experience has proven otherwise to me.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

So here's the dilemma

Been dating HB9 now for around 4 months - from what I've ascertained so far, minimal red flags, very high IL, great sex and displays great affection (Also in terms of how she treats others, family etc) she makes it very clear how she views me within the RS.

This is the issue, I kind of jumped in with this girl following a long term break up, didn't really work on myself following it (HB9 would initially hook up with me as a friend and we would go out and do things together etc with no thought from my side of becoming romantic)

I think this is affecting my investment level towards her as I've still got some unresolved emotions.

I know first hand I would be SILLY to push away this person given how she treats me, and how supportive she is in terms of career, gym etc etc, my friend group and family also echo that statement, my own parents: "Shes done more for you in 4 months than any of your previous girlfriends"

And I have to say that is true.

She has recently brought up the exclusive talk- holiday talk etc etc - I don't want to be the guy that hurts anyone so I'm reluctant to dive straight in.

How would you approach this one DJ's?

Thanks in advance

DJ lifestyle > playing house w/ 15/10!

Not @ that stage in my life. I will let you know when I get there. #micdrop

6months should be honey moon phase but western women are train wrecks. Predisposition to combative, high kill count, discontent, and victimhood on tren.

Red flags means downgrade to booty call.

 

[AJ84]

I agree that he should not progress to a relationship level he is not comfortable with; I would add that I didn't suggest this, but I don't think you are saying I did. I disagree that she wouldn't be asking about exclusivity if he was giving her the exact amount of investment she wants though. Someone has to be the first person to bring that subject up. He can tell her he isn't ready for that but still wants to keep seeing her in order to determine if that's something he too wants, which is what I would suggest. There is a likely chance that once he agrees to being exclusive, she starts to lose interest.



Many people want what they can't have. They enjoy the chase. Once they've caught it, they suddenly lose interest. Yes, it works this way for both men and women but by the numbers, it works more this way for women than men. You may disagree but my experience has proven otherwise to me.

I can see where you’re coming from, yeah. I think women tend to look more into the future of a relationship rather than the present and this is not a good way to be. Like they see what they want him to be, not what he actually is. I admit that I have done that before and thankfully learned from it but it is common among women.

We need to accept people as is lol.

 

[17 shots]

She'll move on from you faster then you think, so don't pity her. Do what's best for you

Me personally, I think all that back and forth going on in your head, is a mental liability. How can you better yourself, while constantly thinking about someone elses happiness

 

[MT93]

You are literally in a dream situation. Dating an HB9 that has high IL, does things for you, and possibly most important is the thing you seem to think is bad: you haven't caught dopey feelings for her. I see all of that as good, especially the last part. Not catching feelings is probably why it's working out so well and why she is so into you.

Why do you think you *should* have certain feelings for her? What do you think she deserves? Why are you looking at this from what you think she wants? Have all the women in your life sat around obsessing over what you deserve? Have you ever thought that women want and need different things than men, and that perhaps you are actually giving her EXACTLY what she wants and needs? Have you considered the fact that, months down the road if your wounds from your previous ex begin to heal and you start catching strong feelings for this girl, things will suddenly change and she will begin to withdraw as you begin to invest at the level you currently assume she "deserves"?

I'm not saying any of the above will happen for sure or is certainly true, but it is likely, given the way things are.

You need to be a LITTLE more selfish. Not saying be a tyrant, but everyone (including women) look out for themselves first. She obviously likes what you are giving her now, so she is getting what she deserves and so are you. Enjoy it. Be in the moment. Stop worrying about the future with her or placing her needs (or your assumption of her needs) above your own. And I would really take the opportunity to analyze how you treat her in your current state, because it sounds like you are giving the exact amount of investment that girls want, while not giving too much. Memorize what that looks like so when you catch dopey feelings down the road (with her or someone else), you can think back to this and remember what it looks like.

Appreciate the response, This particularly stood out to me:

Have you ever thought that women want and need different things than men, and that perhaps you are actually giving her EXACTLY what she wants and needs?

That's a very good point, and reading it now i cant believe I haven't adopted that mindset previously or looked at it from that perspective.

Like the rest of you guys have said, low investment from my side may be exactly why her IL is as high as it is.

 

[Desdinova]

When most women spend a significant amount of time with a man, they require the feeling of security. It's inevitable that a woman will bring up the exclusivity talk at some point. This is a requirement for women, and if they don't get the security their brain desires, they will move on. Marriage aside, you need to play along with the exclusivity request in order to keep her around for a lengthy period of time.

 

[MT93]

When most women spend a significant amount of time with a man, they require the feeling of security. It's inevitable that a woman will bring up the exclusivity talk at some point. This is a requirement for women, and if they don't get the security their brain desires, they will move on. Marriage aside, you need to play along with the exclusivity request in order to keep her around for a lengthy period of time.

This is inevitable with this particular chick...

She is high value IMO and this is definitely what would happen if she doesnt feel secure enough, she offers a lot within the RS and displays a hell of a lot of passion and loyalty (most important trait to me) she will not be shy of orbiters that's for sure.

Need to tread carefully.

There are many things preventing me at the moment from complying with the exclusivity thing, hopefully over time the picture will be clearer and i can move forward

 

[Glassguy]

Dump her and then run back on here in a month crying about how hard it is to find a decent woman lol.

Seriously, if you are able to maintain a solid frame and enjoy life the way you want with her being ok with that, there is no reason to go anywhere. Stick it out and see how things develop.

Try not to be so jaded from other failed relationships.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Sounds like a keeper OP. Don´t screw this up.