"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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What were the first words said after you lost your virginity?

[S]alvatore

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May also be suited to DJD, but we'll see how we go.

Not to sound too arrogant but it was something like:

Me 13, Her 13
Her: You've done this before haven't you?
Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

It'll be interesting to see some peoples replies. :D
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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Vulpine

Master Don Juan
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After 2 or 3 strokes...

*splat*

V: "Whoa. Ooops."
HB: "What?"
V: "Hmm... nevermind."
HB: "What?"
V: "Uh... hold on a sec." *changes rubber, continues*

Smooth, Vulpine, real smooth.
 

Desdinova

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How the hell should I remember? That was like 10 years ago..

But I can speculate...

Me: Uh oh
Her: What?
Me: Blood

The reality of the situation was that I tore her open, and the condom was covered in blood.
 

wunnaBsmooth

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turn off the headlights! I gotta pee!
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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DDevil

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Her:I got a curfew and need to go.

Me:Your blue balling me.
 

Point Blank

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Bible_Belt said:
"Let's leave before your parents get home."
Bible wins.
 

AC/DC

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My first time, I was also watching "The Day After Tomorrow" when the whole world freezes over.

When I busted, I yelled "AVALANCHE!", then fell asleep.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Double_Diamonds

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Her: "Well...wow, I'm surprised"
Me: (Raised Eyebrow) "....Altoids?"
 

Mitch_Mustain

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*squirt inside her pink vaginal area*

Me: WHoA, ha ha,
Her: What?
Me:Huh?
Her............
Me:.......:)
Her.......:confused:
Me:..:)
Her: :rolleyes:
Me: :)
Her: You can get off me now!
Me : :eek: sorry...

*I proceed to roll over to the left side of the bed as we lay in complete silence for 5 minutes*

I banged once more and sort of stopped answering my calls.
 

Deep Dish

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I fell asleep. :D
 

SELF-MASTERY

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What were the first words said after you lost your virginity?
That wasn't worth $10; it didn't even last 10 seconds.
 

IsiMan84

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I wish I could remember exactly, but I know what I did: threw the condom away and couldn't find another one so I asked her if she was on the pill. So maybe that was the first thing I said.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Tomatoes

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The first time I tried having sex she was putting it in and she was gagging for it. She managed to bend my penis in a way.....it shouldnt bend. Ment i had a really nasty looking bruise down the left side of my penis for a few days.....Strange thow.....it didnt hurt at all considering it was a bruise. Did at the time....

Saw a doc. He said its fine.


Next time I was with the same girl (My girlfriend at the time) and things went pretty smoothly. To be fair. She had sex before me. So she was kinda coaching me into it. Its been the other way round with girls ever since. :D


Still......Thank you Ellie for teaching me so much and using your body to learn new techniques......

She loved it!
 

MuayThai

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Lol funny thread.

Her: So how was that?
Me: You coulda done better (she did all the work)
Her: oh yeah? well lets see what you can do.

Then we just lay about abit.
 

grr

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Lol, the first time I tried was in a burning hot car outside of a tent I put up. I was in the backseat sweating like a pig from the excessive heater, really killed the mood along with my nervousness being my first time. I was like, "A little help here?" She looked at me and said nervously, "I don't know what to do." That really confused me because she had been with other guys before. That's when I realized it was hot, she agreed, so we moved to the tent.

The tent was freezing. Mission failed.

She said when we woke up the next morning I woke her up by humping her in my sleep (hahaha).

A funnier story is when I actually had COMPLETELY successful sex with this same girl. Meaning: I was huge, she was wet, we had intercourse.

We slept on the floor and when we woke up the next day she was going back to her parents. I was still asleep on the floor and she's leaving out the door saying bye to me and I wake up to belt out, "Like a virginnn touched for the very first time." Then went back to sleep. She laughed her ass off.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

Read more...

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