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What to do when your girlfriend starts losing interest in you?

Black Widow Void

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Too often, forum members here enjoy placing blame on women. A lot of times, it's warranted, but not always. Sometimes, it's us.

If we do not do 'personal inventory' at times, then we are prone to walking around and creating the same mistakes over and over.

To give an example, I was in a four year relationship that sounds similar to yours. In retrospect, it ended because I became lazy. In other words, she and I became an "old couple."

Like yourself, I started wondering why things seemed to be gradually slipping away. If this is salvageable, you need to recreate the fun, spark and unpredictability that first started her attraction.
But, here's the element that most men in couple-hood seem to forget. You cannot go about this and give off any desperate vibe. If she thinks that you are doing this with the motive of 'buying her attention' you'll sink. Instead, be fun, leave on a high note and then be scarce. You also need to do subtle things that 'communicate' that you are not dependent on her (if she starts getting smug, you pull away etc...)
 

mrgoodstuff

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I can give you a sure fire method for reigniting her interest in you but 99% of men don't have the balls to do it, so I'm not sure I want to waste my time.

I can sense your desperation in your post. Why do you need her so badly? 5 years is a long time with one woman. What's the worst thing that happens if you break up? These are the questions you should be asking yourself. Nothing is forever.
Please shed some light. We need more tough but real world advice that gets results.
 

bat soup

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Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?
Dump her.
 

ThisIsSparta

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She literally doesnt care what I do anymore and most of the time doesnt even look me in the eyes which is weird cause she usually does both.
*Stop caring what she does, keep your mind on your stuff
*Implement dread game ASAP
*Become mysterious for her again, make her mind work about you and not the other way around
*Always be willing and ready to walk away, make her know indirectly

She lost interest in you and no amount of flowers and fancy dinners is going to fix that.
Its time to step up the game and play hardball.

If she doesnt come around due to competition anxiety, shes gone and you can work on your exit strategy before she starts cheating (if she isnt already).
 

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SW15

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Dump her.
She'll be interested when she comes home and finds her stuff in boxes.
I agree with dumping her. 5 years is a good run. There was an instance in my life (relationship duration much shorter than 5 years) where I felt the relationship was going in the wrong direction. I ended it and she went nuts. She was a bit temperamental anyways. Seeing her stuff in boxes will elicit a passionate, emotional response, which is good. But you can't fold then. The breakup must stick.
 

rart

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Also OP, a completely different take -

She’s already checked out and is cheating on you. Five years is too long for an LTR to have not progressed into a marriage. Women resent their long term boyfriends usually by year 3. They are just waiting for the next decent opportunity (cvck to ride) at this point.

This. Start looking for a new girlfriend.
 

Focal core

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She has checkout emotionally, dont listen to advised that you need to reignite the spark for her to come back, thats like my grandma use to say, the more you try the harder she will pull away, at this point you need to dump her.. Taking time for yourself. Look deeper and progress into a whole you that you have been missing for 5 years, your body want this, thats why the relationship fails as you both fails to grow as a couple together (eg. Marriage), intimacy is dead.. No way this could be end well without you dumping her.
 

SW15

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She’s already checked out and is cheating on you. Five years is too long for an LTR to have not progressed into a marriage. Women resent their long term boyfriends usually by year 3. They are just waiting for the next decent opportunity (cvck to ride) at this point.
I think most relationships have a shelf life of goodness of 5 years. This relationship we are examining here is a 5 year long relationship that was likely only good for 3-3.5 years, proving your point. A lot of 8-12 year long relationships that end up failing (marriage or no marriage) were likely only good for no more than 5 years if both partners are honest with themselves about how things really were.

She may or may not be cheating. It doesn't matter. The relationship has likely run its course and is not salvageable.

I don't think marriage is a good idea for most men now. The incentives for leaving are too favorable for women and too detrimental for men. Men don't get as much out of marriage in the post 1990 era as they did in the old days.
 

Dash Riprock

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Please shed some light. We need more tough but real world advice that gets results.
The Preemptive Breakup

He's going to get dumped--guaranteed. He's panicking and trying to rapidly increase IL. Getting all sorts of advice about mystery dates, etc. That stuff works in a healthy and/or new relationship but when the woman is losing interest, the ONLY thing you can do is hit the eject button before she dumps you. This way, it's (usually) a shock and awe move that can really pique her interest. BUT, you need to have pair of brass balls and stick to it. Here's where 99% of all men are too chicken s*it to do it. He needs to talk with her and say, "Hey Sally, damn this is hard, but this just isn't working for me anymore. I think you're an awesome person but I need some time to process how a LTR will fit into my life right now. It's not fair to you that I'm not in this 100%. I need some time to process. I hope you understand." I've done this a few times and had the girl blowing up my phone and doing an about face.

Then, stick to what you said for at least 60-90 days. Chances are you'll meet someone new and/or lose attraction for Sally by then. NO CONTACT IS ALLOWED. Got it? She may not give a s*it, but maybe her hamster will spin too. Either way, you don't care. If after 60-90 days, you want to have a chill date, do it, and it's like hitting the reset button--but SHE must reach out, not you, no matter what. Don't be a p*ssy. Got it?

At least this way you preserve you dignity, manhood, and pride, and know you're the one who ended it, which from a psychological perspective, will help your confidence as you find someone who is a better fit.

BUT, my guess is OP will read this and not do it. 99% don't. So for the guys that asked, there you go. Employ the Preemptive Breakup when you sense it coming and take back your power and dignity.

Be well.

~Dash~
 

Maximus Optimus

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Guys I have a major problem in all of this. Me and her live together and I have a 7 year old son. She takes great care of him and I dont know how I would work and have time cook, to pick him up from school etc. If I dump her then how would I find a new place to live so fast? I have all of my stuff and my sons stuff here.
 

DonJuanjr

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I dont know how I would work and have time cook, to pick him up from school etc. If I dump her then how would I find a new place to live so fast?
Based on the other replies in here, it sounds like you're going to be dealing with this anyways.
 

EyeBRollin

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Guys I have a major problem in all of this. Me and her live together and I have a 7 year old son. She takes great care of him and I dont know how I would work and have time cook, to pick him up from school etc. If I dump her then how would I find a new place to live so fast? I have all of my stuff and my sons stuff here.
Well. You fvcked up. Don’t live with broads that aren’t your wives. I’ll direct you to my earlier post:
Pull back immediately. Go no contact for 3 days. Then call her up and ask her out on a date. Chances are you’ve been slacking on the romance portion, being a needy male friend with a penis rather than her lover. If she won’t go out with you, pull back even further. Increase space by withdrawing attention.. she will feel it. Hopefully there is enough left in the tank to re-ignite.
Your only option right now is to create space. Act disinterested in her. Occupy yourself. Do this for at least a few days. Don’t touch her, don’t talk to her. She has to come at you. Let her do 100% of the initiating talking and touching, outside of “thank you” when she picks up your son. Pretend this broad is dead. She will sense the shift.
 

Alvafe

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Guys I have a major problem in all of this. Me and her live together and I have a 7 year old son. She takes great care of him and I dont know how I would work and have time cook, to pick him up from school etc. If I dump her then how would I find a new place to live so fast? I have all of my stuff and my sons stuff here.
who place it is? and for the looks of it you need more a maid then a GF so up to you
 

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Maximus Optimus

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who place it is? and for the looks of it you need more a maid then a GF so up to you
Its both of our place. We go 50/50 on the rent but the rental agreement is in her name. We are renting a house in Texas.
 

Modern Man Advice

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Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?
Be unpredictable aka spontaneous. Routine and familiarity are relationship killers.

Also, a big part of it is that you probably are not progressing in life, either physically, financially, professionally, etc, etc. So start becoming a better man, not just for her, but more importantly for yourself.

Also, she probably doesn't think you have options. Meaning, she is the only source of intimacy. And while you expect that in a monogamous relationship, there is nothing more awakening to a woman than sensing her man has options and other women want to be with him. It is called competition anxiety.

In reality, there are many things you can do to improve your situation. But start with those basic/fundamental steps.

Feel free to reach out directly anytime.


Modern Man Advice
 

Billtx49

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Its both of our place. We go 50/50 on the rent but the rental agreement is in her name. We are renting a house in Texas.
She holds the all legal cards then regarding occupancy. You and son move out or work it out with her. If communication and personal effort doesn’t work, then you have only one option which may possibly have to wait until the end of her lease term for a mutually agreeable ending.
Keep in mind thru out this that she probably has the legal right to kick you off premises if she wants to take it that far…
Lesson learned on cohabitation leases…
 

LARaiders85

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the ONLY thing you can do is hit the eject button before she dumps you.
I didnt want to bring it up, but cheating pre-emptively also would probably work. I just don't recommend it for a number of reasons.
 
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