What to do about gossiping?

[RestUnknown]

When working with some of my female colleagues, more often than not they’ll gossip about other coworkers or some other stuff. The fact they probably do it about me as well behind my back doesn’t bother me.

What does bother me is the fact when they’re working with me, I get in the habit to start gossiping as well about what they’re talking about with them.

I know I shouldn’t gossip as it’s a bad quality. But I do it because I wouldn’t know what else to say.

So what do you say when they start gossiping and you don’t want to participate but don’t want to come across as a buzzkill or that colleague who doesn’t say a thing and they start gossiping about that?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Always remember that as a man, you are ABOVE women. You have a superior intellect. In that situation I would simply not participate, and if they press you, say something like "He/she isn't here to defend themselves" or something similar.

Don't worry about being a buzzkill. Refusing to gossip is a noble thing and who cares if these vitriolic children consider you a buzzkill? A real man, a man worthy of leadership, doesn't gossip.

 

[Von]

Never get into it. Ignore it.

Make clear statement you wont gossip

If you confronted about it or the gossip is about you. Disengage with humour and leave the room

 

[sazc]

A real man isn't afraid to express WHO HE IS!

if you are not interested in being privy to the discussion, SHUT THE DISCUSSION DOWN. Tell them their conversation on more suited for texting, the bathroom, the break room or after work and you would prefer them to STOP.

The other alternative is to simply state "talk about what you want, don't drag me into this conversation" and/or "not interested" if they keep trying to draw you in.

 

[Roober]

Always remember that as a man, you are ABOVE women. You have a superior intellect. In that situation I would simply not participate, and if they press you, say something like "He/she isn't here to defend themselves" or something similar.

Don't worry about being a buzzkill. Refusing to gossip is a noble thing and who cares if these vitriolic children consider you a buzzkill? A real man, a man worthy of leadership, doesn't gossip.

Dale Carnegie: "How to win friends and influence people"

Principle 1 - Don't criticize, condemn, or complain

Gossip is a woman's world. Excessive gossip is an insecure person's world. Don't live in either of those!

 

[Mike32ct]

When you hear gossip, walk away or change the subject. Never “agree” or “add” to the gossip discussion.

It doesn’t matter if they say 100 negative things about Mr./Ms. XYZ. The ONE negative thing you say (or agree to) will get back to that person, and you’ll be the bad guy. In order to create drama, women set these “gossip traps” (as I call them) to bait you into saying something negative about someone. Never take the bait.

 

[Bob S]

By joining in the gossip you are becoming one of her girlfriends. OK, you are not pursuing sex but you have lumped yourself in the friend zone. I would, in this situation, focus on my work and not participate. If the things being said are negative, this is realm for disciplinary action. If they are talking about men you should not be participating. I can only sympathise if you are the only male in the office. That would be tough. If not, take yourself off and make a coffee or chat to a male colleague.

 

[Mike32ct]

There are many ways to excuse yourself from an awkward work conversation.

1. “I have to get back to work.”

2. “I have to get ready for a meeting.”

3. “I’m going to go grab a coffee. Talk to you later.”

 

[RestUnknown]

By joining in the gossip you are becoming one of her girlfriends. OK, you are not pursuing sex but you have lumped yourself in the friend zone. I would, in this situation, focus on my work and not participate. If the things being said are negative, this is realm for disciplinary action. If they are talking about men you should not be participating. I can only sympathise if you are the only male in the office. That would be tough. If not, take yourself off and make a coffee or chat to a male colleague.

Difficult to just leave or chat with someone else. I have this kind of ‘monitoring’ function where I work with just one other colleague at a time for 2-3 hours and then someone else comes. And it’s thus also not possible to go for a walk.

Talking is kind of ‘obligated’ if there is not much work, so the girls tend to gossip and that’s why I want to know how to react to this.

 

[Bob S]

I can only suggest that you don't join in. If they question your silence - just say I don't do gossip. Maybe even suggest they keep that for when you are not there. Difficult when you feel overwhelmed. Think of it this way, if you are the one male in a group of ten girls you may think they have the upper hand in numbers. The real power is in you. You are the ONE. Being able to be that ONE in ten other identical is power. Imagine one girl in a group of ten guys she may feel powerless for being outnumbered but she has the real power. That's how I look at it. Being able to be you own identity under influence of many is one of the best traits a person can have.

 

[adviceplease]

Always be seen as a man with integrity. If you wanna say something it should be something you'd say to their face not behind backs. Be a trust worthy character and don't spill other people's secrets.

 

[marmel75]

Ignore it

 

[derby1]

A real man, a man worthy of leadership, doesn't gossip.

very good

 

[RestUnknown]

Well I kinda blew it apparently. One of my female colleagues said ‘I see we have to work together again tomorrow, good then we can gossip some more’.

I tend to just nod or acknowledge what they say nowadays and keep what I have to say about another person objective and what I really think (like I said it’s a monitoring function and it’s about safety issues, so when I talk about someone else it’s of genuine concern for those safety functions).