What *they* find attractive

[sambwoy]

One thing I noticed is cliques that people talk about.

I notice in college culture how attractive a guy is depends on what the girl's group finds attractive, not what the individual in the group finds attractive. It still continues after the teens.

I find this so mentally and psychologically frustrating, being a guy who was bullied and then socially put down by girls and spoken down to. I used to self-harm over this stuff.

Why is this?

 

[Mike32ct]

Women are herd creatures. They are also status/reputation obsessed, so they don't like to go against the group. Plenty of girls might secretly find some guy attractive but refuse to date him because she might be judged harshly by the group.

So they pull a " 9 0 2 1 0" and largely only hook up with "certified" guys from their group in some sort of rotation.

 

[NewJack]

Another way of viewing it is that women experience trust as an accelerant to intimacy. Her circle is vetted, is known, she can trust them. Therefore she can love them.

Also in a social world that is on fire with possibilities and opportunities, e.g. people to meet, places to go, groups to mingle with - its one of the most reliable filtering mechanisms, since she can fall back on the collective intelligence of the group for any given decision.

Its hard being a loner!

 

[Mike32ct]

Another way of viewing it is that women experience trust as an accelerant to intimacy. Her circle is vetted, is known, she can trust them. Therefore she can love them.

Also in a social world that is on fire with possibilities and opportunities, e.g. people to meet, places to go, groups to mingle with - its one of the most reliable filtering mechanisms, since she can fall back on the collective intelligence of the group for any given decision.

Its hard being a loner!

Yes. The group can at least ensure that he's not ax murderer, so she can feel safe around him.

Another angle is that women know it is more difficult to get pumped and dumped within a social circle.

 

[sambwoy]

Plenty of girls might secretly find some guy attractive but refuse to date him because she might be judged harshly by the group.

That's a real gremlin of mine. It has been said on here several times that on either an individual or group basis, that if *they* aren't interested sexually you are 'not a human being'. I hate to admit it but I have become a guy who gets really surprised these days when some younger girl/girl his own age is actually nice to him. At other times I used to find them be openly critical and condescending, so the rest of the time I perhaps project sadness to others, because I cannot mentally process this behaviour.

Some won't even talk to you on the grounds that you are 'not cute enough'? Is this 'right'?