What The Hell Am I Doing -- You Ever Get Like This?

[Giovanni Casanova]

Last week on a first date with this girl named Nicole, everything feels flat, kind of boring and frustrating. Was this worth all the trouble? In my book, it wasn't.

This weekend, I have a date with a girl named Kate. I don't know her very well at all, so God knows how that will go. She seems decent. I'd say she's maybe a "7", but she's smart and we seem to have a lot in common. But the bottom line in all of this is that I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing here at all.

I'm not the kind of guy who wants a string of meaningless one-time stands and empty short-term flings. But long term relationships and marriage don't really appeal to me at all either right now.

I think to myself, best-case scenario, I end up liking Kate and she likes me. What then? I mean, I'm basically not in any kind of mind-set to have a relationship right now.

So where do I go from there? It seems like I'm just kind of going through the motions, and I'm not really FEELING anything. I've got my second "first date" in two weeks in a few days, but I'm not nervous, I'm not excited. I'm not anything. Anyone else get like that?

 

[RedZone122]

Yes - it's all about purpose - I have no idea what I want right now either....

 

[CLOONEY]

To tell you the truth I am ALWAYS like this. RARELY a girl comes along who blows me away and actually makes me excited to see her. Otherwise, no matter how stunning or nice or whatever they are, they bore me to tears and I dont feel anything for them.

Even the ones who blow me away dont do it straight away, I have to date them for a long time, until I start to feel anything for them.

I sometimes find it better just to not bother. Otherwise, just keep going through the motions, one girl might grow on you, and before you know it, you will really like her.

 

[Lone_raider]

Yes, I get like this sometimes including right now and I don't know what causes it? Sometimes I'm on the prowl, see a hot girl and go and try to pick her up. If I get the date I'm excited about the possibilities and so on.

But then there are the times like now. Just a few days ago I actually found myself saying I don't feel like chasing, or dating anyone right now. I don't feel like wasting the time, or effort, I'd rather do something else. Why? Beats me, it just settles in on me and I could care less about women for who knows how long. Then something motivates me again eventually and I'm back to hunting.

Just happens, guess I get bored with women sometimes, or frustrated by them. Sometimes I just get really focused on something else like playing my guitar, or trying to influence the political situation in my town. Then women take a back seat for a while.

 

[diablo]

As to what you're doing here, you're treading water. It wouldn't serve any purpose to say you've lost track of the goal, because at this point there really is no goal for you, or so it would seem from reading your post. No one-night stand to aim for, nor is there any motivation for a fling or even a long term relationship at this point.

It sounds as though you're overanalyzing too much before the actual event(s) takes place. If I remember correctly, you recently got out of a long term relationship of some sort. Perhaps at this junction you're just not ready to get back into the dating scene. Nothing is wrong with this, and it's really nothing to get concerned or worried about. Nor is the lack of emotion, for it will come back.

As for the best case scenario you laid out, where she likes you and you like her - perhaps at that point your feelings as to what it is that you want - or don't want - will change. Speaking of something is one thing, experiencing it another. As mentioned in the last paragraph, give your emotions some time to sort themselves out. If, after a few more months, you're still asexual p ), then there may be some cause for concern. Until then, keep the girl as a friend. Obviously, there are many many posts about how bad it is to be in the dreaded "friend zone"... in this situation, it would seem, there isn't anything wrong with having a female friend. Truth told, it may be more beneficial to you having her as a friend instead of as a intimate acquaintance.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Been there, done that.... that's why I have always stressed being selective with the women you go out with, which also includes the time frame, and state of mind... if you are stressed, dates can be nothing but a chore. There's a few aspects that go into this and that's just one thing... personally for me, I don't date just to fill a void. I date when I feel like it. I'll make exceptions, like if the woman is smokin' hot, with some moo hooters, then whether I want to or not, I'll go, because for me, when things are boring, you always have a set of knockers to fall back on. ...they've never let me down, regardless of my moods. But yea, don't waste your time, or her time if you aren't feeling like she's gona be the type to give you 110%. Ultimately, you, and only you, know what's best for you... speaking of knowing what's best....

Big Daddy has been in a LTR for over 3 years now, and I'm enjoying every minute. This past January, I was blessed with a 10lb baby boy... I couldn't be more happier with my little family. Even when I would pop in here and ask about PPD, and how some dealt with pregnant women's mood swings, I got peeps who would say, 'NEXT HER MAN!' or some stupid dumb sh*t (I also got some peeps who said that it was a normal thing, and that give her time, things will be back to normal, which is absolutely correct)... but like I said, ultimately, only you would truly know, after all, if you can't trust your own judgement, who can you trust? I trusted my pimpness, and again, I was right. ....I'm always f'n right b*tches!

In any case bro, date if you feel ike it, and don't if you aren't up to it. *shrugs* ...they ain't going anywhere... ask yourself what you want out of this, but don't date and go 'Well I think I like Jackie....so she's the flavor of the month.' ...unless that's what you want, but I'm not sure, the post was kinda trippy.... :\

Maybe you should think about finding THE one, like I did... after all, that's why I dated the b*tches, to find THE one. ....and trust me, I went through some snoozers before I landed this one... you'll know if she's the one, and when you do, welcome to the next level, cuz it's a whole new ball game then.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

GC: Have you ever thought about focusing on yourself and enjoying being single? I've followed a lot of your posts and know that you've been through a lot of "stuff" with the women of your life. And to answer your question I always think the same way your thinking right now. "If she likes me great, but I really don't care, if she doesn't I'd care even less." Sometimes the best solution to a "blah" outlook on women is to step away from them for a little bit and enjoy YOUR LIFE. Your friends, your hobbies and your job.

The truth of the matter is that none of these girls excites you at all right now. But give it a few get togethers, you might be surprised how much you enjoy yourself.




PIMP

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe
Even when I would pop in here and ask about PPD, and how some dealt with pregnant women's mood swings, I got peeps who would say, 'NEXT HER MAN!'

aaaahahahaahahahahahaahaaha, man why doesnt that surprise me, hahhaaha, fukc thats funny!!!!

 

[squirrels]

Eh, if you're not into a girl, you don't have to date her or try to lay her just because the DJ Forum says so, because it's supposedly "natural" for men to try to be f**king as often as possible with as many chicks as possible. I've fallen into this trap myself, and it's burned me.

I know I'm not as experienced as the other people who have lent advice (which is all pretty damned sound), but I'd say maybe now is a good time to re-invent yourself. The principles and philosophies and interpretation of life that you got from places like this site that helped you in the past may be HINDERING you in the present.

Try just letting go of it all and getting a fresh perspective. Forget about seducing women. Forget about making them like you. If you WANT to go out, go out to have a good time and to show them a good time. And if you're not having a good time, then DON'T go out. See where it goes.

One thing I DO know...there's this societal idea of what a "relationship" should be (both in mainstream society and non-mainstream groups like this) and a lot of people try to take an association that's developing in its own way and stuff it into that paradigm to make it more comfortable, more congruent with the way we've taught ourselves to think. That's so much easier than re-teaching ourselves how to think based on what we encounter, but it's just not healthy. It reminds me of those bansai-kittens. http://www.bonsaikitten.com/bkintro.html

 

[The Edge]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
I'm not the kind of guy who wants a string of meaningless one-time stands and empty short-term flings.

That's your number one flaw and the root behind why you feel this way.

Edge

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova

I think to myself, best-case scenario, I end up liking Kate and she likes me. What then? I mean, I'm basically not in any kind of mind-set to have a relationship right now.

GC,

Just know that you are empowered with your own happiness. I mean its cool to go out on dates and experience different types of girls. However don't get in the pits about it. Remember you don't have to date anyone. However don't shut any doors or oppurtunitys either. You never know who you will meet!

M.A.C.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Re: Re: What The Hell Am I Doing -- You Ever Get Like This?

Originally posted by The Edge
That's your number one flaw and the root behind why you feel this way.

Yes, it's a real shame that I'm not interested in meaningless, feelingless, empty bullsh*t flings.

That's a huge flaw, obviously.

And I must say, it was very perceptive of you to figure out that if I was just more interested in worthless, pointless, hollow one-night stands, that I wouldn't be so bored by all of this. Wow!

Super-terrific!

 

[Player_Supreme]

When you date only a few women you will fall prey to misconceptions and bitter downward spirals of attitudes which will block your ability to meet other women. When you date a lot of women you have the ability to learn more about what does and doesn’t work for you. You have the option of finding those traits that you desire vs those that don’t work for you. Thereby you learn to take control of your whole dating life.

--the dating black book

ebook by a former moderator on this site

 

[Player_Supreme]

well it would seem that the confident and persuant earned you the booby prize or so it would seem.

the problem isnt the woman. It's you. As you can see in your other post on being tired of meaningless dates.

(I followd the other thread to this post)


Read what I told jb. I will not help you any further kid.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
I will not help you any further kid.

Wow, and if I needed your help, I would be so heartbroken.

 

[Slickster]

Kind of the paradox of DJ'ing isn't it?

I've been in this state of mind many times.

It makes it tough when you do decide that you want a relationship. Every chick you meet just seems the same - boring. I've nexted some chicks in the past that my friends still bug me about. They say shyt like, "You are fvcking crazy for getting rid of her. She was fvcking hot!" What can you say? It just wasn't there.

One thing for sure its a better state of mind to be in than the type of guy who goes gaga and falls in love with every hot chick he sees.

Something I've learned, is that in the past that my primary basis for qualifying a chick was her looks. Usually those hot chicks really lacked a great personality. I know this concept has been discussed many times but maybe you should start looking for that super personality first and move looks down on your list of requirements.

Sounds crazy yes but I'd rather be with a chick who had a 10 personality and 7 looks. Rather than a chick who had 10 in the looks department and only a 7 for personality.

After you've been with enough hotties you realize they're not all that different. You start looking for something more to keep you interested. Its natural part of becoming more mature.

Funny, you actually end up attracting more hotties though, because you just don't give a shyt about her looks as much anymore. If that's all she has to offer, I move on.

Chicks. Who needs 'em?

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
Wow, and if I needed your help, I would be so heartbroken.

lol

 

[Page]

There comes a time for every Don Juan when our success and ability to get women becomes boring and predictable to us. We realize that most women out there are more or less the same, and that dating one over the other is irrelevant because we know what they are thinking, what they will do next, and the way to respond to anything that will happen.

The power to be successful with women may sound like a good idea, until you realize that you will spend that power in boredom because your standards have risen so high.


It's a strange problem, because while we have the abilities that many AFCs would sell their souls to learn, we find that once we get tired of the best looking women, there is little to nothing beyond that in terms of challenge.

Once you rise to the top, you will find yourself all alone, and there is nothing but endless days of searching for something that matches your higher standards.


.

 

[Oxide]

great point page, think about allt he greatest thinkers and how alone they were.

you know who was the loneliest man in the world?



Leonardo Da Vinci.

 

[Paradox]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
I mean, I'm basically not in any kind of mind-set to have a relationship right now.

It seems like I'm just kind of going through the motions, and I'm not really FEELING anything. I've got my second "first date" in two weeks in a few days, but I'm not nervous, I'm not excited. I'm not anything. Anyone else get like that?

DJ burnout. It happens to all DJ's. You just got out of an engagement. Believe it or not you need time to recover. I'm talking about emotional recovery.

You may feel just fine but guess what...Your head is messed up. Little head is working fine but big head is still trying to make sense of the whole engagement thing.

I had a relationship that took me a year to get over. I've also had others that I got over in 1 week.

I forget the recovery formula but I think it's 1 week for every year you were seeing her. Everyone is different though.

Anyway you are showing symptoms of DJ burnout. My prescription is limited contact (work only) with females for 1 month.