What should I do?

[Nycmfer]

4 months ago, I started having great conversations over the phone with this girl from a dating site. Even became her FB friend. She was not near me so this was a 2 hour trip. I met her 3 months ago and we had sex on the 1st date. The next day, she texts me saying she wants to be friends. I didnt next her but told her I understood, expressed that it was too bad. I really liked her and thought she liked me too.She says she still cant get over her last boyfriend and still loves him but they will never get back together. I was going to be her friend and I decided I was gonna make her regret it. The next week, I meet someone else and have sex with her too. This second girl is a little crazy and marks me up with hickeys. As a joke, I post pictures on FB of the hickeys stating I was attacked by a vampire. My new friend immediately texts me asking me about it. I change the subject and chit chat with her for a while that day. A couple of weeks later, I post a pic of myself on FB with another girl I met and she wants to know about it. I lie and tell her we are seeing each other. Later, she sends me a 2 am text saying she cant sleep I ignore it. She texts me when I'm working asking me if I'm mad at her. Says I'm cold. I text her saying I can't talk, I'm busy. Will text her later. She texts me later when she doesnt hear from me, calling me friend. I respond Hey Friend, cant talk now. Im with someone. She says she wont text me anymore. I sensed she wanted me to say something nice back like oh no, dont say that. Please dont go away. I text her a week later talking about the snow. She asks me how Im doing with the girl I told her I was seeing. I tell her I had to break it off cause she was just toi much. She says that she is sorry to hear and I say its no big deal. I stop hearing from her. I use Confident Persistance texting periodically on her.- 2 weeks, a week, a few days. Jusr play it cool. No relationship discussing or pathetic whining. I 'm just James Dean being cool. However, she never initiates texts now but responds back with herself playing it cool I guess. I cant believe it but I really want her still. It's either I want a challenge or I've really fallen for her. I lose sleep thinking of her. I'm trying to move on. Wtf is wrong with me? I know she cant get over the old boyfriend cause she still has his pics up on FB from 2 years ago but I see her on dating site too. Is she gonna eventually crack and text me or is she moving on? Do I wait this out? Of course, I am meeting other women but I cant get her out of my head. Help.

 

[Nycmfer]

She hasnt been with him in two years.

 

[deadmasterx]

The next day, she texts me saying she wants to be friends. I didnt next her but told her I understood, expressed that it was too bad. I really liked her and thought she liked me too.She says she still cant get over her last boyfriend and still loves him but they will never get back together.

Most post-breakup women do these things. They'll show high interest, **** with you, call and text you everyday, and then she suddenly disappears. These are one of the few cases where it's not on you, but her. She's emotionally ****ed up because of the breakup, and felt like satisfying this neediness with someone else.

She texts me when I'm working asking me if I'm mad at her. Says I'm cold. I text her saying I can't talk, I'm busy. Will text her later. She texts me later when she doesnt hear from me, calling me friend. I respond Hey Friend, cant talk now. Im with someone.

That's just the girl putting herself in your orbit. Why not taking a chance to hang out with her? Also, being cold can work for a while, but if you keep it for long she's just gonna take you as a "****head who doesn't care about her" and go away.

I respond Hey Friend, cant talk now. Im with someone.
She asks me how Im doing with the girl I told her I was seeing.

Why the hell would you even let her know that? You "communicate" that you have other women on game with your attitude, not words. If you say that you're hanging out with another girl to a girl, the only thing she's gonna think about you is that you're untrustworthy and a douchebag. Not in the best way, because she'll be testing you even harder and if you don't get the confidence, you're out.

I cant believe it but I really want her still. It's either I want a challenge or I've really fallen for her. I lose sleep thinking of her. I'm trying to move on. Wtf is wrong with me?

It's alright, man. We have all been in this place, there's no way you can't feel bad for something that you invested on and lost. It is necessary, tho, that you build a mentality that you neither take for granted nor fear losing. If she's with you, she's with you. If she deserves you, and you do no **** to not deserve her, you'll be together. If you're not together, let her go. I can't say that is gonna be easy, or that you'll get over it soon, but you can't let that put you down for too long. Take a good month to "wash your soul", then keep up with your life. The more you work, workout, do things for yourself, the better you'll be getting. Working on yourself is therapy in these matters.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

she's trying to keep you on a leash as a fall back guy or emotional tampon. She wants the other guy but it bothers her to see some other girl wanting you cause if you're gone shes got nobody. Means next to nothing you had a date and sex 3 months ago, she's not into you and never will be. So you can either suffer along and keep hoping or close that chapter and just move on making it clear to her you dont want to be just friends, you want something more. Drives women nuts to see they have been replaced and you're not sitting there moping about hung up on them.

 

[Nycmfer]

I have been playing along that I want to be friends. I have put no pressure on her. My hope was that if I maintain contact and keep relaying that I'm someone cool and not like all the guys that usually freak out over being " friendzoned" or Next her, that she will see a man that can stay strong at not get emotional

 

[Nycmfer]

You are mistaken. That approach will not increase her genuine attraction. You will simply become another orbiter in her life that way.

I did have sex with her. Doesn't that make a difference?

 

[derby1]

Most post-breakup women do these things. They'll show high interest, **** with you, call and text you everyday, and then she suddenly disappears. These are one of the few cases where it's not on you, but her. She's emotionally ****ed up because of the breakup, and felt like satisfying this neediness with someone else.

I have just posted asking about this, its interesting. Super High interest, too nothing, even when my game was tight

 

[derby1]

She hasnt been with him in two years.

Careful listenin, when people say "you werent alpha enough" and all that BS.

The truth of the matter is she could have dated the biggest beta going, but if shes emotionally invested in him, or reliant on his resources, it dont matter if your Bruce wayne, only she can leave that situation mentally.

you must stop initiating with this woman instantly, trust me the ex has been in those pants, a lot more recent 2 years

 

[Lookatu]

I did have sex with her. Doesn't that make a difference?

No.

Sex, kino, kissing is almost like a handshake for some of these gals.

Main message here: Don't invest too much too soon. Get to actually know them and make them earn your emotional investment from you.

You only met her and slept with her ONCE. You can't possibly know everything about her in that short period, even if you texted over time.

Right now, it's a combination of you wanting what you can't have, her bruising your ego, and you having this made up perception of how good she is so therefore you raising her up on a pedestal without any real justification or her earning it. Don't ever do this with women or you'll find yourself in your current state over and over.

Control what you can control and learn to let go of those things you can't.

 

[Nycmfer]

Apparently not, to this woman.
[/QUOT

She may be an alpha widow. If that is the case, for her, no new potential mate will ever measure up to her ex.

That's definitely how it feels to me. I don't suck up to her. I apply no pressure. I don't act like a fawning fool. Confident nice guy with options is me. In time, she might come to me. However, I may not be around when that time comes.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

That's definitely how it feels to me. I don't suck up to her. I apply no pressure. I don't act like a fawning fool. Confident nice guy with options is me. In time, she might come to me. However, I may not be around when that time comes.

You can control whether or not your fvcking other females.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

If you had 5 other women to see right now, you would not still be investing your time thinking about this one.

straight truth there. If you dont have other options then you end up hung up on one. One thing i finally learned is another one will be along soon enough if you have the patience to wait a bit.

 

[Nycmfer]

Most post-breakup women do these things. They'll show high interest, **** with you, call and text you everyday, and then she suddenly disappears. These are one of the few cases where it's not on you, but her. She's emotionally ****ed up because of the breakup, and felt like satisfying this neediness with someone else.

That's just the girl putting herself in your orbit. Why not taking a chance to hang out with her? Also, being cold can work for a while, but if you keep it for long she's just gonna take you as a "****head who doesn't care about her" and go away.

Why the hell would you even let her know that? You "communicate" that you have other women on game with your attitude, not words. If you say that you're hanging out with another girl to a girl, the only thing she's gonna think about you is that you're untrustworthy and a douchebag. Not in the best way, because she'll be testing you even harder and if you don't get the confidence, you're out.

It's alright, man. We have all been in this place, there's no way you can't feel bad for something that you invested on and lost. It is necessary, tho, that you build a mentality that you neither take for granted nor fear losing. If she's with you, she's with you. If she deserves you, and you do no **** to not deserve her, you'll be together. If you're not together, let her go. I can't say that is gonna be easy, or that you'll get over it soon, but you can't let that put you down for too long. Take a good month to "wash your soul", then keep up with your life. The more you work, workout, do things for yourself, the better you'll be getting. Working on yourself is therapy in these matters.

Am I lowering my value to her by checking in on her? I think there's a point to going off game and being real and that's why I text her. I only send unrelated ****. Ex; I just had the greatest piece of cake ever, " its snowing so much, how you handling that where you are? " oh i ****ing ruined my lasagna, etc. She responds. I think the guys that move on dont get the girl . Ive been there. She isnt in my neighborhood. Not gonna run into her. Just have text and fb. For me, its a break time which is a good idea. A month off FB, no texts. Could create wonder from her end I think I planted subtle remarks that convey that I value myself. Also, show confident persistence. Not putting my tail between my legs and going away. This is a Latin woman. I think that should be pointed out. I think she was testing me . But yes mentally, I need to draw my focus to me not her.

 

[Lookatu]

Am I lowering my value to her by checking in on her?

Yes.
Anytime a girl tells you that she just wants to be friends, she is dead in the water to you and no communication should be initiated on your part. The only time you should interact is if you'll get some kind of tangible benefit from her as a friend. IE: She invites you to go somewhere on her dime, like a movie, boat party, etc.

Your efforts and time should be directed at the girls that actually want to be with you more than just friends. Remember, wasting your time on certain girls closes the opportunity doors from others.

 

[andreihaha]

Here's my thoughts on the matter:
1) You drove a few hours to meet her so she felt obligated to invite you into her bed. Maybe she felt it like the fantasy scenario involving a passionate ONS with a stranger from far away. Been there, done that. Was awesome but then, when I tried meeting her again after a year or so, the magic was gone. Maybe it's better to let it be a one-off and move to a girl you could really date.

2) You're both playing games. Why? Be honest. You don't want to be her friend. You enjoyed her. You want to see her again. Be honest with her and with yourself. Maybe she reciprocates. If not, at least you'll get over her. My 2 cents.
Keep playing the mind games if you want to loose time and sanity on this affair.

 

[Nycmfer]

Those sound like texts a woman would send to her female friend. It’s hard for me imagine a man sending those to a woman ever. I am wondering if this might be a troll thread.

no, definitely not.

 

[Nycmfer]

Imho, those texts to her are beyond cringe worthy. No MAN of value, with his full life, would ever text such things.

I thought it was okay.

 

[Lookatu]

Those sound like texts a woman would send to her female friend. It’s hard for me imagine a man sending those to a woman. I am now wondering if this might be a troll thread.

I thought it was okay.

I'm not sure how old LiveYourDream is but it could just be a generational thing of communicating and conversation between the generations. Also could be environment dependent. I knew guys that would talk like that all the time but they lived in rural areas.

 

[Nycmfer]

Imho, those texts to her are beyond cringe worthy. No MAN of value, with his full life, would ever text such things.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You still feel invested in her because you slept with her AND you are still hoping to sleep with her again. She is not that special. You just see her as your most likely option at the moment. Best to change that. If you had 5 other women to see right now, you would not still be investing your time thinking about this one.

I can say that isn't always true...I have a woman I dated 3 years ago for a year and a half that has basically ruined my dating life since her because she was the whole package...fun, great sex, great connection, loved spending time together, loved going on adventures together, lots of common interests, made me feel loved in a way I never really have before, etc, etc

I have zero issues getting women who are as good looking with as nice or even better bodies as her but none of them have been that complete package like she was...there is always something that is missing from them. Its like if I could merge 2 or 3 of my plates or women I am dating together then it would be comparable.

And this isn't me trying to pedastalize her or anything like that. It is simply me saying that when you find someone who you are very close to perfect with in every aspect, it is extremely hard to find no matter how many other women are available to you. It is kind of like looking for a needle in a haystack so to speak.

So I kind of understand where OP is coming from, sometimes you just connect with certain people in ways you don't with others. Is it possible I find someone like her or even better in those ways? Yeah of course, but it isn't easy to replace that with an equivalent person just by dating someone else or having lots of other women to date.