What She should hear when He’s emotionally overwhelmed

[jhonny9546]

I'm sure it's happened to all of us.. that sensation, when you're emotionally drained and overwhelmed by something, and you're trying hard to keep it together, with your masculine self-control.
It could be due to your stressful job, your tiring day, your children, other things.

And at some point, your gf, wife, sister or female friend steps in, wanting to be your "supportive therapist," asking, "Come on, talk to me. What's wrong?" or "I want to know what's on your mind" or "Tell me what's wrong, speak openly".


So..in this scenario, what is the best response a woman should hear in that moment?
Not the one she wants to hear, but the one she needs to hear from a mature and high value man She respect and admire.

ps: Let's not even consider the option that we are talking to an ONS, here we are talking about women who are part of our lives, therefore in their positions as friends, partners, or family members.

 

[The Duke]

A smart woman knows that men don't solve their problems in groups like women do. Men go to their cave and think about it, once they come back they are usually good.

My typical response is "i'm good, just a lot going on." Most of my significant others know not to prod too much. If I want to talk, I will but usually not.

The sooner you figure out that nobody cares about your emotional diarrehea the earlier you can learn to self-process and move on.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

In the vast majority of the world, "just got some things I gotta figure out/think through" will suffice, but in Southern Italy, a random, frantic display of unintelligible hand-waving, like a sign language speaker having a psychotic break or like Edward Scissorhands od'ing on meth, while walking away and shaking your head may be a necessary addition to drive the point home, since they don't do introversion there.

 

[plumber]

you don't share your confusion with women. if you want there opinion or help on some task, there are plenty of topics that they can really contribute with. better than men... Your emotional confusion stays with you. You never show it to her. if you can't control yourself at some time, get a reason to get away from her until you can.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Jhonny,
I agree with the last three stalwarts,opening up to a Woman is like turning your back on a savage Dog...Think what would Clint Do?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

you don't share your confusion with women. if you want there opinion or help on some task, there are plenty of topics that they can really contribute with. better than men... Your emotional confusion stays with you. You never show it to her. if you can't control yourself at some time, get a reason to get away from her until you can.

It's Southern Italy, if you don't share, they pry

Hi Jhonny,
I agree with the last three stalwarts,opening up to a Woman is like turning your back on a savage Dog...Think what would Clint Do?

Clint would move out of Italy.

 

[plumber]

It's Southern Italy, if you don't share, they pry

never been to that place. many places I have been women will pry. lots of emotional tricks they use for leverage. man has to be stable and solid and not give to the pry. not easy... but it is easy if the man is in tune..... i have seen it from both sides, in the past i would let women pry. every time it was bad news.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Billy,
"Clint would move out of Italy"Quite so,but then our @Jhonnie isn't a 6foot three Squillionaire!....
"If you don't share, they pry"And take care little Jhonny because in Sicily the big boys pry with a Stiletto!

 

[Vanderdonck]

You say whatever TF you want, just keep it together and don't whine.

 

[Mike32ct]

If it’s a sister or female friend, you can be open and honest about it. The vulnerability should not be a big problem.

If it’s a romantic partner (girlfriend or wife), you really need to contain the emotional overwhelm.

 

[SW15]

If it’s a sister or female friend, you can be open and honest about it. The vulnerability should not be a big problem.

If it’s a romantic partner (girlfriend or wife), you really need to contain the emotional overwhelm.

I agree that the rules are going to be different with a sister, mother, or possibly a female friend. I don't recommend platonic female friends in general.

Showing more vulnerability with a girlfriend or wife is going to lead to less attraction. This won't create good outcomes.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree that the rules are going to be different with a sister, mother, or possibly a female friend. I don't recommend platonic female friends in general.

Showing more vulnerability with a girlfriend or wife is going to lead to less attraction. This won't create good outcomes.

Understood. We’re pretty much on the same page. (Platonic female friends aren’t for everybody.)

Loss of attraction is often irreversible, even if wife/girlfriend “gets over” the emotional event that caused it. That’s the other big problem.

On the other hand, a friend or family member will usually “get over” this hypothetical emotional outburst and not think less of you going forward.

 

[Gamisch]

Will you actually respond to the input given in your own thread now?

 

[SW15]

Platonic female friends aren’t for everybody.

I do not recommend platonic female friends. I've done well over the years avoiding the friend zone. I still have some female acquaintances who pop into my life every so often.

I've expressed much disappointment in the girlfriends/wives of my male friends and acquaintances and how those interactions have gone.

Loss of attraction is often irreversible, even if wife/girlfriend “gets over” the emotional event that caused it. That’s the other big problem.

True

On the other hand, a friend or family member will usually “get over” this hypothetical emotional outburst and not think less of you going forward.

This would be true for a female cousin, a sister, or a mother.

There could be some consequences with a female friend. While it might not affect the friendship, it might reduce the chances of her introducing you to an available social connection of hers in the future. Guys might want to retain that option with female friends.

If a man needs to express emotions to a woman, the safer choices are female cousins, sisters, or a mother.

As an aside, as I've said before, the absolute best option for social circle introductions is a younger sister. A younger sister 2-5 years younger who lives in the same area is a gold mine for finding dates. Older sisters are useless for this. A female cousin in the same city can be useful, but most men don't live in the same city as a female cousin later into adulthood.

Younger sisters and female cousins do tend to lose their ability for introductions once they enter the married woman bubble and have mainly married friends.

Your emotional confusion stays with you. You never show it to her. if you can't control yourself at some time, get a reason to get away from her until you can.

I agree with this. That's the best path. Showing emotional confusion to a woman will create more problems down the line. If she sees it, she'll question leadership and her attraction.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Hi Jhonny,
I agree with the last three stalwarts,opening up to a Woman is like turning your back on a savage Dog...Think what would Clint Do?

Lol what if your wife or girlfriend is a license therapist? and she's one of the best at her jobs?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

She doesn't want to help you. She wants to manage you. She's hard wired by evolution to have a deep desire to control your decisions and actions, even though she'll never admit that. To avoid "management," try the following:

I have an issue with XYZ and it's causing me grief.

What I think I'll do is ABC, and if that doesn't work, I'll try DEF.

That way XYZ will be resolved and I can get back to normal.

Any emotional expressions that sounds like "I don't know what to do please help me..." will usually backfire unless you've got a really, really good relationship and a lot of history together.

 

[BadBoy89]

If it’s a sister or female friend, you can be open and honest about it. The vulnerability should not be a big problem.

If it’s a romantic partner (girlfriend or wife), you really need to contain the emotional overwhelm.

I wouldn’t even say to sister or female friend, They don’t care and it won’t help a man’s image.

If it’s a business thing, maybe you talk to female friend for a few minutes, but anything emotional, no, keep to yourself.

 

[jhonny9546]

The sooner you figure out that nobody cares about your emotional diarrhea, the earlier you can learn to self-process and move on.

No one really cares as much as you do.
But there will be people who see you in that state and want to know what they can do for you.

One of them is your woman. You said you'd occasionally talk to her. About what?

since they don't do introversion there.

You're right, many here are reluctant to learn from their mistakes.
They don't do self-analysis.
I, on the other hand, am their polar opposite. Women are fascinated by this ability of mine, precisely because they're the first ones who don't have it and don't want it. (There are exceptions.)

I don't think it's just an Italian problem.

@Scaramouche
She'd then see you as her son.
By opening up to her, you'd be establishing a "mom, baby" frame.

You've got a really, really good relationship and a lot of history together.

This is exactly the scenario we're talking about.
I like your example.
So you'd open up, but only for a "reporting facts" conversation, without discussing emotions.
This made me think about a friend of mine.. who actually use this "reporting facts" in his phone chat with his wife. He never send emotional stuff, never,ever! Like songs, sexting, emojii, etc..
He just talk about "facts" like "I'm going out to take eggs" or "I'm cleaning kitchen and go out. When you bring kids home prepare dinner, I will be back at 8pm"
It's like talking with a military.
But He only talk like that with his wife, and not with us. With us he is the childhish and emotional man I know

@Mike32ct
I understand. How strange the world is: your girlfriend/wife should be the one to be informed of your emotions, while your best friend isn't... and yet...