What now ?

[ubercat]

Just do it. Put the same energy you put into building your career and wealth. It could take a couple of years to find a girl you get along with enough. Note I said enough millions of arranged marriages work out - marriage does take work. Male fertility does fall off in mid 40s. I d suggest looking over some of my back posts, Motu as well. Obviously Fruitbat as our resident Dad. A lot of guys here rate Athol Kay's books. You want a good relationship with the mother of your child and that involves a mix of tough and tender that isn't talked about here much. 40s are often raising kids years. And in the old days before the world splintered into Twitter tribes the 50s were the generative years mentoring and working for the community.

I wouldn't worry about broken homes. You are stronger metal than those guys tempered in the fire and armed with the real knowledge of how to manage women. Being able to call out your princess on her BS with a bored or amused manner goes a long way. Also agree with saying less and reacting less. Sometimes I make the mistake of pointing out the complete illogic my Mrs has just spouted. Women reason differently. They just throw an idea and work it together until it becomes something. Your meant to ask questions and be onboard. So if she says Sally just came back from a year in Nepal smelling of yak butter and living in a yurt. Start helping her pick out yurts. By tomorrow something else will be idea of the day. This is still a WIP for me.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It's the womans age that matters to the baby, not the man's. After 30, risk of downs syndrome goes up dramatically. Alec baldwin is in his 60s and has 6 young children.

And this idea that children will take care of you when you get old is a nice fairy tale. There were about 45 beds in my grandmother's nursing home. I was there every evening for about four months until she died. My other family was there every day. Between us, we hardly ever saw anyone else's family, other than the couple of times a resident passed away. Then they all rush in to cry fake tears and go through the dead person's stuff to see what they can take.

 

[Fruitbat]

The same is true of everything in life. You could buy a dream home and discover that it's a leaky, structurally compromised mess. You could buy a dream car that turns out to be an unreliable piece of junk. You could go travel the world and end up dying in an airplane crash. Nothing in life is guaranteed to be a "great thing". You can't completely eliminate the risk of negative outcomes but you can do your best to minimize it.

how many women did we perhaps pine over a bit as a younger man and now seeing her on Facebook et al you realise what a massive mistake it would have been.

 

[Fruitbat]

Just do it. Put the same energy you put into building your career and wealth. It could take a couple of years to find a girl you get along with enough. Note I said enough millions of arranged marriages work out - marriage does take work. Male fertility does fall off in mid 40s. I d suggest looking over some of my back posts, Motu as well. Obviously Fruitbat as our resident Dad. A lot of guys here rate Athol Kay's books. You want a good relationship with the mother of your child and that involves a mix of tough and tender that isn't talked about here much. 40s are often raising kids years. And in the old days before the world splintered into Twitter tribes the 50s were the generative years mentoring and working for the community.

I wouldn't worry about broken homes. You are stronger metal than those guys tempered in the fire and armed with the real knowledge of how to manage women. Being able to call out your princess on her BS with a bored or amused manner goes a long way. Also agree with saying less and reacting less. Sometimes I make the mistake of pointing out the complete illogic my Mrs has just spouted. Women reason differently. They just throw an idea and work it together until it becomes something. Your meant to ask questions and be onboard. So if she says Sally just came back from a year in Nepal smelling of yak butter and living in a yurt. Start helping her pick out yurts. By tomorrow something else will be idea of the day. This is still a WIP for me.

Hell yeah. My girl 3x a month moans about this country and wants to emigrate . I used to fight about it, now I just suggest she takes our daughter and goes and I send her money and stay here until I’m ready to retire.

She seems to go off the idea then when the realities of it sink in.

The other thing is that by and large, the idea all women or even the majority of women just want your kid so they can live being single on your money is just wrong.

personally, the times I saw this happen is where the girl is very smart about money, ambitious and often very, very career focussed. It’s these women who try to have the cake and eat it.

as a man you need utility for a woman. You need to give her something she can’t do. Hence I always stayed away from confident career women, theygenuinely have no need of a man.
I don’t mean a chick with a job, or even a good job, I mean a very upwardly mobile chick who’s obsessed with moving up the social scale. These are the danger chicks in my view.

 

[ubercat]

I LL keep this brief. men and women are meant to complement each other. You guys who see this whole thing as a power struggle are doing it wrong. Choosing wrong. Being too reactive. Not managing frames. Not building the 'us' bubble. It's a team lead gig

 

[Bingo-Player]

And this idea that children will take care of you when you get old is a nice fairy tale. There were about 45 beds in my grandmother's nursing home. I was there every evening for about four months until she died. My other family was there every day. Between us, we hardly ever saw anyone else's family, other than the couple of times a resident passed away. Then they all rush in to cry fake tears and go through the dead person's stuff to see what they can take.

Indeed both on my mother and fathers side hardly anyone is interested in the 70 & 80 year old relatives

I visit my grandmother twice a month for the simply fact i know nobody else would bother , my mother ( her daughter ) wants nothing to do with her and hasn't done for the last 10 years

Grandmother has now become naturally very bitter and is constantly complaining nobody gives a sh1t about her

I usually have to give an entire Sunday up to drive to her and spend a couple of hours there , two of them sundays a month is the absolute maximum i can commit from my own life , I'm busy and will get busier

My father constantly complains that his father is a pain in the A$$

A lot of this desire for a man to have a family comes from good time snapshots , reality is most men in families want out or the very least 6 months away from it

This includes a guy i work with two young kids he says its like a 24 hour endurance contest and there are no days off

Be careful what you wish for