What KINO is REALLY all about (Advanced)

DeepBlue

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#1
I've noticed that the concept of kino is almost as widely misunderstood as neghits, so I wrote this to provide some added insight into what is REALLY going on with kino. Hopefully it will be of help to those who are interested. Enjoy...


The common view of kino is that you're giving the woman pleasure and that this arouses her and makes her attached to you.

That is certainly true, and we're lucky we live in a time when doing kino with a woman is considered acceptable as soon as you start getting to know her. In older times, guys like Casanova had to be extraordinarily seductive with their *words* just so they could get to the point where they could begin to use kino.

But the key thing to understand about kino is that when you initiate it with a chick whom you're just getting to know, is that it isn't merely an arousing stimulus, it also challenges the barriers between you.

The presence of those invisible barriers which you both maintain in your minds is really the key difference between being lovers and strangers.

Typical AFC behavior is to respect those barriers too much and to never challenge them. That by definition maintains the barriers, leaving them in place. Doesn't matter how well he gets to know the chick, if he leaves those barriers in place he will never be her lover--THAT is why he ends up in the friend category. Because he actually reinforced the barriers instead of destroying them.

Anyway, the next level up from AFC is to realize that you have to crumble those barriers, so you work on them, but you're still leery about causing any anxiety, and still a bit nervous about challenging the barriers. So you look for excuses to touch, or you reach out and caress her but it has a slightly rushed quality because you're trying to mask some underlying nervousness.

But ultimately where you want to get to is the point where you recognize that for a woman, the experience of having you challenging the barriers is not ONLY a source of axiety for her, but is also a source of EXCITEMENT. And the idea is to shift the balance so that she experiences more excitement than anxiety.

Ever see a baby fall down? Notice how they don't know whether to laugh it off or cry so they look to their parents to see the parents face? If the parent frowns with concern then the baby starts crying. If the parent smiles the baby starts laughing.

Same with women. When you are entering new territory with a woman by challenging the "touch barriers" between you and her then you have to do it calmly and confidently and that CAUSES her to experience it as exciting. If you do it nervously she'll experience it as something that isn't right and that makes her uncomfortable.

One of the best ways to show confidence is to do it slowly, instead of rushing it. Nervous people rush things to mask their nervousness.

Nervous people also look away, so you calmly make eye contact, and nervous people look serious so be sure to smile a lot.

Nervous people also make their voice tense, so you make yours relaxed, and make your posture very open and relaxed rather than being closed and tense.

All these things will convey confidence causing her to mind to interpret your touch as a source of excitement, rather than a source of anxiety.

The more you understand (and vicariously feel) the way your touch EXCITES her, the more you will naturally become confident about doing it.

Besides convey confidence, the other thing you need to do with kino is to strike a balance so it isn't either too challenging, nor too tame.

As you start slowly caressing her--her hand or her arm or her waist or back, or maybe feeling her cheek or her hair with your hand--the ideal to strive for is that you want to keep her gently balanced on the very edge of being too excited, so it is never too much for her to handle, nor so mild that it becomes tame.

DeepBlue
 

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lucien779

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#2
Ever had Fruit Loops without milk? You begin to crave for the milk. When you use kino on a girl, she begins to crave sex.
 

Gipper

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#3
Very good analysis of kino, DeepBlue.

I would like to add a little more to what you said about barriers and the friend zone.

Kino also serves the purpose of letting her know that you are interested in her in a sexual way; that is, a way a "friend" would never be.

Male and female friends may hug (in a non-sexual way) but they wouldn't touch each other the way good kino works.

The barrier is there until the woman decides which category you will fit into easiest: friend or potential lover. If you don't use kino, it's easier for an indecisive chick just to lump you in the "friend" category. And we all know that once you're in, it's a b!tch to get out.

Gipper

------------------
"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

"Keep your girlfriend away from me,
Just advice I’m giving you for free,
Wanna have every thing I see,
So keep your girlfriend away from me..."
-Local H, from "Here Comes The Zoo"

[This message has been edited by Gipper (edited 04-15-2002).]
 

DeepBlue

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#5

Gipper wrote:
Very good analysis of kino, DeepBlue.
I would like to add a little more to what you said about barriers and the friend zone.

Kino also serves the purpose of letting her know that you are interested in her in a sexual way; that is, a way a "friend" would never be.

Male and female friends may hug (in a non-sexual way) but they wouldn't touch each other the way good kino works.

The barrier is there until the woman decides which category you will fit into easiest: friend or potential lover. If you don't use kino, it's easier for an indecisive chick just to lump you in the "friend" category. And we all know that once you're in, it's a b!tch to get out.


Ahh, but that's the whole point. That's the amazing thing. The barrier does NOT simply appear or disappear based on something she decides. Generally, it needs to be dissolved through the kino process itself!

The repeated experience of being touched, as if you were lovers, gets her accustomed to the physical contact and that is why the barrier gradually dissolves. More often than not, she comes to feel that you are lovers, BECAUSE "poof" that barrier is gone, it has been dissolved. It rarely goes the other way around.

In general, the more mature and experienced a woman is, the more her own decision making can play a role in lifting the barriers, whereas a younger woman is more likely to need that barrier dissolved through your gently persistant actions and initiative, not through her merely "deciding" that you're lovers. (Of course I am assuming that she is *allowing* your touch, and that she gives signs of enjoying it every step of the way. This is seduction not rape.)

Similarly, if you don't ever challenge the barriers it maintains and reinforces them to the point where even if she DID want you as a lover, your having strengthened the touch barrier will cause her to percieve you as "just a good friend" rather than a lover. Why? Because that's exactly how it is with good friends--you spend a lot of great time together, but you also respect the barriers against physical contact.

DeepBlue


[This message has been edited by DeepBlue (edited 04-15-2002).]
 

Gipper

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#6
Originally posted by DeepBlue:
Ahh, but that's the whole point. That's the amazing thing. The barrier does NOT simply appear or disappear based on something she decides. Generally, it needs to be dissolved through the kino process itself!

Agreed. The barrier is already there, but I think of it in terms of the chick putting you in one of two boxes: friend and potential lover. When she has enough data to make her decision, the barrier is dissolved and you are placed in a more convenient category, maybe something like "boyfriend".

In general, the more mature and experienced a woman is, the more her own decision making can play a role in lifting the barriers, whereas a younger woman is more likely to need that barrier dissolved through your gently persistant actions and initiative, not through her "deciding" that you're lovers.

Maybe not so much through actions as the ability of a more experienced woman to judge a guy based on past experience. She can "read" a guy better without needing constant application of kino.

Gipper


------------------
"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

"Keep your girlfriend away from me,
Just advice I’m giving you for free,
Wanna have every thing I see,
So keep your girlfriend away from me..."
-Local H, from "Here Comes The Zoo"
 

De La Soul

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It's a badly-kept secret.
#7
Great post. The best summary of kino I've read.
 

Bonhomme

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#8
Direct hit!

This should be in "tips."

So when's your neg-hit summary coming, DeepBlue?
 

Pook

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#11
Originally posted by DeepBlue:
I've noticed that the concept of kino is almost as widely misunderstood as neghits,
So many newbies rush out there with 'neghits' as wild knights to destroy the hot chicks' castle-like egos. Likewise, so many newbies get creepy with the kino. You're right, it IS misunderstood. These are subtle tools, not sledgehammers.

With anything, keep your attitude light and fun. If heaviness weighs down your spirit, don't go experimenting.

so I wrote this to provide some added insight into what is REALLY going on with kino. Hopefully it will be of help to those who are interested.
I am interested! Speak on, Mr. DeepBlue!

The common view of kino is that you're giving the woman pleasure and that this arouses her and makes her attached to you.
If this is the common view of kino, then there is a problem.

That is certainly true,
NO! Saying that Kino is to give the WOMAN pleasure? Why is the focus on the woman? No, the focus MUST be on YOURSELF. Yes, she should find pleasure in the kino. But YOU should find pleasure in the kino too.

You touch her because YOU want to, not because SHE wants it. Why? Because she wants to be TOUCHED and FLIRTED with by EVERY DECENT-CUTE GUY. We are not play-toys for their endless appetite of sexuality.

and we're lucky we live in a time when doing kino with a woman is considered acceptable as soon as you start getting to know her. In older times, guys like Casanova had to be extraordinarily seductive with their *words* just so they could get to the point where they could begin to use kino.[/quote

Nah, the seduction of women hasn't really changed. The same rules apply. The only real difference in this age is that ugly chicks don't have dowries (how else can you get a man to marry them?) and most women are financially independent.

Also, males are afraid of being men and scared of their own sexuality (the AFC)

Did you know that HALF of all the marriages in the British Colonies of North America, right around the War of Independence, was when the woman was already pregnant? These were the Puritans as well!

Our ancestors were Don Juans. Why not we?

But the key thing to understand about kino is that when you initiate it with a chick whom you're just getting to know, is that it isn't merely an arousing stimulus, it also challenges the barriers between you.[/quote

So true!

If I ever read another post that says, "She did X and Y, then Z!!! Oh, and look at how she did M and then went and N! DOES SHE LIKE ME OR IS SHE BEING NICE?" the answer is, "DID YOU TOUCH HER?" Kino ALWAYS has a SURE answer (as well as asking her out. But she can date you to be polite, she cannot fake her reaction to kino)

Kino is a GREAT way to test their interest. Girls that don't like you, or find you neutral, will not like you touching them.

Usually when I kino a girl, it is very subtle. Everyone else in the universe thinks it is innocent. However, if a girl believes that you are being friendly versus liking her, she will choose to think that you like her. Thus, any kino is interpreted as LIKING HER.

She usually then RAINS kino back on poor Pook. She'll rub your arm. Rub her body against you. Anything.

Whatever you do, DO NOT KINO girls that you are not interested in. I have done this and these girls obsessed about me to the end. One planned out our marriage and all. Kino is THAT powerful.

In fact... oh, DeepBlue wishes to speak.

The presence of those invisible barriers which you both maintain in your minds is really the key difference between being lovers and strangers.
IN YOUR MIND. Yes!

NOT in her mind. Women fall in love with their bodies; men fall in love with their mind. It is from men that the idealized love springs from poetry to sculpture to paintings, etc. Yet, if women are caressed the right way, touched in the proper manner, at the right speed, etc. then they are yours.

(This is why women want men that are 'experienced' because they want to FEEL that way. Women have no concept of idealization from the virtue of virginity or maidenhood, etc. except in relation to society.)

Men's sexuality is focused and concentrated within his body. With a woman, her sexuality is diffused throughout her entire body. All touch to her is sexual since she is entirely sexual.

Typical AFC behavior is to respect those barriers too much and to never challenge them. That by definition maintains the barriers, leaving them in place. Doesn't matter how well he gets to know the chick, if he leaves those barriers in place he will never be her lover--THAT is why he ends up in the friend category.
AFC is scared of HIS sexuality. He is scared of carnal embrace.

Because he actually reinforced the barriers instead of destroying them.
No, because he acted like penis-less ape who has money, can speak, but is some bizzarre andrygnous.

It is men that create the barriers. If men would embrace their own sexuality (dress better, be athletic, act like a man, exercise the muscles, etc.), then women WILL jump you.

This is what the PUAs must realize. It is not that they are pressing the woman's buttons. They are merely disarming the barriers, letting REAL women, not domesticated women, out of their society-reflective cages ("If I do this I will be seen as a slut" etc. THAT is put to sleep.)

Women WANT union ALL THE TIME. Even if they are married, pregnant, engaged, or have a BF, they want YOU to be sexual towards them. (but this doesn't mean you should)

Alas, I am moving away from the kino topic.

Go on, DeepBlue! Go on!

Anyway, the next level up from AFC is to realize that you have to crumble those barriers, so you work on them, but you're still leery about causing any anxiety, and still a bit nervous about challenging the barriers.
Nervous about the barriers? It is nervious about realizing your own sexuality.

So you look for excuses to touch,
Hehe, it will still be interpreted in the woman's mind as, "He wants to have sex with me." She will see through the excuses, right ladies?

or you reach out and caress her but it has a slightly rushed quality because you're trying to mask some underlying nervousness.

But ultimately where you want to get to is the point where you recognize that for a woman, the experience of having you challenging the barriers is not ONLY a source of axiety for her, but is also a source of EXCITEMENT. And the idea is to shift the balance so that she experiences more excitement than anxiety.


The excitement comes FROM YOU. If she is experiencing anxiety, IT IS YOUR FAULT. Women are reflective in nature.

If I take a Nice Guy with me to the Women-Fest, this is what happens:

"How are you ladies! I am the Pook!"
She shivers with excitement. "OH! It is a POOK!"

She and I are having a fabulous time. She is happy and smiling. My Nice Guy dork friend just looks sad, confused, bothered, angry, sad, depressed, sad, confused, and so on.

She looks over at the Nice Guy and her face FALLS. Her mood instantly evaporates.

GO IN HAPPY and she will be happy. GO IN NERVOUS and she will be nervous and unhappy.

Ever see a baby fall down? Notice how they don't know whether to laugh it off or cry so they look to their parents to see the parents face? If the parent frowns with concern then the baby starts crying. If the parent smiles the baby starts laughing.


See above.

Same with women. When you are entering new territory with a woman by challenging the "touch barriers" between you and her then you have to do it calmly and confidently and that CAUSES her to experience it as exciting. If you do it nervously she'll experience it as something that isn't right and that makes her uncomfortable.
EXACTLY!

One of the best ways to show confidence is to do it slowly, instead of rushing it. Nervous people rush things to mask their nervousness.[/quote

THINK the outcome is already won. THINK that she is going to do all the ungodly things you want her to, it is just a matter of WHEN. In the meantime, you have fun because YOU KNOW THE OUTCOME.

Women interpret this as confidence and persistance, two traits THAT TURN THEM ON (self-fulfilling prophecy, for as you think, THEY shall become)

Nervous people also look away, so you calmly make eye contact, and nervous people look serious so be sure to smile a lot.

Nervous people also make their voice tense, so you make yours relaxed, and make your posture very open and relaxed rather than being closed and tense.
If you are nervous then you have not been around women very much.

All these things will convey confidence causing her to mind to interpret your touch as a source of excitement, rather than a source of anxiety.
Not only that, but she will START TOUCHING YOU like crazy! Good heavens, I have had to literally tell them to stop. Once you show it is ok to be touchy feely, by the heavens, they will unleash touchiness.

The more you understand (and vicariously feel) the way your touch EXCITES her, the more you will naturally become confident about doing it.
In other words, SHE LIKES IT. YOU LIKE IT. So DO IT.

Besides convey confidence, the other thing you need to do with kino is to strike a balance so it isn't either too challenging, nor too tame.

As you start slowly caressing her--her hand or her arm or her waist or back, or maybe feeling her cheek or her hair with your hand--the ideal to strive for is that you want to keep her gently balanced on the very edge of being too excited, so it is never too much for her to handle, nor so mild that it becomes tame.


Hmm, I don't caress them unless I am going out with them or such. I usually touch them a little and it is like the floodgates are open on touching the Pook.

Kino is to make sure you are not a Sexual Mannequin because Sexual Mannequins do not initiate kino! They just stand there and smile. But after the touch, she thinks of you in flesh-and-blood terms then in the abstract image way. In other words, in a PHYSICAL way. In Womaniverse, you cannot seperate the physical from the sexual. Anything physical you do with her she interprets as sexual (probably why girls fall in love with you during ACTION dates since they are using their bodies from dancing to skating and so on).

------------------
Pook
As you think, you shall become!

Oh masculinity! We have seen you persecuted by laws, mocked at the courts, shunned by the university, nagged into servitude, chased from education, jeered at by the powers that be, insulted by intelligentsia, laughed at by women, and betrayed by your most trusted guardians, males. For if you are forgotten now in this last era, what hope is there for the dignity of man and the youth that follows?
 
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#13
Excellent post Guys!

I was always a nice guy, too afraid to use kino. Although I agree with a lot of Doc Love's advice this is one area I don't totally agree with him on.

You need to use kino!

I used to be afraid of using it even on dates. I thought I'd be more of a Challenge, and she'd feel more comfortable around me. If I was a sexual guy, instead of a nice guy, this may have been true.

BUT, NICE GUYS NEED TO USE KINO! I'm in complete agreement now with Pook. You have to show your sexuality. I did it for the first time last night with incredible results. Unfortunately, the good Doc Feelgood was too foolish to notice a ring on her finger, but it still had results.

I touched a hottie on the arm while we were joking around about something. She mentioned seeing my friend before. I took her gently by the arm, and led her over to meet him. She started teasing me about people thinking that I'm gay because I have such a big smile. I said, "I'm not gay, I just have a lot of inner joy. I'm happy to be having fun." She laughed and put her hands on my chest and held them there. She said, "You have nice pecs." Then she kept touching me. Hugged me, and even kissed me on the cheek. She said I should come and dance with her so other chicks will see me and know I'm not gay.

It was kind of a running joke between us. I'm sure the kino left her know I wasn't gay. Keep in mind that this chick was married. Kino is that powerful. I'm just too stupid to look for the ring sometimes.

I touched another girl on the arm, and noticed a strong reaction from her.

Last night was my first time confidently initiating kino. And I can tell you for a fact, it's magic! You need to use kino. It's a lot more powerful than I ever realized.
 

T Dog

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#14
Right on Pook!

Kino, kino, kino. We need an advance discussion on this issue.

Kino mirroring,
Kino intitation,
Kino one-ups-manship,
Kino for the close,

Discuss!
 

Ronin

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#15
I understand everything except for one small thing. I am new to this Kino stuff and I can't wait to get usin it.
I have been working slowly on my confidence and confidence and everything and I think it't time to start learning about Kino and neg hits.

Anyways my question is this. When do u use kino, do u have to pick and choose your times to use it? What are some examples of kino? (I know some...I just wnatt o get some other good ideas.
)

Thnks

Sean
 

Nocturnal

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#17
THESE are the kind of clarifications people need to know when they read posts about things like kino.

I kind of figured this out, but i thought of more as you're telling her that you're interested, which is the important part. and you're also doing it in a way that not too many guys will (she remembers it).

for example, i see this girl in 2nd period every other day, and our association was semi friendly semi flirtatious. well the other day i did two or three things like grabbing her shoulders from behind and sliding my arms down, etc. her attitude towards me changed immediately :D.

however, i'm in HS and i think your interpretation fits better outside of hs.

these are the posts we need. we have all the "how to use kino" and "neg hits" etc. if no one knows the importance of them they cant be properly utilized. ie, if you dont know how to score a point in basketball, who cares how well you can dribble?
 

Tripod

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#18
Did anyone ever watch that cheesy show "Temptation Island"? I only saw part of one episode...they were introducing the bachelors, and one guy was a massage therapist. The ladies reaction to this bit of information was quite favorable as I remember, lol.
 

comic_relief

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#19
I forgot the importance of Kino on women

well deserved bump
 
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