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What I've Learned

BPH

Master Don Juan
Joined
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I spent a lot of time thinking about whether I wanted to write this post or not. Part of that is laziness, part of that is me just wanting to do something else with the time I'm sure this will take, and there's a part of me that thinks a lot of this information will be disregarded because there's bound to be somebody better on here.

Anyway, before I get too far into this I want to make sure you understand who this advice is coming from, so I'll start with some information about myself. I'm a 25-year old guy currently stuck living with my parents again in a quiet suburban town in Delaware. I'm 6 feet tall, I weigh just under 200 pounds, and I'm pretty lean and muscled at around 10% body fat (I've actually got a modeling contract through this, though so far my agency has not found me work so take it how you will). I was a late bloomer with women - didn't get my first kiss till I was a sophomore in high school and finally lost my virginity a couple months before I turned 18. Pretty much all my life I've loved women and sex; I've had a couple girlfriends but I have kept a body count and currently I've slept with a total of 64 women at the time of this writing. I'd like to get to 100, but I want to also maintain high standards and have never been the "any ***** is good *****" type. I originally came to this forum back when there was still a High School sub, I used to journal as I tried to learn pick-up and develop myself. Today I'm hoping to help out some of the young guys on here that are looking to learn something from a dude who's not just another "guru" who acts like there's some secret sauce.

So now that you have an idea of the kind of person I am, here are some things I haven't done and am not an authority on:
  • Never had a threesome
  • Never dated a girl longer than a year
  • Never cheated on any of my girlfriends once I became committed
  • Never put a false persona forward or lied (to my knowledge) to get in bed with someone
  • REALLY not interested in long-term relationships or marriage for at LEAST the next 10 years-ish
This is where I come from and what I'm interested in, how I am, however you want to phrase it. If you want to get LAID, some of this information will probably help you. If you want a RELATIONSHIP, you might find less value here. That being said, let's jump into what I've learned since I started this journey.
 

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BPH

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Location
Wilmington, DE
You NEED to Get Rejected

This is probably the best thing you can do for yourself if you want to get good at talking to women (and ideally, **** them). When I first started doing this I remember being 16 years old in Ocean City, MD and I would walk the boardwalk at night by myself and go up to EVERY SINGLE GIRL that I found attractive and just hit on them, didn't matter if they were alone or in a group. Usually I had a canned line that I thought would be funny. Most of the times I got a giggle, sometimes I got weird looks, but one time I also remember making out with this really hot chick 15 minutes later on the beach. I would do this most nights of the week, and since my family came here every year it was something I looked forward to. I got rejected a lot - but then I started getting more numbers, a couple makeouts, I even ****ed this one chick on the beach later the same night after meeting her.

The reason this is such an important thing to do is because after doing this enough something amazing will happen...you'll stop caring. Nervousness? Gone. Outcome dependency? Gone. Self-consciousness? Gone. You'll get to a point where you won't need a good line, you'll just say "Hello" and let the conversation naturally flow. You will learn that you can say damn near anything, as long as you say it with confidence and show you're comfortable and legitimately do not give a **** about how she responds. You'll come off much more genuine, as if the person in front of her is actually you and not some guy that you have to try to become for her to like you. The best part is that this is a skill that helps with making friends too, with all the conversations and rejections you'll have you'll also end up developing a sharp wit to respond to just about anything.

When friends of mine see me go up to women and get their numbers or talk to them or whatever, they often ask what I say to them. The truth is, I don't really know. I go up, I say "Hi", usually tell them I thought they were cute and wanted to say hi, and then I just wing it. Learning THIS skill will solve 90% of your problems when it comes to actually talking to women. The hard part is actually doing it.

Go to the Gym

Hate to break it to you guys, but looks matter. You want to **** women that look like pornstars? I can guarantee you they aren't ****ing guys that look like Chris Farley (unless they're super rich, but that's an entirely different and less fulfilling dynamic). This one is more straightforward than my last tip in that you WILL see success here if you put in the work. It is more a matter of WHEN rather than IF.

My first exposure to the fitness world came in the form of a personal trainer who worked with me after I got suspended for standing up to a bully. From that point on I dabbled in programs from Scooby, Starting Strength, etc. up until the current point that I'm at where I'm working with a legitimate natural competitive bodybuilder who works as a trainer himself. What's important is that you find a workout routine and diet regimen that work for you and STICK TO IT. Find a friend that keeps you accountable and workout with them, maybe sign up with a personal trainer or look up some good programs that work for you online. And do not underestimate the importance of diet. I have been working out for years and have never been as ripped as I am now until I committed to serious changes to my diet.

You don't have to be quite so stringent to make your own gains, but do something. Looking good in and out of your clothes will do wonders when it comes to having women interested in you before you even talk to them.

On a side note, because I didn't want to make an entire section about appearance since I feel like this kinda covers it, height matters too. Women generally want men who are at LEAST 3 inches taller than them so they have the option to wear heels with their man. I have friends that are 6'4" and 6'7" and I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've seen women come up to them just because they're good looking and so damn tall. These guys have next to zero game, but they'll still get a lot more attention than the guy who's 5'6", jacked or not.
 

BPH

Master Don Juan
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Location
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Make a Move

One problem I had when I was first starting out was finding the "perfect opportunity" to make a move, I overthought everything and was very much in my head. That move might be asking for a number, or going for a kiss, or even trying to transition to sex. What I've learned here is quite simple; there is no "perfect opportunity", and that you'll never know unless you try. I had a friend once tell me that you'll never know how fast your car can turn a corner unless it crashes. Now that might not be the best real-world analogy, but the point is that if you don't try you'll never know your limits. You might be making out with the hottest girl in the world and she's thinking about ****ing your brains out, but you might never do more than makeout with her if you never try. But if she wants to **** you, wouldn't she make a move? Most times, no, and I'll tell you why. Remember how we talked about overcoming fear of rejection? That is a skill most women will NEVER learn. With very few exceptions, women will not ask for your number, will not approach you at the bar, will not go in for the kiss, and will not be the first person to try and take off either party's clothes. That is your burden.

Over time you will become better at feeling situations out. While there is no perfect moment, there are certainly good ones and bad ones, and it's important to at least be able to tell the difference between the two. Similar to overcoming rejection, the best way you'll learn how to do this is just by putting yourself in more situations - that's really all that most of this will boil down to. The important takeaway is that when it comes to women, you're expected to lead. That is both a burden and a blessing; while you will always have to be the initiator you also get the freedom to see how far you can push your limits with this woman. Embrace that. If a conversation is going well, ask for her number. If you had fun on the date, go in for the kiss. If she's making out with you in your bed at 2AM, maybe try taking her clothes off. One little line I sometimes use when I'm not sure if I can get away with a kiss is ask this: "I got 3 questions for you; are you single? Yes. Do you think I'm attractive? Yes. What would be your excuse not to kiss me right now?" Surprisingly this works quite a lot, usually the answer is "I don't need one".

Just make a move.

These were the big three that were on my mind that I really wanted to address. From here on out I'll just address whatever comes to my mind right now and try to impart a little knowledge about some of the smaller details.

Appearance

I'll delve into this just a little more. Dressing well is often as simple as wearing tight, fitted clothing. Generally avoiding baggy clothes or clothes that cover too much of your body and face. I gravitate towards jeans and solid-colored, fitted tee shirts. Designer clothes and shoes don't hurt, but certainly aren't necessary.

As far as grooming is concerned, just look nice. Keep your beard well-kept if you have one, invest in a decent haircut once in a while, shave the peach fuzz and unibrow if you have them. Body hair is more personal preference, but I've found that a trimmed, muscular body often gets more looks than one with lots of hair.

If you have acne, the best advice I can give is to avoid all the pads, cleansers, creams, etc. What I did was I would splash my face with cold water and dry dab it with a towel every night before bed. Furthermore I would do the same with hot water in the morning. I don't know the science behind this so don't quote me on it, but I believe the idea was to close the pores before bed and open them in the morning. If nothing else is working for you, give this a try.
 

BPH

Master Don Juan
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Drugs and Alcohol

If you're a straight edge, I think you are at a slight disadvantage in the dating world here. While I don't do any drugs, I do drink socially on most weekends and can attribute quite a few of my hookups to meeting women at bars and parties, or just straight up getting plastered and bringing them home that night.

Drugs I do not have experience with. I haven't done anything harder than some joints and pot brownies. They can certainly be a social lubricator, and I know plenty of women who flock to dudes who can smoke them up. However, I can personally attest to the fact that you don't need to do drugs to be "cool" to women. However, being open to drinking certainly helps.

Dates

Another thing I don't have a lot of experience with. This is largely due to my outlook on dates as a whole. For the same reason I generally don't buy women drinks at the bar, I don't like the idea of paying for a person's time for them to even be around me. This is why bars and parties are so great for meeting women; you're there, they're there, and you're already having a good time without having to formulate an entire night and spend a ton of money to impress this person.

Most of the dates I've gone on have been with women I'm already hooking up with or dating, and mostly to show them that they aren't just a piece of meat. But as far as taking women out that you've just met to dinners and ****, I just don't recommend it. If a woman is really interested in you, she won't sweat doing something small as opposed to requiring a lobster dinner and dessert.

Fraternities

Absolutely recommend. I am not a fratty guy...I like to dress in gym clothes when I'm relaxing, and was in no hurry to dress like my dad. However, I transferred to the school that I graduated from when I was about halfway through my education. I knew nobody here. I met some cool guys at the gym that invited me to rush their fraternity, and despite coming in "late" during my college career I still had a great time.

Frats get a bad rep for the hazing and the idea of "buying friends", but I cannot understate how great it is to have such a busy social calendar. Charity events with sorority girls, mixers with sorority girls, parties with sorority girls - are you getting the pattern here? You'll make some good friends, you'll meet some really hot girls, and the only weekends where you'll stay in are the ones where you absolutely want to.
 

BPH

Master Don Juan
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That's about all I can think of.

I learned a lot, and I feel that pick-up gurus and resources like the pickup sub on Reddit are just full of people giving advice about things they themselves don't understand. Like the blind leading the blind. I don't have a massive post count or a huge rep bar because I'm out actually living my life and doing the things I mentioned here in this very post.

It's late at night, and I spent about an hour writing this, so I'm going to call it here. I feel like I started out strong and gradually had this thread deteriorate as I started getting more tired. I just feel like this forum helped me get my feet wet when it came to learning to talk to women and trying to get laid. I simply want to try and return the favor to help some of you young guys out there that feel like nobody has good advice, or that trying any of this stuff is pointless.

Get rejected, put some effort into your appearance, make a god damn move. These are the most important takeaways. Hopefully they work out for you the way they work out for me. If you have any questions feel free to post here or message me and I'll do my best to reply.

Just remember that when all this clicks for you, you won't need to come here anymore.

PS: Wear a condom. I know everybody hates it but the way I've been able to **** all these women without getting any of them pregnant, while remaining STD-free is all thanks for Trojan Ultra-Ribbed ;)

Sorry for all the comments, there's a 1000 character limit so yeah...
 
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zinc4

Master Don Juan
Joined
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I was in a frat
Drugs and Alcohol

If you're a straight edge, I think you are at a slight disadvantage in the dating world here. While I don't do any drugs, I do drink socially on most weekends and can attribute quite a few of my hookups to meeting women at bars and parties, or just straight up getting plastered and bringing them home that night.

Drugs I do not have experience with. I haven't done anything harder than some joints and pot brownies. They can certainly be a social lubricator, and I know plenty of women who flock to dudes who can smoke them up. However, I can personally attest to the fact that you don't need to do drugs to be "cool" to women. However, being open to drinking certainly helps.

Dates

Another thing I don't have a lot of experience with. This is largely due to my outlook on dates as a whole. For the same reason I generally don't buy women drinks at the bar, I don't like the idea of paying for a person's time for them to even be around me. This is why bars and parties are so great for meeting women; you're there, they're there, and you're already having a good time without having to formulate an entire night and spend a ton of money to impress this person.

Most of the dates I've gone on have been with women I'm already hooking up with or dating, and mostly to show them that they aren't just a piece of meat. But as far as taking women out that you've just met to dinners and ****, I just don't recommend it. If a woman is really interested in you, she won't sweat doing something small as opposed to requiring a lobster dinner and dessert.

Fraternities

Absolutely recommend. I am not a fratty guy...I like to dress in gym clothes when I'm relaxing, and was in no hurry to dress like my dad. However, I transferred to the school that I graduated from when I was about halfway through my education. I knew nobody here. I met some cool guys at the gym that invited me to rush their fraternity, and despite coming in "late" during my college career I still had a great time.

Frats get a bad rep for the hazing and the idea of "buying friends", but I cannot understate how great it is to have such a busy social calendar. Charity events with sorority girls, mixers with sorority girls, parties with sorority girls - are you getting the pattern here? You'll make some good friends, you'll meet some really hot girls, and the only weekends where you'll stay in are the ones where you absolutely want to.

I was in a fraternity for half a year in college. No regrets at all. One of the best times of my life.

Condoms suck though, especially the older you get.
 

BackInTheGame78

Master Don Juan
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One of the best things you can do as a guy is if the first date went well to just invite her over to your place for dinner on date 2 and invite them to cook with you.

I have never had a woman refuse and the bang rate for this is probably somewhere north of 85%. I can only think of a few times that did not result in sex. They know why they are coming over but they appreciate that you are putting the effort in and its something fun to do together and it can be very flirtatious if done right...random butt grabs, sneaking up behind them and kissing their neck, nibbling and whispering things in their ear, etc. In fact I have had a few actually straight up tell me that they knew if they decided to accept my invite we were going to fvck.
 

Hal9000

Senior Don Juan
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I enjoy the ones where a woman invites me to their place for dinner and says up front there will be no sex. It's game on for me at that point and it usually happens anyway. I suspect they know that and just enjoy making me earn it but whatever. Lol
 
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