What is your weakness?

[Glassguy]

We all have our strengths and weaknesses in life as well as dating. Many of those can flow over from one to the other.

For me, I sometimes fight 2 weaknesses. Funny thing is, I could be talking to/dating 3-4 women and I only get the urge to do these things with the one that stands out in the pack as the best option.

1.) Pursue too much- initiating texts/phone calls too often. Not pulling back a little when I should.
2.) Becoming too available. This is a 2 sided coin. One one side, if I don't have anything going on I will be available even if I just saw the same chick recently. I won't miss out on a good time with good company just to sit at home to follow the dating "rules".

Example: went on 3 dates this week. The chick I went out with Friday night is someone that I've been friends with on social media for a while but she was involved with someone. Started chatting a little last week and told her we should get together and grab pizza and drinks (at the place I always take them- see my thread "My Algorithm"). She agreed and immediately asked me if I wanted her number. I call her on my way home from work Friday afternoon to make sure she sounded upbeat and didn't have a manly voice. Phone call goes well and she tells me that she loves my voice and glad that it matches my pics on social media. She comes to my house Friday night, wearing a really sexy little dress and instantly gives me a big hug. We have a couple of pickleback shots and then head to the dive pub that I like for pizza. I like shots before we go so it makes the date cheaper......we have a lot of fun, good convo, start making out at my truck before leaving to go back to my house. Get back to my house and bang for about 2 hours. Passionate sex, hard fvcking and lots of oral. And she is good.

She leaves around 3am, messages me to let me know she made it home. One of the better dates I've had in the past couple of years. Good vibe.

But I still have to fight the urge to not over initiate and become too available too quickly.

You know, my best 3 or 4 relationships were those that just moved along naturally. We went out, were totally into each other and we sort of just went with it. Really didn't matter about being gamey or being a player. Just good vibes, good times and we looked forward to seeing each other. Seems like the good relationships don't favor following dating "rules". They favor just being yourself and going with it.

But I also know that once you become too available, show too much initiating, etc, a lot of women out there will look at it as a weakness. So I try to balance that.

Those are my two weaknesses when it comes to dating "rules".

What are yours?

 

[Zimbabwe]

My biggest weakness is always expecting girls to act a certain way and getting mad when they done. I definitely need to be more outcome independent when it comes to everything.

It's like when i went NC, i expected them to magically develop high interest because of it but in reality most just moved on.

Another one is that I always give unsolicited advice, I didn't realise this was such a turn off until recently.

When ever a girl would complain, i thought they wanted my advice but instead it just turned them off. I'm ashamed that it took me so long to realise that girls just want to vent.

 

[TheProspect]

@Glassguy , I share your two weaknesses myself.

Doesn’t matter if I’m seeing multiple girls, there’s often one that I catch myself compromising my dating “rules” for as well.

I think this is a natural proclivity for us to mould how we allocate our time & energy to favour that which captures (or holds) are attention the most. In other words, we will change our behaviour towards women we have the highest interest in, and we often do so subconsciously.

I’d say this is similar to how women make exceptions for “alphas”, or men they have sky high interest in, and then say “I don’t usually do this” afterwards. High interest changes us, man or woman, and we compromise on the rules & standards we set for ourselves that we would otherwise keep for someone we have low to medium interest in.

I’d also add that a third weakness of mine is that I sometimes catch myself talking the psychology of game, attraction, & intersexual dynamics out loud to a woman, just because I find them interesting subjects, and this usually does me no favours for a variety of reasons.

 

[Glassguy]

@Glassguy , I share your two weaknesses myself.

Doesn’t matter if I’m seeing multiple girls, there’s often one that I catch myself compromising my dating “rules” for as well.

I think this is a natural proclivity for us to mould how we allocate our time & energy to favour that which captures (or holds) are attention the most. In other words, we will change our behaviour towards women we have the highest interest in, and we often do so subconsciously.

I’d say this is similar to how women make exceptions for “alphas”, or men they have sky high interest in, and then say “I don’t usually do this” afterwards. High interest changes us, man or woman, and we compromise on the rules & standards we set for ourselves that we would otherwise keep for someone we have low to medium interest in.

I’d also add that a third weakness of mine is that I sometimes catch myself talking the psychology of game, attraction, & intersexual dynamics out loud to a woman, just because I find them interesting subjects, and this usually does me no favours for a variety of reasons.

Yeah I got the "I don't normally do this" after pounding her Friday night. But she was in a ltr for quite a while and has been single for about 4 months. So maybe she doesn't. Hard to tell.

She asked me if I hooked up with people regularly and I just smiled and said "only when they normally don't do this sort or thing".

Good post.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Same with me. I honestly get tired of dating multiple women and would rather just spend time with the one I like more but of course this leads to things not working out the way they should in the end...however the best relationships I've been in kinda don't matter...the woman has been really into me and no matter what I did they wanted to see me.

 

[Black Widow Void]

In the past (and more than once) I suffered from the "yeah, but she's different" syndrome. I can go on auto pilot with work associates and friends, but (as I've learned the hard way) not nearly as much when with a woman.
I wish it was true, but you really can't "just be yourself" when with women.


I'm also guilty (if I like the girl) of remaining on the phone longer than I should.
It's true. Long phone conversations usually lowers their attraction toward you.
I've lived and learned through trial and error. It's a never ending learning process.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

It's true. Long phone conversations usually lowers their attraction toward you.

This. I’m not great at this. Also long texting convos, i need to be able to save some convo for the date.

 

[RBK]

Redheads.

 

[BadBoy89]

I think all men have those issues. This is what women want, they want the man to deeply fall in love so he can act needy and they get power over him, control him. Women don’t seek love from men, they seek power over men.

Only way to counteract it is to spin plates. Pull younger hotter all the time. Anything a man does won’t neutralize her spell over him. But another woman will. Remember men, women neutralize other women.

A man has to keep a lot of interactions with other girls even if he is in love with one girl. It’s the only way.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

Redheads.

Same.

 

[andreihaha]

My biggest weakness is always expecting girls to act a certain way and getting mad when they done. I definitely need to be more outcome independent when it comes to everything.

It's like when i went NC, i expected them to magically develop high interest because of it but in reality most just moved on.

Another one is that I always give unsolicited advice, I didn't realise this was such a turn off until recently.

When ever a girl would complain, i thought they wanted my advice but instead it just turned them off. I'm ashamed that it took me so long to realise that girls just want to vent.

Took me a while to figure out that women almost never want advice, they just want someone to share those feelings with.

Redheads.

Guilty as well.

I think my biggest mistake is overthinking scenarios and not just going with it.
When I'm the most natural, things usually flow well, when I try to make rules, I end up shooting myself in the foot.
Overthinking is probably the biggest side effect of this forum.

 

[powersize]

Overthinking is probably the biggest side effect of this forum.

Very true

 

[Kotaix]

I wish it was true, but you really can't "just be yourself" when with women.

Can you elaborate on the "just be yourself" part being a bad idea? I find that being your genuine self is a great way to vet out all low interest woman from the get-go.

I think a lot of guys believe that "just be yourself" means "I can act however I want and they will all still want me". which is the male equivalent of "Big is beautiful".

 

[derby1]

I still keep thinking women have honour, even with a man who has been kind to them & they get on with.

they dont. if she has an afternoon kip and is due to meet you, dont think she will set an alarm to wake herself up like a man of his word would. She will just fall asleep and get up, when she gets up.

 

[Grounded eagle]

Can you elaborate on the "just be yourself" part being a bad idea? I find that being your genuine self is a great way to vet out all low interest woman from the get-go.

I think a lot of guys believe that "just be yourself" means "I can act however I want and they will all still want me". which is the male equivalent of "Big is beautiful".

“Just be yourself” suggests that there is nothing wrong with “yourself.”If you happen to be a naturally charismatic and fun guy,sure,be yourself.If not,don’t kid yourself. You must make the necessary adjustments.

 

[RangerMIke]

Tall redheads.

Also, having a hair trigger. Success with women is hitting the right balance between too much and too little effort. I don't think at this point in my life I'm going to be able to do anything about it, but I hold back too much this worked out REALLY well in the 80s and 90s when I first started out... women today expect you to put in more effort in the beginning then I'm really comfortable with.

 

[AttackFormation]

women today expect you to put in more effort in the beginning then I'm really comfortable with.

What kind of effort?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Hard for me to escalate sexually. Raised very Blue Pilled/Disney Princess. Usually the girl has to initiate. Or the deal fails to seal. Often leaving her looking confused. To make matters worse. I look like a ‘pervy pornstar’. So my incongruent behavior is problematic.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

We all have our strengths and weaknesses in life as well as dating. Many of those can flow over from one to the other.

For me, I sometimes fight 2 weaknesses. Funny thing is, I could be talking to/dating 3-4 women and I only get the urge to do these things with the one that stands out in the pack as the best option.

1.) Pursue too much- initiating texts/phone calls too often. Not pulling back a little when I should.
2.) Becoming too available. This is a 2 sided coin. One one side, if I don't have anything going on I will be available even if I just saw the same chick recently. I won't miss out on a good time with good company just to sit at home to follow the dating "rules".

Example: went on 3 dates this week. The chick I went out with Friday night is someone that I've been friends with on social media for a while but she was involved with someone. Started chatting a little last week and told her we should get together and grab pizza and drinks (at the place I always take them- see my thread "My Algorithm"). She agreed and immediately asked me if I wanted her number. I call her on my way home from work Friday afternoon to make sure she sounded upbeat and didn't have a manly voice. Phone call goes well and she tells me that she loves my voice and glad that it matches my pics on social media. She comes to my house Friday night, wearing a really sexy little dress and instantly gives me a big hug. We have a couple of pickleback shots and then head to the dive pub that I like for pizza. I like shots before we go so it makes the date cheaper......we have a lot of fun, good convo, start making out at my truck before leaving to go back to my house. Get back to my house and bang for about 2 hours. Passionate sex, hard fvcking and lots of oral. And she is good.

She leaves around 3am, messages me to let me know she made it home. One of the better dates I've had in the past couple of years. Good vibe.

But I still have to fight the urge to not over initiate and become too available too quickly.

You know, my best 3 or 4 relationships were those that just moved along naturally. We went out, were totally into each other and we sort of just went with it. Really didn't matter about being gamey or being a player. Just good vibes, good times and we looked forward to seeing each other. Seems like the good relationships don't favor following dating "rules". They favor just being yourself and going with it.

But I also know that once you become too available, show too much initiating, etc, a lot of women out there will look at it as a weakness. So I try to balance that.

Those are my two weaknesses when it comes to dating "rules".

What are yours?

Oneitis, for sure. I find someone I like and tend to commit rather too soon.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Barrister]

Pre-STR/LTR: I over-analyze how often to text and what to text them. I too have to resist the urge to reach out during the day if I am really into the woman. I also worry too much that I am coming off "weak" when in reality it probably barely matters what you say if her attraction is high.

In STR/LTR: If she for some reason does not want to have sex (isolated incident, not long-term) I have a tendency to suddenly become very cold and detached (which can cause unnecessary issues). I have been better about this in last couple of years when it is a legitimate reason. Also, if they suddenly have a change in how they communicate throughout the day (in frequency or positivity of messages) it can highly irritate me if there is no reason.