Djs, I have come to a moment in life where I no longer have feelings, including fear. Djs, Today is a special day somehow, yet it is a very mundane kind of way. From today I have realised I no longer fear, not even death. Usually that is the last fear we human being have. But as far as I am concerned, I am interested in death. It is a very weird day, but this is the reality now.
Djs, I dont know if there is something wrong with me, I simply am interested in death. They say if there is no death, there will be no life and I agree completely. Just think about it for a moment, if we could take this life for granted, which means no death to anybody, would you try to enjoy life to the fullest... Would you try to archieve so many things fast 'before you die' if you had an eternal life.
Right now I can relate to that, I live an eternal kind of life. Now I no longer fear death, I no longer rush things, I no longer desire. I no longer create trouble for myself. There is a peace within arosen in me which no peace ever has had the same quality as this one. It is something special. Can you understand me? Can you relate to me somehow? Even if a little bit..
Djs, I am currently in highschool, second year. I am not sure what it is called, I don't live in america. In school, I see people around me stressing over exams, over things in class. I see them having a hard life, living a hard way. I see anxiety all over their faces. Now if you compare me to ordinary students, you will be surprised. The way they say I study in one word is rebellion. Yes a rebel, I can understand that, I never listen to teachers.. In fact, I fight and ask every single question, such question that makes the teacher go nuts. They cannot answer my questions. These are the questions. For example, I will go on and on asking one simple questio: "Why are you bothering with me so much, that I cannot even sit here simply being quiet? I no longer desire to study those stupid, unnecessary things. My goal is not to become a robot, I have a very clear goal: Just to pass this high school so I can go to any college, and I mean it when I say any. I can be rebel in any school, and that is my joy, that is my hobby. I don´t have any nonsense ideas which I should become, I never stress over those stupid ideas. I will live like this, just like I am. I will be a rebel in any school I enter to." I once enjoyed it so far, that I even made the whole class go with me. I know deep down these students are fed up with the school system, yet somehow they stress, they try to manage to be successfull, because from the very childhood they have been conditioned not to create trouble, just to be a little puppy, a robot with no freedom. I have myself lived that kind of life, I got sick, and I did something about it. Now, I am happy. I will stop very soon.. because once I start speaking..
I dont know how to stop. Today is a day I have decided. Decided to no longer have any fear in life. Now this is beautiful. There are these little unnecessary things like stds, drugs, which need not to enter my life, but as far as getting them is concerned, I do not fear. They will be simply unneccesary troubles, hindarances. They cannot stop my rebelliousness, They cannot stop my joy. They might take my life sooner than expected, sooner than normally, but that has no significance. Whetever I live 10 years more or 60 years more does not matter. I am excited to enter the afterworld.
Now there is hell and paradise. That is pure nonsense. I heard from the Holy Bible that there will be 16 year old virgins made of gold that doesn't age in paradise. Now what kind of life is that? In fact, If I could choose, I would choose hell. Now, at last, there are real people in Hell. In fact, if we look deeply, the people from hell are very extraordinary. Jesus willl be there, Buddha will be there, Socrates, Aristoteles will be there. Paton will be there, and all of us here who are Djs have done something that they include in the sin-list. We will all be there, so prepare! Now they say that you get anything you want in paradise. What is the point? I am living that life right now. I have no desire, which means I have everything I want. And do you want to know what kind of life I have? If I dropped my being, my rebelliousness, I would simply drop death. Not physically, but as far as joy is concerned, I would simply drop my joy out of my life completely. My experience is that: If there is something to archieve, there is joy. And if there is nothing to archieve, there is no adventure, if you get anything you ever want, you will simply kill yourself. Just think, if you desired a car, and simply it is there right infront of your eyes or if you desired a castle, it is suddenly there right in fron of your eyes, or if you desired a billion bucks and it suddenly appears in fron of you.. now it doen't take long before you get bored with yourself, maybe a day, not even that maybe an hour, maybe half an hour depending on how intelligent you are. If you are stupid you will be filled with so much joy that you will go on accumulating, never getting bored. But if you are an intelligent being, you will see the point. There is no point! Not point to live anymore. What will you do? You will commit suicide.
Djs, this has gone long enough.
