what is you vision of wedding ?

[TheMale]

are you for or against it ?

and what is your reason ? i mean why are you for or agains it ?

 

[Desdinova]

The actual wedding? No. The signing of the marriage license? Yes. Take that one element out of the wedding and you've saved yourself a future headache.

 

[TheMale]

what is the difference between the two ? even if i speak well english i still have some problem with that ;p

what is actual wedding, and what is the signing of the marriage license ? and why the first isnt good and the later is ?

EDIT:
forgot to say
all started with a discussion with my father.
he heard me saying i dont want to get married to my sister and today he came to ask why i dont wanna get married?
so since i read pook and dj bible and anti dump machin i became skeptical about marriage i told him that every women want to get maried for a social status, want you money, women today are *****es, and the most imprtant thing is the fact that she will be more important than her friend and everyone will be jalouse of her, so it's a dream for her

so he told me that i'm wrong and women aren't that way, sure there's some but you need to be dominant and don't let her married you for money, need to tell her what you want, but also make her do what you want (im talking about money wasting)
he also told me that i'm just making excuses and that it's an illusion that i'm living in.

that's why i came to ask you what you're thinking !!

 

[Equilibrium]

The license is only worth it if you have a really good pre-nup, otherwise it can be a massive liability. If a woman divorces you, you are probably going to be ruined financially. It puts the law entirely on her side. I would not rule out marriage though, it's really the only healthy way to raise kids, so if you want TheMale Jr.'s to inhabit the future, marriage should be an eventually goal (with a good pre-nup, or no license of course).

You can't hate on women for wanting social status and financial security, as they're hardwired to desire it. Of course you don't want gold diggers, but those are easy to filter out, and a pre-nup nullifies them for the most part. Not all women are *****es either, if that were true, then there would be absolutely no women to even game - I know I would not hang out with a girl I considered a ***** even if she was hot. Not worth my time.

I plan to eventually marry the right girl and get a prenup, while making sure I keep reading about game to keep my skills sharp and continue "courting her," and I will tell her I expect her to stay in shape and dress like a woman. Those are reasonable expectations, especially if you agree to also stay in shape and bring home the bacon (I would not marry a girl who wasn't cool with being a stay at home mom, at least for some years).

 

[Aaron B]

i'm married and i've avoided the financial problems that come with marriage and divroce by having no money or possessions

as far as the actual ceremony, we eloped and went to the justice of the peace

 

[TheMale]

aaron: you took it to your advantage.

Equilibrium: you have a good point here.
you said you want a stay at home mom, but you think you can actually take care of the bacon problem by yourself ? you dont think it'll be better to bring 2 salaries ?
how can you find the right chick ? what is your criteria of a right woman ?

see i'm jewish and in my religion if you wanna get married you have to do a religious ceremony so that your child can get married one day
if you married only on civil marriage you're child are 'bastard' and they can't get married easily, that was the probleme of my cousin.

anyway we must do a contract and signing paper that you give her something
the minimum is 8000$ (just so she can live for one year under your money)
so there's no way to avoid it !

but i have a question about how people think over here:

they say, she's gonna do the first move to become exclusive (ok maybe) and to get married, i'm in no way gonna do something about it.
so why ??? do they think all women are ready to ask them ? you are the man you need to take the lead, right ?


p.s. so you guys think, to have find the right chick i need to rely on anti dump machine ?

 

[Equilibrium]

I can easily bring home the bacon. I have degrees in 3 subject areas not to mention the Army behind me which offers quite generous packages for married men, including base housing which is often good - especially if you are an officer (I'm not yet, I wanted to enlist so I could lock down a specific career path rather than be assigned to a job by the Army, but I will in 2-3 years). I wouldn't consider marriage unless I was positive I could bring home the bacon, because I want my wife to stay home and raise my Equilibrium Jrs. You should work at getting to the point where it's a given that you could bring home the bacon if you want a stay at home wife, or a wife who works part time. I know I could do it right now even on enlisted pay and benefits.

In terms of getting a wife, from my studies of game I gather you treat it as you treat "I love you." Never say I love you first, and don't bring up marriage until she does. Of course you will in all likelihood propose first, but not until she starts bring to bring it up or make comments on how she wants to be with you forever, etc. They're fairly clear signals. I was engaged once so I know the rodeo to some degree.

 

[The_411]

The ceremony itself can be outrageously expensive. Why spend 20-40k on a wedding when that can be used towards a downpayment on a house/condo etc.

The laws pertaining to marriage are outdated and therefore marriage is not a fiscally sound decision for men if you have money or anticpate earning lots of money.

 

[TheMale]

equilibrium: how old are you ?!!!

i don't know for the US army, but when you see it in movie, all the soldier (USA army) are rarely at home, they are in iraq, they are in missions, but not often at home, even if they are married.

i did army but it sucks for married people, maybe here it's that way, but friends of mine who were married, could see their wife only the WE, and some of them only a WE of 2,3 and the payement, like a basic salary outside the army, the minimum.

The_411: yeah it's expensive but it's once in a lifetime (assuming you married the right one) and you want it to be memorable, with your friends, your family, her friends and family. even if it's 20-40k, it may worth it.
i'm not married but that's how people do it since ever (i mean since money started i'm not talking about the ice age ! ;p)

are you married 411 ?

guys, what is the right chick to marry for you ?

EDIT:
another question: everyone saying, you need to stay a mystery, a challenge for her, even after years of marriage ? how can it actually getting into action ? how can you stay a challenge or mystery even after you're marry ?

 

[Equilibrium]

I'm 24. We deploy for 9 months (or 6 months for some gigs) then return home for awhile. From what I see, military guys have some of the best marriages, believe it or not, and I attribute it to the occasional time apart. The women are constantly worrying about their men and don't get bored of them easily because they're not around 100% of the time, plus, they are often concerned about their man cheating and try harder than most women to stay attractive and desirable to be around (at least in the combat fields, FOB's are a somewhat different story). Most of them are from the South anyway which has much better women than the North. I think being away at war for 9 months is great for a man - you bond with other men, do badass things, collect letters and nudes from the girls back home, etc. Then you get back and you're loved all the more because what's not around is appreciated much more. Not to mention, no one ever talks about this, but, the local girls can be hot. Some SF dudes come back with bangin' Colombian wives.

The married guys I know are able to take care of their families well. You need to consider the average package for a soldier is about 99k. That includes housing, cheap stuff at the PX, 100% free health care for the entire family, sometimes a free car to drive depending on the assignment, and more. The families who don't do well are spendthrifts who piss money - they would do even worse in the civilian world.

In my opinion, you need to make a list of what you want in a woman. I have a list on my computer which reads:

Shares my religion
Shares my values
Loyal
Pro-military
Supportive
Family oriented.
Intelligent
Self-sufficient.
Responsible
Good impulse control
She should have hobbies and stuff that will keep her off Facebook all day.

That's my "bulletpoint checklist" for marriage. I built it off others I've seen in the community over the past month and will keep adding to it without making it too rigid.

 

[backbreaker]

I just got married last june, my wife wanted a pretty big wedding and considering this is the **** that women dream of their entire lives, I was like just let me know what you want and it will be done, i'm not going to argue over this, it's your day. the wedding was p retty expensive. we had it outside the country and i had to fly alot of my family there. it wasn't like 100k or antyhing but.. it wasn't cheap.

anyway, the kicker, we are on the honeymoon, about 4 days into it, we are sitting on the beach (bahamas) and she just randomly says "you know honestly... I mean the wedding was nice and thanks for doing what i wanted but i don't think it was worth the money" lol, GEE THANKS.

it's funny because everyone says "it's your day" but in reality it's not. you spend the whole day making sure everyone else is happy and making sure that your drunk ass uncle doesn't drink too much or that your dad isn't hitting on on your wife's sister and **** like that, and making sure your mom, who can't drink 1 beer without getting tipsy doesn't start letting everyone know "how she really feels" about the wedding.,

even with that said, had we not done what she wanted she would have still wanted it. its done now, it is what it is, but i could not wait to get on the plane to go to the honeymoon i was freaking wedded out and so was she.

i did it once, and it was a lifetime expeirence. i'm sure i will look back on the experience n the future years with more gratitude, but it's something i wouldn't do again.

 

[Leopold]

Marriage? What is that? That is NEVER going to happen!!!
No way in hell I'm going to jeopardize my goals and accomplishments with the possibility of a divorce.

A ceremony would be fine and dandy if I can afford that luxury in the future but as for now.. NO WAY IN HELL!!!

You want marriage? Guess what? It starts right now as soon as you enter a relationship with me.

EDIT: Marriage in my book is like the red flag of "buy her love".

 

[backbreaker]

Marriage? What is that? That is NEVER going to happen!!!
No way in hell I'm going to jeopardize my goals and accomplishments with the possibility of a divorce.

A ceremony would be fine and dandy if I can afford that luxury in the future but as for now.. NO WAY IN HELL!!!

You want marriage? Guess what? It starts right now as soon as you enter a relationship with me.

EDIT: Marriage in my book is like the red flag of "buy her love".

dude you are 21 years old. grow some hair on your nutts before making sweeping generalizations about what you will or will not do

 

[bigneil]

Horror.

 

[TheMale]

Equilibrium: you right saying that far from them make them waiting for you, and this 'little' pause, is healthy for a relationship, but 9 months ???

i know in my period army we always laugh about that line: 'you're sitting here doing patrol, missions etc. while your girlfriend/wife sitting on her boss's c0ck !'

yeah sounds funny but that was something happened (not necessarily boss) frequently.

i'm not sure how a 6 month will be good for you, maybe 1,2 weeks but not more, just saying.

backbreaker: congrats ! you right, if you find the right chick, so it'll be once in a lifetime, but why did you took the risk of paying so much, without knowing if it'll last for all your life ?
another question, why did you decide give up this freedom and the possibility to fvck a lot of chicks and decided to have just one ??

bigneil: i really respect your opinion about DJing and stuff, cause since im here i see a lot of your posts, and it's really great stuff.
but, i wanna know why do you prefer to stay unmarried, have a lot of chicks and die ? your purpose in life it's: work, have fun, doing some crazy things, fvck a lot of chicks and die ?
what about children ? do you want some ? how are you gonna raise them without a real stable relationship ?




do you, guys, think getting married, translate giving up on your dreams and goal ??
do you think that once your married you're no longer able to accomplish ALL your dreams (we're not gonna be blind, you can do some of them but all ?) ???

EDIT: and what about the sex ? if i rely on what everyone saying, sex isn't really present after years of marriage, why ?? attraction ? else?

 

[backbreaker]

backbreaker: congrats ! you right, if you find the right chick, so it'll be once in a lifetime, but why did you took the risk of paying so much, without knowing if it'll last for all your life ?
another question, why did you decide give up this freedom and the possibility to fvck a lot of chicks and decided to have just one ??

1. becuase i can.

2. because i don't want to fvck other women anymore.


Instead of me writing all this out again, we have this same discussion every week in the mature forum lol, i'm just going to copy and paste what i put there in a particular thread that I believe answers the question more thoroughly

well, I liked her alot, and while she was okay being with me, she's always wanted to be married. she was willing to not be married, at least on the outside, but everytime something would happen, and we got into an argument, it all came back to her being scared i was going to leave her for someone else. my wife is a few years older than me too.

so as long as we were not married there would be this 800 pound gurllia in the room. Not only that, she really is a catch.. 34 years old, still wears a size 3 pants and can jog 5 miles quite easily everyday, great in bed, no feminist BS, smart as a whip, very down to earth, no real baggage.. she's the type of woman that if I wasn't ready to marry her someone else would without hesitation. So I came to the conclusion that it was not realistic for me to think we would live together for ever and never be married, especially with her being 34 years old (32 at the time i proposed) and her being in the downward of her prime.

She never came out and said it,. but she didn't have to. The last big time argument we got into, when she stalked me because of the messages i had on my phone only to find out i was meeting my assistant lol, told me clear as day this couldn't go on for ever like this and that if we were to be together if I really wanted to keep h er in my life we would have to be married.


I had the exact same viewpoint.. I just didn't see the benefits, but as I got oldwer I realized that wasn't a very realistic viewpoint long term. Let me rephrease.. I akin it to breeding thoroughbred horses.

IF you know anything about breeding thoroughbreds you know that the really good sires, can and do easily command 6 figures per breeding. So if I have a mare and I want to bred to say, Tapit, I have to cough up $125k just so my mare can get fvcked by Tapit which takes all of 1 mintue. Not all sires are this expensive, but there are some. \

Every year when the sire prices come out, you will hear everyone bellyhooiong about how they will never pay this much to breed to a sire, and they make a point beucase, whenj you look at the numbers, it's just not realistic. A thoroughbred cost a little bit around $3k a monthy to keep in trainig in california, so that's 36k just to have a thoroughbred in training. Plus the 125k you spent to breed for this horse. Not including keeping the horse at a farm when he's born, breaking the horse, any additional traveling or vet bills you are at.

So with a horse like that, you are easiliy 300k in the hole before your high priced horse ever steps foot on a race track. lol, IF he steps foot on the race track. About 1/3rd of the horses that are born evrey year nefver step foot on the track for one reason or the other.

Very few horses will make 300k in their lifetime. Let's say this horse I paid for, could run a little. wasn't a super star or anything but had a little run. He won a maiden, won an allowance, came in 2-3rd in some non graded stakes, then as he got older I had to drop him into a claiming race where he was clamed off me for 40k. That might be around 160k-200k right there, maybe if you are lucky.

To win 300k and all the money come to you, you have to basically be a graded stakes caliber horse. And less than 1% of all horses born every year are that.

so basically what I am saying is, you are virtually guaranteed to lose money. So everyone says that these breeders are raping the horse owners.

but here is the thing. lol, the people who own tapit and announced he was booked for 125k in November, are over booked 1 month later and are turning away clients. They announced in november his fee, already a full book of 110-120 or so mares.

People who want to win big tine races will happily pony up the money because he produces big time race horses. Also and this is getting into the more techncal aspects of horse racing, but owners of really good mares (Female horses), that are really high class, will bred to really high class sires like tapit to 1. have very classy female babies or 2. to have a 7 figure or close to 7 figure yearling int he sales, so even though they are spending 125k to bred, they might make 800k off the sale at the end of the day becuase of the class of the mare combined...too much info lol) or that can win the kentucky derby the breeders cup, etc. He's that calibur of sire. Not all of his horses do, but him and a few others produce world class calbiur race horses at a higher clip than most sires.

What those breeders who are complaining do not realize, as did I realize when I was 22-23 years old, hell 24-25 years old, is that the catch/desired object, has the ability to dictate terms. Because if you don't pay them, there will be a line of people behind you that will.

If you are hell bent against marriage, you will be dealing with left overs for the vast majority of your life. All the catches want to get married and because they are serious catch hes, they will and probably marry well, because they are catches. There is no world where these HB9's are walking around with great credit, down to earth, no baggage that are just dying to shack up with you for the rest of your life with no ring lol. There is no world where Megyn Kelly isn't going to get married if she doesn't want to. Dude if megyn kelly, lol with her 2 kids got divorced tomororw there would be a line of rich dudes around time square camping out to date her out. Spinning plates, should be a process to determine a who is LTR material, not a life style IMHO.

I by no means am saying you should drop everything the second you see a decent looking woman. But if you find a woman that is honestly worth keeping around, you are an idiot if you don't think there is a line of guys that won't quickly put a ring on her finger if you won't. and she knows this. My wife knows she is attractive, and she's a brit too and it just drive guys (like me) crazy with that accent. If i broke up with her tomorrow she would probably have a date by new year's, and would probalby find someone suitable for her within a year or 2 at most, no doubt in my mind, if that's what she wants. And because I honestly love her and see the benefits of having her around, we compliment each other quite well, I wanted to do what i had to do to keep her around.

IN my perfect world she would hate the idea of marriage, but the world is not perfect. If I didn't, the alternative would be the fighting over trust /commitment happening to the point, where she found another guy who was suitable that would marry her and she would leave and while I'm ***** whipped or antyhing, letting a girl who passed every plate spin, **** test, and spending 3 years with me with flying colors, the mother of my son, and woman who I trust with my own life and who crazy about, walk because I wouldn't sign a marriage document, is pretty silly IMHO.

[

 

[backbreaker]

more

just to clarify, we kinda harp on this idea about being an alpha male and the imagery that comes with that is like a cave man with the leopard skin robe and the club going around just beating people out with the helpless woman back at the cave, but in reality, there is a fine line, between being alpha/DJ and being too arrogant.

what i mean is, just beucdase YOU are a catch, doesn't' mean your GF ISN'T.

both of you want what you want. in a unbalanced relationship, the one who needs the other the least is going to get the bulk of the "stuff". this is AFCism at it's nature. IN a healthy relationship, you learn to compromise on somethings but stand steadfast on others. Some things some parties aren't going to be willing to compromise on, the things they hold the most important, for instance, I HATE to be questioned/having a woman all in my grill every hour of the day. I have to have my space, even under the same roof. That's just how I'm wired. I lived alone my entire life, it's what I am used to. She doesn't give me any flak about it and while we spend our time together, she gives me my space. doesn't complain when I just up and leave, she knows how I tick. That's always going to be me. Nor am I going to go "get regular job". I marriage for women is one of those things.

so we are sitting at the negoationing table of life, and she says okay buddy, i value marriage and you value eing able to live out your dreams and ambitions to the fuillest withhout having someone telling you to do what normal people do. I will be more thanm willing to let udo whatever you want and supoprt you fully, take care of the house and our son, fvck your brains out and look good doing it, and do it all happily, if you will marry me. Dude WTF are you seriously going to object to that?

I have come to the conclusion that Nutz point of view (not picking on nutz at all), that it depends on what your relationship goals are is a logical fallacy because it starts off making a false premise. What I mean by that is, he is assuming that he has a check list of what he wants to accomplish before he meets the girl, when in reality, you don't (or aren't supposed to) know what you want out of a relationship utnil you actually meet said girl and she shows you what she is able to provide. some women might only e able to provide adequate b ooty calls. some migght be good for taking out a few times a week and spending the night with, nothing more. some might be okay for a good 1-2 month relationship where you f each others brains otu but you both move on. some might not be good for anything.

To go further, what I am getting getting at is, no one, well i'm not going to say no one, a lot of people do, but, how can I say this... you aren't supposed to go on dates or hook up with women with exceptions pre set. You don't' know when you are going to settle down, you will settle down when you meet someone worth settling down with. that might be next week it might be 12 years from now, but when you actually meet that person and you screen her property, your feelings towards her will shift as will your mindset towards LTR's.

I have said this many times.. I didn't plan on getting married. hell truth be told I didn't plan on having a LTR. my wife was so much better than the other plates I was spinning, i had to stop spinning other plates, because it was pointless. why spin time with vastly inferior (in my mind) plates? her overall package and behavior, lead me to the conclusion that I wanted a LTR with her.

 

[TheMale]

Damn BB, introduce me your wife ! ;p

more seriously, how do you know she'll not sleep with someone else ?
i know you love her she loves you, but it's not a guarantee she'll not sleeping with someone else, or flirting with other people when you're not around !

BTW after your speech, you convinced me to get married as soon as i find someone great that worth to live with (not right away, after 1,2 years of relationship)!

but it's not always easy to find someone who'll let you live your dreams and desire the fullest you want, it's not always easy to find someone who will give you that space.

it shouldnt be a turn off for me to get married, but it's definitely makes you think, and woman are not always sincere about what they saying they'll do (i.e. they'll give you the space/living your dreams without getting involved etc.) and you can't never know what's goind on her mind.

my cousin for example are in a relationship with a chick for one year now, she was raped at 13, and her mother are psychologically ill, she's telling her all day long she's a *****, a hooker, open her leg for everyone etc. and this chick want to get married realy fast (in 8 months) so she can get out of her home.
i asked a shrink about that, he told me that my cousin should not get married to her, she have psychological problem, she'll actually get married to get out of home, but will divorce in 2 years, get back home, but once she was married her mother can't say anything and she'll be the hero of familly (and that kind of situation are frequente) you see, i dont want to find someone like that, that hiding her secret (lucky him, she told him about her problems), and finally be the victime of this story.
i also had a friend who got married after 3 years of relationship, they loved each other and thought they were meant to be together for a lifetime, 3 months after the wedding she slept with someone else, for those 3 moths they had sex for 1 time, and 2 months before the wedding the chick told her father she want to cancel the wedding.

how to be so fine with wedding after some stories like that (and i have more) ?!

another thought i have in mind is that, for now you have grea sex, maybe every day, but in 10 years, it'll be just once a week, in 15 years it'll be once a month, and in 20 years it'll be once a year if you get lucky !

you see, the marriage for me, maybe can be a good thing but after a while you're no longer a couple, but you're more like a great friends living together.
i see it all the time, with friends of my parents, my parents, friends of mine who's married 5 years ago.

 

[backbreaker]

more seriously, how do you know she'll not sleep with someone else ?

lol i'm not a pyhysic I don't know that. but i would not have married her if i thought honestly she would. we dated for a few years before I proposed and she never gave me the slightest hint as to being unfaithful.

There are not guarantees in antyhing with life. If she does that's just a bridge I will cross when it happens. Being a DJ does not mean it will ever prevent her from doing something like that but it does mean I know how to act (leave no questions asked) if it does. It means that I can pick my life up on the dating scene if I ever have to and not have to resort to trying to rekindle some lost spark or some BS like that.

that is why I am others are such great proponent of spinning plates. i have a great woman I know that, but I mean, it isn't like she is a goddess or something like I'm just the first guy to ever notice her. she's been in relationships with guys before. she's dumped guys before. she's been the wishy washy girl who doesn't know what she wants before. she's dated guys who have no long term value before just like all young 20 year olds do at some point.

part of it is her upbringing and her moral character, but part of it is FRAME. Frame that can only be achieved by making a woman EARN the right to have a relationship with you and not take you for granted. I mean we really do click, and we really do have a lot of the same interest and she really does fit me like a glove but none of that would matter if she felt like she was doing me a favor by dating me or that she felt she was the prize in the relationship. This is why I will preach plate spinning until I can't talk anymore, because in 2012, I feel it's the only way you can lay the proper framework for a LONG TERM relationship that will still have the same value as it did when you first started it. In a world where women can jump from branch to branch, you have to give a woman a reason not to want to leave the tree she is on. Part of that is just by being a catch which I feel that I am, and part of that is by making her earn the right to be exclusive.

 

[The_411]

equilibrium: how old are you ?!!!

i don't know for the US army, but when you see it in movie, all the soldier (USA army) are rarely at home, they are in iraq, they are in missions, but not often at home, even if they are married.

i did army but it sucks for married people, maybe here it's that way, but friends of mine who were married, could see their wife only the WE, and some of them only a WE of 2,3 and the payement, like a basic salary outside the army, the minimum.

The_411: yeah it's expensive but it's once in a lifetime (assuming you married the right one) and you want it to be memorable, with your friends, your family, her friends and family. even if it's 20-40k, it may worth it.
i'm not married but that's how people do it since ever (i mean since money started i'm not talking about the ice age ! ;p)

are you married 411 ?

guys, what is the right chick to marry for you ?

EDIT:
another question: everyone saying, you need to stay a mystery, a challenge for her, even after years of marriage ? how can it actually getting into action ? how can you stay a challenge or mystery even after you're marry ?

No, never been married. I certainly could have been but it would have been a train wreck with BPD ex. She wanted to get married 5-7 months into the relationship.

I don't have a problem with marriage it's just that spending all that money seems crazy because I'd rather use it on a house. My other issue is the fact that men get railroaded by child support alimony palimony etc. You're entering into an uneven contract that very rarely is mitigated by morally corrupt actions by a spouse. We already have uneven contracts like cell phone bills, cable etc.

I get that in theory that I you love some it shouldn't matter but that was the old pre-BPD ex me who was duped into the idealistic concept of marriage. However, after seeing the flaming wreckage up close in personal I think that you'd better be damn sure or understand there's a high chance you'll be owning money for a long time.