What is this

[flowtheory]

Ive had this a couple time with women I’ve dated. And am just now experiencing it with my current relationship.

I have a tendency - if ones so inclined to call it that - to be very obersavtional on my surroundings. I enjoy taking everything in. So I am usually looking around a fair bit, however I’m still very engaged in my conversations with my girlfriends. Even going for walks I look around. Nothing in particular, just taking life in.

Now, my girlfriends have stated that when I look around that I’m looking at other women. Which I’m actually not at all. But in their heads they truly think I am. Doesn’t cause huge drama but they bring it up often enough. Like last night I was at a concert and I was looking around at everything and my current girlfriend said “I’ve finally figured out your gazing; you look at women who are different from the rest”. Which I literally wasn’t at all haha. I told her she’s off and that’s not it. Then she said it doesn’t even bother her much at all and it’s normal. But clearly she cares if she’s brought it up twice lately.

When a woman thinks this, what is she trying to do or say?

 

[Roober]

You gotta loosen up my man...

"Oh $hit. You caught me. Wheres my sunglasses?"

"I have, and you know what, you still have the sexiest a55."

"Yup" followed by a big smile and kiss.

So what is she trying to say? Basically that shes insecure... but all women (or people in general) are insecure. Just tease her about it or make fun of it.

Trust me, when your out ideas for a responses, humor and stupidity is usually a sure fire exit strategy.

 

[flowtheory]

You gotta loosen up my man...

"Oh $hit. You caught me. Wheres my sunglasses?"

"I have, and you know what, you still have the sexiest a55."

"Yup" followed by a big smile and kiss.

So what is she trying to say? Basically that shes insecure... but all women (or people in general) are insecure. Just tease her about it or make fun of it.

Trust me, when your out ideas for a responses, humor and stupidity is usually a sure fire exit strategy.

I figured this might be it; even though she said “I’m not insecure about it”. I don’t take it too serious when she mentions it, I’m just curious what this is actually communicating and if it’s detrimental in some way

 

[Trump]

Like last night I was at a concert and I was looking around at everything and my current girlfriend said “I’ve finally figured out your gazing; you look at women who are different from the rest”. Which I literally wasn’t at all haha. I told her she’s off and that’s not it. Then she said it doesn’t even bother her much at all and it’s normal. But clearly she cares if she’s brought it up twice lately.

She says: “it doesn’t bother her AT ALL that you are gazing at other women and it’s NORMAL.”

You say: “CLEARLY, she cares because she brought it up twice lately.”

What would she have to say to show she does NOT care?

When a woman thinks this, what is she trying to do or say?

1) She doesn’t care you look at, date, or sleep with other women; or

2) She is desperately in love with you and can’t sleep until you are by her side giving her great sex.

 

[flowtheory]

She says: “it doesn’t bother her AT ALL that you are gazing at other women and it’s NORMAL.”

You say: “CLEARLY, she cares because she brought it up twice lately.”

What would she have to say to show she does NOT care?



1) She doesn’t care you look at, date, or sleep with other women; or

2) She is desperately in love with you and can’t sleep until you are by her side giving her great sex.

Yea I think she’s bringing it up in th manner she is to seem like it’s cool but also bringing it up because it feels threatening to her which gives her anxiety. Said it’s also kind of disrespectful; but it’s not because I’m not even looking at other women. So clearly it’s not option 1
She certainly doesn’t want me to be with any other woman.

 

[lamath]

Turn this around and tell her to look for hot women for you.
Beleive it or not but ive done this in the past, and they started doing it.

 

[Billtx49]

To the person who you are with in the moment, you are essentially conveying to THEM that you are not truly interested in being there with THEM, doing whatever you are doing, with THEM.

Right, the message to her is she does Not have 100% of his attention. He may be always aware of his surroundings, but she doesn’t see it that way…

 

[flowtheory]

When you fully withdraw your attention and put it elsewhere, while your body may still be there next to her, it can feel hollow to her. You are no longer present there with her. It can feel like she’s just there with the empty shell of your body now. It is akward feeling.

You think you are with her because your body is there with her. She feels the absence of your *presence.* It literally can feel like you’ve walked away from her, left her there alone.

So it would be better to not be intruigued by other things? And would be better for me by not seeming distracted, even though I’m just taking the atmosphere in.

 

[flowtheory]

1. You need to do you.
2. Your intent should NOT be to change yourself, in order to please her.
3. Your intent here needs to be to refine your social calibration.
4. More info is needed on the scenarios, when this has happened, for more clear feedback. Venue, expectations, interaction, timing?

I know, I don’t think it’s about adjusting myself to suit her needs. But it’s feedback in a way. I’m always trying to improve and this could be an opportunity to do so. Because more presence means better everything, and if that’s what she’s communicating than I can recalibrate.

4. The two times she has spoke about it were in the last week.

The first scenerio was when we were on a beach walk, And when she brought it up two days later in the car, she mentioned she noticed I was noticing a bunch of people, but mostly the women. I did bump in to a woman I knew who from my neighbourhood (who is attractive) and I told her how we had met (at a party with friends - never hooked up), and then I was watching a photo shoot on the beach kind of intently out of interest but aside from that? I really didn’t notice any women

The second time was last night when we were at the concert. On the ride back to my place she said she figured out my gaze and it’s more in the direction of women who are unique or different, but attractive. Haha but it’s not

 

[BeExcellent]

My 2 cents.

Be who you are. Like you I’m naturally curious and I tend to do the same thing. My guy does it too (and at times he IS looking at other women) but I look at other men too. I get fascinated watching people interacting and observing nature & all sorts of things.

Her reaction has more to do with her & less to do with you. It’s her insecurities oozing out.

In a way it’s a good indicator. She’s concerned about you checking out the competition. That works in your favor if you apply some humor & go a little cheeky with it.

My sister & I used to go running together on a popular trail. We’d notice nice male specimens. I used to tease my sister about it.

She’d always say “Married, not blind!” and grin.

 

[flowtheory]

What did the others say and what were those scenarios?
What is your experience "in those moments" while you are doing it? How long do they last? You mentioned you are conversing? Is she talking and you are supposedly listening? or more back and forth?

There’s always back and forth in the conversations. I’m always present. Not like I’m zoning out staring in to space. The other scenerios with different women would be similar. And the moments I I felt look around last about 5 seconds to 30 seconds.