What is this lady after? Is she tying to use me?

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Jesus. This thread has 'me' written all over it.

This oneitus sh*t is killer. Just walk away, dude.

 

[Tazman]

My needs now are not for sex, I have that in my life.

Lets be real about this though, sex will always be a part of the equation. You wouldn't have any interest in her if sex wasn't a priority. Sure, you're having sex, but you WANT to have sex with Amy.

If she were down, it would've happened a loooong time ago. No woman creates barriers (flakiness) between herself and the guy she's after.

 

[The Grue]

UPDATE

Well, I sent Amy a message on Thursday saying hello and her reply was that we had to talk. I was working late so I told her we could have a late night drink. Her suggestion was we go to the beach and just take drinks with us....which was fine by me...

So, I pick her up and we go to this secluded beach where we sit on the sand. We got there at 12 and stayed till 4...
Conversation flowed and it became ever more clear that our chemistry was working...After a special moment, I lean in and kiss her, and she acts all coy and stuff. Later, we started making out.
I cut it at 4 because I had to get some sleep. So did Amy..but she still wanted to stay.
On the ride back to her place, she seems worried about the situation with the DJ. I ask her what their status is and she tells me that they are no longer seeing each other as romantic interests. Amy asked him to remain "friends" and he agreed, albeit grudgingly.

She seemed very contemplative about this issue and I could see she was bothered so I had to est her a bit.
As I was dropping her off I just told her that if she wants to see the DJ and has feelings for him, I will just drop the issue and disappear.
Amy's reply was an emphatic "no", and that she wanted to see me and get to know me. It is just that she doesn't want him to harbor ill feelings....
So, I guess our relationship is now entering a new phase. I guess the DJ and I will not longer be friends, but we were never really friends anyway....

Things are at a very fragile point. There has been no sex, so I can't say she is invested. However, the strong chemistry is in our favor and our weekend date will no doubt help.

Any advice on how to proceed is greatly appreciated...

 

[Kailex]

On the ride back to her place, she seems worried about the situation with the DJ. I ask her what their status is and she tells me that they are no longer seeing each other as romantic interests. Amy asked him to remain "friends" and he agreed, albeit grudgingly.

As I was dropping her off I just told her that if she wants to see the DJ and has feelings for him, I will just drop the issue and disappear.
Amy's reply was an emphatic "no", and that she wanted to see me and get to know me. It is just that she doesn't want him to harbor ill feelings....

You, sir, are an AFC with White Knight tendencies. I'd love to help you, but many people have told you to EJECT and at this point, you only want to get pulled in deeper.

I just hope and wish you the best of luck and that you DON'T come back in a few weeks saying that we were right. I really hope not.

 

[jophil28]

You, sir, are an AFC with White Knight tendencies. I'd love to help you, but many people have told you to EJECT and at this point, you only want to get pulled in deeper.

I just hope and wish you the best of luck and that you DON'T come back in a few weeks saying that we were right. I really hope not.

Mythoughts too ^

Grue, there is some kind of weird defect in your personality that is preventing you from making the distinction between a woman playing ego games, and a woman who is demonstrating legitimate interest in being with you.

In spite of all the advice and insight that you have been given here, you still persist in allowing yourself to be being pulled into this woman's favorite game in the deluded belief that she 'wants' you.

THis thread has run to four pages and you have absorbed nothing from all the advice that you have been offered. Instead you are still posting updates in the same style as your first.

As Kailex said, good luck. You will need as much as you can get.

 

[The Grue]

FINAL UPDATE

I am offering this final update as a type of catharsis and as a warning.

The Weekend date with Amy never materialized. I called her on Sunday night and she never answered back.
I then sent her a message on Tuesday asking her what was going on. Her answer was that she was "angry" with some message I had sent her on Saturday poking fun at her. That is why she didn't answer back....
After sorting this problem out, she told me she was seeing the DJ on Tuesday to sort things out. We agree to meet up on Wednesday.
She invites me to come over to her place. Come Wednesday night, she calls to cancel saying she saw something which upset her greatly.
The DJ supposedly has something on his FB wall that -to her- meant he was seeing his old GF.
My reply was that shouldn't be a problem, since Amy and the DJ were , theoretically, over.
Amy replies that they are over, but they need closure.
I tell her this is complete BS and that she should never have invited me to the beach and made out if she was not sincere.
At that point she becomes totally incomprehensible, to the point where she asserts that out kiss on the beach was unexpected and that it came out of nowhere.
In the face of such complete garbage, I just tell her to forget it.
A few hours later, I send a message where I tell her that if the DJ asks me, we went out and had a drink and that was all. All she has to do is corroborate the story and what happened on the beach remains between us.

What I got out of it was that Amy may have had some sort of feelings for me, but I was mostly a pawn to use against the Dj and to fill some sort of emotional void in her world.

I would like to thank all posters who WARNED me that this exactly would happen. Guys like Kailex, Jophil, Squirrels and others whose wisdom I disregarded in my hubris that AMY was somehow different from other women.

Hopefully, I will be able to avoid such pitfalls in the future...It is just that it is so hard when it is that one women you really like...

Still, I blame myself because I was no neophyte. I had the wisdom of the forum at my disposal.

Thanks brothers and sorry,

 

[cordoncordon]

A lesson learned. This girl was just playing you. Using you as an ego boost and a pawn against the DJ because she was upset that that relationship wasn't working out. Her interest in you the entire time was lukewarm at best.

Move on, stop going to her bar except on occasion, and pretend like you are the happiest guy in the world. Basically, you are to her, what she is to the the Dj...which is not much. Sooner or later I can almost promise you you could lay her if you want, as this thing with the DJ isnt going to work out either, but then....why would you want to?

 

[jophil28]

Hubris indeed. Man you had that by the truckload.

I am still thinking that you may still fall into the next trap that she sets for you. It is likely that she will return for a rematch....after all, she won most of the points in your recent encounters. Human nature tends to repeat what worked last time..

Itis also likely that your ego might willingly accept an approach by her as an opportunity for you to square things away. Bad mistake.
I am telling you this as a warning, not to offer you a glimmer of hope.
Women like Amy sometimes come crawling back and claim that they "see the light" or bleat about how they " really like you ". If you hear that, you are hearing the beginnings of a new game which will end just as badly as the previous because is is just her old game revisited..
Women generally only have one favorite game and one agenda. You got caught in hers, because you were led by your feelings and your ego..

Kailex told you about bar women - and you ignored his experienced POV. Bad mistake Grue.

If you have truly extracted any wisdom from this experience, lets hope that it is the wisdom of No Contact.

 

[cordoncordon]

I tell her this is complete BS and that she should never have invited me to the beach and made out if she was not sincere.

I have to say, this sounded really really gay. Man up. For the love of all that is manly I HOPE you didn't say that...but I know you did. No wonder her interest in you was lukewarm at best. She is the man in this "relationship" and you are the woman!

You're talking about sincerity, beaches, making out, kisses, chemistry, puppies. You sound like a hallmark card. Meanwhile your DJ pal has been F'ing her. And I promise you he is telling her the exact opposite of what you are. See the correlation?

 

[Warrior74]

I have to say, this sounded really really gay. Man up. For the love of all that is manly I HOPE you didn't say that...but I know you did. No wonder her interest in you was lukewarm at best. She is the man in this "relationship" and you are the woman!

You're talking about sincerity, beaches, making out, kisses, chemistry, puppies. You sound like a hallmark card. Meanwhile your DJ pal has been F'ing her. And I promise you he is telling her the exact opposite of what you are. See the correlation?

Made me think of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XnqRRkGXqo

 

[cordoncordon]

Made me think of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XnqRRkGXqo

Haha. Bingo. That video was probably not far off in what really happened.

 

[Zarky]

I think some people simply can't be helped.

 

[jonwon]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSSlv5U380A

 

[Kailex]

The Weekend date with Amy never materialized. I called her on Sunday night and she never answered back.
I then sent her a message on Tuesday asking her what was going on. Her answer was that she was "angry" with some message I had sent her on Saturday poking fun at her. That is why she didn't answer back....

And believe me, it's a lie.
She's making that up. She's using whatever message you sent her as an excuse to NOT see you. Don't believe her. It's just very convinient for her to say something like that in order to flake on you.

Come Wednesday night, she calls to cancel saying she saw something which upset her greatly.
The DJ supposedly has something on his FB wall that -to her- meant he was seeing his old GF.
My reply was that shouldn't be a problem, since Amy and the DJ were , theoretically, over.

Your reply should have been to hang up the phone on her and leave it at that. She's using ANOTHER convinient excuse for her to not see you, not only that, but totally disrespecting you. She's loving the game of tug-o-war between you, her, and the DJ. Of course it makes no sense to you, but to her, she gets to string along the two of you. She's upset because the DJ meeting back with his GF means that she doesn't have so much power over him anymore. But since she knows she has her claws into you, she'll keep cancelling.

A few hours later, I send a message where I tell her that if the DJ asks me, we went out and had a drink and that was all. All she has to do is corroborate the story and what happened on the beach remains between us.

Cut this out, Grue. You're definitely living up to the White Knight billing that I gave you in the last post. You shouldn't care what the DJ thinks about the situation, you clearly stated that you guys were acquaintances and not buddies. Stop sending her messages, delete her phone number, cut all contact forever... and not this weak-ass NC that some of the posters do in order to try to win someone back... this is NC FOREVER.

What I got out of it was that Amy may have had some sort of feelings for me, but I was mostly a pawn to use against the Dj and to fill some sort of emotional void in her world.

This is exactly what we were trying to warn you about. This is all a game to her and you're next step is to give her back that void. She won't be bartending during the summer, which means that she won't have her fresh supply of White Knights at the ready and willing.

I would like to thank all posters who WARNED me that this exactly would happen. Guys like Kailex, Jophil, Squirrels and others whose wisdom I disregarded in my hubris that AMY was somehow different from other women.

I'll give you props, for having the balls to come in here and admit the situation. But props isn't enough, what you do NEXT is what is going to define you as a person. Hindsight is always 20/20. NOW you know what the deal is, but I'm telling you now, as Jophil said... SHE WILL BE BACK.

She's going to come back seeking you as the pawn in her little chessboard. She'll come back as SWEET AS EVER and want you to do something together. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS.

DO NOT GO TO HER BAR.

I don't care if you think she's not going to be there, DO NOT GO.
A lot of women on their off-days like to go back to their place of work because everyone knows them, so they can just sit their and talk to their targets as usual without the work getting in the way.

You learned your lesson in that case... you now see her for what she is, but the real question is... did you really learn? Are you really going to be able to put her behind you? Brace yourself, brother, she will be back, but this time... I hope you're ready. Remember you have an army of support here at SoSuave who aren't afraid to tell you how it is... and one more thing, avoid female bartenders/waitresses from now on.

 

[The Grue]

Kailex, you are right on the money with all your points. As are Jophil and the others.
I know she will be back and my reply will be no reply at all.
This was a very difficult experience for me but one that showed that I must be wary when associating with women who are clearly dysfunctional and delusional.
Thanks for all the support.

 

[The Grue]

As many predicted, Amy sent an SMS last Friday evening after a few days of silence.

"Sorry for not communicating Grue....I know its f@cked up. At least know that, even if it makes no difference..."

For the life of me, I couldn't make heads or tails of this stuff. Total gibberish.

My reply was No Reply.
And I'll stick with that....

 

[Tazman]

First step in regaining your pride and self respect.

 

[jophil28]

As many predicted, Amy sent an SMS last Friday evening after a few days of silence.

"Sorry for not communicating Grue....I know its f@cked up. At least know that, even if it makes no difference..."

For the life of me, I couldn't make heads or tails of this stuff. Total gibberish.

My reply was No Reply.
And I'll stick with that....

Her text was 'bait' . The deliberately obscure contents were designed to trigger your curiosity. She is hoping that you reply asking for clarification, and then she will reply to you with some more gibberish, and then you reply to that and.....before you can blink, you are asking her to meet you under the boardwalk and then you will be posting here the next day with another sorry-azz 'update' ....

 

[The Grue]

@Taz: Yeah man, it's important I get back up...


@Jophil:Yes, I realized that too. She was purposefully obscure to pique my interest. But despite my mistakes, the forum has made me more alert to female machinations.
My policy is NC.