"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
What is 'framing'
- Thread starter Plinco
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
lamath
Master Don Juan
Imo its leading a interaction or discution in the context of your point of view, how you see it and where you want to go with it.
Plinco
Master Don Juan
So setting the context in a conversation?
lamath
Master Don Juan
Imo
In interactions not conversations only
Dan.Lifestyle
Don Juan
Its been explained above well so ill give you some examples. Basically your frame is what you want to be seen as or how you want the conversation to feel(Hence 'Framing the conversation'). So in conversation with someone, you may want to be seen as in control or simply confident, so you'll match your words and body language to match this 'Frame' you're trying to set.
Where it gets tricky is when there are two frames competing. Often times this is 'your' perception of you and a girls perception of you(Which could be a player, weak, sugar daddy, whatever.). This is where 'frame control' comes in, making sure that your frame is the dominant one and survives any test she throws to see if you really are who you say you are. Maintaining the frame you set for yourself in the eyes of others is one of those skills that will help you in life beyond meeting women!
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Poonani Maker
Master Don Juan
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Serenity
Moderator
This is a good way to define it. Said with other words you could say it's what way of thinking drives behavior, the reason or goal for a given behavior.
Many many men come from a frame of "trying to attract women". This is flawed because it's still basically the same as trying to please women, this frame will drive you to behave and act in ways that you think will achieve this goal. However, it will never achieve that goal because by being within that frame you'll neglect the real reason you're trying to attract women in the first place, which is happiness/feeling good.
I made that frame switch 4 years ago, from trying to attract women to just directly going for good feelings. My goal changed from specifically trying to attract women into finding every way possible to boost my mood. It drastically altered my behavior, where before I'd try running some cheesy game when talking to women I'm now unaffected by their presence unless I see a viable opportunity to fulfill my goal (of boosting my mood). With that frame I became immune to BS, I'd naturally divert my attention if the interaction wasn't going in the right direction of making me feel better. Where others would have to resist behaving in particular ways they knew to be bad, because their frame (of trying to attract) was working against them.
I'm just rambling a bit here, trying to give an understanding through examples because it's such a metaphysical concept.
Nope, those are frames in and of themselves. Also, having a frame of trying to be seen a particular way is a bad idea because just as with trying to attract your actions are geared towards making others have positive feelings about you. It's a better idea trying to make a conversation feel good, because your actions are then geared towards making yourself feel good.
This conflict occurs because you're attempting to control how the girl sees you rather than focusing on yourself. All of that mental gymnastics is completely unnecessary if you simply have a frame of feeling good and adjust your actions accordingly dependent on what the world throws at you. All of that trying to control others crap is a massive time and energy sink, time and energy that could be spent gravitating towards better things.
You seem to base a great deal of your frame around what others think of you, although I do agree that it's important to maintain the frame you set for yourself. The question is what frame?
Dan.Lifestyle
Don Juan
You're looking too deep into what was written. I wasn't comparing what frame you should be using, simply explaining what frame is and giving examples of how frame works. However I agree there are definitely quote on quote good frames to use when it comes to women. But frames go beyond women. A CEO in a boardroom meeting has a frame, A prison security guard has a frame. Its one of those social cues that no matter what it just feels off when it's broken(And women love to test).