What is frame? Simple IDGAF

[Glassguy]

@RickTheToad I am just busting your balls. But seriously.....if you learn to use silence and distance, its golden.

 

[lamath]

@lamath

Of all the women I have dated, I can only imagine if I sat any one of them down and had a conversation about their behavior:

Me: What you did missy is totally disrespectful! I expect better out of you next time!
Me: I am so disappointed in how you acted. It was disrespectful!

WTF?

How about just bounce. No words. No explanation. Just leave the situation.

@RickTheToad Do you honestly think a woman doesnt know when she is out of line or is being disrespectful? Seriously? You think you have to call her out on it for her to understand?

It comes across as butthurt and no other options. I dont care how you have that conversation.

Its always silence and distance. Always.

The chick I was engaged with after I divorced and I were on our way to dinner several years ago. During the 45 minute drive to where we were going, she did nothing but bytch about how bad her day was, how bad her week was, blah blah blah. About 20 minutes into this drive I couldnt take it anymore. I turned my truck around, took her back to her place, dropped her off and left. The only thing I said when she asked "What are you doing??" was : "Im done with this. Its not how I will spend a Saturday night".

Within an hour she was calling me up. Blowing my phone up with calls and texts. I ignored her. I ended up meeting some other friends of mine out for beers.

She didnt pull that shyte ever again.

See that is what RICK doesnt get. You cannot control someone else's actions. Only your own.

Its a big energy and time waste, aka a pain in the ass.
and the direct talk is often more detrimental because we are pointing the finger directly at her.


I can see Ricks point

Its not always black and white
Somethings that annoys me might not annoy others and she might not be aware of it, overt discussion might be better in those case.
Thing i dont like about overt communication is the fact that she might actually use this to grab your frame.

Most women will refuse to admit wrong doing....because you know they use the i was feeling this as a reason to do anything they want.

 

[bcude]

I know there are two schools of thought here and i'm sure both have merits. I agree with Rick that it depends on the infraction. S & D is the only thing women really respond to, but i believe it can be overdone and abit too one dimensional if the goal is a thriving relationship.
It's not that you want to change her, you can't change people. You set boundaries and communicate your expectations as part of the deal of being with you, as in giving her your exclusivity which comes with a price. Just like a player knows what's expected of him when he signs the multi million dollar contract.
Add to the fact that women (all of them) behave more like children than sensible adults and dog training books are more suitable as relationship manuals than anything else, you start to see a pattern that women love being around a man who's telling them what to do and what not to do. That's part of what makes them feel protected and safe - something they all look for in a man. A sort of father figure.
Now i'm not saying you should cater your behavior for her sake, i'm arguing that this is the best way to make the relationship successful going forward. Does it include work? Yes, but that's life when you choose to be in an exclusive relationship.
As Colossus used to say, being in a relationship is like maintaining a garden. First you plan it, then you water it and let it grow and prosper, sometimes you have to cut some flowers off only for them to grow back stronger. If you let it be it will grow into a wild mess.
For me that translates into leading by action until she eventually crosses a boundary, then you tell her. If it's repeated you distance yourself and then you walk. It's part of merging two individual people together and women will love you for doing it, especially in today's world where more and more girls are raised by single mothers and the mindset of 'anything goes' is prevalent.

 

[RickTheToad]

@RickTheToad I am just busting your balls. But seriously.....if you learn to use silence and distance, its golden.

It's all good. I do agree, silence has it's place, but if one does it at the beginning and her interest is not high enough, then it can backfire. That's all I am saying. People need to be trained on how to behave, it's not automatic these days...

 

[BeExcellent]

I know there are two schools of thought here and i'm sure both have merits. I agree with Rick that it depends on the infraction. S & D is the only thing women really respond to, but i believe it can be overdone and abit too one dimensional if the goal is a thriving relationship.
It's not that you want to change her, you can't change people. You set boundaries and communicate your expectations as part of the deal of being with you, as in giving her your exclusivity which comes with a price. Just like a player knows what's expected of him when he signs the multi million dollar contract.
Add to the fact that women (all of them) behave more like children than sensible adults and dog training books are more suitable as relationship manuals than anything else, you start to see a pattern that women love being around a man who's telling them what to do and what not to do. That's part of what makes them feel protected and safe - something they all look for in a man. A sort of father figure.
Now i'm not saying you should cater your behavior for her sake, i'm arguing that this is the best way to make the relationship successful going forward. Does it include work? Yes, but that's life when you choose to be in an exclusive relationship.
As Colossus used to say, being in a relationship is like maintaining a garden. First you plan it, then you water it and let it grow and prosper, sometimes you have to cut some flowers off only for them to grow back stronger. If you let it be it will grow into a wild mess.
For me that translates into leading by action until she eventually crosses a boundary, then you tell her. If it's repeated you distance yourself and then you walk. It's part of merging two individual people together and women will love you for doing it, especially in today's world where more and more girls are raised by single mothers and the mindset of 'anything goes' is prevalent.

I always thought Colossus had a very mature approach.

Silence & distance is a powerful tool. But at some point you must begin to truly communicate with a partner as a relationship deepens. That is only natural. LTRs with too much silence & distance grow 800 lb gorillas that are NOT easy to deal with. It’s better to have minor conflicts here & there and get those resolved rather than brush resentment under the rug to explode down the road.

Just some thoughts.

 

[death_wish. .]

Agreed that you should verbally communicate the infraction, how you feel about, and ramifications. This way, you're 100% crystal clear.

I had something happen about 3 years ago at a dog park where the girl I was seeing at the time flew off the handle and started yelling and making a scene because I casually glanced at another girl about 40 feet away.

I was laughing and trying to calm her down, because it was funny at first, but then when she kept on for another 5-10 minutes, I started getting really annoyed and turned to her and clearly said (paraphrase): "Laura, you're acting like an immature child and really being foolish. I don't like it and won't tolerate it. Stop it, now." She stood there with her mouth open (literally), and I turned around and started walking home alone. I got home, reheated some fish tacos, and 10 minutes later she comes walking through the door. She stomps upstairs and changes her clothes and comes back down. I say, "So I'm taking you home now?" She replies, "Oh, I can find a ride" and walks out the door into the dark of the night. I literally shrugged my shoulders and finished my tacos. When I was done and cleaned up, maybe 20 minutes later, I went outside and she was gone.

I never contacted or talked to her again.

Never accept or tolerate bad behavior---EVER.

the trash took itself out , while you enjoyed your tacos. win-win

 

[RickTheToad]

the trash took itself out , while you enjoyed your tacos. win-win

Chicken, beef or turkey?

 

[death_wish. .]

Chicken, beef or turkey?

beef more often than not, but chicken as well

 

[RickTheToad]

beef more often than not, but chicken as well

Try turkey once in a while. You'd be surprised how good and lean it is.

 

[death_wish. .]

Try turkey once in a while. You'd be surprised how good and lean it is.

i will try that ,im tryna lean out this winter

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Except that doesn't really work to foster long term relationships. Those are based on compromise by both sides on a lot of things. Saying "it's my way or the highway" works for a while until it doesn't.

If everything is IDGAF then the lifespan of the relationship is probably a year or year and a half at most because at some point she will understand that you also DGAF about her.

 

[RangerMIke]

Agree except the part of putting her back in line. I prefer to just use silence and distance and if the woman is too stupid to figure it out and correct her behavior, so be it. You never want to force someone to act a certain way because it wont last long. Instead make them choose to act a certain way so that they are investing, which will last much longer.

Without high standards of how we let people treat us, respect is a non issue. Any and all respect starts with self respect.

Completely agree... putting a woman back in line... HA! Fat chance that's going to happen if she is disrespecting you or your time.

Women are not stupid. She knows full well what she is doing or she is batsh1t crazy, She does it anyway because she does not care or she's nuts. Either that or you mean nothing to her. People will only self correct if they care and sane... how can she care, when she doesn't care and who wants crazy in their lives... crazy seldom gets better with time and she can straighten out her head on her own time, it's not a man's job to 'fix' her. Calling her out on her behavior is a complete waste of time.