BeExcellent
Master Don Juan
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For some time I've thought about making a thread about what I observe and what I grew up with in dealing with "alpha men." My father was alpha, my grandfathers were, every uncle save one, and I've had the priviledge of the company and friendship of many alpha men in my life.
An Alpha Man embodies certain characteristics that lead to his esteem among men and women
So many here think "Alpha" is about LMS (Looks, Money, and Status). Actually LMS is a by-product, not a pre-requisite. I thought it might be useful to share what "Alpha" looks like to a woman, in hopes that it might assist some of you in developing such characteristics in yourselves.
The Alpha Man is a leader.
He is a leader among men. Men are naturally drawn to him, women are naturally attracted to him. It has less to do with appearance and more to do with presence, confidence and self-assurance. Physical appearance, stature and size are nice, but unnecessary. Think of Napoleon Bonaparte. He was famously short and fairly ugly. Winston Churchill also was no looker, neither was Henry Kissinger. However each of these men are great examples of the Alpha Man who were not blessed with fabulous genetics but were highly sought after socially and by women.
The Alpha Man is ambitious and/or accomplished.
How this manifests is going to vary according to one's tenure in life. A college student will have goals he is working toward, self-discipline, and ambition at the forefront. An established man who is older is going to have accomplishments at the forefront. Typically these are men who are comfortable taking risks and who prefer to be in leadership roles professionally. My dad was a self employed lawyer for many years after serving as an Assistant Attorney General for a state in the US, He was admitted to, argued and won before the US Supreme Court. One grandfather was a successful independent oilman (a wildcatter), the other was a self employed physician and contributor to the Merck Manual. Entrepreneurs are common of various varieties. I married a businessman (that tale is elsewhere), and am dating a businessman now. These men have goals and are going places, with or without anybody else.
The Alpha Man is focused.
He is man who has an agenda for his life and is focused on achieving his agenda, period. His agenda may vary. It may include creation of a family in addition to his professional and leisure pursuits. The Alpha Man constructs his life in such a way to assist him in his focus and surrounds himself with subordinates aimed toward that goal. He is tenacious in his focus and determined. An artist friend of mine comes to mind. Stripped in a nasty divorce after discovering his ex-wife had embezzled over a million dollars from him, he is rebuilding. He does not wallow about what happened to him, he simply continues to re-create himself and that is his highest priority, above women, above comfort, above family obligations, he is the number one priority in life is obtaining the dream he has in his artistic pursuits, obstacles be dammed.
The Alpha Man has strength.
It's not that life never happens to the Alpha Man, its how he copes with it. He has the fortitude and character to get up and keep going when life knocks him down. He takes his responsibilities to those that depend on him seriously and he does not falter in uncertain circumstances. He is solution oriented and finds a way. Those who depend on him may be family members, minor children, his wife...it may be employees and/or business partners. He maintains a cool head through adversity and to paraphrase Churchill, 'if he is going through Hell, he keeps going."
The Alpha Man has wisdom.
Particularly as he gains in life experience he becomes aware of the limitations of his own knowledge and he is a seeker of information, knowledge, and wisdom from those whose expertise may interest or assist him. These are often cerebral men on some level, often avid readers and/or lifelong students in some capacity for they are constantly wanting to understand more about themselves and their place in the world. If he displays arrogance it is generally toward those he considers lessor than himself, (including at times women, lol.)
The Alpha Man has grace.
He has a manner that is borne out of knowing his stature among men and in the world and he is comfortable there in his own skin, imperfections and all. He may be vain, he may not reveal his flaws for public display but he is calibrated and appropriate. He exerts self control and emotional restraint.
The Alpha Man has perseverance.
He is not a quitter. He finds a way and figures out how to get where he wants to go. I have a friend who is creating a revolutionary set of proprietary inventions. He can cite Tesla's principals by heart and has been working on development of his original designs for more than 2 decades. Now he is on the cusp of material success and when he becomes known he will appear an overnight sensation. He is anything but that. He has toiled for years overcoming design flaws, patent laws, permits and etc. and etc. Reworking and reworking and reworking again. His dedication to his purpose is awesome, even though it has meant sacrifice of many creature comforts over the years.
The Alpha Man has courage.
He proceeds in the face of fear and overcomes obstacles that are in his path. He also has the courage to choose a path that is suited to himself, and will choose his own way rather than be pigeon holed into the expectations of others.
The Alpha Man is caring.
He has humility, empathy, and if he loves, he loves deeply. He is devoted and protective. He loves from a place of strength and choice, never from a place of supplication. He is capable of ruthlessness as well and may inspire fear as well as love in others, but if he does not tend toward dark triad traits he values honor, although he also understands pragmatism. He is observant and understands people and their motivations; what he and others care about.
The Alpha Man is authentic.
He is himself. Because he is himself his game is inner game. He doesn't need to adopt alpha traits, rather he embodies alpha traits. He expects others to conform to his vision and come into his world. I often say here that my father NEVER lost frame. Not once. Not with his mother, not with his wives, not with his children, not with clients or friends. Not EVER. Did he have regrets? Yes. Did he have painful experiences? Yes. Did he make poor decisions at times? Yes. But he owned them all and understood the consequences were natural outcomes that derived from his choices. He was open about his mistakes with those close to him. He wanted others to learn from his screw ups (and he had a few doosies). But he went through his life on his terms no matter what. You could be on the train or off the train, but make no mistake the train was leaving upon his command with or without you.
Notice everything I have mentioned is internal to a man. Nothing is external. Alpha is about leadership and character. People are drawn to this type of character in a man, both women and men.
Please be invited to contribute.
An Alpha Man embodies certain characteristics that lead to his esteem among men and women
So many here think "Alpha" is about LMS (Looks, Money, and Status). Actually LMS is a by-product, not a pre-requisite. I thought it might be useful to share what "Alpha" looks like to a woman, in hopes that it might assist some of you in developing such characteristics in yourselves.
The Alpha Man is a leader.
He is a leader among men. Men are naturally drawn to him, women are naturally attracted to him. It has less to do with appearance and more to do with presence, confidence and self-assurance. Physical appearance, stature and size are nice, but unnecessary. Think of Napoleon Bonaparte. He was famously short and fairly ugly. Winston Churchill also was no looker, neither was Henry Kissinger. However each of these men are great examples of the Alpha Man who were not blessed with fabulous genetics but were highly sought after socially and by women.
The Alpha Man is ambitious and/or accomplished.
How this manifests is going to vary according to one's tenure in life. A college student will have goals he is working toward, self-discipline, and ambition at the forefront. An established man who is older is going to have accomplishments at the forefront. Typically these are men who are comfortable taking risks and who prefer to be in leadership roles professionally. My dad was a self employed lawyer for many years after serving as an Assistant Attorney General for a state in the US, He was admitted to, argued and won before the US Supreme Court. One grandfather was a successful independent oilman (a wildcatter), the other was a self employed physician and contributor to the Merck Manual. Entrepreneurs are common of various varieties. I married a businessman (that tale is elsewhere), and am dating a businessman now. These men have goals and are going places, with or without anybody else.
The Alpha Man is focused.
He is man who has an agenda for his life and is focused on achieving his agenda, period. His agenda may vary. It may include creation of a family in addition to his professional and leisure pursuits. The Alpha Man constructs his life in such a way to assist him in his focus and surrounds himself with subordinates aimed toward that goal. He is tenacious in his focus and determined. An artist friend of mine comes to mind. Stripped in a nasty divorce after discovering his ex-wife had embezzled over a million dollars from him, he is rebuilding. He does not wallow about what happened to him, he simply continues to re-create himself and that is his highest priority, above women, above comfort, above family obligations, he is the number one priority in life is obtaining the dream he has in his artistic pursuits, obstacles be dammed.
The Alpha Man has strength.
It's not that life never happens to the Alpha Man, its how he copes with it. He has the fortitude and character to get up and keep going when life knocks him down. He takes his responsibilities to those that depend on him seriously and he does not falter in uncertain circumstances. He is solution oriented and finds a way. Those who depend on him may be family members, minor children, his wife...it may be employees and/or business partners. He maintains a cool head through adversity and to paraphrase Churchill, 'if he is going through Hell, he keeps going."
The Alpha Man has wisdom.
Particularly as he gains in life experience he becomes aware of the limitations of his own knowledge and he is a seeker of information, knowledge, and wisdom from those whose expertise may interest or assist him. These are often cerebral men on some level, often avid readers and/or lifelong students in some capacity for they are constantly wanting to understand more about themselves and their place in the world. If he displays arrogance it is generally toward those he considers lessor than himself, (including at times women, lol.)
The Alpha Man has grace.
He has a manner that is borne out of knowing his stature among men and in the world and he is comfortable there in his own skin, imperfections and all. He may be vain, he may not reveal his flaws for public display but he is calibrated and appropriate. He exerts self control and emotional restraint.
The Alpha Man has perseverance.
He is not a quitter. He finds a way and figures out how to get where he wants to go. I have a friend who is creating a revolutionary set of proprietary inventions. He can cite Tesla's principals by heart and has been working on development of his original designs for more than 2 decades. Now he is on the cusp of material success and when he becomes known he will appear an overnight sensation. He is anything but that. He has toiled for years overcoming design flaws, patent laws, permits and etc. and etc. Reworking and reworking and reworking again. His dedication to his purpose is awesome, even though it has meant sacrifice of many creature comforts over the years.
The Alpha Man has courage.
He proceeds in the face of fear and overcomes obstacles that are in his path. He also has the courage to choose a path that is suited to himself, and will choose his own way rather than be pigeon holed into the expectations of others.
The Alpha Man is caring.
He has humility, empathy, and if he loves, he loves deeply. He is devoted and protective. He loves from a place of strength and choice, never from a place of supplication. He is capable of ruthlessness as well and may inspire fear as well as love in others, but if he does not tend toward dark triad traits he values honor, although he also understands pragmatism. He is observant and understands people and their motivations; what he and others care about.
The Alpha Man is authentic.
He is himself. Because he is himself his game is inner game. He doesn't need to adopt alpha traits, rather he embodies alpha traits. He expects others to conform to his vision and come into his world. I often say here that my father NEVER lost frame. Not once. Not with his mother, not with his wives, not with his children, not with clients or friends. Not EVER. Did he have regrets? Yes. Did he have painful experiences? Yes. Did he make poor decisions at times? Yes. But he owned them all and understood the consequences were natural outcomes that derived from his choices. He was open about his mistakes with those close to him. He wanted others to learn from his screw ups (and he had a few doosies). But he went through his life on his terms no matter what. You could be on the train or off the train, but make no mistake the train was leaving upon his command with or without you.
Notice everything I have mentioned is internal to a man. Nothing is external. Alpha is about leadership and character. People are drawn to this type of character in a man, both women and men.
Please be invited to contribute.
