"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
What exactly is quiet confidence?
- Thread starter Fatality
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
buckwheat18
Don Juan
biker_gixxer
Master Don Juan
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"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
biker_gixxer
Master Don Juan
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I don't know bro, he came off as the 'quiet' type to me. Didn't say much, kept cool, calm etc.
Yotsuya-san
Senior Don Juan
You don't see a lot appreciation of quiet confidence today. Quiet anything is generally passed over as being dull and boring. Seems like people like quirks, eccentricities, and idiosyncracies that "spice up" a personality. So much that many actually cultivate quirks and idiosyncracies just for their own sake. The problem is when a person gets noted more for these than his actual competence. This can come as a liability, even if he's good at whatever he does.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
It goes along with what I say about DJs not ever having to prove anything, they let their actions speak for them-self. No boasting necessary.
Again I have to quote a sig of someone from this forum but I can't remember who. It speaks volumes to this:
"Walk in like you don't care who owns the place..."
Now thats quiet confidence.
People who have quiet confidence often carry an air of mystery. Their demeanour and attitude tells you they have a lot going for them, but they never tell you what it is.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Shiftkey
Master Don Juan
The reactions of the other characters are scripted. A seemingly confident action by your hero might not seem very confident in the real world. Keep in mind that AFCs are so common because most guys copy what they see on screen.
Quiet confidence is carrying yourself with good posture, not looking around everywhere like you're being stalked, and only speaking when necessary. You know you're a great guy and don't care about other people's opinion of you; because even if it's a negative one, they'd be wrong.
Quiet confidence is not caring about confidence. It's not seeking it as a goal. Confidence is a means, a way of life, an end.
It's being centered. Not needing anything. You spirit isn't thrown out of balance over money, women, image, or cars.
It's keeping the EGO in check and going for what truly makes you happy. I.e. the girl who treats you better, rather than the girl who looks better.
It's keeping yourself in check. Not trying to dominate another person, not trying to one-up them. Nobody likes perfectionist braggerts.
It's knowing that you don't, and won't, know everything. But could learn anything, and can find the answer if need be. I.e. Henry Ford.
It's realizing that nobody is perfect and being able to laugh at life. The guy who laughs over mishaps rather than overreacts to them is more centered. He doesn't lose needless energy on meaningless, short-term trivialities.
It's not leaning in on someone emotionally. It's self-control of inner spirit. You don't need anything. You want things, and when you get them, they're on your terms. When things aren't on your terms, and aren't in accordance with our true inner feelings, it sucks the energy from within, making it harder to perform others functions and causes us to drain off others.
Let the guys who chime in here reveal the truth behind it. In all cases where I remained within myself and realized something was not worth the drain of energy and life it took, I felt better. In addition, when a woman put me in a position to desire aggressive action, I backed off. I wasn't going to fall into it as if I needed it, or as if I'd take action to defend myself. Both cases represent a disease of the ego to protect itself, as if the slings and arrows of normal life could damage it.
Confidence doesn't require a confirmation of outside acceptance. "Social proof" isn't needed, and even when the time comes you get it, you don't care anyway. All you have is all you need, and you will get in time what you're willing to pay for through hard work.
Anything that can be acquired, can be lost.
Don't aim to ACQUIRE confidence, for then it can be lost. If you base it on such things as image (ego), these thing detriorate, fail, breakdown, are lost, and so forth.
Money comes and goes.
Friends come and go.
Looks come and go.
Talent comes and goes.
I recall watching an expose on Playmates and what happens after their time is up. IF a girl is spectacular enough to reach the upper echelon of beauty, then she is amongst one of the tops in the world. She gets a fat deal and access to the playboy mansion insofaras she remains respectable. However, they sign iron-clad contracts, and as naive girls, they think it's ok. Down the road, they can be bound to prevented from doing certain modeling gigs because the rights are owned by Hugh. So their main asset becomes a liablity because they have...
-no education.
-no control over their contracts or pictures.
-fixed money.
Not that it's bad, but the few girls who make it tops, THEN have to acceed to modeling. Some go to porn and get booted from the Playboy mansion for life. Most don't get acting jobs because it's not respectable enough (Carmen, and Anderson were the flukes). Granted they get access and lifestyle unparalleled, but so do many lottery winners and most lottery winners end up worse off than they started (over 85% end up Bankrupt).
This only demonstrates how need and intangible, fleeting factors of confidence kill the person.
Bottom-line...if your using proofs outside yourself for confidence, your losing the confidence factor.
A-Unit
icecreaman
Don Juan
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"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
I was going to say Indy however one word came to mind and made me think otherwise, "snakes." It's not as if he can't handle them, just that he handles them just when he has to.
Alpine
Master Don Juan
Yotsuya-san
Senior Don Juan
To put it another way, because they are not loud,agressive, and flamboyant about their skills and acheivements, the ones with quiet confidence typically deserve more recognition than they actually get. But they are the last ones to complain about it.