What does Marriage offer to a man today???

[edger]

The strange thing is, on one level she KNOWS she is being unfair and unrealistic by expecting the future husband to work longer hours, but I doubt she will let go of those wishes, and will probably be able to manipulate him into doing what she wants.

If I do ever get married, one thing I will NEVER EVER do is let her mooch off me. She will work just like I do and have to pay half the bills, so long as she can afford it. If she can't pay half, she will have to pay whatever she can. No free rides here. Why should I get stuck with it all? There's nothing more AFC in this world than the hordes of p*ssy men letting their wives stay home and drive their mini-vans/SUV's around while he busts his ass. If she has kids though and has to raise the kids, then that's obviously a different story. Such a case is justified.

 

[Bonhomme]

A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

~ Herbert Spencer

Levity aside,

I believe if it's not 2 lives aligning to make one better one, then get out and get rid of it.

A-Unit again hit the nail on the head. And it's a real tall order, for certain.

 

[jophil28]

This boy has his head on straight - only 24 years old and he gets it.
Too bad some 22 year old HB9.99 is gonna come along and turn you into a lustful, brainless, wuss. It happens at least once to us all son. Getting all bent over by some doll,and then getting your heart broken is a 'rite of passage' .
It proves that we are not as smart as we think we are,not as detached and cool as we want to be but it also proves that we have the ability to emotionally fall deeply for a woman (usually the wrong woman )

Hope for it sooner than later.

 

[dietzcoi]

Dissapointing, isn't it, that Azanon feels the need to justify being married by claiming everything is so wonderful in his marriage.

I thought my marriage was wonderful too... until it turned horrible. And let me tell you, if your wife goes loony, there is NOTHING you can do to stop it, short of violence (bad idea). God forbid this happen to Azanon, then he will be posting on here how terrible marriage is!

My point is, don't use your own experience as the rule for everybody, but rather look at the whole society. I have looked and I surely can tell you that the majority (large majority) of marriages either end in divorce or are not "happy". I know 100s of married people and I think I can safely make this statement.

So - does marriage really offer men a "good deal"?? Most of the time, NO.

Now do you want to "take a risk" with $100,000s of your money?? Why? Where is the gain? You risk your entire future for what? Having a housekeeper and being able to have sex whenever you want??? (Believe me that does not happen in most marriages!!! Ask anybody...)

I stand by my "numbnuts" comment.

Dietzcoi

 

[ElChoclo]

Well said Dietzcoi. If people started to disbelieve this mythology, there would be hell to pay for society. But then again, better that there be hell to pay for society than hell for you personally.

 

[blueguy]

I spoke with a guy a couple of months ago, 60 years old, on his 2nd marriage. Anyway, things were going well for him for 5 years with his 2nd wife. No signs of anything wrong whatsoever. He gave me all these details of how she'd go out of her way to do nice things for him and how happy he was. He just bought a $600k house "for her" that she had fell in love with a couple months ago...

Well, he was on a trip with her and all of a sudden she tells him, "I don't think this is going to work out." Turns out she wants a divorce. He was completely SHOCKED. No signs of it coming at all. And the reason for the divorce is pretty absurd and unbelievable. He tells me that he now realizes she was holding her cards close to her chest the ENTIRE time and didn't act how she really felt until the last moment until she knew that it was for SURE.

These girls are cunning and ruthless. Maybe she could have had the heart to tell him before he spends his life savings on a house??? Poor guy just bought the $600k house a few weeks prior, lost around $15k in closing costs and is stuck with a $4k/mo mortgage payment on it (he's an old AFC). He's probably not going to fare well in the divorce proceedings. I bet he'll lose a lot of his retirement savings to this 43 year old lady. 60 year old guy. Who needs it more?

Anyway, I agree with dietzcoi. To say that marriage is for some men and not for others is not helping us. Marriage (with current laws) is not for any man. Us men in society shouldn't support the current marriage/divorce laws. The laws need to be changed so that whoever takes the children pays for them. Alimony needs to be done away with. Assets and incomes should remain as they would have been if the couple had been single the entire time.

 

[azanon]

Dissapointing, isn't it, that Azanon feels the need to justify being married by claiming everything is so wonderful in his marriage.

I don't feel the need to justify anything fellow. I was giving a personal account of how it was working for me for the purpose of helping the men here have an informed understanding of marriage. If it weren't for me and maybe 1 or 2 others posting, it would be a 100% concensus that marriage is a losing game since no happily married man have the balls to speak up.

I thought my marriage was wonderful too... until it turned horrible. And let me tell you, if your wife goes loony, there is NOTHING you can do to stop it, short of violence (bad idea). God forbid this happen to Azanon, then he will be posting on here how terrible marriage is!

I watched my mom go loony (ok, not really loony, but irrational enough that I wouldn't tolerate it) during my childhood years, so I know that kind of thing can happen. As I grew older, I tried to suggest without saying (to my dad) that I would fully support him if he were to leave her.

My wife is a clinical therapist. If she goes loony, she's not going to be the only one with some problems. God help everyone she treats.

My point is, don't use your own experience as the rule for everybody, but rather look at the whole society.

Point me to where I suggested my experience is the rule. OR save yourself some time, and accept that I never said that.

I have looked and I surely can tell you that the majority (large majority) of marriages either end in divorce or are not "happy". I know 100s of married people and I think I can safely make this statement.

and probably in ~ 50% of those cases, its the man's fault.

So - does marriage really offer men a "good deal"?? Most of the time, NO.

As i mentioned earlier, if you are "average" (generally speaking), the odds are against you. The average AFC american male will get taken for a ride in a marriage. Self-assess.

Now do you want to "take a risk" with $100,000s of your money?? Why? Where is the gain? You risk your entire future for what? Having a housekeeper and being able to have sex whenever you want??? (Believe me that does not happen in most marriages!!! Ask anybody...)

If you can't think of any other potential marital benefits, maybe you should give it 5 more years or so before you participate here.

I stand by my "numbnuts" comment.

Eat your heart out quietly. Its more dignified.

......................

Edit: Found this in "anything else" forum

"My parents are still married, my ex-inlaws are still married, but I am divorced
Guess I do not fit the model?
It can happen to anyone, and will happen faster if you are stupid.
DIetzcoi"

Now I know why you're bitter and jealous.

 

[azanon]

Let me attempt to steer this pathetic thread another way:

So marriage-haters, what do you suggest as an alternative? Live together with one (and risk common-law marriage in some states), just date until you are old, use condoms for the rest of your life and/or get a vascetomy (and play herpes roulette)? Lets here it............, if it won't be marriage, what will it be for some of you?

 

[blueguy]

The world isn't perfect. It would be better if more balanced laws were in place.

This isn't really a SoSuave thing as I've met plenty of guys in real life who understand the same way. The only common thread is experience and knowledge.

We all know full well that girls are only attracted to men that have ambition. Well, one of my ambitions is my business. It's not just going to go away. Here is the double-edged sword. How can one stay ambitious about growing something that is at 100% risk in somebody else's hands?

Honestly, there are not many better alternatives for long term relationships. The United States needs to catch up with a lot of the other developed nations in this respect.

I will say though that spinning multiple plates can be just as satisfying as a long term relationship, except for the man who is not in control of his emotions and must share them with a significant other to feel validated.

 

[azanon]

Hey Blueguy, I share your distaste for marital laws (during divorce) in the USA. It does suck and, monetarily, I would lose quite a bit in a divorce. Granted, she certainly has assisted to building up my net worth, but I do make about double what she does.

But here's the thing for me - from the single's perspective. I hate condoms. No, i really hate them. Ok, sure, I would still game a woman and use one, but I wouldn't be happy about it. If you go the vascetomy route and/or trust she's on the pill, then you expose yourself to risk to any number of STDs.

Worse, forget marital laws, what about child support laws. If you knock up a woman in the US, you are going to be paying approximately 25% of your paycheck to her for 18 years for child support. Seriously fellows - 25%. It is extremely easy for her to prove paternity too.

These things being said, I eagerly await some of you guys glorious alternatives to just taking "marriage-risk".

 

[blueguy]

It seems the risk of that is pretty low. I never go without a condom, btw...

But you raise another point. 25%. That is absurd. That's about as absurd as the 50% split in marriage.

 

[azanon]

It seems the risk of that is pretty low. I never go without a condom, btw...

If you don't mind condoms, there's a huge plus for you for the single approach. Again, I almost despise them.

But you raise another point. 25%. That is absurd. That's about as absurd as the 50% split in marriage.

Careful with the possible implication here. Remember, that "50%" is a one-time dishing out that comes out of assets, then you move on (unless their's children involved). With the child support, you pay 25% out of your paycheck for 18 years.

IF i had been married for a while and had children of my own that was in my life, I would want to provide them adequate financial support. Obviously, I can directly think of my 4 year old son whom I love. I wouldn't need a court to force me to help raise him. I love that little fellow.

 

[blueguy]

Right. Let's avoid all other debate though. But child support should not be figured by percentages. 25% of (let's just throw a figure here) $30,000 is $7,500/mo. It's absurd and illogical. But you'd more likely be having children in a marriage.

 

[azanon]

Right. Let's avoid all other debate though. But child support should not be figured by percentages. 25% of (let's just throw a figure here) $30,000 is $7,500/mo. It's absurd and illogical. But you'd more likely be having children in a marriage.

It is generally 25% of gross salary for one kid. Absurd and illogical it may be, but that doesn't make it any less accurate. Besides, how many here make 360K/year or more (using your 30K/month figure).

 

[azanon]

Um, thanks, but apparently my post got deleted. I have no idea why.

Let me take a wild guess; because in that post you said you were 24, and this forum is only for 25+. Close only counts in horseshoes, handgrenades, and nuclear weapons (any others i'm missing?).

 

[Mr.Positive]

Let me attempt to steer this pathetic thread another way:

So marriage-haters, what do you suggest as an alternative? Live together with one (and risk common-law marriage in some states), just date until you are old, use condoms for the rest of your life and/or get a vascetomy (and play herpes roulette)? Lets here it............, if it won't be marriage, what will it be for some of you?

Well..the alternative is happiness Azanon. What I mean is, marriage should not be a goal of men. It should not be on your "to do" list of lifetime achievements. After all the oneitis's and experiences women have taught me over the years is that: women will not bring you happiness, you have to find it within.

Don't get me wrong, in all honesty, I'd love to get married. I'd love to meet an top-notch quality woman that shares the same values as me, and has the same high self standards of integrity. Will that happen? Maybe..maybe not. I'm not going to place my self worth on it though.

Someone wrote once that women are a nice addition to a man's life. That's the point. Women come and go through our lives and we should just enjoy the time that we spend with them.

 

[squirrels]

Marriage, marriage, marriage...

If you're getting married for the RIGHT reasons, the marriage itself is just a technicality.

If you sit around wondering what benefits marriage has for you and what the consequences will be, chances are you're in the WRONG RELATIONSHIP, in that you're expecting marriage to CHANGE something. If it's the RIGHT RELATIONSHIP, then marriage won't change a thing except your tax filing status.

 

[azanon]

Well..the alternative is happiness Azanon. What I mean is, marriage should not be a goal of men. It should not be on your "to do" list of lifetime achievements. After all the oneitis's and experiences women have taught me over the years is that: women will not bring you happiness, you have to find it within.

Don't get me wrong, in all honesty, I'd love to get married. I'd love to meet an top-notch quality woman that shares the same values as me, and has the same high self standards of integrity. Will that happen? Maybe..maybe not. I'm not going to place my self worth on it though.

Someone wrote once that women are a nice addition to a man's life. That's the point. Women come and go through our lives and we should just enjoy the time that we spend with them.

I agree with all of that.

Marriage was not a goal of mine either. The woman i married I dated for approximately 1.5 years before I asked her to marry me. Get this; there was actually only 2-3 days between the point where I had the idea and made the decision to marry her, and when I actually asked (her). She did or said nothing that encouraged it either; in fact she, on more than one occasion, said she wouldnt marry for several years at least. I just thought to myself, hey I love this woman and she's my best friend..... I'm going to ask her.

I was "ready" for it though, had I met the right woman. I really wasn't nervous at all about it. I knew for me that "the married life" was probably going to be my preference. No regrets 14 years later (and counting).

 

[bigjohnson]

Well..the alternative is happiness Azanon. What I mean is, marriage should not be a goal of men.

Some guys actually want to raise sons and daughters, for them I would say marriage is a means to that goal. I spent a lot of time thinking about things like this when my dad had health issues and I realized that we as men can and propably should realize that we have a lot more to pass on to our children than DNA.

Just something to consider.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Some guys actually want to raise sons and daughters, for them I would say marriage is a means to that goal. I spent a lot of time thinking about things like this when my dad had health issues and I realized that we as men can and propably should realize that we have a lot more to pass on to our children than DNA.

Just something to consider.

That's a great point bigjohnson. But there's a catch to it though..the way marriages are today. A woman can take your kids away from you if she feels like it. Your sons and daughters, in the eyes of the law, are not yours...they are hers. A bold statement for sure, but a scary harsh reality.