What does it mean to be a member of the Mature Man Forum?

[MacAvoy]

Do we really need to be like the news and carry a bunch of negative stories about how women are terrible, what an AFC a guy is, I know that we need to watch out for red flags but most of this stuff is pretty basic and should be common sense.

I've heard the justification in the past that in the MM forum, "we all know how to approach so we don't need to talk about that" and I'm fine with that, and I'm all for discussing the logic / theory / psychology behind why something happens and improving in that sense.

However I find all these news stories only serve to propagate the perception of misogyny on the site. I find they are just b1tch sessions about the perils of women. Personally I love women, I love being around women, women make me laugh, women make me feel great, women give me the greatest natural high on earth when I blow my load inside her.

So my question is do we really need threads like:

Picking the wrong man can cost you your life by LatinoMan where it turns out that the women didn't even poison him and served 2 years wrongly in prison but she's still low class but the poor old men are still getting the shaft going to jail for being accused of killing their wives because they had an affair.

Is this rape? by DavenJuan where the women basically WARNED him before hand that she was going to tell him stop (and scream rape) and he was stupid enough to fall for the trap.

If you ever find yourself lucky enough to get married by STR8UP where everyone cries how the one legged hor took his money, when its a well known fact what the law is and if people don't protect their assets, then they shouldn't cry when the law thats been in place for hundreds of years in enforced.

Is a man getting a vasectomy AFC? by MatureDJ. I think its common sense its supplicating behaviour. Are we that naive in the MM forum that we have to repeat this stuff to ourselves? We are treating ourselves like teenagers who need to be taught how to protect ourselves.

Why Beautiful Women marry less attractive men by DJDamage where we talk about how society is promoting AFC'ism. Again this isn't rocket science, society has been promoting AFC'ism to us since I was a baby and I think since everyone on this site was a baby.

Instead I think we should focus on the more positive aspects of looking at logic / theory and the psychology behind what's going on in the lives of the Mature Man. For example we already have great threads like this on the forum:

For LatinoMan: Setting Expectations by DJCT, a great thread about how to set expectations & groundrules in an LTR.

Objective: The man who could cheat death by Victory Unlimited. I won't spill the beans on it but according to KontrollerX, its VU's greatest post.

Power of Perception by guru1000, a great thread about facing adversity and how your perception can affect the outcome bumped in a timely manner after a bunch of us were acting like HS'ers.

Married women, single women by STR8UP, ok sure it was a bit of a b1tch at STR8UP thread as usual but at least we are discussing people we know and can analyze the situation and see how people interact. Plus he finally got laid!

My journey out of the Matrix by romangod, self explanatory but still a valuable thread.

Everyday you wait, your choices decrease by MrLuvr, a great thread taking a look at the diminishing choices for men getting into their 40's.

Red Flags and Phrases to keep an ear for, with examples by Karma Sutra, an incredibly amusing story but very important things to watch out for

Now I wasn't trying to pick on anyone in particular, I just took threads from the first 2 pages of the MM forum and tried to pick a positive thread if I posted a bad news story example from the person where possible.

Maybe I'm off base and you guys really find the first group of threads valuable but to me, they all seem like common sense, stuff that we should know and it just ends up being a b1tch session about women and their perils.

Personally I think being a Mature Man is about growth. Do you really grow by focussing on negatives? I thought growth came from reflection of our lives, learning where we went wrong, coming up with a plan on how to improve, setting that plan in action, then after a while look at your progress, re-evaluate, make adjustments and keep moving forward. To me, thats what the second set of threads contribute to.

Cheers my fellow Don Juaners.

 

[Latinoman]

I want to make clear about one thing...when I first created that thread...was to illustrate that picking the wrong woman for a wife can cost your life.

She cheated on him. Then after he died...she collected his life insurance and the first thing she did was get a boobs job. She also slept with several men (even the same day her husband was buried).

Putting the "killing" aside (as it turns out she was innocent of THAT)...do you feel this is the kind of woman you want to marry and in the event you die, leave your children behind so she can take care of him?

Many men once they reach mature age (over 30) start focusing on marriage. I feel warning mature men in here about the IMPORTANCE of picking the right woman is more than appropriate.

 

[iqqi]

Great post, Mac, and I concur wholeheartedly. Down with the negativity!

(just woke up. feeling wordy )

 

[DJDamage]

Topics are irrelevent if they don't create a indepth discussion. To focus on one issue while ignoring the rest is what women tend to do. Reality can sometimes be an ugly and a negative thing so it shouldn't be ignored.

 

[KontrollerX]

Well I thought it was VU's greatest post because he showed by virtue of himself not falling into the grave that the DJ life and way of growth is the way to go.

Its unfortunate for his friends that they chose a life of self destruction but also by way of VU's own life change the topic is a positive message about the power of this place to change lives.

I think you are and have been looking for negatives where there really may be none Mac.

It happens on more forums than I care to count when someone gets bored.

And I always repeat the same message that no one ever listens to and it is this...

If you don't like the way a forum is going and don't like the posts on it, you either need a break or you need to be the one to fill the void with what you think the place is missing because complaining about it never gets anything accomplished or changed.

People come on, read your message, some may agree but then that is it.

No change is made and as a result of no change being made more complaining topics are generated because the same poster thinks the complaint topics will have some kind of effect.

They will not and never have had an effect on any forum.

The only thing that has an effect is what Ghandi said and it is this...

"Be the change you want to see in the world".

Do that Mac and you can carve out a little diamond of bliss in a place that is fast becoming a coal to you.

 

[MacAvoy]

I don't disagree with your intentions LatinoMan. However, I think it should be pretty common sense that you need to be careful when choosing a wife. However the title of your post suggested the wife killed him which in fact was untrue.

More importantly out of the thousands of guys on this site, how many are seriously contemplating marriage and need this advice?

I mean the example you chose is so extreme that it loses its value. To me, you just sensationalized your message and you lost the message because of the sensationalism. Its the same thing with the McCartney thread, going for shock value cuz its a large number, it just turns into a b1tch fest instead of dealing with the REAL ISSUE in your case being more careful in choosing partners.

Do you see where I'm coming from?

 

[MacAvoy]

The only thing that has an effect is what Ghandi said and it is this...

"Be the change you want to see in the world".

Do that Mac and you can carve out a little diamond of bliss in a place that is fast becoming a coal to you.

Is that not what I'm doing with this thread? I'm taking a more proactive approach. I realize that I may get a few props and a few well my intentions are noble and in the end it's likely going to go back to the same way its been.

But if I don't come out and do what I think is best, then what am I doing?

 

[KontrollerX]

Well I would classify this (and I mean no offense Mac) as one of those complaining topics that people may rally behind but ultimately accomplishes nothing.

What I mean by being the change you want to see in the world is making a positive Macavoy post.

Some kind of take of yours that you view to be incredibly positive that you just want to share with us about life and women.

Do this often and you will carve out your zone and idea of Sosuave positivity.

 

[MacAvoy]

Some kind of take of yours that you view to be incredibly positive that you just want to share with us about life and women.

Can you explain what you mean by this please.

ps no offense taken

 

[KontrollerX]

Alright...

I don't know if you were around a few months back but anyway joekerr went on a topic creating spree.

He was posting so much great stuff one of the posters said something like "Wow joe you are on a roll lately".

And he just kept busting them out one great positive topic after another and for a while the forum was caught up in what I like to refer to as the era of joekerr.

Joe's posts during this period I think anyone would consider to be positive and by virtue of their positivity they inspired other posters to make topics in a similar positive joekerr like fashion.

Doing things like this is what I mean Mac.

Joe had a message from the heart to share with us all and he did so until he got it all out. There will probably be another joekerr awesome topic run some day soon but perhaps now what the forum needs is another era like this.

The era of Macavoy.

I think you can do it, if you understand what I'm getting at now.

 

[MacAvoy]

Thanks for the explanation. However its not likely, I'm not one to start those types of threads. Its just not in me, I save them for the Joeker's, Interceptor's, VU's etc... of the SS world.

 

[decades]

You can still love women, and we can still read about the bad things they do to men. I don't see why we can't have both. :cheer:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Is it negativity or objectivity? From what I read, a lot of what people consider negativity regarding gender/social dynamics and how they relate to specific instances is really an observance of the mechanics and functions. More often than not, what we observe is problematic and really isn't pretty, so we become predisposed to associating anything attempting to be objective as being negative. It's binary thinking to assume a situation must always have an optimistic or pessimistic bent when pragmatism would serve better. Extreme optimism is just as foolish as extreme pessimism - one makes you Pollyanna and the other makes you Eeyore. Far better to apply simple pragmatism - learn as much as you can about your problem, expect the best, be prepared for the worst. Positive thinking is a powerful thing, but it's useless without action, preparation, understanding, questioning and an ability to improvise - and more often than not it's these things that people mistakenly perceive as 'negative.'

 

[azanon]

There is quite a bit of misogyny here, and I'm not sure exactly how that got thrown in the mix of DJism. LS threw you guys some half-truth fast balls right in the face.

My off-the-cuff guess is a lot of guys got burned hard by a woman, went looking on the net for some help, then found this site where they are learning how to be a DJ, but all the while are venting about that negative experience that caused them to find this site in the first place. Our former LMS was a benchmark example of this, but of course we see it with many posters here to a lesser extent.

I see it show pretty hard whenever a marriage discussion comes up. People here think I'm either lying about my wife or that I have a 1 in 1,000,000 woman. Since I'm biased, I might agree to some extent on that latter explanation, but of course that isn't really true.

Quote me: I absolutely love women.

 

[Latinoman]

I don't disagree with your intentions LatinoMan. However, I think it should be pretty common sense that you need to be careful when choosing a wife. However the title of your post suggested the wife killed him which in fact was untrue.

Actually...it was a FACT three two years ago. The evidence provided then linked her to he being poison.

Two years later it was determine the laboratory work was contaminated. And instead of forgetting about the thread...I did what a REAL man does. I searched the thread and bumped it to also clear her here.

More importantly out of the thousands of guys on this site, how many are seriously contemplating marriage and need this advice?

Couple years ago, when I created the thread were quite a few.

I mean the example you chose is so extreme that it loses its value. To me, you just sensationalized your message and you lost the message because of the sensationalism.

Sensationalized? Dude...she was acused of POISONING him. That's why she went to jail. Poison was found in his autopsy. It turned out that two years later they revisit the lab results and determined it was a human error. Instead of forgetting about the thread...I dig the thread up and pointed out how phucked up was the legal system.

Do you see where I'm coming from?

Nope.

 

[Latinoman]

Posting reality does not make a man a woman hater.

Here are some facts...I LOVE women. But for my health and wellbeing I choose what I consider women with class, integrity, and a level of quality. Because that free time to focus in other areas of my life.

That does not make me a man that hates women. It makes me a man that understand women.

There is nothing negative about this. It is in fact a positive.

 

[romangod]

What does it mean to be a member of the Mature Man Forum?


It means supporting and encouraging our brothers as we navigate the journey called "life". Women are a symptom of many of our problems but they most certainly are not the disease.

However, be careful. They can give you a disease. Cheers!

 

[iqqi]

I understand what you are saying, Mac.

People can bottle up and sell all the negativity they want, and call it reality. They'd make a pretty penny here right now, the market for it is in demand!

However, perception colors and shapes reality. That is the important thing to understand. Focus on the negativity, and you are sure to see it more.

 

[mrRuckus]

Posting reality does not make a man a woman hater.

Here are some facts...I LOVE women. But for my health and wellbeing I choose what I consider women with class, integrity, and a level of quality. Because that free time to focus in other areas of my life.

That does not make me a man that hates women. It makes me a man that understand women.

There is nothing negative about this. It is in fact a positive.

I view women and most people in general as more of pets. They are there for my amusement and if they cease to be amusing by sh1tting on my carpet they are removed.

 

[ketostix]

Is it negativity or objectivity? From what I read, a lot of what people consider negativity regarding gender/social dynamics and how they relate to specific instances is really an observance of the mechanics and functions. More often than not, what we observe is problematic and really isn't pretty, so we become predisposed to associating anything attempting to be objective as being negative. It's binary thinking to assume a situation must always have an optimistic or pessimistic bent when pragmatism would serve better. Extreme optimism is just as foolish as extreme pessimism - one makes you Pollyanna and the other makes you Eeyore. Far better to apply simple pragmatism - learn as much as you can about your problem, expect the best, be prepared for the worst. Positive thinking is a powerful thing, but it's useless without action, preparation, understanding, questioning and an ability to improvise - and more often than not it's these things that people mistakenly perceive as 'negative.'

I totally agree. People like to say something is either negative or positive, misogynist or not, optomistic or pessimistic. This is a very binary and female way of viewing things. I heard a recent news story say people who are overly optimistic are more prone to gambling, risk taking and being in debt. They ignore a 100 losses and only focus on one win.