You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
All that I can say is that he was definitely a schmuck for apologizing even though she hadn't gotten in touch with him and he felt the need to "track her down." I see AFC in big 60" flashing red letters.Poonani Maker said:
Absolutely, what I was thinkin. I think I'm gonna tell her that too if I get the chance. She's still with this "boyfriend" and says he gives her Everything, and she uses the phrase "my boyfriend" at the beginning of almost EVERY sentence that comes out of her mouth. "My boyfriend and I are going to Hawaii this week." "My boyfriend is taking jewelry-making class with me." "My boyfriend doesn't like me going to the gym because he thinks I'm out to meet other guys." And on and on and on. The b1tch is 31 too. I could understand 21. She says that they have sex all the time too so he's gettin some. She showed me his picture. He looks a little g@y - like a mime with a good body I guess. Anyhow, more power to him if he can shower her with gifts and win her affection so be it. She asks me to goto coffee with her, but I alway ignore these requests or "suggestions." If she asks me again in about 3 months I "might" do it, I dunno.Francisco d'Anconia said:
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Francisco d'Anconia said:
Well that's because you know how to build comfort with "good" women quick. You're a normal guy, probably with decent morals. Most of the f'd up guys who make women feel uneasy because they masturbate too much or want tear to into any chick with two legs' pants, would be begging for the woman to take advantage of him, have him thrown in jail even. It's all about body language, comfort with who you are, and confidence to say whatever.potato said:
Agreed... I was just throwing it out there thoughDjDan said:
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
Now you guys are getting it. Now this doesn't mean that guys should just give out their info and wait either. This is why I have said that getting an email address or telephone number is a waste of time in the beginning. What is your immediate goal, to be penpals? To talk on the phone while watching "American Idol?" Or is it to actually get together at a later time and place? If it's the latter, why not just set up a meeting and see how she responds???!!! Talk about an easy way to gage her interest level.reset said:
). If she's already really interested, she'll offer you her info right then and there in case you need to change the plan. You are spinning plates, right?That's true. I swear, everytime I'm on this forum everyone tries so hard to do "anti-AFC" behavior it probably does more harm than good. There's nothing wrong with apologizing to a girl as long as you're a man about it. There's nothing wrong with buying a girl flowers if there's mutual interest. There is nothing wrong with losing a girlfriend and being disappointed about it. It's just part of being human. Jeez. Some of you got really warped minds through years of resentment derived from social isolation.
:nono: You've been ignoring me again....reset said:
Imagine how I feel reading the mounds upon mounds of threads about phone numbers from women they haven't even qualified...reset said:
Understand, that it's easiest when you can approach, create rapport and illicit comfort smoothly and quickly. Without that, don't expect much.HELLO!!! Ever wonder why women don't seem to return your phonecalls? It's because they are busy with guys like me who just tell them when they are going to go out, period.reset said:
Only the ones who aren't interested will feel "on the spot," it's usually hard for them to say no. The interested ones will either accept, counter or give you an opening to go further along "Here's my number Francisco, call me when you have time."reset said:
Ha ha. No, I guess I'm just furthering my grasp of what qualifying truly means. It's just the mindset. You've gone from "trying to get chicks" (don't know what your history is obviously, maybe you were born good) to "is this chick worth it" and I'm still making that shift. This is prize-mentality.Francisco d'Anconia said:
Duh, thanks for that reminder... the intersted chicks will help you along, which I am used to actually.Francisco d'Anconia said:....the interested ones will either accept, counter or give you an opening to go further along "Here's my number Francisco, call me when you have time."
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
If the "prize" concept works for you, sure that's a way to look at it.reset said:
Have I ever said that this stuff is much easier than guys make it out to be?? Yep, I have...reset said:
Here's an example, you're a winning multi-million dollar lottery ticket. Where would you like to be purchased and by who? You're still a prize that everyone would probably like to win none the less, but with who would you want to go home; just anyone?reset said: