what do you guys think about marriage?!

[mongoose01]

i've been thinking alot lately of my life and what not. marriage is something that i've been contemplating about to. i have some friends that are married, but their situation seems difficult to me.

Some examples:

one dudes wife is always yelling and screaming. she interjects when ever he is talking and talks over him. she is also very big now. he's not allowed to really leave the house either, she throws a fit and calls him constantly. he's always talking about getting some puzzy elsewhere.


another dude told me that his wife is always complaining that he can't do anything right. he asked me the other day his moral dilemna (sp) of wanting to screw some broads he met. last week i was at his house and his wife came home. we were talking on the front porch. she walked up to us and asked us what were we talking about! she really wanted to know. my mom and dad are still married (about 30 years). my mother would have never in a million years asked my dad and his friends that.


since my breakup i've been reading alot and been on this site. it seems that married men have to deal with alot. are marriages that difficult or guys marrying the wrong women.

do guys get married because they fall in love and almost get duped into it.

another buddy of mine said his gf threaten to leave him if they didn't get married (mid 30's). he told her to leave then. he said he didn't call her or nothing while she was gone. i asked him did he fvck any other *****es and how long was she gone. he said he wasn't sure how long she was gone and fvcking *****es is his routine, so he really didn't remember, reason being - WHEN SHE LEFT, IT WAS NOT A MOMUMENTAL EVENT IN HIS LIFE! that's what he told me.

she came back a week later.

so fellas what's the deal with this marriage thing. i'm 34, just broke up with my ex 2 months ago (no contact). i'm focusing on my career, daughter, and other stuff. i'm absorbing info off of here to. let me know your insights!!

 

[Falcon Eye]

Neither for nor against

It's a matter of choice and priorities, and every man has a different view. In my opinion there may be nothing better than a good marriage and nothing worse than a bad marriage.

If a guy is in marriage where he on a short leash, nagged and put down a lot, this to me is a miserable existance. After spending years living like this, chances are he's lost contact with a lot of his friends, the sex is becoming more and more infrequent and she stopped giving him blow jobs years ago. This is a case of a man settling, big time. Many men living this life are interested in getting in other women's pants. By this time the marriage is over in my view.

Some men have great wives who treat them great, who look great and who keep the blow jobs coming. Even in those cases it takes work on both sides to keep it going. It's not easy.

Some guys are willing to settle just to be in a relationship of some kind, any kind really, even if it is unhappy. As for me, if you're happy in a marriage then great, if not, get the hell out. Life is too short and you don't get to do it twice.

If you ask a group of men who had their wives leave them, I'd bet dollars to donuts that most would say that when the dust settled, they were just as well off or better off then they were in the marriage. In a lot if cases women looking for that so called greener pasture are actually doing the man a favour, it's just that he doesn't know it at the time.

There's no right or wrong answer about marriage, it's different for everyone. The only thing I can say is do what makes you happy.

I don't know how long you and you ex were together, but if it was a long term relationship that lasted for years, I wouldn't be looking to get back into a serious situation right now. I'll tell you what I tell any other man that's just coming out of marriage or long term relationship and that is the only thing you should want from any woman in the near future is for her to get on her back and get on her knees.

 

[Skel]

only get married if your going to have kids, otherwise what is marriage all about if your not having children?

 

[cactus3178]

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield


"The longest sentence you can form with two words is: I do."
-HL Mencken


No, but on a serious note....marriage can be a great thing, provided it's based on a strong foundation. Too many people either rush into marriage, or get married even though there are underlying problems or critcal flaws in the relationship. They do it anyway, expecting things to magically 'work out'.

Some women feel like it's something they must do in their lives, like it's some kind of requirement. It's a tough choice, with 50% of marriages in the US ending in divorce. And it's not even the fact that divorce is hard on both parties (even if they hate each other in the end, there's still som pain there)....if there are kids involved, they end up suffering the most.

I'm a guy who married way too young, got divorced after 5 years and moved on after I thought my life was basically over...she broke my heart, but I healed and became stronger through it. I have a daughter who barely gives a **** about her mother because she's not around (by her choice).

Now that the unpleasant business is out of the way, I DO think it's possible for a marriage to be a happy, rewarding, and incredible thing. Someday I hope to meet a sweet girl that I would even consider marrying.

/rant of sorts

 

[gentleman193]

Marriage in America is a scam. Look at the cost benefit.

First, what benefit do you expect to get from it? Everyone knows marriage is when sex stops. Do you think she'll cook and clean. Fat chance. Ah, fat, now there is a relevant term. Today's American wife certainly knows all about that.

Next, lets look at costs. Take the average alimony payment plus the average child support payment and multiply by the number of years you'd pay it and then by 50% -- the chance that you will be paying it. Yeah, everybody things they are special and they will make it. Statisticians know otherwise. This number is the lower bound on the cost of your marriage. The upper bound, as any married man knows, has no known limit.

 

[WestCoaster]

It's a crap shoot -- be careful

I'm older, never married and fairly happy. I enjoy the variety of dating. That said, I do hope for "the one" some day.

But talking to my friends, it's really a crap shoot. My two best friends are utterly miserable; another real close friend is going through divorce two; my brother is very happily married with a new child; the rest of my friends and acquaintances match the U.S. demographic: about half are happy.

From my outside vantage point, here's my take:

1. Marry only foreign women. They're nicer, have not been corrupted by U.S.'s sick, twisted, commerical culture, man-hating women's groups, TV, and other garbage.

2. Marry a woman who has her own life and hobbies. You don't want to do everything with your wife, you need time off from each other. Make sure she shares your interests, but also has plenty of her own. This not only makes her interesting, but makes her have her own life. My parents are like this and have been married more than 50 years.

3. Find a woman who has good wife qualities: cooking, caretaking. This isn't sexist, it's true. Women have certain innate qualities men don't have, make sure she has them.

4. Find a woman with a warm heart, who cares about children, animals, and mankind. This should be No. 1. Trust me, a warm heart will go much farther than any looks.

5. Speaking of looks, you still must find someone you're sexually attracted to and find a woman who enjoys fitness and won't look awful when she ages. Same for you guys -- stay the f' in shape!

6. Find someone who can roll with life, not make a big deal out of little things such as toilet lids that stay up -- it takes less than a second to close it, live with it!

* Don't ever be a married AFC.

* Since in today's 21st century U.S. society (those in Scandanavia -- marry away!) you will not find a woman with the above qualities, my suggestion is to stay single.

 

[prometheus]

Ok... I probabably have a different perspective than some, or most, people here. I was married for 9 years, right out of high school. Did it for all the wrong reasons, so obviously it went south. Tried really hard to make it work, since I have kids, but that doesnt make up for being with the wrong person.

Bottom line is this, its better to be single than to be permanantly attached to the wrong person. And if youre thinking that youll just get married, and use divorce for an escape route if you need it....then your with the wrong person.

At the same time, dont let the right one pass you up because your either afraid or holding on to that last life line of manhood.

 

[WestCoaster]

Quick question Prometheus and other stuff

First off I pretty much agree with everything you say. My big question is why get married right out of high school? Even in my AFC days I never, ever wanted to do that. I guess growing up in a college town I could see what kind of women lay ahead, as in intelligent and better looking than what I saw in high school.

Actually, there's absolutely no reason to even get married in your 20's. Few people have established themselves emotionally/mentally/spiritually, and do not know where their careers are heading. Your twentys is a time of personal and career development and women can slow and hinder these processes, IMO.

Also, it may be correct to not let the right one get away, but to be honest, there literally are millions of women one could be married to. There is no "right one" there's just right place at the right time, and chemistry at the moment. Best to play it cool, live your own life, don't worry about women, and go from there. If one gets away, so be it. Another one will be around the corner. Plus, often the right one is just a b-tch in disguise and she'll become fat and naggy.

Singlehood in this country receives a bad rap. It's pretty good actually. Plus, one should rarely listen to society. Society told us in the past that it's OK to own people for labor, and that women and minorities couldn't vote. Nice society. Wasn't worth listening to then, not worth listening to now.

Listen to your own heart.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

I think most of the guys on here are too young to die.

Aside from that its a wonderful istitution, but who wants to live in an institution? (with a nod to Groucho Marx)

 

[Don of Truth]

Great question

My plan is to get married in my 30's or 40's and have 7+ kids with a women who is 10 to 15 years my junior.
I'm going to look for a women who is preferably taller and has larger bone structure so she bears me some nice big healthy babies.
I'm not going to marry any 5'3 foot 110 lb women. Mine is gonna be at least 6 foot 160+ (not fat but bone and muscle).
Nice wide hips too so those kids have it easier comin out.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

After years of chasing women, you get bored with all the ONS, and relationships with girls that are close to being that special girl, but not quite. Eventually, you start to look for more substance... when it happens, hang on with both hands.

 

[WestCoaster]

7 kids?! Chasing women?!

The world doesn't need seven more kids. Spend a day with one of your friends who has a newborn: it's not a toy. It's round the clock 24/7. Do you really want to be changing diapers in your 50's?

Hopefully you were joking. No reason to have seven kids, period. It will just be a zoo, you'll have ZERO time to yourself, your wife (already huge at 160 -- good luck in finding that kind of woman) will get enormous after that many kids. She'll be all stretched out. You're living in one big, fat, fantasy land and are completely not in reality. Hormonally women change drastically after ONE kid. After seven she will no longer find you interesting or attractive and all her time will be devoted to running your little in-home day care. Get a freakin' grip on life!

Point two: Get tired of CHASING women? Who chases if you're a DJ? Getting married just so you won't pursue women anymore? Completely the wrong reason to get married.

I'm older than you guys and have seen many, many bad marriages from friends and relatives. About 99.9 percent of you are completely off on the realities of marriage/kids, and reasons to get married.

 

[mongoose01]

you guys have given some insightful and good feedback. Maybe it's something wrong with the couples my age, because these marriages are not working.

based on my unhappy buddies, the one thing in common is the nosy, domineering, insecure, overweight, loud, wife. It's almost if these guys are scared of their wives. i don't understand that.

the most pitiful thing i see is at the grocery store. all these husbands following their wives with cart, looking miserable as hell. it's almost like their children. maybe i was raised in an unusual environment. i can't remember one time my dad and mom ever went grocery shopping together. they've been married for 40 years (still are).

i still would like to meet someone cool and attractive to settle down with.

 

[WestCoaster]

Ah, the grocery store

Yes, a great location to see AFCs at their worst, being drug around by fat, naggy wives.

I shop at one of those big warehouse grocery stores and it's full of them. The funny thing: Most of the guys are in decent shape and solid looking, and the women about 95 percent of the time are fat and ugly. What's with that?!

I'm trying hard to meet foreign women because if I marry they appear to be the only solid prospects out there.

I'm surprised at how many eager men in their 20's on this site (main DJ board and others) are dying to get married, will do anything for a woman, or got married at such young ages. Why? Don't you value your singlehood?

Also, there's a lot of threads running around that say when you find the right one, better hang on or she might leave. Leave for where, the fat farm? She's right for about a year then it's downhill city.

Interesting anecdote from a friend of mine who is going through a crappy marriage. About 70 percent of the marriages of where he works (small but lucrative business) are in trouble or are lousy. The only guy with a fun, successful marriage is a man in his 50's with a cute wife.

He had two prerequisites before he married her: that she liked to downhill ski and that she would not get fat. That's it. The others lived with their spouses, dated for years, did personality profiles, etc. ... interesting, hmmm.

 

[Slickster]

It always amazes me....

...how negative people on this board are when it comes to the idea of marriage.

The guys who have problems with their marriages (ie. Mongoose's friends) are having those problems because they never learned how to deal with women in the first place!

For example Buddy is talking on the porch with his friend and the wife walks up demanding to know what the discussion is about.

Correct responses:

- Wouldn't you like to know. (Sarcastic)
- You know "guy stuff" like Sports, Cars, Sex. (A lie)
or better yet.
- None of your damn business! (The honest response)

So many guys are convinced that marriage is such a prison. Well most of the guys who've been married and claim that marriage is such hell are most definately chumps who never had a chance anyway. They never knew how to deal with women or picked the wrong woman to begin with. (ie. Mongoose's friend's wife who is letting herself get fat now that she's got her hooks in him)

It surprises me that the majority of guys on this site (a site where guys come to learn how to attract, deal with women, be a man, etc) are so afraid of marriage.

Marriage doesn't have to be a prison, you just have to be a man.

If you are looking at a bunch of AFC chumps who aren't happy in their marriages and using that as your criteria for your own life decisions then I would say you aren't ready for marriage.

Any guy who is worried that his wife will automatically wear the pants once they are married is a chump and shouldn't get married either.


Now I'm not ready for marriage yet, however when the time comes I know that I'll be much more prepared for a marriage than most guys out there. Many thanks to Sosuave for that.

 

[WestCoaster]

Marriage was good back in the day

Marriage was great in the 1940s, 1950s, and some of the 1960s, because the women had class, respected their husbands, and knew how to raise kids. Few today knew how to do that.

We're not down on marriage because we're AFCs. We're down on marriage because most American women are mean, fat, naggy, uneducated slobs. They watch more TV than read books. They spend more time eating food than working out.

I agree with marriage -- but only to a foreigner or an extremely enlightened U.S. woman. I'm still looking for that!

I say talk to your "happy" married friends (if there are any; most lie about it) and get the real scoop.

Until then, I highly suggest you read:

nomarriage.com

 

[prometheus]

Marriage is like any other relationship. Dont go in thinking your both gonna be happy all the time. It ebbs and flows. I enjoyed being married for the most part, it was really good, but being so young we just grew in different directions. Dont down marriage, just be real sure about the person your with before you make the commitment. Luckily, if you get married in late 20's or beyond, both inviduals will be mature for the most part, hopefully.

Who else on here has been married, and for how long? If you havent your advice is pretty much useless as far as im concerned. It'd be like me trying to give medical advice to a brain surgeon.....lol.

 

[bronyraur]

I was married for 6 years. She had 2 kids from her first marriage and we had one together. We dated for close to two years prior to marriage (we were both 28, it was my first marriage). She was a very good actress and I looked at everything through rose-colored glasses. I didn't see the obvious signs that we would have problems.

I really doubt I will ever get married again. Dealing with step-children is SO hard you have no idea. Most women in their 30's around here have kids. Plus I just enjoy my freedom way too much.

Things I wish I would have known:

1. You must test your girlfriend. Marriage is a huge, life-changing commitment (especially if you have a kid) and you have to know how they will handle money, disappointment, stress, etc.

2. If you have any doubts, I mean any...step back and look at your relationship from the outside. You need to be aware of how she treats you and how the relationship makes YOU feel. Not what you feel for them. So Important!

You can't fix women and you can't be their knight in shining armor. It doesn't work, believe me.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good points

Prometheus, maybe I don't know anything about marriage just because I wasn't stupid enough to get married in my 20's or early 20's. I don't care what people think, this is the dumbest thing to do on the planet. Why waste your 20's on one woman when there are so many out there and why be tied down in a time of your life when you shouldn't be tied down?

While I won't dispense advice about marriage since I don't know about it, perhaps prometheus, divorced guys shouldn't give advice about how to have successful marriages or relationships since they failed at it, right?

 

[Slickster]

Re: Marriage was good back in the day

Originally posted by WestCoaster
We're not down on marriage because we're AFCs. We're down on marriage because most American women are mean, fat, naggy, uneducated slobs. They watch more TV than read books. They spend more time eating food than working out.

I agree with marriage -- but only to a foreigner or an extremely enlightened U.S. woman. I'm still looking for that!

I say talk to your "happy" married friends (if there are any; most lie about it) and get the real scoop.

Until then, I highly suggest you read:

nomarriage.com

I'm not calling you or anyone else here an AFC. I'm talking about guys like Mongoose's friends. Guys who let their wives yell and scream at them. Guys who can't leave the house because their wives will be mad. Guys who get married and cease to be men.

I will agree with you in your point about US women vs. Foriegn women. There are good women out there but sadly they are rare.

As far as speaking to my happily married friends I do know many. I'm not sure why but most of my friends waited until their late 20's, early 30's to get married. I think it is very important to spend your 20's unmarried and get some of your wildness out of the way. Whatever the reason I have yet to hear any of my married friends complain about being married. Maybe they are lying, maybe they haven't been married long enough. Who knows. They do seem happy to me. I do live in Canada though. Maybe I'm a foreigner?

I think it depends on the type of people you are. If you think getting married means staying home every night watching Seinfeld reruns then that may very well become hell.

The happy couples I know do all kinds of exciting things. Surf trips, hockey games, concerts, parties, travel, etc.

Marriage is going to be what you make it.

I just cringe when I hear some separated/divorced guy swear up and down how terrible marriage is. He figures he knows it all and must spread the word to every single guy out there. In actuality it was his own fault that his marriage failed. Probably because he was too chickenshyt to stand up to his b!tchy wife and he ended up imprisoning himself.

I'm not saying I know any better but I do know that I won't stand for a wife who lets her body go to hell, yells and screams at me, and won't let me leave the house.

While nomarriage.com speaks many truths, I refuse to take advice from a bunch of bitter and pessimistic "know it alls" who probably got married for foolish reasons in the first place.