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What do you do when you have a bad day?

RestUnknown

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I've been a quiet and reserved guy all my life until couple of months back. Don't think I'm an introvert as I do love company around me.

Last months I've been putting myself out there, just talking to everyone, saying what comes up in my mind, asking them about something they said before. It works, as on a review I got from one of my bosses it said "RestUnknown's positive attitude brings a good atmosphere to the team". You can imagine I would have never thought I'd get such a remark a few years back.

But back to today. I don't know what happened, the day started ok, but then after an hour I started to feel like I didn't want to say anything. I avoided conversations, didn't participate in a meeting. And worse I now feel like I ruined any relationship I had with my coworkers.

How to save this? I don't want this feeling as I remember it from years back, it's that feeling of not belonging in a group, of being ignored, of people talking to others but not you. And because of that feeling I act in that way so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And goddamn why does it come up today after so many good weeks.
 

KindredSpiritzz

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Just realize its all a feeling and all in your head and not based in reality is the only advice I got. Just a mood and give it time to pass.
 

Prettyboy Dee

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You cant run from your natural personality, sorry.

You said yourself you been quiet and reserved(just like me) your whole life? Well its who you are, own it.

Oh and stop caring so much about what people think or how people perceive you, its lame and irrelevant.

I'm just like you, when I'm in a good mood I'm more social, but on a average day, I'm reserved as hell, do you think I feel bad about it? Hell no, and neither should you, its who we are, OWN IT!
 

billtx49

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Realize that there are great, good, not so good, and bad days. Learn to go with the flow of your life and recognize that tomorrow will be a better day. Most people know that others can have less social or reserved days. From what you posted, it’s no big deal.
 

Alvafe

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I've been a quiet and reserved guy all my life until couple of months back. Don't think I'm an introvert as I do love company around me.

Last months I've been putting myself out there, just talking to everyone, saying what comes up in my mind, asking them about something they said before. It works, as on a review I got from one of my bosses it said "RestUnknown's positive attitude brings a good atmosphere to the team". You can imagine I would have never thought I'd get such a remark a few years back.

But back to today. I don't know what happened, the day started ok, but then after an hour I started to feel like I didn't want to say anything. I avoided conversations, didn't participate in a meeting. And worse I now feel like I ruined any relationship I had with my coworkers.

How to save this? I don't want this feeling as I remember it from years back, it's that feeling of not belonging in a group, of being ignored, of people talking to others but not you. And because of that feeling I act in that way so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And goddamn why does it come up today after so many good weeks.
only problem I see here is missing a meeting, if is owrk or not that is something you have to do, you are quiet and reserved good, that don't mean you can't or even have to listen, you would be suprised on how well you can just make a word or 2 as a question who make the person talk like hell

also you are tired now so you fall back to your norm, but a lot tired so it tend to be worse, over time just make sure to not go full blow like that
 

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RestUnknown

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I think I'm actually outgoing and talkative, it's just that I keep it in because of low self confidence and fear. Fear of rejection, from girls and from possible friendships. And this is what happened today, I wasn't that social and I saw signs everywhere people were just looking for someone else to go too.

And Alvafe, with "didn't participate in a meeting", I meant I didn't throw in ideas and so on, I was at the meeting but didn't engage in it.
 

wifehunter

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Bad day?

Ok, I make an effort to forget about it by fIlling my short term memory with cool stuff. Try games, books, etc.
 

Alvafe

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I think I'm actually outgoing and talkative, it's just that I keep it in because of low self confidence and fear. Fear of rejection, from girls and from possible friendships. And this is what happened today, I wasn't that social and I saw signs everywhere people were just looking for someone else to go too.

And Alvafe, with "didn't participate in a meeting", I meant I didn't throw in ideas and so on, I was at the meeting but didn't engage in it.
some days youa re inpired others you don't, beating yourself for one single day is dumb, if was a month of this then you could consider it a problem, rest and restart again
 

Serenity

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I know exactly what you mean. I've been very stable the last few years, but I very much remember a time where I experienced what you do now.

I also started putting myself out there, I felt really positive and I engaged with pretty much everyone. Coworkers would directly tell me that I really changed and that I had become a lot more sociable. Then the bad days came, just like it did for you. I wanted to continue the good thing I had going, but the feeling just wasn't there. I worried I had lost it, that I wouldn't get that good feeling and the results of it back.

What happened? I still don't know, because I learned an important lesson, to let go! The worry about it and the negative thoughts surrounding it only amplified it, this only took me further from what I wanted. I gave myself a break, I accepted the human limitation that I couldn't be "on" all the time and it recharged my energy.

It's ok to not be in that mode all the time and it's even normal. You can only take so much of isolation and negativity anyways, it will end naturally within a relatively short time. All you have to do is acknowledge it and act accordingly. If you don't feel like being energetic then don't beat yourself up about it, because it will only drain you further.

What your coworkers think is purely a fabrication of your own mind. Sure they probably notice you're not having the best day, but literally everyone gets this, it's not a problem. They'll probably just give you a bit of space until it passes and they'll think no less of you, unless they're socially inept themselves of course. So use that time to chill out as much as you can and come back with full batteries.

I also had the fear of reverting back to my former self. You can safely dismiss this fear because you know you're not going to let that happen. You do need to give yourself a break however, but still you know you can't be on a break for very long.

Side story. I used to be able to play video games for hours upon hours every day and really enjoy it. When I wanted to change towards being more socially active I almost stopped and kept it up for a long while. It changed my emotional drives permanently. I'll start playing a game feeling I want to play, but after about 30 minutes I sometimes become very restless and feel like going outside seeing the real world. I can't enjoy playing video games for an extended period of time anymore.

The point of that story was to illustrate that you probably have made a serious change to your habits. The fact that you worry so much about it is a clear indicator. I don't think you'll fall back into the slumber by taking a break simply because you're too dedicated to getting back into that type of interaction. You should take a break though, if it makes you feel more assured then set a time limit, give yourself a couple of days and see how you feel.
 

Black Widow Void

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I can relate to your thinking and experiences.

Just to give you an idea, (after leaving my small home-town) I turned my life around so drastically (in a positive direction) I used to jokingly wonder if I'd unknowingly made a deal with the devil.

From personal experience, I think the current situation you described is perfectly normal.
Here's why:
Even back during my early teens (the darker period) I'd still get the occasional surprise of a 'good day' of "being in my power." Those days were rare, but they occasionally occurred.
And now... it's just the opposite. The 'rare days' are now 'those days' that weren't so great.

If you notice that this is more than just the occasional bad day (which we all get these btw) ... it would be a good idea to notice any recent differences in routine. For instance; If you are on a different diet, listening to different music, hanging around with new and different people etc... any of these (or other new recent differences in your life) can sometimes alter your outlook and behavior.
 
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