The Bad Ass Canadian
Master Don Juan
Amen
The Bad Ass Canadian
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
what do you do when you feel extremely lonely?
- Thread starter wise_mage
- Start date
The Bad Ass Canadian
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
EternalBachelor
Don Juan
You may have to accept that there is a cost to trying to improve yourself and find quality women. If you don't want to be lonely settle down with some average looking women and get a bunch of drinking buddies and live a boring one-dimensional life.
Shiftkey
Master Don Juan
Get a job, move out, go to the gym, take some community college classes, go places with your friends where there are women. You've been visiting this site for how long? How could you not know this?
I think it happens to all of us.
There's some good advice above. Get out of the house and around people. People are not going to come to you.
Just remember, you're young and it's just a slump your in. It won't last.
Take me for example. I broke up with my girl a month ago. I had the flu for the last week to include new years. I live alone, and couldn't find any one to get me some food or medicine. I even called my Ex! So I had to do it my self. It sucked. I was seriously depressed that I had and have no one. But you know what? Only I can change that. And I will !!!
I'm still not 100%. But I'm going to the gym tonight to check out all those new chicks with thier new years resolutions to work out. It's a new year! Time for some new PooH!
Get out there...
PS...I drink when I'm lonely...
There's some good advice above. Get out of the house and around people. People are not going to come to you.
Just remember, you're young and it's just a slump your in. It won't last.
Take me for example. I broke up with my girl a month ago. I had the flu for the last week to include new years. I live alone, and couldn't find any one to get me some food or medicine. I even called my Ex! So I had to do it my self. It sucked. I was seriously depressed that I had and have no one. But you know what? Only I can change that. And I will !!!
I'm still not 100%. But I'm going to the gym tonight to check out all those new chicks with thier new years resolutions to work out. It's a new year! Time for some new PooH!
Get out there...
PS...I drink when I'm lonely...
aguynamedwill
Don Juan
I disagree with everyone who says to stop focusing on women.
Clearly you believe that you need female contact, and that should be your focus. If its a deep gut feeling, then you probably do in fact need it. But staying at home and posting about it isn't going to aid your cause. Go out to stores. Find young attractive female employees and have short conversations with them. Ask them out if you want to, but focus more on how you are dealing with them. Be the man. This helps me out alot. I have to deal with feelings of emptyness every so often, and that's what I do. Sometimes I come away with a number, sometimes I don't. But I feel better, and that's more important.
OR
Stay at home and do nothing, and meditate on Buddha's words of 'this too shall pass'
Clearly you believe that you need female contact, and that should be your focus. If its a deep gut feeling, then you probably do in fact need it. But staying at home and posting about it isn't going to aid your cause. Go out to stores. Find young attractive female employees and have short conversations with them. Ask them out if you want to, but focus more on how you are dealing with them. Be the man. This helps me out alot. I have to deal with feelings of emptyness every so often, and that's what I do. Sometimes I come away with a number, sometimes I don't. But I feel better, and that's more important.
OR
Stay at home and do nothing, and meditate on Buddha's words of 'this too shall pass'
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
DarkCityNight
Don Juan
- Joined
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About revisiting the places (stores, streets, etc) you used to be during that time in your past when with the girl:
I did the same and still do when depressed about some of the past girls in my life. There's a song by Nirvana where the lyrics go "I miss the comfort in being sad..." I think that may be the feeling you're getting from going to those places.
To get over it and on with your life:
You have to realize that you will always feel this way until a girl comes along and allows you to move on with your life. Now you can do it the AFC way and wait and hope luck or fate will help you out (which could take years, and you said it's been 3 and a half since your last gf). Or you can create your own future (see the DJ Bible).
Until then, try exercising to get out of your immediate rut and also drinking some coffee can help.
Good luck kid.
I did the same and still do when depressed about some of the past girls in my life. There's a song by Nirvana where the lyrics go "I miss the comfort in being sad..." I think that may be the feeling you're getting from going to those places.
To get over it and on with your life:
You have to realize that you will always feel this way until a girl comes along and allows you to move on with your life. Now you can do it the AFC way and wait and hope luck or fate will help you out (which could take years, and you said it's been 3 and a half since your last gf). Or you can create your own future (see the DJ Bible).
Until then, try exercising to get out of your immediate rut and also drinking some coffee can help.
Good luck kid.
Like most have said get out and get active. I highly suggest exercise. It makes a happy body and a happy body releases happy little pheramones(sp?). Keep your mind active because if you don't it will find something of it's own to think about. And, really who wants to think of old times that will never be again.
Kineti[C]harm
Master Don Juan
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Yepp, go to a gym! it makes a world of difference for just about anything....
Just do stuff that makes you happy and occupied and doesn't make you think of girls like that.
Just do stuff that makes you happy and occupied and doesn't make you think of girls like that.
selfcontrol
Don Juan
Masturbation helps. I'm totally serious. It greatly reduces feelings of desperation and loneliness.
naturalzen
Banned
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masterbation does not help! it enslaves you and then you become a vicious cycle of never ending neediness. testoterone depletes when u masterbate .
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Austin Allegro
Master Don Juan
1. Stop focusing on women. A woman will NOT make you happy.
2. Stop trying to be 'happy'. As the philosopher JS Mill famously said, 'ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so'.
3. Stop indulging in self pity. You HAVE to be strict with yourself about this. Modern society encourages us to feel sorry for ourselves so that we will buy products to make ourselves feel 'better'. This is bollox.
4. Get some exercise. Get out and do anything rather than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Especially in the short winter days you need as many 'happy hormones' as you can get.
5. Get involved. Take up new hobbies, interests, get out and meet people.
6. Don't forget to have a LITTLE time on your own - listen to music, read some philosophy/theology etc in a positive way.
2. Stop trying to be 'happy'. As the philosopher JS Mill famously said, 'ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so'.
3. Stop indulging in self pity. You HAVE to be strict with yourself about this. Modern society encourages us to feel sorry for ourselves so that we will buy products to make ourselves feel 'better'. This is bollox.
4. Get some exercise. Get out and do anything rather than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Especially in the short winter days you need as many 'happy hormones' as you can get.
5. Get involved. Take up new hobbies, interests, get out and meet people.
6. Don't forget to have a LITTLE time on your own - listen to music, read some philosophy/theology etc in a positive way.
I saw something similar on some psyche web sight...Originally posted by selfcontrol
Masturbation helps. I'm totally serious. It greatly reduces feelings of desperation and loneliness.
But, dam is my arm sore...