"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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What do you do in your free time?

driveon

Don Juan
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I have 3 questions. The first one is in the title. I got a ton of stuff going on but none of its fun, it's all stuff thats "productive." This has to change but it's going to be hard because the stuff I do is hard-programmed into my brain... Habits are hard to break.


The second one: Anyone here a perfectionist? It's really hard to let go of this attitude and I think I need to if I don't want to have a stress-induced stroke while dealing with women.

Third: Does anyone have any experience in overcoming perfectionism?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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penkitten

Master Don Juan
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at our house
i think you should join a gym. its fun and it gets you in shape.

as for the perfection thing, honey let it go. unperfect is perfect.
things dont always go as planned and the sooner you realize that and just accept that the better.
you can still be a neat , clean , orderly, guy who plans things well, however when things arent exactly the way you planned them, just tell yourself you did the best you could and try to see a bright side.

guess what? things go the way they are meant to.
even if it wasnt according to your plan, it went to gods plan or the plan of the universe .. whichever you choose to believe.
all things end up on the proper path.

this is a good reason to just stop worrying so much.

worry and stress cause health problems you dont need.

hope that helps a little.
 

Inquire

Senior Don Juan
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i work out or write lyrics. i was once a perfectionist, but i got it through my head, what would happen to the world if i do this? nothing absolutely nothing. if it isnt a big thang then who cares if its perfect.
 

Austizzle

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Location
Michigan!
1) Work out
2) Study
3) Read (for entertainment)
4) Pick up chicks
5) Bring them back to my room :rockon:
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Kitsune

Don Juan
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London, UK
1. Listen to music, call my mates, go out shopping, browse the web for interesting news, work on my pet project.

2. I was a perfectionist once, and still tries to be.

3. Continuous disappointment and self-reflection will do this, as well as not adopting a jerk attitude to life.
 

nishbuk

Master Don Juan
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MTL
1) train brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and MMA fighting.
2) Study hard.
3) Work out at the gym.
3) Learn a new skill. Whatever meets my fancy at the time (Speed reading, billiards, singing, etc...)
4) Work on my social skills in relation to women.
5) Hang out with friends. (Usually working number 4 at the same time)
 

SELF-MASTERY

Banned
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easy i dont realy have any free time. Maybe a few hours every night between 12-3am, cant do shi.t for the next 8 months.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Enjin 7

Don Juan
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i do brazilian jiu jitsu too. i found something to do with my time is work out. like its something to do. ive gained weight. i feel better. that and study if that applies. also looking for new music.
 

blinkwatt

Master Don Juan
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1.play my guitar
2.work out some
3.hang with friends
4.sleep
 

zerocelcius

Master Don Juan
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CA
this
no
and
N/A
 

The Bad Ass Canadian

Master Don Juan
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I don't really have any "spare" time.... I try and use it all up, doing things that are both productive, and fun.

It's very rare that I'll just lay out and watch TV.

I'm usually in my studio working, or writing new songs, or playing guitar or piano. (when we're not touring.)

I'll hit the gym every other day and go mountain biking and rollerblading as often as i can.

I've been reading alot, too.... it keeps the mind sharp. I have a goal to read a book a week. most of them or the literary classics of the 20th century.. I just read Slaughterhouse 5 by Vonnegut and now I'm on The Great Gatsby.... Next on the List is "As I lay Dying" by Faulkner.

I think it takes alot of discipline to keep busy, doing things that are healthy for the body and mind.... Laying around and eating junk food is way too easy.

One vice is that my workstation in my studio is hooked upn to the Net, so it's really easy to get distracted by Sosuave and other sites.....especially when I'm by myself doing edits. (god that can get boring!)
 

Black_Italian

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Since i got no job most of my time is free. So you would most likely Find me Sarging, having sex or on the net.

Ninja out
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

Chrisman

Banned
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Aug 19, 2005
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Canada
Drugs

Take some acid, that'll kill 9-12hrs of your day.
 

Life-Trainee

Master Don Juan
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Boston, MA
1. Compose music
2. read
3. Jog or ride bike
4. Play computer games

I'm a perfectionist too but I freak out less if things don't turn out perfectly.
 

dannyc

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Apart from looking to get serious with a girl. I....

-Get high
-Play my Madden season
-Watch football (one week away!) and english soccer
-Play soccer
-Read the latest football and soccer news
-Make beats for my friend to spit on
-Messageboards
-Make money everyday (job and other avenues) for larger projects i got planned
-Listen to all the latest rap music on hiphopgame.com and download the latest albums.
-Watch a movie.
-Hit a club on a weekend.

This is a regular day for me. I fit most of this in one day (i only need 4 hours of sleep a day) but if not i make sure i do it the next day. Im getting a pool table put into my side room soon, so that shoudl be another thing occupying my time soon.

As i get older my priorities will change...but im still a 19 year old punk at the moment.
 
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Sloopy

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I spend most of my time just being awesome.

~Sloopy
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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