What are your boundaries with a FWB?

[Prepostereax]

I concur with @Serenity about the 'troll', who I suspect isn't a dude, she sounds more like an educated professional woman, almost certainly a single mom, who has been pumped and dumped a few times too many..

I'd be fascinated to hear her personal perspective.

To keep this on topic, one of my 'LTR's' of at least a year, would be more accurately labelled a 'FWB'.

So you meet a girl, she is attractive and the sex is through the roof.

However too many red flags & likely no Long term compatibility (single mom)

Where do you guys draw the line, in relation to keeping her in the FWB zone?

01. Would you let her sleep over?

02. Would you chill and watch movies with her?

03. Would you take her out for drinks?

04. Would you take a naughty holiday abroad with her?

I ask these questions, as I see how many guys meet a chick who isn't LTR worthy, however they end up falling for her, due to doing girlfriend activities (Guilty of this myself)

She had many appealing features, but a few too many red flags: single mom, multiple marriages, party girl with narcissist/ histrionic traits (not quite bad enough to be a disorder, perhaps.. though four failed marriages might speak otherwise..)

Neither of us "fell" for the other, there was no chance of us becoming a permanent relationship.
Yet we stayed together long enough for her to finish her studies, sell her house, move into a place together (renting that is), and finally finding her a job interstate, accommodation too.
And when she eventually moved interstate, there was no way I'd follow.

The main thing binding us was sex, though our personalities did balance one another.

We did everything 'dutch'.
Each paying their own share, or alternating who pays when we went out or did the shopping.
Pretty simple really.

But there was definitely no love or feelings involved. Mutually.
And there was no chance of my "catching feelings".
I'd already experienced a bona fide borderline pd relationship years before, and, aware that I'm drawn to cluster B's, wary of such behaviour.
I knew where I stood with her: she wasn't going to step out of her comfort zone or agenda for me, we were just filling in time and space in each other's lives until we both figured out what we wanted in a partner or in life.

I don't recommend FWB relationships for anyone who already knows what they want, it's just wasting time and energy that could be spent on someone more appropriate.
Nor for anyone with significant assets, especially if they're at risk of catching feelings (this woman clearly had more assets than I did at the time, perhaps thanks to her prior 'sponsors').

 

[BaronOfHair]

It exposes a worldview rooted in hate, ignorance, and fear, one that contributes to real-world violence and inequality

Just wait till you read my thoughts on how dull fishing in The Thames has become today, compared to the excitement one could anticipate in The 2000s https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-58415046

 

[Jor-El]

You woke social justice warrior lefties all have the same M.O. There is no getting thru to you, no middle ground, and everyone else that doesn't think like you do is evil. But you have come here to spread your propaganda and tell an entire forum that they are misogynystic, racists and treat women poorly.

In the thread you started here you claimed we all need a therapist.

You Don’t Need a Wingman, You Need a Therapist

This forum has become a place where you treat women like prizes instead of real people. You run the same scripted lines and treat dating like shopping, ticking boxes instead of making a real connection. You think more reps make you better, but you ignore respect and consent. You chase a number...

www.sosuave.net

Here you are hurling insults at another forum member for his views because they don't align with yours.


Listen, you have nothing to offer this forum. Your views are not welcome here. All you do is argue with everyone. Its not constructive. You need to leave immediately.

You have already violated this Forum Rule several times:

• If you insult, harass, or disrespect any member of this forum, you will be banned from the forum.

@Serenity

Fair points here. I have found that the left wing folk are tolerant of everything,every "ism" every fashionable cause,oh they are all over it...the only thing they are not tolerant of is other people`s opposing views..and then they forget their "caring" principles and turn into horrible bigots..and this is often the #bekind mob! Worst of the lot! Seen it again and again

 

[Clockwerk50]

You accuse me of contradicting myself, yet ignore that strength and vulnerability can and do coexist. Single mothers battle wage gaps, childcare deserts, and stigma; calling for legal protections isn’t whining, it’s demanding equal rights. Dismissing them as “damaged” isn’t a preference, it’s bigotry. Protecting their agency isn’t entitlement, it’s basic justice.

Wow, you literally prompted ChatGPT to argue against with what I posted, and then copied and pasted the whole response. You have no shame of having no personality, do you?

Anyways, two quick things:

1. This forum is about dating and relationships. This includes how men can become more attractive to women, improve themselves, and understand dynamics between the sexes, thankfully including topics like seduction and sex. If you want to focus on wage gaps, government assistance, legal protections, or general social justice topics, you’re in the wrong place. There are forums that focus specifically to that scope.

2. Not long ago, the incel mentality was pushed out of this forum. Why? Because it was all about self-pity and blaming external factors for a lack of success with women, instead of self-awareness and self-improvement. Your mindset, which defending single mothers or other individuals as victims with no agency, reeks of that same victimhood narrative. No one here is denying that single moms face challenges, just like divorced men or single fathers do. But the ones who take control of their lives manage to get back in the dating pool just fine. I know single moms who got their bodies done, leveled up, and are now living lavishly or have found men to take care of them and their kids.

You’re just painting women as helpless and men as obligated to rescue them, or that’s what I get from your posts in this forum; too much external blame, too little self-responsibility. That’s not attractive, empowering, or useful to anyone trying to build meaningful relationships or improve their dating life.

But if you want to stick around, at least try contributing something that helps men actually connect with women, and maybe next time, use your own words instead of ChatGPT’s.

 

[The Duke]

Alright, since you summoned me I will comment on it.

My personal opinion which may not reflect the opinions of other moderators, is that the member in question is attacking views moreso than personally attacking other members on this forum. Very obviously this member and most members on this forum are very far apart in terms of views on things, but so far I think this member is trying very hard to avoid bringing discussions down to a personal level.

Is it provoking? Yes, but I personally do not see how the posts made by this member are insulting, harassing or disrespectful outside of being perceived as such merely because of a difference in opinion. Without allowing provocation I will argue that this isn't a discussion forum, it's an echo chamber.

The hardest thing I do in trying to be a fair moderator is to judge the discourse itself without taking any side in whatever topic is discussed. I'm very attentive of exactly what an argument is directed at and this member isn't directing arguments at any person in particular, just specific views or the general views that seemingly many on this forum share.

Who specifically is being insulted, harassed or disrespected? Who specifically is this member attacking on a personal level? I fail to find the answers to those critical questions in the posts I've read. To me it seems this member is treading very carefully to avoid doing exactly such things while still expressing very unpopular opinions.

I also think that if you're arguing with someone and it has become clear there's nothing that's going to change your opponent's mind, then the logical thing to do is to simply disengage from the discussion once your side of the argument is fully expressed. Whoever else comes later to read it can make up their own minds based on the arguments presented.

What you're asking me to do here, as I see it, is to be biased. If we're really going down that path it leads to the rules being completely arbitrary as it's a matter of who I personally agree with, leading to bannings of whoever disagrees with whatever my opinion is.

I don't think the owner intends his forum to operate in a manner where the moderators decide which opinions and views are ok and which are not. I don't want to deal with that as a moderator because there's a lot of cases with multiple or even no right answers. I wouldn't want to be a member on a forum with moderators who operates at that level of unpredictability and I doubt most people would.

Again, these are my personal views and do not necessarily reflect the views of any other moderators.

I respect your thoughts and the job you have here. Thats Fair.

But let me remind you of what happened when the incels started taking over this forum. At first it was just one, then here come several others. The next thing you know every topic on here is infested with their thoughts and it brings down the quality and the good people no longer want to participate. It was obvious you moderators did something about it. I'm not the only one that noticed.

Woke-ism started with a few people and their extreme ideas. Next thing you know it has infected all areas of business, school, and life. Finally the American people had enough and sent a message, so now the DEI/Woke programs are being eliminated.

Feminism which is what @self_is_an_illusion is pushing is a sickness just like all of the other sicknesses I listed above. It has destroyed men and families. It has also hurt good women. Its one of the reasons this forum exists.

Give them an inch and eventually they will have a mile.

 

[Bokanovsky]

The thread reflects harmful attitudes towards women, especially single mothers, and promotes the objectification of women. From a legal and gender-based violence perspective, these harmful views contribute to inequality and violence against women. The disrespect for single mothers, seen in the responses, comes from outdated societal beliefs that judge women unfairly based on their relationship status. This negative stereotyping makes life harder for single mothers, limiting their access to support, resources, and protection from violence.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You woke social justice warrior lefties all have the same M.O. There is no getting thru to you, no middle ground, and everyone else that doesn't think like you do is evil. But you have come here to spread your propaganda and tell an entire forum that they are misogynystic, racists and treat women poorly.

You do realize that you are responding to Chat GPT?

 

[The Duke]

You do realize that you are responding to Chat GPT?

That thought has crossed my mind.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Alright, since you summoned me I will comment on it.

My personal opinion which may not reflect the opinions of other moderators, is that the member in question is attacking views moreso than personally attacking other members on this forum. Very obviously this member and most members on this forum are very far apart in terms of views on things, but so far I think this member is trying very hard to avoid bringing discussions down to a personal level.

Is it provoking? Yes, but I personally do not see how the posts made by this member are insulting, harassing or disrespectful outside of being perceived as such merely because of a difference in opinion. Without allowing provocation I will argue that this isn't a discussion forum, it's an echo chamber.

The hardest thing I do in trying to be a fair moderator is to judge the discourse itself without taking any side in whatever topic is discussed. I'm very attentive of exactly what an argument is directed at and this member isn't directing arguments at any person in particular, just specific views or the general views that seemingly many on this forum share.

Who specifically is being insulted, harassed or disrespected? Who specifically is this member attacking on a personal level? I fail to find the answers to those critical questions in the posts I've read. To me it seems this member is treading very carefully to avoid doing exactly such things while still expressing very unpopular opinions.

I also think that if you're arguing with someone and it has become clear there's nothing that's going to change your opponent's mind, then the logical thing to do is to simply disengage from the discussion once your side of the argument is fully expressed. Whoever else comes later to read it can make up their own minds based on the arguments presented.

What you're asking me to do here, as I see it, is to be biased. If we're really going down that path it leads to the rules being completely arbitrary as it's a matter of who I personally agree with, leading to bannings of whoever disagrees with whatever my opinion is.

I don't think the owner intends his forum to operate in a manner where the moderators decide which opinions and views are ok and which are not. I don't want to deal with that as a moderator because there's a lot of cases with multiple or even no right answers. I wouldn't want to be a member on a forum with moderators who operates at that level of unpredictability and I doubt most people would.

Again, these are my personal views and do not necessarily reflect the views of any other moderators.

Thanks for your feedback. I understand the need for balance and moderation in discussions. I can see how my approach may have come off as provocative, but my goal was always to challenge harmful ideas, not to personally attack anyone. I appreciate the space to engage in these conversations, and I’ll continue to do so with more consideration for how my tone might impact the discussion. That said, I still stand by the importance of addressing these issues.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I don't use a boundary I use a moat filled with South Borneo crocodiles. If she's fit enough to jump across it, we're good.

 

[jhonny9546]

The romance Novel thing is absolutely right.
But where are the cats?