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What advice can you give on how to not over think, not over analyze, and chill out?

Josh Davidson

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What advice can you give on how to not over think, not over analyze, and chill out?
 

Kotaix

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Basically, you have to learn to let go of the ego and realize that you are not just your mind, and that all your attempts to control and analyze anything are doomed to failure. You'll never be able to consider all the variables in the equation because the variables are infinite. As the saying goes: no plan survives first contact with the enemy. Once you let go, you will be chill.

Learning about Zen is a really good way to do this. "The Way of Zen" by Alan Watts is exceptionally good at explaining it, and it's as close to any book on zen will ever get to explaining what zen actually is.

However, you will never 'get' Zen by just reading about it. You have to take up an activity and try to master it. It takes a few years of practice, but you'll eventually come to realize that the only way that you can truly master something (anything) is to stop trying and let it happen on it's own. I had this happen with music, I was learning an instrument and struggling for months until one day I just gave up trying and 'let the music play itself', and I was suddenly WAY better, literally from one moment to the next. Other musicians here may be able to vouch for this happening.

That moment of realization blew my mind, and once you have it you can see it acting in every aspect of life, including with women. I was a chronic over-thinker and over-analyzer until this happened, and those problems pretty much vanished overnight.

"Zen in the Art of Archery" is a book about this exact process, also highly recommended.
 

crowolf

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These things helped me achieve inner peace of mind:
  • Stoic Philosophy (the concept that nothing really matters and you shouldn't worry about things outside of your control)
  • Learning how to be here and now in the present moment (Eckhart Tolle's book helps a lot)
  • Knowing that you are on your path, doing the right things, growing, bringing value to the world
But most of all, I believe It's the 2nd one. I believe mindfulness and meditation will help you to stop thinking and just accept and enjoy whatever it's happening around you (and within you). Today it happend to me twice to have these moments of silence and relaxation, where I just breathed and didn't think about anything. I focused my energy into the nothingness of being and felt a sense of bliss, It was amazing.
 

stringpuller

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What advice can you give on how to not over think, not over analyze, and chill out?
Focused attention. Action.
Everyone on the planet has bouts with self consciousness daily. Practice everyday thetasks at hand. Outside whats behind your eyes. Live outside your eyes.
If you get me it will blow your mind and after time you czn literally sense it switching on and off like a tool and it wont ****ing paralyze you.
Used to happen really bad to me. I had to find the trigger. And the trigger to get out of it is not more thinking its action outside the space behind your eyes.
External focus.
I play guitar so it might be easier if you can compare it to an activity. Bike riding painting rock climbing, etc whatever makes you flow.
That same flow can be found in social activities as well.
Practice practice practice.

Try this. With anyone.
Start with a script.
Lets say.
"Hey hows it going"

You get a reply like " good and you"?

"Ya know the day started out rocky but has gotten better. How is your day going?
Or end with a question
"Ever happen to you"?

Something like that in your own style. It helps to have something repeated the same way for a while. Trying it new each time just leads to more praralysis.

Practice it over and over until you feel a flow with it into a short convo.
Not thinking takes daily practice.
 

bat soup

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Just the realization that you can choose what you think about (and therefore, to a certain extent, how you feel) is a powerful one. I used to spend a lot of time thinking deeply and worrying about things. Now, I just choose not to. Try to enjoy each moment for what it is rather than living in the future or in the past.
 

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darksprezzatura

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Basically, you have to learn to let go of the ego and realize that you are not just your mind, and that all your attempts to control and analyze anything are doomed to failure. You'll never be able to consider all the variables in the equation because the variables are infinite. As the saying goes: no plan survives first contact with the enemy. Once you let go, you will be chill.

Learning about Zen is a really good way to do this. "The Way of Zen" by Alan Watts is exceptionally good at explaining it, and it's as close to any book on zen will ever get to explaining what zen actually is.

However, you will never 'get' Zen by just reading about it. You have to take up an activity and try to master it. It takes a few years of practice, but you'll eventually come to realize that the only way that you can truly master something (anything) is to stop trying and let it happen on it's own. I had this happen with music, I was learning an instrument and struggling for months until one day I just gave up trying and 'let the music play itself', and I was suddenly WAY better, literally from one moment to the next. Other musicians here may be able to vouch for this happening.

That moment of realization blew my mind, and once you have it you can see it acting in every aspect of life, including with women. I was a chronic over-thinker and over-analyzer until this happened, and those problems pretty much vanished overnight.

"Zen in the Art of Archery" is a book about this exact process, also highly recommended.
Wow what a beautiful share! Thanks for the book suggestions as well. I completely relate to the music bit myself.

It's a slow grind and mastery happening through repetition and habits. Apart from Zen I do have interest in Taoism. I'll give the books you suggested a shot, which one do you prefer more the Alan Watts one or the Archery one?
 

darksprezzatura

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What advice can you give on how to not over think, not over analyze, and chill out?
I use a mindfulness technique when things start to get too much.

- Listen to the sounds you're hearing in this moment. Say them out loud. eg. I hear the fan spinning fast.
- Breathe the air and observe the smell. eg. it smells like citric lime in my room
- Look at things around you and say them out loud eg. I see a pillow with blueish color tones infront of me
- Feel what's touching your skin. Eg. This wet pvssy rubbing against my thigh feels so warm

This short circuits the overthinking loop and gets you in the present moment.

After this do a 7/11 breathing protocol, use an app if possible in the beginning.

Breathe in for 7 seconds, Breathe out for 11 seconds. Do this exercise as many times a day, takes about 5 minutes and it's eye opening.

My dude @DEEZEDBRAH is a big fan of meditation maybe he can build up on this.

Have a great day!
 

stringpuller

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I use a mindfulness technique when things start to get too much.

- Listen to the sounds you're hearing in this moment. Say them out loud. eg. I hear the fan spinning fast.
- Breathe the air and observe the smell. eg. it smells like citric lime in my room
- Look at things around you and say them out loud eg. I see a pillow with blueish color tones infront of me
- Feel what's touching your skin. Eg. This wet pvssy rubbing against my thigh feels so warm

This short circuits the overthinking loop and gets you in the present moment.

After this do a 7/11 breathing protocol, use an app if possible in the beginning.

Breathe in for 7 seconds, Breathe out for 11 seconds. Do this exercise as many times a day, takes about 5 minutes and it's eye opening.

My dude @DEEZEDBRAH is a big fan of meditation maybe he can build up on this.

Have a great day!
This is good.Josh do these types of things and combine with in field social interactions. A short opening script can help.1 opener and 1 statement then let it go were it goes.

I found it best in the past that feeling that flow state in social situations was a great reward to keep going
 

FlexpertHamilton

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Surprised at the answers in here, glad they did all the work for me.

I definitely agree that Zen/Taoism and meditation (mindfulness or vipasanna) is key.

Stoicism also helps because it teaches you to be fatalistic towards the past and only concern yourself with future events that are within your control.

Intellectually, I also find that overanalzying tends to be worthless and it is based on the assumption that more information = better judgment, but this isn't really true. You can never have all the information, and ultimately all of your choices, no matter how much deliberation, come down to a snap decision. I have come to rely much more on my gut instincts and in many cases I purposely will cut off analysis early on not as a reductionistic thing but merely to avoid second-guessing myself and getting lost in the details.

Lastly, this excerpt from Terrence McKenna about worry is also relevant here:

 
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Blacksheep

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As someone who suffer from CPTSD and sometimes I used to get lost into my own thoughts, worries and anxiety hit hard.

I've been psychologically abused on a very complex way since child. So self-reflection, analysis, aware and the studying everything I could from such abuse helped a lot. Also therapy with someone you can really trust and is really able to help you (there are a lot of abusive therapists who only worse your problems, so thats a point to be careful.)

Meditation also helps. I would say 30%. Cause for me understanding the situation and mechanisms how the abuse happened and what triggered some issues I had on that was the only thing that put me on a position to start any kind of cure.

Finally, for anxiety you can try to put some phrases to repeat internally and whenever you feel anxious try to becom aware on that present moment and use that phrases to help you understand that thought, taking away the strenght it have inside you.

The more aware you become about yourself, the easier will be to recognize the patterns, triggers and take actions to alleviate or solve that.

Wish you the best.
 

Kotaix

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It's a slow grind and mastery happening through repetition and habits. Apart from Zen I do have interest in Taoism. I'll give the books you suggested a shot, which one do you prefer more the Alan Watts one or the Archery one?
They are different, but I would recommend The Way of Zen by watts before you read any other books on the topic because he does such great job of explaining unfamiliar concepts that may are mentioned in other books, but rarely explained. The entire first quarter of the book is about Taoism because Zen is heavily influenced by it.

Zen in the art of archery is more of an account of how students are led to realization by a master. I would read that one next since you already have some familiarity with the music side. It's also pretty short
 

darksprezzatura

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They are different, but I would recommend The Way of Zen by watts before you read any other books on the topic because he does such great job of explaining unfamiliar concepts that may are mentioned in other books, but rarely explained. The entire first quarter of the book is about Taoism because Zen is heavily influenced by it.

Zen in the art of archery is more of an account of how students are led to realization by a master. I would read that one next since you already have some familiarity with the music side. It's also pretty short
Awesome share @Kotaix
 

Alvafe

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or you can still accept your analysis, and make it a game, like how well you will be right or wrong, make it like a game you analyze take your guess then wait for the result, making it a game in my mind make it kinda of fun and make you chill waiting for the result, you don't need to tell anyone, going out that energy of having fun with the results helps a lot, with also help on be aloof, since you more or less detach yourself from the event
 

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RBK

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These things helped me achieve inner peace of mind:
  • Stoic Philosophy (the concept that nothing really matters and you shouldn't worry about things outside of your control)
  • Learning how to be here and now in the present moment (Eckhart Tolle's book helps a lot)
  • Knowing that you are on your path, doing the right things, growing, bringing value to the world
But most of all, I believe It's the 2nd one. I believe mindfulness and meditation will help you to stop thinking and just accept and enjoy whatever it's happening around you (and within you). Today it happend to me twice to have these moments of silence and relaxation, where I just breathed and didn't think about anything. I focused my energy into the nothingness of being and felt a sense of bliss, It was amazing.
Some good advice here. I struggled a lot with this over the years. Always wanting to get to the destination when sometimes the journey is more important. I still struggle daily with this.

Meditations by Marcus Aurellis helped me a lot. I bought a couple other books from stoics as well.

I have Tolles book but haven't read it yet.
 

RangerMIke

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Own the fact that you don't control anything. It's like playing poker... you are dealt a hand, and you have to play what you have. It's like the old song "The Gambler". You get a bad hand... fold... and wait for the next hand. It's all about being present, learn from, but otherwise forget the past. As far as the future plan for anything, but expect anything. All negative emotion has 'expectation' as it's root.
 

rjc149

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People don’t react to you the way they do because of you. They react to you the way they do, because of them.

Everyone has a life they’re living, and a life they’ve lived, that has nothing to do with you. Everyone has a story in which you’re just a background character, if not a random passerby.

Everyone views the world through their own lens. Not yours.

No one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself. Life is too short to care what their passing thoughts of you are.

When you are on your death bed, you will not care about what they thought. You will, however, certainly regret caring about what they thought.

Memento mori.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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I use a mindfulness technique when things start to get too much.

- Listen to the sounds you're hearing in this moment. Say them out loud. eg. I hear the fan spinning fast.
- Breathe the air and observe the smell. eg. it smells like citric lime in my room
- Look at things around you and say them out loud eg. I see a pillow with blueish color tones infront of me
- Feel what's touching your skin. Eg. This wet pvssy rubbing against my thigh feels so warm

This short circuits the overthinking loop and gets you in the present moment.

After this do a 7/11 breathing protocol, use an app if possible in the beginning.

Breathe in for 7 seconds, Breathe out for 11 seconds. Do this exercise as many times a day, takes about 5 minutes and it's eye opening.

My dude @DEEZEDBRAH is a big fan of meditation maybe he can build up on this.

Have a great day!
I took up hiking too. I want to go off grid. I'm really enjoying solitude since the ****ery kicked off. Turn down the volume.

Fellas can try calm, headspace or other guided techniques. Can pursue a teacher or just learn solo. 20min a day is huge.

Body awareness is key. It bleeds into other areas of life. Add in fitness, lifting, sleeping, active recovery etc. Increase cash flow, pull more dates, spot IOIS, and opportunities in life. It's money!
 

RBK

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This is actually a really good thread. Need to realize there are more to life than women. Work on yourself.
 
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