Well this sucks...

stevera004

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Originally posted by Desdinova


You haven't even met this guy in person, but the relationship is unbreakable. No offense Wyld, but you need to wake up.

Ah, nevermind. Women like their fanasy world. Forget I ever posted this.
Right ... although she thinks she's different (a lot of chumps here seem to think the same).
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Desdinova
That sounds really nice. Almost unrealistic.

I don't care what anyone says, not every relationship, whether it be a friend or romantic relationship isn't rock solid. I've discovered that myself.

You haven't even met this guy in person, but the relationship is unbreakable. No offense Wyld, but you need to wake up.

Ah, nevermind. Women like their fanasy world. Forget I ever posted this.
Des, believe me...I KNOW it sounds sappy as hell and goes against probably every experiences you and 99.9% of the people here have had. Now take a second and look at it from my standpoint. The love of my life was murdered a few months before this friendship began. I was in a bad way. I honestly felt like my entire world was crumbling around me. I was essentially being tortured by the most miserable ex imaginable...calling me on the phone and saying the day my fiance' died was the happiest day of his life and he celebrated that death every day. Nearly everyone in my family had refused to accept my fiance' because of his past, so most of them never so much as said "I'm sorry for your loss." This man's friendship gave me a reason to smile and laugh, and eventually FEEL again. Even though he would call me at all hours of the night totally f*cked up...I needed someone to be there for me and he was, even though he never knew just how much he helped me.

In regards to him...he's had a lot of things go wrong for him...much of that from his own making, of course...but you'll have that. To be honest, I'm quite confident that both of us would be pretty lost without the other. Sure, both of us could go on if our friendship ended...but we're tight enough so that it's highly unlikely that either of us would want to end it. At some point our contact could become less frequent than it is now...but the chance of it stopping altogether is slim to none.

Now, we are at a bit of a delicate stage right now due to my restlessness, which he's well aware of. We've talked about it a few times. Keep in mind, this is a man who for almost the entire time I've known him (5 years) has sworn up and down that men and women CAN'T be "Just Friends". During one of our discussions about my restlessness he made it very clear that, at least in our case, a man and woman CAN just be friends. He doesn't want to give that up any more than I do.

As for the "restlessness" (because I'm certain someone will ask)...5 years is a long a$$ time to have this romantically charged friendship without resolving it one way or the other. Admittedly, much of that is MY fault. Knowing that he hasn't been at the same stage I am emotionally (settled and over sowing the wild oats), I just have had very cold feet. I basically don't want a taste of something that can only be temporary. On top of that he's making some mistakes that have actually pushed me towards the restlessness and being on the verge of just saying "f*ck it, all we're going to be is friends." In fact, I said something quite like that to him about a month ago. Ironically, those mistakes are quite similar to the things advised on sites such as this. For all I know he could very well be a member here and reading what I'm writing. Perhaps those mistakes are part of the reason I came back here and have been particularly frustrated, biotchy and snarky. Who knows. What I do know is that if he is listening to or following advice from this site or one similar I wish he'd knock it the hell off before he ends up forcing me to "LJBF" him because this stuff DOES NOT WORK if a woman actually REALLY LOVES you. I don't want to "LJBF" him, not by a long shot...but I am SO close it's not even funny. I'm doing my best to hold on until he handles the sh*t he needs to and for us to meet. Goddamn it...I might give him a f*cking link to this thread.

Whew...okay, rant over.
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by stevera004
Right ... although she thinks she's different (a lot of chumps here seem to think the same).
Don't you have a toilet baby to make or something?

Scram...
 

HKgunslinger

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Wyldfire, I respect and admire you as a person. You have amazing convictions, a true heart, and compassion.

I can tell you this because I am the same way, I can recognize these qualities in others (very RARE others).

All that being said, I must take an objective standpoint. Reason being; I have fallen numerous times to filthy scum who are DAMN GOOD at convincing GOOD people (like you and I) that THEY are good people too.

Judging from your past relationships, I would say you are much too trusting of people. And this new guy doesn't seem to be an exception.

Just be careful is all I am telling you. Some people can be VERY different IRL than they are on the phone, even for 5 years. And you are the kind of person who would rather see the ONE good deed in someone's life, than their slew of rapes and murders.

Don't sell yourself short again, girl, you deserve better. Lots of Luck.

'Slinger
 

Wyldfire

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HK...I appreciate the concern...honestly, I do. I've only had one sh*tty relationship (my marriage) and I attribute that to the fact that I got married at 18 years and was an idiot. Of course, I thought I had the world by the balls and knew everything when I didn't know a damn thing...especially not what I wanted or what was good for me. Damn it, I can admit that. At the same time, despite the indisputable fact that my ex husband is probably one of the biggest psycho pr*cks on the planet...I wouldn't change what I went through because it made me the person I am today...who I happen to like very much. That horrible marriage also taught me what I DON'T want and what is bad for me.

Immediately after leaving my ex husband, fate put me in the path of a truly amazing man who taught me what REAL love is all about. Funny thing is...he was the typical "bad boy" "alpha-male" "player" type...and I brought the man to his knees. How? F*ck if I know...but he told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him, that my love made him a better man and the way I believed in him helped him to believe in himself more. He treated me damn good...and he never had to play any stupid a$$ games to keep me. Maybe I'm just some kind of anomoly or something, who knows. I do tend to bring out the best in the men I get involved with after I left the ex husband.

The man I speak of in this thread respects and values me...and despite the fact that he admits he's been a bit of an a$$ to other women...he DOES treat me with more care than even he likely believed he was capable of. Although he frustrates the hell out of me sometimes, he's never hurt me in any way. I do trust him...and he's earned that trust.
 

dietzcoi

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This is your last warning Wyld, this sounds like a train wreck just from your own description...

You do sound overly dramatic and I am telling you this for your own good. Be careful.

Dietzcoi
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by dietzcoi
This is your last warning Wyld, this sounds like a train wreck just from your own description...

You do sound overly dramatic and I am telling you this for your own good. Be careful.

Dietzcoi
lol, dietz...you're so melodramatic and pessimistic.

I'm having a frustrated rant...that's all. It's not drama...it's just a good healthy venting session, which I needed to do. My own description doesn't imply a trainwreck. It describes two people who care about each other very much, who just can't take things further because of distance and a couple of hurdles to get over. None of the stuff is insurmountable...which is part of the frustration. I just want things resolved so I can move one way or the other. That's all the frustration is about. Yes, I am keeping the specifics of the "issues" to myself...but I will say this much...the "issues" appeared AFTER the feelings were already there...and he's taking care of them. And I'm going to be right there offering my support...from a distance, that is.

I'm a very wise, intelligent, realistic and strong person. On the rare occassion that I've bitten off more than I can chew...I spit it out. I'm fully capable of walking away from someone I love IF I need to do that. But I DON'T need to do that. I'm not being hurt and I'm not unhappy. I'm not angry or resentful or any of those "bad feelings". I'm just ready for a resolution right now but have to wait a little longer while he deals with something he has to deal with. I WANT him to take care of that first.
 

Desdinova

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Now take a second and look at it from my standpoint. The love of my life was murdered a few months before this friendship began. I was in a bad way. I honestly felt like my entire world was crumbling around me.
I can somewhat relate to this. This guy (bf/friend/whatever) has been there for you and helped support you in your time of need. My ex-fiance helped and supported me when I was not only making an exit from a cult, but was there for me when my father practically disowned me. She was my support system.

When she left me, I was again devastated. My best friend was there to help and support me through that mess.

When he fvcked me around, I had nobody to turn to but myself. At this point, I was strong enough to deal with this kind of 5hit on my own two feet. I went through hell and back, and lost all my support systems along the way.

I'm happy both of them were there in my time of need, but I ended up getting screwed around in the end, probably because of my vulnerability.

I'm now with my wife who hasn't supported me through anything major yet. I now have a much different viewpoint on life. She may not always be there to support me through hard times, but I'll know that I can do it on my own.

What I do know is that if he is listening to or following advice from this site or one similar I wish he'd knock it the hell off before he ends up forcing me to "LJBF" him because this stuff DOES NOT WORK if a woman actually REALLY LOVES you.
I think what it comes down to with the stuff on this site is it can either help, or hurt a relationship that is already in existance. Most likely it will be the ladder. I came here before I met my wife, and I'll tell you something, I couldn't be happier with the results in the long term. If I would have started taking the advice from here when I was with my ex-fiance, it would have sped up the deterioration of that relationship (which might have been a good thing).
 

icehot

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What's with all the girly drama? You're making a big freaking deal outta nothing.

If you're not going out/seeing each other, then why do you care if he thinks you have a guy there?
If you don't want him to think you're a 'ho then your explaination should have sufficed. The fact that AFC boy is bent outta shape should tell you one things... that here's got oneitis for you that you don't know about.

move this drama to girlproblems.com
 

Wyldfire

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Des...I'm a very strong person...so whatever happens with this...I'm gonna be fine. I'm really sorry that you were hurt, and thank you for sharing your story.

Whatever is going to happen will happen. Also, if you never take risks with your heart you never fully experience all that is good and wonderful about love. If you are so careful that you never make any mistakes you most likely make nothing at all.

I'm always prepared for the worst while hoping for the best and am definitely an optimist. My glass is always half-full, not half-empty.
 

Wyldfire

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icehot...

Go stick your p*cker in a light socket or something, will ya?

Goodbye...
 

CharmaLeo

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"If you're not going out/seeing each other, then why do you care if he thinks you have a guy there?
If you don't want him to think you're a 'ho then your explaination should have sufficed. The fact that AFC boy is bent outta shape should tell you one things... that here's got oneitis for you that you don't know about."

That's my point exactly. This sounds more and more like a co-dependent relationship. You two depend too much on each other.
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by CharmaLeo


That's my point exactly. This sounds more and more like a co-dependent relationship. You two depend too much on each other.
CL...we are just friends at this point...with some real potential for more if things fall in place. Real friends ARE there for each other in this way and when they are close they DO depend on each other. I think you guys are forgetting that we aren't a "couple" and never have been. We are friends with very heavy romantic overtones, but still just friends at this point. Yes, we both could definitely fit the "emotional tampon" description, but that's not even "bad" in our situation because it's MUTUAL. This isn't a case of one of us doing all the taking and the other doing all the giving. It's very even.
 

Wyldfire

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Just a little update on this situation...

We talked last night and as I surmised...it was bothering me far more than it was him. He took a very major step towards dealing with the stuff he has to yesterday. It amounted to him committing himself 100% to resolving the issue. I'm genuinely thrilled about that. I'm so proud of him because this really was SUCH a big deal and likely not an easy thing for him to do.

We had a really good talk about a lot of things, and all is well. Bottom line...we just need to see each other just as soon as he's done with what he has to focus on right now, and then figure out where to go from there. So...for now my frustration has subsided a bit. I'm feeling much more hopeful about things because the biggest barrier for me has been the very thing he is made that solid committment to deal with. As long as that is resolved...if the physical chemistry is there then the only real barrier will be distance. This is a tremendous relief for me because just knowing that IF everything falls in place we'd both be in a good position to do something about it is going to help me get over my cold feet about meeting.

I appreciate the input offered...especially from you Des...because something you said triggered my little rant/vent and I really think I needed that. Thank you.
 

englishman

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Wheres the passion in all of this? or to put it another way wheres the sex????????? 5 years never met? sorry wyldfire, sounds like a run down love battery baby!!!!!!!! ;-) P.S. Im single and horny...e- mail me ! pps, you wont have to wait 5 years.lol...
 

cave dweller

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meet........

Wyldfire,

You guys need to take a long weekend and meet at least one time.

(take a bus, plane or train--whatever)

There may be some real attraction there.

my 2 cents

cave dweller
 
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