Well this sucks...

[Wyldfire]

Okay...I've mentioned my best friend here before. We have basically been each other's "surrogate b/g-g/f" for the past 5 years. We live in different states, which is the only reason we've never been more than friends. We've both dated and had relationships throughout these 5 years but have remained very close.

We were supposed to get together for the first time in about 2 weeks. (We met arguing with feminists on an online forum) Anyhow, due to a current situation he's dealing with that just can't wait to be dealt with, I felt it was best to postpone our visit until he is done with dealing with it. I'm not going to go into details, but suffice to say that by postponing things temporarily it would be in the best interest of both of us to just hold off a bit longer (3 months or so).

So he tries to call me earlier tonight and since I'm online, the phone is busy. He sent a quick email and I sent one back telling him I was getting offline so he could call. The phone was in the next room and since sometimes he only lets it ring a couple of times to avoid waking anyone up...I sprinted to get to it in time and was a bit out of breath when I answered. At first he didn't think it was me. Once he established that it was me, he said "You don't sound like you..." Then he asked "Do you have a guy there?" When I told him no it didn't sound like he believed me. He also said "You just sound 'empowered' and I don't think I like it." I didn't even think about me sounding a bit winded from running to answer his call until after we got off the phone. Apparently he was under the impression that he had interrupted me in the middle of having sex or something. He should know better, though, because I never would bring a guy home with my kids in the house. That's just cheesy...and he knows I don't do the casual sex thing anyhow.

When we got off the phone he was going to take a shower and go out. I don't really need advice seeing as I'll just email him and tell him why I was out of breath and remind him I'd never bring some guy home to have sex with because of my kids, etc. I'm just feeling really bad that he's likely off getting hammered thinking I've got some guy here with me. Aside from my kiddos, this man is THE most important person in my life. I love the hell right out of him.

 

[cave dweller]

tuff.......

Hey,

You are dealing with a 'tuff' one here.....

IMHO, most 'long distant relationships' do not work out.

my 2 cents......................

cave dweller

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: tuff.......

Originally posted by cave dweller
Hey,

You are dealing with a 'tuff' one here.....

IMHO, most 'long distant relationships' do not work out.

my 2 cents......................

cave dweller

It's not a "long distance relationship", at least I don't think of it like that. We're very close friends and if ever there were poster children for "emotional tampons" both of us are it, lol. We've been there for each other consistently for a long a$$ time. His friendship was what kept me going after my fiance' was murdered and I'm the first one he turns to when he's having a rough time. I spent the whole day baking and cooking things for him with the worst hangover I've had in years and paid over $60 in express postage to make sure he had the fresh homemade bread and cookies he was craving as quick as possible. He normally really sucks at relationships with women because he basically ends up getting bored with them and treating them with disinterest and very little consideration, yet he's always been just the opposite with me. Well, aside from calling me in the middle of the night and waking me up...but I actually LIKE it when he does that. If anyone else did that I'd be mad as hell...but I wouldn't trade our long (up to 6 hours) phone conversations for anything...even a good night's sleep. We never run out of things to talk about and even the most boring topics to discuss with anyone else is thoroughly enjoyable with him.
It's not "tuff" at all...and I wouldn't give up what we share for anything or anyone.

The emotional and mental bond is as solid as they come. As long as the physical aspect is there too, then if this isn't "the real thing", then "the real thing" simply doesn't exist. Unfortunately, logistics and some issues on his part makes exploring the potential impossible at this point in time. At the same time...I can't even picture my life without him being a significant and permanent fixture in it. The way I see it...if it's meant to be more than it is now, it will happen of it's own accord when the time is right. Yeah, yeah...I know this is some seriously sappy talk coming from the woman most of you picture me to be with how I usually post on here...but you'll have that sometimes.

 

[cave dweller]

buddies.........

Hey,

I am not knocking you.......

If I understand what you are saying----you two have been e-mail and phone buddies for about 5 years.

There is nothing wrong with that.

You guys need to 'hook up' and start dating.....(take it to the next level)

cave dweller

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: buddies.........

Originally posted by cave dweller
Hey,

I am not knocking you.......

If I understand what you are saying----you two have been e-mail and phone buddies for about 5 years.

There is nothing wrong with that.

You guys need to 'hook up' and start dating.....(take it to the next level)

cave dweller

Well, we can't just "hook up" and start dating, lol. We're on opposite sides of the country. I have a preschooler whose family is here, and they love her very much. My younger son lives with his father in this state. I can't relocate anytime soon. He has another semester of school then either law school or his masters, depending on which route he decides to take. He also has some issues he needs to sort through before he's going to even be able to seriously consider the possibility of settling down. That's why I say if it's meant to be more, it'll happen of it's own accord and time frame. I do think it will be very sad and a bit of a tragedy if it never goes any further...but I'm not going to try to force it. That's not my style. If he is successful in resolving his current issues and decides he wants to give it a shot, he knows where I am and that I love him.

 

[CharmaLeo]

So what is it...You are only friends and that's it?. Yet you are worried that he thinks you are a ho? And he also is upset that you may have someone there? Stop bringing guys to your house then...

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by CharmaLeo
So what is it...You are only friends and that's it?. Yet you are worried that he thinks you are a ho? And he also is upset that you may have someone there? Stop bringing guys to your house then...

1) We're very close friends who also are attracted to each other based on photos, but have never met in person. If we lived close to each other there would most likely be more than friendship.

2) I DON'T "bring guys" to my house. There was no guy here. I've been abstinent for over 4 years for crying out loud...and he knows I'm not a slut.

I said that I didn't really need any advice. I just felt bad about his feelings possibly being hurt and felt the need to write about it.

 

[MrHarris]

One thing you overlooked in your explanation to your gentleman is that you couldn't of been having sex if you were online and was able to email him.


Also you love this man whom you've never met?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by MrHarris
One thing you overlooked in your explanation to your gentleman is that you couldn't of been having sex if you were online and was able to email him.


Also you love this man whom you've never met?

Well, I'm sure if he put any thought in it at all that he would realize that. I suppose I could be wrong that he assumed that. But he DID ask if I had a guy here, which he's NEVER done before. And really...he does know me well enough to know I wouldn't have some guy in my house. That's why the question was so unexpected and really surprised me.

And yes, I love him, very much so. Although we've never met in person we have been very close for the past 5 years. For the majority of that time we've spent up to 6 hours on the phone straight at least twice a week, sometimes more frequently. As I mentioned before...we have been there for each other through an awful lot of difficult times. I can't even imagine not being there for him to share in his happiness when things go right or encouraging and supporting him when things go bad. He's always there for me in the same way. Clearly we really do need to meet in person to see if the physical chemistry is there or not...which we are planning on doing very soon.

 

[argule]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Well, I'm sure if he put any thought in it at all that he would realize that. I suppose I could be wrong that he assumed that. But he DID ask if I had a guy here, which he's NEVER done before. And really...he does know me well enough to know I wouldn't have some guy in my house. That's why the question was so unexpected and really surprised me.

And yes, I love him, very much so. Although we've never met in person we have been very close for the past 5 years. For the majority of that time we've spent up to 6 hours on the phone straight at least twice a week, sometimes more frequently. As I mentioned before...we have been there for each other through an awful lot of difficult times. I can't even imagine not being there for him to share in his happiness when things go right or encouraging and supporting him when things go bad. He's always there for me in the same way. Clearly we really do need to meet in person to see if the physical chemistry is there or not...which we are planning on doing very soon.

While I have to admit the increasing validity of "online relationships" your abiguity about his "issues" seems like something your mentally tap dancing around with yourself about him...If I were you (and you sound pretty responsable) I would give it some long hard thought. 5 years is a good long time to get to know someone BUT on the same note you could also destroy what you jave now...

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by argule
While I have to admit the increasing validity of "online relationships" your abiguity about his "issues" seems like something your mentally tap dancing around with yourself about him...If I were you (and you sound pretty responsable) I would give it some long hard thought. 5 years is a good long time to get to know someone BUT on the same note you could also destroy what you jave now...

Well, I'm being "ambiguous" about his "issues" because (even though it's totally anonymous) I feel it would be a betrayal to him to be more specific. It's one thing to talk about my own personal issues on here, but I just don't feel okay talking specifically about his. And no, it's not something I'm just using as some kind of excuse. It's a valid issue that does need to be resolved if there is ever to be something more between us.

In regards to what we have now being destroyed...that's highly unlikely. Even though there is romantic interest for each other, which we've always been upfront and honest about, we both also know that things just might not ever fall into place for there to be more. He has said that what we have now will never end on his part and I know it won't on my part, either. The friendship will always be there because it's not a case of either of us carrying on a phony friendship with unspoken ulterior motives. The romantic interest has been there since day one and the friendship grew from that. There has always been honesty, so that makes the situation a bit different from the typical "guy befirends girl in hopes of more". Not sure if that makes sense or not...but the situation is pretty unique.

 

[Desdinova]

he asked "Do you have a guy there?" When I told him no it didn't sound like he believed me. He also said "You just sound 'empowered' and I don't think I like it."

I don't care what anyone says, this guy is an AFC. The two of you have never gone out on a date, never had sex, but he sounds like he's claimed you as his gf. Not only that, but you've been his gf for five years.

This is how his mindset is. You're his gf for five years. He can't be around to maintain the relationship the two of you have had for the past 5 years, so he has to do it over the phone. The only way he feels he can do that is with jealousy.

The guy probably hasn't got laid in a while because he's saving himself for you.

You're gonna have to deal with crap like this if you're going to be involved in a LDR.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Desdinova
I don't care what anyone says, this guy is an AFC. The two of you have never gone out on a date, never had sex, but he sounds like he's claimed you as his gf. Not only that, but you've been his gf for five years.

This is how his mindset is. You're his gf for five years. He can't be around to maintain the relationship the two of you have had for the past 5 years, so he has to do it over the phone. The only way he feels he can do that is with jealousy.

The guy probably hasn't got laid in a while because he's saving himself for you.

You're gonna have to deal with crap like this if you're going to be involved in a LDR.

No, he's not an "AFC". And like I mentioned, both he and I have had relationships and dated other people over that time.

I also said that he has never said anything like that before and jealousy hasn't ever been an issue between us.

Again...it is NOT a "long distance relationship". We are friends who might become more if the circumstances allow for that.

I highly doubt he's "saving himself" and I sure don't expect him too. It's not like I'm there to be able to provide for those needs or anything. If I were, then it would be a different story. But I'm not one to put unfair or unrealistic expectations on anyone...especially someone I love. Now, I have refrained from sex for a long time...but that is because I don't do casual sex. I also won't get involved with someone unless I am able to devote my all to them. I don't feel I can do that while I love someone else. That's part of my feminine side, I suppose.

You can't judge a person based on one thing they say or do. Even if he were a little "AFC" to me it wouldn't matter one iota. I love him, don't play games and am not one to ditch a guy for expressing his feelings or showing weakness. I actually like the fact that a guy would trust me enough to let me see them so vulnerable. Just makes me love him more.

 

[Desdinova]

But I'm not one to put unfair or unrealistic expectations on anyone

This may be the case with you, but it may not be the case with him.

I also said that he has never said anything like that before and jealousy hasn't ever been an issue between us.

But it is now. He was getting worked up about you fvcking some other dude. If jealousy wasn't an issue, he wouldn't have accused you of it.

You've obviously stated your agenda with him, but he may have a hidden one with you that he may not admit to.

 

[dietzcoi]

Wyld

You got way too much drama going on here. I see a really bad ending to this, but you won't listen just as the rest never listen.

This sounds like a very odd relationship

Dietzcoi

 

[Albion4]

Know what Wyld, I wouldn't give it to much thought. You sounds like a really nice person, and if this is true, he knows that and won't give it a second thought.

Although I think I would have answered his "You sound empowered" with "Yeah, sorry, I have a bunch of naked guys over here exploring ever inch of my body with their tongues, my doctor says it's theroputical so I figured I'd give it a try. So what are you up to?"

-Al

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Desdinova
This may be the case with you, but it may not be the case with him.



But it is now. He was getting worked up about you fvcking some other dude. If jealousy wasn't an issue, he wouldn't have accused you of it.

You've obviously stated your agenda with him, but he may have a hidden one with you that he may not admit to.

No, he wasn't even "all worked up"...it was just a casual question and comment in a normal tone of voice. It was just weird and it sounded like he thought I had a guy in my house. I don't want him thinking that because there wasn't one here. And no, there is no hidden agenda. He is more honest with me than he is with anyone else, even his own family. We both know where we stand and there is absolutely no negativity between us whatsoever. We've never even really had an argument or anything.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
Wyld

You got way too much drama going on here. I see a really bad ending to this, but you won't listen just as the rest never listen.

This sounds like a very odd relationship

Dietzcoi

On the contrary...there isn't much "drama" in this relationship/friendship at all. We have natural and normal concern for each other at various times but other than that, it's pretty casual.

It only sounds like an "odd relationship" because it's a really good one. You don't hear about many of those around here.

And dietz...not only will there never be a "bad" ending to this...there won't be an ending at all. The friendship is rock solid above all else...and we both agree that we never want to give that up no matter what.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Albion4
Know what Wyld, I wouldn't give it to much thought. You sounds like a really nice person, and if this is true, he knows that and won't give it a second thought.

Although I think I would have answered his "You sound empowered" with "Yeah, sorry, I have a bunch of naked guys over here exploring ever inch of my body with their tongues, my doctor says it's theroputical so I figured I'd give it a try. So what are you up to?"

-Al

lol...he would have gotten a kick out of that. When he made that comment I laughed. We talked for almost an hour after the comments he made just as we always do...so if it bothered him he didn't let on. In fact, it likely is bothering me more than it is him...and it's honestly not eating away at me or anything.

 

[Desdinova]

not only will there never be a "bad" ending to this...there won't be an ending at all. The friendship is rock solid above all else...and we both agree that we never want to give that up no matter what.

That sounds really nice. Almost unrealistic.

I don't care what anyone says, not every relationship, whether it be a friend or romantic relationship isn't rock solid. I've discovered that myself.

You haven't even met this guy in person, but the relationship is unbreakable. No offense Wyld, but you need to wake up.

Ah, nevermind. Women like their fanasy world. Forget I ever posted this.