Well, I went and saw the therapist today....

[CapedCrusader08]

All In All,it went very good. It was only a 2 hour session,so we had only so much time to discuss whatever we could. Today,I just layed down what I thought to be basics. How I have been feeling,how things don't seem to be getting any better,possible solutions to some of it,etc.

On another note, I feel I had a bit of a breakthrough today...

So,there is this girl I work with,been freindly with her,not banging her,just sorta went out with her and people before, and she wants to get some people together to go out tomorow and have some drinks,so I figure ok. Well,I have had a massive crush/oneitis on her for a long time,I mean, it's not where like I just do whatever she says at the drop of a hat,but,my head has been wrapped around her, you must know the feeling. Anyways, she seems to really want me to go out,I do want to, but the way my schedule is set up, I work till midnight. So, I tell her I will change it so I can come out.

Anyways....

Well,things quickly changed for me. Remember the guy I mentioned who is basically a natural,well,she is the one girls he was/is banging, so he sets something up where according to him,her and this other girl,are gonna go rent out a hotel room and spend the night. I mean this guy,he moves from chick to chick,and he's married,anyways, it cause a bit of a knot in my stomach. I then start to realize,wtf am I doing? I am changing my schedule to accomodate her. I mean sure,I would get out early, I would be able to go out have a few drinks,but really,for what? So,I decided,I'm not gonna go. It's nothing personal,no one did anything to me,I mean this girl, she has been always very nice to me,hence,why I like her. But for my own sake,I am not gonna go. Plus on Saturday morning, I have to go to drunk school,for the oui I had recieved when I got into my accident. I mean, did I do the right thing by deciding not to go?

Also, as I was walking home,in my state of pondering, I can't help but ask myself,why am I like this, and how do I get out of it? the one main thing,well one of the two or 3 main things bothering me the most, has been the lack of women/dating/sex in my life. I mean, with all the methods and tips, I can't figure out something to go out and work with. So something is lacking. I mean, to me, I am still stuck in "women only go for *******'s, or very good looking guys" mode. I mean, I don't know what's real,both are,aren't they? It's all internal right? confidence,security,how you carry yourself,etc. Plus the skills. Pushing those right buttons,but without being creepy about it. I mean,in my mind,I still have this idea of forever love,and commitment,and faithfulness,etc. Or is that unrealistic? I mean,maybe I am not that fun to be around. you guys say over and over,be fun,be relaxed,etc. I guess, I just gotta go out and start approaching and meeting more,and getting more comfortable with myself.

 

[horaholic]

Good for you for going, but I wanna know why this therapist didnt immediately put you on meds. I've been on them twice. Once was prescribed by a pychotherapist, after talking with her for half an hour. The next time was by an actual shrink, who did the same thing. They also should have given you a test to see if you're bipolar, cuz antidepressants wont work right with bipolars.

What did this therapist tell you, exactly? What kind of therapist is this?

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Well, I want to talk about meds,but not quite yet. I still have my concerns about them. The choice is mine. I was unsure before when I was seeing a therapist once before. But I was too worried about becoming like suicidal or something. In my experience,it has been suggested rather than,boom,here ya go take em.

Bi-polar has been a concern for me as well. Again,it was only a two hour session,so it was the first time. All of this I want to cover in time.

Well mostly,they listened to what I had to say. I want to get to the root cause of alot,if not all of these problems,and try and conquer and/or get rid of them.

Well,what kind of therapists are there?

 

[Dannyrt34]

I think you should go tomorrow. Why not get started on having a social life?

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Well, i have to be up early on Saturday,and like I said,I found myself changing things to accomodate her.

 

[MisterMcGee]

"the lack of women/dating/sex in my life"
So you think you need these things to be happy? Dude, we aren't scrutinizing you because you don't get laid. You arne't happy, and it shouldn't be because you don't get laid - that's a wuss's mindset. Be a man and accomplish goals and be a happy energetic person. Nobody NEEDS sex IN ORDER TO BE happy. That's a warped view... and I don't know why I'm bothering trying to help you.
And DO NOT reply to this post of mine. Don't give me any excuses like "well you cant deny getting laid will boost my confidence". You're thinking is 100% backwards and THATS what you need to get fixed. No more talk of GAMING WOMEN and GOING OUT WITH SOME GIRL when your mind is upside down and twisted due to your mind being in a ditch.
There are deeper problems here, and you're being an ignorant fool by making "get laid" the driving force, because all you're going to become is a silly PUA with zero inner happiness

 

[CapedCrusader08]

That's just it. I don't want to become a "silly pua with zero happiness". I mean, I have issues with/feelings of emptiness,and I don't want to become someone always trying to compensate and/or doing whatever you can to fill it. But you're right,my thinking has been backwards about all this.

I mean,that's been one of the fears I have,the scrutinizing for not getting laid.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Who cares, being awesome > getting laid. Concentrate on being the guy you want to be, not just "dude who got laid".

 

[CapedCrusader08]

That's just it, I don't know how to be that awesome guy. I mean,people have told me I am funny,smart,kind,etc. But I am not racking up points in the pvssy department. I have always wanted to be that guy,the awesome guy,whatever that means.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Well, I want to talk about meds,but not quite yet. I still have my concerns about them. The choice is mine. I was unsure before when I was seeing a therapist once before. But I was too worried about becoming like suicidal or something. In my experience,it has been suggested rather than,boom,here ya go take em.

First thing you need is to find out what the problem is You can't get medication for something unknown!!

You went to the therapist. Good job.

Go again.

I mean,people have told me I am funny,smart,kind,etc. But I am not racking up points in the pvssy department. I have always wanted to be that guy,the awesome guy,whatever that means.

You want pvssy? Look in the mirror.

You cannot be with a woman until you fix yourself up and build an adequate social life. Broken people attract broken people. Do you want to attract an angel or a controlling psycho b*tch that loves AFCs?

 

[horaholic]

You should REALLY push for the meds. (obviously after evaluation and testing, of course) Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Talking to a therapist wont change that. Therapists are for helping people emotionally heal, like after emotional trauma. I dont think this is the case with you. You are in a downward spiral caused by depression. Your depression needs to be cured before you can begin to 'heal' yourself, and pull yourself out.

Speaking from experience, the therapists job should be to A: diagnose you, which should take about ten minutes, aside from testing you for being Bipolar.
B. Prescribe you meds. C. Monitor your progress, and adjust your med intake.

I have been on meds twice. Once, when I was going through a gnarly breakup, and I was losing my fvcking mind, and was scared I would become suicidal, so I saw a psychotherapist, and got on Zoloft. It was the best thing I've ever done, and it made me realize, I have always been sort of depressed.

The next time, wasnt because of a breakup. I was low, all the time. not really sad, just really down, and my gf was noticing it and was threatening to break up with me for being so negative. This time, I had to see an actual psychiatrist (in nevada a shrink has to prescribe you meds.) an hour and two hundred bucks later, he diagnosed me as a chronic depressive and got me on meds immediately. This time I was on Lexapro. It is MUCH better than Zoloft, as it has far fewer side effects. Once I started feeling better from that, i got sick of my GF's disrespect, and dumped her. Then the psycho stalker guy she was cheating on me with, broke down my door and tried to kill me. Then I realized how much she was cheating on me, and then found out she was working as a call girl at the moonlight bunnyranch behind my back our whole relationship. But... Since my meds were kicking in, and my attitude was drastcally improving, I handled the whole thing rather well, considering. I was also SLAYING strange pvssy for a few months. Then I took a pay cut, and couldnt afford my meds anymore, and gradually stopped getting laid as much as I was. I would get on meds again if I could afford it. You live with your parents. You can afford it. Dont worry about what people say about them. Try them for a month. You have nothing to lose.

Its a SUPER rare occurance when people get suicidal thoughts from meds, and its usually due to misdiagnosis, or incorrect med dosage, or abrupt stoppage of meds instead of weaning off of them.

P.S. All it takes to be an awesome guy is a great attitude. If you straighten out your mind, you will make more friends, be happier, and yes, get laid.

 

[Mr_rogers]

Maybe there's a difference between how things work in the States and in Canada, but I'm fairly certain that therapists aren't able to put you on medications. The alternative to that is getting your therapist to perhaps give you a few names of meds that may help you and then seeing your family doctor who can prescribe those things for you.

 

[Jesus]

"the lack of women/dating/sex in my life"
So you think you need these things to be happy? Dude, we aren't scrutinizing you because you don't get laid. You arne't happy, and it shouldn't be because you don't get laid - that's a wuss's mindset. Be a man and accomplish goals and be a happy energetic person. Nobody NEEDS sex IN ORDER TO BE happy. That's a warped view... and I don't know why I'm bothering trying to help you.
And DO NOT reply to this post of mine. Don't give me any excuses like "well you cant deny getting laid will boost my confidence". You're thinking is 100% backwards and THATS what you need to get fixed. No more talk of GAMING WOMEN and GOING OUT WITH SOME GIRL when your mind is upside down and twisted due to your mind being in a ditch.
There are deeper problems here, and you're being an ignorant fool by making "get laid" the driving force, because all you're going to become is a silly PUA with zero inner happiness

You'd have to be delusional to think that you can be a well-adjusted, happy person without any success with the opposite sex. It may not be the best ultimate end goal, but lack of women and sex in your life is a one of the bigger tangible indicators that there's something wrong.

 

[horaholic]

Maybe there's a difference between how things work in the States and in Canada, but I'm fairly certain that therapists aren't able to put you on medications. The alternative to that is getting your therapist to perhaps give you a few names of meds that may help you and then seeing your family doctor who can prescribe those things for you.

It depends on the state. In Colorado, a therapist put me in meds, in Nevada, I had to go to a shrink. I think he'd be better off seeing a full on psychiatrist anyway, but its his decision. A shrink knows a lot more about meds and depression than a therapist anyway.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

"You should REALLY push for the meds. (obviously after evaluation and testing, of course) Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Talking to a therapist wont change that. Therapists are for helping people emotionally heal, like after emotional trauma. I dont think this is the case with you. You are in a downward spiral caused by depression. Your depression needs to be cured before you can begin to 'heal' yourself, and pull yourself out.

Speaking from experience, the therapists job should be to A: diagnose you, which should take about ten minutes, aside from testing you for being Bipolar.
B. Prescribe you meds. C. Monitor your progress, and adjust your med intake.

I have been on meds twice. Once, when I was going through a gnarly breakup, and I was losing my fvcking mind, and was scared I would become suicidal, so I saw a psychotherapist, and got on Zoloft. It was the best thing I've ever done, and it made me realize, I have always been sort of depressed.

The next time, wasnt because of a breakup. I was low, all the time. not really sad, just really down, and my gf was noticing it and was threatening to break up with me for being so negative. This time, I had to see an actual psychiatrist (in nevada a shrink has to prescribe you meds.) an hour and two hundred bucks later, he diagnosed me as a chronic depressive and got me on meds immediately. This time I was on Lexapro. It is MUCH better than Zoloft, as it has far fewer side effects. Once I started feeling better from that, i got sick of my GF's disrespect, and dumped her. Then the psycho stalker guy she was cheating on me with, broke down my door and tried to kill me. Then I realized how much she was cheating on me, and then found out she was working as a call girl at the moonlight bunnyranch behind my back our whole relationship. But... Since my meds were kicking in, and my attitude was drastcally improving, I handled the whole thing rather well, considering. I was also SLAYING strange pvssy for a few months. Then I took a pay cut, and couldnt afford my meds anymore, and gradually stopped getting laid as much as I was. I would get on meds again if I could afford it. You live with your parents. You can afford it. Dont worry about what people say about them. Try them for a month. You have nothing to lose.

Its a SUPER rare occurance when people get suicidal thoughts from meds, and its usually due to misdiagnosis, or incorrect med dosage, or abrupt stoppage of meds instead of weaning off of them.

P.S. All it takes to be an awesome guy is a great attitude. If you straighten out your mind, you will make more friends, be happier, and yes, get laid."

Well, I will discuss with them next time I see them,which should be a little over a week.

Well as for depression vs emotional trauma,I have had both happen to me. In different forms. What was first,well,that's hard to say. But it probably stems back to childhood/adolescence. I mean, I would say I have been depressed a really long time now,and it has affected areas of my life. Mostly motivation and taking control of it into the direction I would like.

The main,or one of the main,has been the lack of,or at least seemingly,of success in life. Both personal,and with women. This is the one thing,or things, I just have a hard time getting over. Most guys would say well just go out and get laid, but I don't think that will fix it. I mean, here I am,lamenting over how this is bothering me,and not doing anything about it. There really haven't been the wild party years,life has not felt all that fun for me. It's been mostly work,and some school. Little social life. Maybe,it's my own misconceptions of sex and the like,and women. I could write a whole paper on my problems with all that,for discussion,but not now. For instance,I don't want to be this easily manipulated fool who just falls and does whatever some chick asks of me,I know better than that.


"You'd have to be delusional to think that you can be a well-adjusted, happy person without any success with the opposite sex. It may not be the best ultimate end goal, but lack of women and sex in your life is a one of the bigger tangible indicators that there's something wrong." Exactly. Which is another concern for me. For instance,reading posts like this, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157783, don't help.

I mean, I can read and read,and talk and talk,but it all comes down to experience,something I don't have much of. I have like an add or something, so in my mind,it's like,cut the b.s,let's get down to fcking, or, more like, a more loving,romantic,appreciative thing. I can't drill whatever solution there maybe into my own head,so the dilemma,learning the game,learning all the signals and signs, I have an anxiety,which probably stems from too much isolation,being alone too long. So, I have problems that go beyond just women, Like as in right here...http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157719&page=2

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Well,I have had a massive crush/oneitis on her for a long time,I mean, it's not where like I just do whatever she says at the drop of a hat,but,my head has been wrapped around her, you must know the feeling. Anyways, she seems to really want me to go out,I do want to, but the way my schedule is set up, I work till midnight. So, I tell her I will change it so I can come out.

Anyways....

Well,things quickly changed for me. Remember the guy I mentioned who is basically a natural,well,she is the one girls he was/is banging, so he sets something up where according to him,her and this other girl,are gonna go rent out a hotel room and spend the night. I mean this guy,he moves from chick to chick,and he's married,anyways, it cause a bit of a knot in my stomach.

This is something that is really irking you, and it irks me too. It hasn't happened to this extent to me as of recent, but stuff like that sure seems to rub it in especially if it's a oneitis. You think you have something special, just too see that betrayed there. This is escarbated by your lack of experience, sex, and dating. I know this feeling very well.

You'd think that you could have a shot with attracting a decent girl into your life, and having a friendship or relationship just to see that she is just someone else's hor, or is otherwise just not attracted to you in that way.
Therefore, you lose faith in women, make generalisations about your oneitis and apply them to everyone, and it's like you cant seem to get a foot in edgewise.

But, how is therapy helping you? Is it helping you cope with this?

 

[Jaggs]

The reason these things make you 'sick' and 'lose faith in woman' is because there is no acceptance of reality. You are in constant denial and attachment to certain ideals. Attachment to anything will cause unnecessary suffering. The denial is of the nature of people and sexual relationships. The attachment is the idea lof a perfect woman, that is most probably created during upbringing (Constant attention and attachment to mothers and inproper upbringing).

You are currently holding delusional beliefs about certain things.

Accepting truth and reality, while painful, is the only way to overcome this.

I assure you this is the truth.

 

[Scorrere]

You should REALLY push for the meds. (obviously after evaluation and testing, of course) Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Talking to a therapist wont change that. Therapists are for helping people emotionally heal, like after emotional trauma. I dont think this is the case with you. You are in a downward spiral caused by depression. Your depression needs to be cured before you can begin to 'heal' yourself, and pull yourself out.

Speaking from experience, the therapists job should be to A: diagnose you, which should take about ten minutes, aside from testing you for being Bipolar.
B. Prescribe you meds. C. Monitor your progress, and adjust your med intake.

I have been on meds twice. Once, when I was going through a gnarly breakup, and I was losing my fvcking mind, and was scared I would become suicidal, so I saw a psychotherapist, and got on Zoloft. It was the best thing I've ever done, and it made me realize, I have always been sort of depressed.

The next time, wasnt because of a breakup. I was low, all the time. not really sad, just really down, and my gf was noticing it and was threatening to break up with me for being so negative. This time, I had to see an actual psychiatrist (in nevada a shrink has to prescribe you meds.) an hour and two hundred bucks later, he diagnosed me as a chronic depressive and got me on meds immediately. This time I was on Lexapro. It is MUCH better than Zoloft, as it has far fewer side effects. Once I started feeling better from that, i got sick of my GF's disrespect, and dumped her. Then the psycho stalker guy she was cheating on me with, broke down my door and tried to kill me. Then I realized how much she was cheating on me, and then found out she was working as a call girl at the moonlight bunnyranch behind my back our whole relationship. But... Since my meds were kicking in, and my attitude was drastcally improving, I handled the whole thing rather well, considering. I was also SLAYING strange pvssy for a few months. Then I took a pay cut, and couldnt afford my meds anymore, and gradually stopped getting laid as much as I was. I would get on meds again if I could afford it. You live with your parents. You can afford it. Dont worry about what people say about them. Try them for a month. You have nothing to lose.

Its a SUPER rare occurance when people get suicidal thoughts from meds, and its usually due to misdiagnosis, or incorrect med dosage, or abrupt stoppage of meds instead of weaning off of them.

P.S. All it takes to be an awesome guy is a great attitude. If you straighten out your mind, you will make more friends, be happier, and yes, get laid.

Therapy can actually help with a chemical imbalance. Therapy can actually reorganice and create connections in your brain because you start to change your thinking.

 

[SuavePlaya]

Caped forget seeing a therapist why don't you just do the bootcamp? It's not like we are asking you to reinvent the wheel. Stop creating more excuses for yourself whatever was in the past it's over with. The past doesn't hurt you, you just make it hurtful you chose to make it hurt you. Whatever happened in the past/yesterday is it happening right now? Hell no, you just want to believe it does.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

This is gonna be hard without making it sound like excuses. It's past,and current,inexperience,low self confidence,low or very little self esteem. Instead of being the cheery,get up and go for it person I want to be. It feels like some sort of an identity problem. Like I am still shy/insecure guy,not sex magnet banging all the chicks guy,know what I mean? How do you get the "interest" levels up? It seems to me,doing things that just aren't me. It's not the person I want to be.

It's also making things more complicated than they already are. I don't know why I do that. It always seemed to me you had to be the ultra cool,with the super tight game,and the best clothes,car,money,all very superficial stuff to me,to get all the hot chicks. I am now starting to accept the reality. It's the more masculine,sexually charged guy that does it. I mean,maybe it's cause no one ever took me aside and said,here's how you be a man....