Weird Cold Approach Follow Up. Thoughts Needed.

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents.

I attended a wine event over the weekend and as I wandering through the different booths, I came across a cute girl tending one of the booths who gave me a cute smile and deep eye contact. Initially I thought she was just being polite but as I walked on by and she kept on locking on to me, with a shy but bright smile, even as I walked away. I sensed some IL there, so after awhile I came back to the booth. I thought why not cold approach her if I've read the vibes wrong then so be it. Nothing worst than regret. Initially I chatted with her colleague about the booth before I turned to her.

I smiled and told her: "Hey to be honest I just came by to tell you how beautiful you look." She immediately blushed and giggled and told me and said: "Oh my god, I'm so glad, I actually think you look really good too. I was even telling my friend about it." She looked really shy about it but genuine. I took that as a good sign, and immediately followed up: "Great. Why don't you give me your number and we can follow this up." She smiled and gave it to me happily.

At this point, I thought the IL was high and I was feeling good about it.

Anyway after a few hours, I dropped her a message:

Me: "I hold you responsible for distracting me from getting the perfect bottle today. "

After 2 hours, she replied.

Her: "Huh? Oh right, you mean the booth!"

Me: "Mhm. You can make it up to me over wine this week."

After 1 hour:

Her: "Awwww. Don't be sad. " "Unfortunately, I don't drink much. Sorry about that."

Based on her response, lack of counter offer and my experience, I saw it as a soft rejection. So I left her to it and did not reply.

I am just a bit confused, day game has always been my weak point (not to mention cold approach in general), what happened exactly?

Did I fumble somewhere?

The vibes and spark felt really good. She told me she was physically attracted to me. Did I approach text wrong?

What's the best response? Just next or try follow up?

 

[BPH]

It sounds like it's more likely that she's a bit ditzy than it sounds like a rejection.

I would suggest something else that doesn't involve alcohol, and see whether she accepts that. Maybe coffee or late-night bowling, where YOU can still drink.

If she declines that without offering an alternative again, I would probably next at that point though.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

It sounds like it's more likely that she's a bit ditzy than it sounds like a rejection.

I would suggest something else that doesn't involve alcohol, and see whether she accepts that. Maybe coffee or late-night bowling, where YOU can still drink.

If she declines that without offering an alternative again, I would probably next at that point though.

I'll try that, thank you.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You need to build more rapport OP. Do that and then pitch a non-alcoholic date. Try something fun if you can.

 

[The Duke]

Hey gents.

I attended a wine event over the weekend and as I wandering through the different booths, I came across a cute girl tending one of the booths who gave me a cute smile and deep eye contact. Initially I thought she was just being polite but as I walked on by and she kept on locking on to me, with a shy but bright smile, even as I walked away. I sensed some IL there, so after awhile I came back to the booth. I thought why not cold approach her if I've read the vibes wrong then so be it. Nothing worst than regret. Initially I chatted with her colleague about the booth before I turned to her.

I smiled and told her: "Hey to be honest I just came by to tell you how beautiful you look." She immediately blushed and giggled and told me and said: "Oh my god, I'm so glad, I actually think you look really good too. I was even telling my friend about it." She looked really shy about it but genuine. I took that as a good sign, and immediately followed up: "Great. Why don't you give me your number and we can follow this up." She smiled and gave it to me happily.

At this point, I thought the IL was high and I was feeling good about it.

Anyway after a few hours, I dropped her a message:

Me: "I hold you responsible for distracting me from getting the perfect bottle today. "

After 2 hours, she replied.

Her: "Huh? Oh right, you mean the booth!"

Me: "Mhm. You can make it up to me over wine this week."

After 1 hour:

Her: "Awwww. Don't be sad. " "Unfortunately, I don't drink much. Sorry about that."

Based on her response, lack of counter offer and my experience, I saw it as a soft rejection. So I left her to it and did not reply.

I am just a bit confused, day game has always been my weak point (not to mention cold approach in general), what happened exactly?

Did I fumble somewhere?

The vibes and spark felt really good. She told me she was physically attracted to me. Did I approach text wrong?

What's the best response? Just next or try follow up?

1. Women say all sorts of things in instances like this. You never know if they are sincere or not.

2. People always think the things are better when they have been drinking.

3. I think you really dropped the ball when you didn't continue the conversation. You told her how hot she was, asked for the number and that was it. She hears that every day from every guy. You didn't exactly set yourself apart from the crowd. Next time expand on the conversation.

4. The part where you said " Me: "Mhm. You can make it up to me over wine this week." makes you sound really tone deaf after her previous comment. Her comment indicated low interest and then you reply with something stupid you read somewhere. You can't magically generate interest by using negs where there is none.

Why didn't you strike up a conversation? "Wine" would have been a super easy topic to run with.

 

[ManlyMan]

Nothing wrong with the interaction being short. I would follow up with another offer for a date since she does not drink.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Text her something along the lines of “I knew it, you’re secretly in it for the cheese and not the wine. Respect lol” and see if she qualifies herself. Don’t forget you are the prize OP.

Chances are, you’re just not her top priority right now. She might have a guy, or someone else in the picture. The real window to strike was at the event when the energy was fresh.

 

[SW15]

I attended a wine event over the weekend and as I wandering through the different booths, I came across a cute girl tending one of the booths who gave me a cute smile and deep eye contact. Initially I thought she was just being polite but as I walked on by and she kept on locking on to me, with a shy but bright smile, even as I walked away. I sensed some IL there, so after awhile I came back to the booth. I thought why not cold approach her if I've read the vibes wrong then so be it. Nothing worst than regret. I

Generally speaking, approaching a woman while she's working any sort of job is a bad idea. There's a good thread about this.

Successfully Approaching Women at Work (General Public Workers)

The idea of approaching women while they are at their jobs containing interaction with the general public is a topic that is somewhat contentious among men. When I think of women who work with the general public, these are the categories that come to mind of women to approach. Strippers...

www.sosuave.net

This is one of those situations where the approach was likely worth, given strong and definitive IOIs.

I smiled and told her: "Hey to be honest I just came by to tell you how beautiful you look." She immediately blushed and giggled and told me and said: "Oh my god, I'm so glad, I actually think you look really good too. I was even telling my friend about it." She looked really shy about it but genuine. I took that as a good sign, and immediately followed up: "Great. Why don't you give me your number and we can follow this up." She smiled and gave it to me happily.

Chances are, you’re just not her top priority right now. She might have a guy, or someone else in the picture. The real window to strike was at the event when the energy was fresh.

This was a HUGE mistake. This is when you arrange a date with her on the spot. Getting a phone number without arranging the date first is worthless. So many things can go wrong in text messaging. This was also true of phone calling in the era prior to text messaging taking over.

Attempting to arrange the date on the spot will give clarity. @Clockwerk50 's point on fresh energy is accurate.

I think you really dropped the ball when you didn't continue the conversation. You told her how hot she was, asked for the number and that was it. She hears that every day from every guy. You didn't exactly set yourself apart from the crowd. Next time expand on the conversation.

Agree. He should have expanded the conversation, then asked her on a future social outing.

Did I fumble somewhere?

You fumbled the interaction in text messaging and by getting her number without setting up a definitive future social outing. You boxed yourself in by accepting the number without decent rapport and without arranging the date on the spot.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Thanks everyone for your input.

Yes, I messed this one up. Here's an update:

So she said she doesn't drink. I thought I'd double down (probably not the most suave move but I thought I had nothing to lose at this point but try) so I proposed doing coffee instead. "Let's do coffee then."

Initially she said: "Oh coffee sounds great! Sure!!"
but then she followed up with: "But can I just ask if you something?"

Me: "What's up?"

Her: "How old are you?"

I told her my age.

Her: "Oh you're much older than I thought. Sorry that's a bit too old for me. I think you're good looking but you're too old. I am so much younger than you."

I left her on read and never replied.

A few things, I've learned.
- Actions speak louder than words.
(Her replies were slow from the beginning and throughout our texting, she barely helped me to get her out, those things say all I need to know but I guess I held onto hope)
- The number close isn't success yet, attraction/IL is only proven if you manage to get them out.
- I should have built some rapport before in person like many of you proposed rather than a quick close.
- I should have shot for a date on the spot too.

Unfortunate, she was really gorgeous.

 

[BPH]

Her: "Oh you're much older than I thought. Sorry that's a bit too old for me. I think you're good looking but you're too old. I am so much younger than you."

Welcome to my problem. I'll grab you a beer.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Welcome to my problem. I'll grab you a beer.

Funny thing is our age gap was only 10 years.
I didn't think it was a big deal.
Also I am fit for my age.

 

[BPH]

Funny thing is our age gap was only 10 years.
I didn't think it was a big deal.
Also I am fit for my age.

Same age gap I'm dealing with when I meet girls at the college bars.

 

[SW15]

I should have shot for a date on the spot too.

Her: "How old are you?"

I told her my age.

Her: "Oh you're much older than I thought. Sorry that's a bit too old for me. I think you're good looking but you're too old. I am so much younger than you."

This is why setting up a date on the spot can be so important. I'll describe and analyze a scenario based on some of the details of this story.

Let's say you set up on a date on the spot on a Saturday for a Tuesday night. This is realistic and it's not that much of a distance so you won't need to text much in between.

Tuesday arrives and she's still motivated to show up. She met a physically attractive guy who was a good conversationalist and he moved to set up a date on Tuesday. In between Saturday and Tuesday, it's possible that she could find out your age from internet searching before the date and she could cancel. I think that's less likely if she gets "all the feels" in the moment on Saturday.

On a first date, it is likely that your age comes up. However, she's seen you in real life twice and she's experienced some level of real life charisma from you. It's more difficult for her to walk away from an age gap (10+ years) based on good looks and personal charisma in a real setting than her walking away from behind her cell phone screen.

Observing good looks, a good personality, and maybe even some money in real life first can soften the blow of a 10+ year age gap. She might be less motivated to walk away from an older guy based mostly on a real life experience than based on getting that information from behind her cell phone screen. There are some women that will walk away from that age gap in real life though.

This is why it is important to minimize interactions that aren't in a real life setting. Most of these interactions now are text message interaction because voice phone calls have nearly been eliminated from the early stages of dating. Back before texting replaced calling, the advice would have been to minimize voice phone calls.

Unfortunate, she was really gorgeous.

This sounds like a woman who was 21-22 years old. She's at peak SMV and she understand this concept in general terms. She's trying to maximize her peak SMV by finding a LTR with a hot guy near her same age who has strong long term potential as a good mate.

It's possible that she's not only very attractive but she has good character. She wants to use her best years to set herself up for her 30s/40s with a good man. She's likely seeking a man with 8.5+ tier looks who wants more with her than to solely pump and dump her. I could envision her wanting to avoid short term sex.

It seems like she's trying to hold out for the best possible man for the longest time.