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We have sex but she rarely initates contact

Pm856

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Hey fellow Djs

As the title says. How to deal with a girl who is also a good friend that you have sex with and you like but rarely initiates contact? (Like: almost never), but always make herself available when you ask for a date. I hate overpursuing even though i get what i want.
 

deadmasterx

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Alright, so let's check it up. The truth is that the more a girl initiates contact with you, the more she wants you. Not always (almost never, actually) she'll directly ask you out for a date, but she's going to make a "woman request", that is pretty much asking for it in a indirect way (putting herself in your orbit is already a way to ask for more of you, so whenever she writes you, assume that she wants you and set up a date).

The missing point here is that I think that maybe you have been impatient and starting contact with her more that she does with you. Honestly, having sex with her doesn't mean much. If she goes out and have a great time together, that's great, but a woman that likes you will run after you.

I'd recommend you to back off for a while, don't text her, don't call her, don't send her messages. See how long will she take to text or call you. If she doesn't contact you for a week, then you can "put yourself in her orbit" again, but honestly I don't know if it's that worth, considering that you probably know each other for some time, and by now she was already supposed to be putting herself in your orbit more than you do to her.

Always keep in mind that your goal must always be to get her to call, text you and initiate contact at least 70% of the times. If you're doing more than that (supposing that you're not in the stage of introducing each other), it can sound like overpursuing for her. So back off, let her realize her feelings for you, let her reach out to you again. She didn't disrespect you, so there's no why cutting off contact with her. Just back off and leave the door open.
 

Gstring

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@Pm856 simple, you haven't developed attachment -- in older interest level scale format, her IL is not high enough in you, I put her at high 70% level (79% but not quite 80%), her not initiating is indeed ***t test in its own right -- https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/interest-level-scale.16420/

Biggest thing for you at this moment, is you getting predictable. She know when you will call, what will happen, where you will take her, etc, etc..


 

Pm856

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Yeah i checked these videos. Thanks. Love AMS and i suspected the same thing. But she usually initiates after a loong while though.
 

Pm856

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And thats since shes been my friend for almost one year. Started as a collegue
 

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corrector

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Sounds like a flaky girl. If you get into an argument or conflict down the road with her she can always say "but you initiated" and has a trump card. These types feel like if you stop doing anything they'll just move-on to someone else and forget you ever existed. What is difficult is these are slow-burns where it takes time to develop into something, so you feel you did all the pursuing and investing and waiting if it goes sideways. How much money did you spend on her to date?

Sex itself doesn't mean anything because you are looking for loyalty and some commitment with her. How is she treating you in her social circle? Do you know friends in common with her? How is she around them with you? Does she tell anyone that you and her are a thing or is this a secret thing? Have you taken photos/selfies together?
 

Pm856

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I swear the craziest **** is that i decided to fully focus on my purpose and both this chic and another 10/10 Beautiful flaky chic contacted me within one hour. Purpose makes you detached and then **** start to change. So crazy
 

HaleyBaron

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She's not into you. The other guys are giving details to it, but that is simply it. I've been with women who show interest vs those who don't. A girl really wants you when she's clinging to you and doing other annoying things that interrupts what I may be doing at the present moment. Any guy that goes over to kiss his girl randomly is a chump. I will always call him that. You need to get to the point where she has to do everything to you and you get annoyed by it. That is how I always think of my girl contacts.
 

mrgoodstuff

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She's not into you. The other guys are giving details to it, but that is simply it. I've been with women who show interest vs those who don't. A girl really wants you when she's clinging to you and doing other annoying things that interrupts what I may be doing at the present moment. Any guy that goes over to kiss his girl randomly is a chump. I will always call him that. You need to get to the point where she has to do everything to you and you get annoyed by it. That is how I always think of my girl contacts.
Thats a good sign, shows she's hungry for your attention.
 
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Hey fellow Djs

As the title says. How to deal with a girl who is also a good friend that you have sex with and you like but rarely initiates contact? (Like: almost never), but always make herself available when you ask for a date. I hate overpursuing even though i get what i want.
Sounds like she is a FWB, so why do you care, mate? She always makes herself available. So hit her up when you want sex and that should be the extent of it.

Or are you wanting something more with her and her lack of chase for you bothers you? If so, yes, she is not into you in that way. She might be enjoying the sex but she is just simply not into you or sees you that way. When a girl is truly into you and wants you, she will chase you too.

Also, is she your only lay? Cause if she isn't you shouldn't care as much or at all.

Hope that makes sense.


Modern Man Advice
 

soulforge

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I have just had a similar situation not long ago.. She would never text me or very rarely text me & I was doing 80% of the texting.

However on the flip side, she would see me at work & I wouldn't acknowledge her much & she would be the one trying to strike a conversation with me.

So I kind of felt there was some balance between our communication..

All that being said.. I got fukin bored of her bullchit..

Chasing a Low interest girl is a wasted effort... Simply back off & let her make most of the effort.. And if she doesn't? Fuk her, move onto the next girl.
 
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returnofpigman

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I can tell you as a guy who had been married to a woman like that, she will not change and she will probably get worse. You have set this relationship up this way through whatever you did to get her in the first place. If you are not after other women right now, you should be. I am sure it has been said already but spin more plates.
 

EyeBRollin

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You guys are contacting way too much. After a date wait 5-9 days to call. You can reduce that to 2-4 days after you have at least 2 months of consistency in with her. She needs time to miss you. Why would a gal initiate contact if she never gets the chance to miss you?
 

mrgoodstuff

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I can tell you as a guy who had been married to a woman like that, she will not change and she will probably get worse. You have set this relationship up this way through whatever you did to get her in the first place. If you are not after other women right now, you should be. I am sure it has been said already but spin more plates.
Your advice sounds simplistic but it's true! Once someone feels they have secured you their effort will lessen.
 

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KindredSpiritzz

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You guys are contacting way too much. After a date wait 5-9 days to call. You can reduce that to 2-4 days after you have at least 2 months of consistency in with her
if i wait that long with ANY woman shes gonna be pissed off or gone. I had one chick recently, banged her first date, she initiated it. I wasnt gonna do her cause i wasnt that attracted to her but when i started to leave she jumped up and kissed me so we ended up doing it. I wasnt into her so i never contacted her afterwards and she never reached out either. I know she was into me and im sure if i had contacted her again she'd of been happy to see me. Another chick i was seeing left my place, i didnt text her for 3 days afterwards and she finally texted me saying she doesnt ghost people and broke up with me. So i dont see how waiting 5-9 days is gonna do anything but make them think you're not interested in them. 2-4 days after 2 months together shes gonna be mad.
I don't know how in the heck you pull that sh*t off but i know i couldnt and keep a woman around long
 

EyeBRollin

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if i wait that long with ANY woman shes gonna be pissed off or gone. I had one chick recently, banged her first date, she initiated it. I wasnt gonna do her cause i wasnt that attracted to her but when i started to leave she jumped up and kissed me so we ended up doing it. I wasnt into her so i never contacted her afterwards and she never reached out either. I know she was into me and im sure if i had contacted her again she'd of been happy to see me. Another chick i was seeing left my place, i didnt text her for 3 days afterwards and she finally texted me saying she doesnt ghost people and broke up with me. So i dont see how waiting 5-9 days is gonna do anything but make them think you're not interested in them. 2-4 days after 2 months together shes gonna be mad.
I don't know how in the heck you pull that sh*t off but i know i couldnt and keep a woman around long
That’s a limiting belief. I been doing this for years. It’s ripped straight from Doc Love. If they forget you in a week they’re either too structured, too power mad to pick up the damn phone and call you, or they aren’t interested. My current lead plate im two months in, have laid her on three dates so far. I’ve called her only one time, to organize the 2nd date. She’s initiated contact ever since.
 

MatureDJ

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As usual, the way to fix this situation is to

... wait for it ...

SPIN
MORE
PLATES.
 

Pm856

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Alright, so let's check it up. The truth is that the more a girl initiates contact with you, the more she wants you. Not always (almost never, actually) she'll directly ask you out for a date, but she's going to make a "woman request", that is pretty much asking for it in a indirect way (putting herself in your orbit is already a way to ask for more of you, so whenever she writes you, assume that she wants you and set up a date).

The missing point here is that I think that maybe you have been impatient and starting contact with her more that she does with you. Honestly, having sex with her doesn't mean much. If she goes out and have a great time together, that's great, but a woman that likes you will run after you.

I'd recommend you to back off for a while, don't text her, don't call her, don't send her messages. See how long will she take to text or call you. If she doesn't contact you for a week, then you can "put yourself in her orbit" again, but honestly I don't know if it's that worth, considering that you probably know each other for some time, and by now she was already supposed to be putting herself in your orbit more than you do to her.

Always keep in mind that your goal must always be to get her to call, text you and initiate contact at least 70% of the times. If you're doing more than that (supposing that you're not in the stage of introducing each other), it can sound like overpursuing for her. So back off, let her realize her feelings for you, let her reach out to you again. She didn't disrespect you, so there's no why cutting off contact with her. Just back off and leave the door open.
She w
Alright, so let's check it up. The truth is that the more a girl initiates contact with you, the more she wants you. Not always (almost never, actually) she'll directly ask you out for a date, but she's going to make a "woman request", that is pretty much asking for it in a indirect way (putting herself in your orbit is already a way to ask for more of you, so whenever she writes you, assume that she wants you and set up a date).

The missing point here is that I think that maybe you have been impatient and starting contact with her more that she does with you. Honestly, having sex with her doesn't mean much. If she goes out and have a great time together, that's great, but a woman that likes you will run after you.

I'd recommend you to back off for a while, don't text her, don't call her, don't send her messages. See how long will she take to text or call you. If she doesn't contact you for a week, then you can "put yourself in her orbit" again, but honestly I don't know if it's that worth, considering that you probably know each other for some time, and by now she was already supposed to be putting herself in your orbit more than you do to her.

Always keep in mind that your goal must always be to get her to call, text you and initiate contact at least 70% of the times. If you're doing more than that (supposing that you're not in the stage of introducing each other), it can sound like overpursuing for her. So back off, let her realize her feelings for you, let her reach out to you again. She didn't disrespect you, so there's no why cutting off contact with her. Just back off and leave the door open.
She contacted me yesterday. And then i answered a couple of hours later. She hasnt answered yet. I know she is like this usually, even when we werent dating. She even said she is worthless with phones. But i can also tell its not 100 percent true since i see her online without answering me. Flaky, but i have to be more detached. She is just a symptom of something in me.
 

PowerQuest

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Hey fellow Djs

As the title says. How to deal with a girl who is also a good friend that you have sex with and you like but rarely initiates contact? (Like: almost never), but always make herself available when you ask for a date. I hate overpursuing even though i get what i want.
She has no real desire for you.
Dump her and move on...
You cannot force real desire and when she doesn't feel that for you then she will never initiate sexual contact with you. Instead she is craving for Peter in accounting and doing him, but not you.
So why do you want to waste more time on it?

Keep her as friend zone case and use her to find new plates, as a female wingman friend etc. That's it in my opinion.
But I would not spend time to have her as FWB when she obviously not doesn't crave for you..
 
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