Guys, been seeing this girl for 2 months now, we've already had sex, things seemed to go well. Last weekend we hung out together, good night and then I was expecting her to come and sleep at mine. No way! she came up with some b****** like "we're not at this stage, i've broken up recently., bla bla". Honestly she told me previously she would not sleep at mine because she doesn't feel it yet but after a really good night together I was a little bit annoyed. We talked a little bit and she told me not to rush. I said "come on, we've been seeing each other for a while, there's nothing wrong with it"... no outcomes. then she sent me a message excusing herslef for her behaviour and hoping to sort it out. The day after I stayed a little bit by myself, texted her in the evening and she was really warm. Then from then onwards, she didn't initiate any kind of contact, didn't reply to some message of mine or replied with a real short sentence... wtf?? I've said to her to take her time if she needs to but of course I won't give her any "girlfriend tratement" as she was getting from me. No results. Move on?? HELP!
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
was I too pushy (-> needy)?
- Thread starter joker79
- Start date
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
GotED?
Master Don Juan
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ALWAYS let the woman dictate the need for a 'RELATIONSHIP - always be INDIFFERENT otherwise and make her want more and chase after you, not your AFC behavior displayed by NEEDING her at night.
With respect,
Exodus
With respect,
Exodus
Do you think there's a way to recover? now she knows that I've got expectations and probably will back off even if I told her to take her time (and she was thankful for that... b*****?). Shall I back off as well? I'm concerned that if both back off then nothing will happen even if I focus myself on self development.
GotED?
Master Don Juan
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I would propose NC (no contact) for a while and get her to chase you after she determines (if so....) that she may lose you and starts the WANT for you. This is not for certain, as everything in life is a gamble. However, if you have already started down the road from the beginning with AFC behavior (chasing the woman, needy, etc), it is very difficult to turn that around because she already expect you to do all the work and her ego loves that stroking.
Good luck.
With respect,
Exodus
Good luck.
With respect,
Exodus
You're right. I'm becoming needy as I'm not getting what I want after a really good alpha beginning and really promising attitude from her. I think anyway that this hot-to-warm behaviour in two/three days is quite unexplicable, she didn't reply even to my birthday wishes (didn't answer the call and didn't answer the txt)! I told her that my sensation was that I was putting all the effort and she agreed (wtf!!) but she stated that if I want her, I should be waiting too and she will manage the thing. I said "ok, no problem but, knowing myself, i want to be happy and maybe I'll move on". Probably this kind of ultimatum changed her mindset? will go NC and see what happens.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
@Mauser96: actually I think so but as there's no relationship in place (she clearly stated that we're not at that stage), I've got no other way than risk the NC and/or playing it cool when I come across her.
In general I think that there' s nothing wrong in asking a girl you've been dating for 2 months to sleep with you. Maybe I've been a little bit pushy but she should understand...
In general I think that there' s nothing wrong in asking a girl you've been dating for 2 months to sleep with you. Maybe I've been a little bit pushy but she should understand...
You came across needy as fvck man, AFC MAX++, bad, bad, bad. You need to be more controlled, whereas you are desperate as fvck.
You need to understand how a woman's fvcked up emotional mind processes things. At times like these you have to play clever with the counter intuitive response - "Yeah that's cool and you're completely right, you've just come out of a relationship and I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for". Why?.... Because women sh1t test like this all the time, you have to learn to play the game fella, in doing so you will be rewarded otherwise she'll jump on another guy's c0ck. This game works on several levels.
1. It breaks their anti-slut mechanism (Wow, he's not just after sex and a user like some men).
2. It makes you appear considerate so appeals to their fvcked up emotional response system. (He really does care about me).
3. It passes their sh1t test. (OK, he answered that correctly).
4. It seems like you don't give a fvck - Alpha response. (I wasn't expecting that! Why doesn't he care? Maybe he has other women?.... I might lose him if I'm not careful).
5. It makes you appear confident and not desperate (He doesn't need sex from me, maybe he can easily get it elsewhere?)
6. It is reverse psychology and in my experience pretty much ALWAYS turns their thoughts on their head making them do the opposite of what they intended. It also importantly changes the power dynamic. Cause and effect as women invariably reward men who pass sh1t tests, (she'll be keener and want to fvck you as a reward).
When you play this way you also go reactive (reply ONLY when she contacts, but otherwise don't), this confuses her and make her yearn to be with you and keep you happy (so she'll willingly fvck you to placate you next time). You probably noticed that a bit when she became responsive to your text silence.
No offence, but you seriously need to work on your game.
You need to understand how a woman's fvcked up emotional mind processes things. At times like these you have to play clever with the counter intuitive response - "Yeah that's cool and you're completely right, you've just come out of a relationship and I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for". Why?.... Because women sh1t test like this all the time, you have to learn to play the game fella, in doing so you will be rewarded otherwise she'll jump on another guy's c0ck. This game works on several levels.
1. It breaks their anti-slut mechanism (Wow, he's not just after sex and a user like some men).
2. It makes you appear considerate so appeals to their fvcked up emotional response system. (He really does care about me).
3. It passes their sh1t test. (OK, he answered that correctly).
4. It seems like you don't give a fvck - Alpha response. (I wasn't expecting that! Why doesn't he care? Maybe he has other women?.... I might lose him if I'm not careful).
5. It makes you appear confident and not desperate (He doesn't need sex from me, maybe he can easily get it elsewhere?)
6. It is reverse psychology and in my experience pretty much ALWAYS turns their thoughts on their head making them do the opposite of what they intended. It also importantly changes the power dynamic. Cause and effect as women invariably reward men who pass sh1t tests, (she'll be keener and want to fvck you as a reward).
When you play this way you also go reactive (reply ONLY when she contacts, but otherwise don't), this confuses her and make her yearn to be with you and keep you happy (so she'll willingly fvck you to placate you next time). You probably noticed that a bit when she became responsive to your text silence.
No offence, but you seriously need to work on your game.
Greasy Pig
Master Don Juan
In my experience, a woman who says "she needs space" is definitely fvcking someone else.
It's happened to me three times.
My money is on that you are her "B" guy. She's currently fvcking her "A" guy and seeing how it pans out. If it doesn't work out, she has you on the back burner to branch swing to.
Fvck that. Go total NC. It's the only way.
And I can almost guarantee she'll try to reinitiate contact but unless it's to apologise profusely and immediately offer a date, don't give the cvnt the time of day.
Seriously.
It's happened to me three times.
My money is on that you are her "B" guy. She's currently fvcking her "A" guy and seeing how it pans out. If it doesn't work out, she has you on the back burner to branch swing to.
Fvck that. Go total NC. It's the only way.
And I can almost guarantee she'll try to reinitiate contact but unless it's to apologise profusely and immediately offer a date, don't give the cvnt the time of day.
Seriously.
@SKA: as usual you nailed it, 100% agree. Just a note: actually I did it what you proposed, I said: if you need to get over your past or you need more space, time, whatever, do it and then come back when you're ok with yourself". She sent a message later in the night stating she was sorry for the behaviour and will work on this thing. And she said: WE NEED TO KEEP TALKING (wtf?).Then she went from hot to cold in one day.
@GreasyPig: that's my concern as well (or the ex is behind the scenes)
will go NC
@GreasyPig: that's my concern as well (or the ex is behind the scenes)
will go NC
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
The trouble with going NC now after going all AFC and desperate to fvck her, is it validates her fears that you were only after sex after all. (He's sulking because I wouldn't fvck him, so I WAS right, he's a typical using man).
That's the danger of not playing the game properly, your hand is no longer a trump move. NC would have worked a treat if you had have played as I suggested (Alpha ways), whereas now it will probably have the opposite effect - and push her onto another guy's c0ck.
My advice go LC. So chuck her the odd text, something funny / considerate / etc., but randomise the time between replies to her responses to keep her thinking and yearning.
That's the danger of not playing the game properly, your hand is no longer a trump move. NC would have worked a treat if you had have played as I suggested (Alpha ways), whereas now it will probably have the opposite effect - and push her onto another guy's c0ck.
My advice go LC. So chuck her the odd text, something funny / considerate / etc., but randomise the time between replies to her responses to keep her thinking and yearning.
you may be overthinking this.
the 2 month mark is around when dating naturally turns into the early phase of a relationship and with her instinctually aware of that, she is backing off big time because quite frankly, she just isnt into you all that much and doesnt want a LTR with you. She'd rather hold out for someone else. Or she has some other fvcked up issues in her head and the timing for a relationship is just all wrong. Nothing you can do about that because the universe conspired against you this time. Out of your control.
Could you have reacted better to her backing off by being cooler, less needy and not give a fvck? Yes! But, probably a 75% chance it wouldn't have mattered.
Sometimes its that simple.
the 2 month mark is around when dating naturally turns into the early phase of a relationship and with her instinctually aware of that, she is backing off big time because quite frankly, she just isnt into you all that much and doesnt want a LTR with you. She'd rather hold out for someone else. Or she has some other fvcked up issues in her head and the timing for a relationship is just all wrong. Nothing you can do about that because the universe conspired against you this time. Out of your control.
Could you have reacted better to her backing off by being cooler, less needy and not give a fvck? Yes! But, probably a 75% chance it wouldn't have mattered.
Sometimes its that simple.
yeah could be. I'm annoyed as she's the second girl that went out of the previous relationship I fvck up. probably I should be more patient but it's really a thin boundary between being the rebound guy and being perceived as pushy and needy just because you want what a man naturally want.
next time learn to screen girls if you want to make them your girlfriend (ask them questions and make them qualify themeselves to you). i think you set the proper frame that way by conveying value and it triggers her natural instincts to want to be with you.joker79 said:
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
cordoncordon
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2006
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- 2,889
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It's really very simple.
Go NC.
Only respond if she initiates, and the response should be muted at best.
Don't talk to her about "deep things". Don't talk to her about a relationship.
You are having a blast and don't have a care in the world as far as she knows.
IF she comes crawling in a week or two, reevaluate. Until then, consider her gone.
End of story.
Go NC.
Only respond if she initiates, and the response should be muted at best.
Don't talk to her about "deep things". Don't talk to her about a relationship.
You are having a blast and don't have a care in the world as far as she knows.
IF she comes crawling in a week or two, reevaluate. Until then, consider her gone.
End of story.
I asked her if she would want to meet my friends or come for a weekend and visit a foreign city with just me (it means taking a flight together and spend time with me only). I got for both positive answer. She even introduced me personally to her best friend. Just examples. Maybe not strong enough? It could be absolutely but to me they seem pretty "tangible"
jonhaul
Don Juan
Well dude just forget this one I have screwed up in a similar way I learned my lesson. (read my post on thoughts on this LJBF?) Besides there are lots of gals out there probably hotter than the one you are currently involved with. I am seeing this now... 
You dont NEED her right? You can live without her as you did before correct? You will be fine man just remind yourself the grass is always greener for you. SHE is loosing you and shes screwing up and who cares what she thinks right?
Their excuses are just bull and next time I hear crap like that I am just gonna go cold and BE DONE. As a mattero f fact there wont be a next time I hear anything of the sort because I wont be asking or pushing for anything.
You dont NEED her right? You can live without her as you did before correct? You will be fine man just remind yourself the grass is always greener for you. SHE is loosing you and shes screwing up and who cares what she thinks right? Their excuses are just bull and next time I hear crap like that I am just gonna go cold and BE DONE. As a mattero f fact there wont be a next time I hear anything of the sort because I wont be asking or pushing for anything.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.