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Was I in the wrong here? In regards to paying for a first date?

Brighty

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I have a successful background in dating and have pretty high SMV, but this humbled the fvck out of me. Felt like a total chump. Am I overreacting here?

I meet this girl off of Bumble at her hotel and we go to a restaurant across the street. We get there and go sit at the bar and we both grab a drink. Throughout the date she orders another drink, then orders a ****tail, meanwhile I'm still on my first drink. I don't really pay it that much heed because I figured like most dates she'd pay for her half and I would pay for mine, especially if she's going off the unspoken rule and not ordering equivalent drinks/food to the other party. The conversation is OK, we seem to get along alright, but she's a good 1-2 points lower than her Bumble profile pictures (more like a HB6-7) but was still on the fence about smashing anyway, I had nothing else to do that night.

Bill ends up $55, which is not a big deal, but what really floored me was when the waitress came to ask if it was one check or two, she said "together". I honestly was shocked at the entitlement, and hadn't really encountered it too much before like that on the first date - I usually date white women so I wasn't sure if this was a cultural thing (she was latina) or what. I just I went from hot to cold incredibly fast at that kind of entitled attitude. I drove her back to her hotel, she ended up going for a kiss and I basically hug-blocked her, she ended up kissing my ear or some sh!t lmao. She asked what I was doing the rest of the night and I told her I was going out to party with friends, she told me to visit her in NYC if I can next month, and we parted ways.

Am I overreacting here? I've been on a ton of dates and typically most girls will either order somewhat equivalent drinks to what I order if I'm paying or offer to go dutch. How do you guys shut this kind of behavior down? I feel like I should have been more firm with it but in this overly feminized society it seems like its almost a cardinal sin to object when a woman tells the bartender that the checks will be together.
 

AttackFormation

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I think you underreacted by not standing up for yourself and telling the waiter you are paying for yourselves.

I don't believe in bribing women to be with you. She made you do it and you accepted it out of fear. I would fix that.
 

Brighty

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I think you underreacted by not standing up for yourself and telling the waiter you are paying for yourselves.

I don't believe in bribing women to be with you. She made you do it and you accepted it out of fear. I would fix that.
That's what really humbled me. I'm pretty good at being C&F and maintaining frame in most normal dating settings and have seen a lot of success because of it, but this was the first time I was put in a situation like this in recent memory. I was just taken aback by how rude and entitled it was and like a simp I basically got the wallet out. Embarrassing.

What would be a way to diffuse or stand up for yourself in that situation without coming across as a complete ass?
 

marmel75

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I would have said I'm paying for the first round and the other two are on you.

You should have at least punished her for behavior with your c0ck and grudge fvcked her. It seems she was up for it, asking what you were doing the rest of the night(aka seeing if you were up for fvcking).

Nothing like getting them behind closed doors and then fvcking the life out of them.
 

AttackFormation

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What would be a way to diffuse or stand up for yourself in that situation without coming across as a complete ass?
Imo you should stop worrying about coming across as a "complete ass" for standing up for yourself, this attitude in your subconscious of only acting with exterior approval is probably what prevented you from acting in the first place.

Let them think you're an *******, a misogynist, a scum, a whatever. Just focus on achieving the consequence you're after. I would simply say "no no, we're paying for ourselves" or whatever else first comes to my mind.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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If a girl ever tries to pull something like this I stay polite but write her off in my head. After she says 'together' I say 'im only paying for my drink.' and watch her reaction. Anything other than polite agreement and an apology and she loses points in my book. She already thinks she can cuck me and I'm already checking her, talk about a super red flag. Forget about emotions or coming across as an ass. It's a pragmatic masculine mindset and there's nothing wrong with making decisions she may not like. She's a stranger.

I've had dates where I get up in the middle of it and politely tell the girl that I don't think we're a good match, drop the money for my half of the bill and walk. If you feel an aversion to a woman then why waste your time? Any time you let these things slide and cuck it you begin to grow resentful and toxic. You may not even notice it until you catch yourself being nasty to her down the road. Act on your will and stand by it calmly, you're a man.
 

Black Widow Void

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Contrary to the typical forum group think, I'm also okay paying for one round of drinks, coffee etc...
I get where you are coming from. When you are accustomed to dating higher caliber females, getting 'blindsided' by an opportunist can be unexpected; leaving us mentally unprepared for a good response.
This happened to me a few years back. I still remember this because I hate that didn't make a stand (I was sort of stunned by her entitled behavior). Like yourself, I paid and quickly ejected.
 

biggoal

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The last HB7 date I had remember kept ordering more beer? Bill ended up being 60 bucks and I covered it and then a week later she went off on me.

The date before that HB8 bought the most expensive lunch menu item.

I didn't object at all. Never object. You don't want to p*ss them off and get none out of them. Just pay it!
 

SeymourCake

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You were played. She used you for free drinks. Bumble is literally an app made for alcoholics (see image below). She probably invited another guy to her apartment for sex after you parted ways. They have a picture edit filter on their phone dedicated to it.

I never understood why women drinking alcohol is not a red flag to men these days. Everything in society has been flipped upside down.
 
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Brighty

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You were played. She used you for free drinks. Bumble is literally an app made for alcoholics (see image below). She probably invited another guy to her apartment for sex after you parted ways. They have a picture edit filter on their phone dedicated to it.

I never understood why women drinking alcohol is not a red flag to men these days. Everything in society has been flipped upside down.
She more or less invited me up to her place afterward before she went in for the kiss, but I refused. I think she honestly just had that insane amount of entitlement to her. And maybe she did invite another dude up after I didn't bite, but she sure as **** wasn't getting this **** after the way she acted.

Why is women drinking alcohol a red flag in your opinion?
 

andreihaha

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when she said "together", you should have responded "thanks"
cheers!
Yeah, a response like the one above would be great next time.
I understand how you feel, blowing her off if she's pissing you off is perfectly acceptable. She doesn't meet your requirements.
I fortunately never had a problem like this, they always reach for the check. I usually say "No, come on, you know the guy pays the first time. And the girl on the next 10 dates".
 

RickTheToad

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I have a successful background in dating and have pretty high SMV, but this humbled the fvck out of me. Felt like a total chump. Am I overreacting here?

I meet this girl off of Bumble at her hotel and we go to a restaurant across the street. We get there and go sit at the bar and we both grab a drink. Throughout the date she orders another drink, then orders a ****tail, meanwhile I'm still on my first drink. I don't really pay it that much heed because I figured like most dates she'd pay for her half and I would pay for mine, especially if she's going off the unspoken rule and not ordering equivalent drinks/food to the other party. The conversation is OK, we seem to get along alright, but she's a good 1-2 points lower than her Bumble profile pictures (more like a HB6-7) but was still on the fence about smashing anyway, I had nothing else to do that night.

Bill ends up $55, which is not a big deal, but what really floored me was when the waitress came to ask if it was one check or two, she said "together". I honestly was shocked at the entitlement, and hadn't really encountered it too much before like that on the first date - I usually date white women so I wasn't sure if this was a cultural thing (she was latina) or what. I just I went from hot to cold incredibly fast at that kind of entitled attitude. I drove her back to her hotel, she ended up going for a kiss and I basically hug-blocked her, she ended up kissing my ear or some sh!t lmao. She asked what I was doing the rest of the night and I told her I was going out to party with friends, she told me to visit her in NYC if I can next month, and we parted ways.

Am I overreacting here? I've been on a ton of dates and typically most girls will either order somewhat equivalent drinks to what I order if I'm paying or offer to go dutch. How do you guys shut this kind of behavior down? I feel like I should have been more firm with it but in this overly feminized society it seems like its almost a cardinal sin to object when a woman tells the bartender that the checks will be together.
1) You should had, oh, you're paying for both, thanks!. Pause, then request separate checks or I'm paying for the first round, she's covering the second.
2) You should had went up stairs and hooked up. Do you think she cares that you didn't have sex with her? So, she had someone entertaining her for a couple of hours and 55 bucks + tip in free booze. You, blue balls. Who won?
 

Brighty

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1) You should had, oh, you're paying for both, thanks!. Pause, then request separate checks or I'm paying for the first round, she's covering the second.
2) You should had went up stairs and hooked up. Do you think she cares that you didn't have sex with her? So, she had someone entertaining her for a couple of hours and 55 bucks + tip in free booze. You, blue balls. Who won?

1. I like that line, "I got the first round" is a great way to say/deflect that without coming across as an overt ***hole. I wish I used that.
2. I don't really work that way, I know my value and I wasn't about to give it to her my d*ck because of her behavior. She didn't earn it. I ended up calling and fvcking another FWB that night anyway so it's a moot point, but she did get a few drinks for free, I'll give her that.
 

RickTheToad

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1. I like that line, "I got the first round" is a great way to say that without coming across as an *******.
2. I don't really work that way, I know my value and I wasn't about to give it to her because of her behavior. I ended up calling and fvcking another FWB that night anyway so it's a moot point, but she did get a few drinks for free, I'll give her that.
Exactly. That is why you should had made her pay with sex. After all, she was offering it.
 

SgtSplacker

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I have a successful background in dating and have pretty high SMV, but this humbled the fvck out of me. Felt like a total chump. Am I overreacting here?

I meet this girl off of Bumble at her hotel and we go to a restaurant across the street. We get there and go sit at the bar and we both grab a drink. Throughout the date she orders another drink, then orders a ****tail, meanwhile I'm still on my first drink. I don't really pay it that much heed because I figured like most dates she'd pay for her half and I would pay for mine, especially if she's going off the unspoken rule and not ordering equivalent drinks/food to the other party. The conversation is OK, we seem to get along alright, but she's a good 1-2 points lower than her Bumble profile pictures (more like a HB6-7) but was still on the fence about smashing anyway, I had nothing else to do that night.

Bill ends up $55, which is not a big deal, but what really floored me was when the waitress came to ask if it was one check or two, she said "together". I honestly was shocked at the entitlement, and hadn't really encountered it too much before like that on the first date - I usually date white women so I wasn't sure if this was a cultural thing (she was latina) or what. I just I went from hot to cold incredibly fast at that kind of entitled attitude. I drove her back to her hotel, she ended up going for a kiss and I basically hug-blocked her, she ended up kissing my ear or some sh!t lmao. She asked what I was doing the rest of the night and I told her I was going out to party with friends, she told me to visit her in NYC if I can next month, and we parted ways.

Am I overreacting here? I've been on a ton of dates and typically most girls will either order somewhat equivalent drinks to what I order if I'm paying or offer to go dutch. How do you guys shut this kind of behavior down? I feel like I should have been more firm with it but in this overly feminized society it seems like its almost a cardinal sin to object when a woman tells the bartender that the checks will be together.
She was willing to put out, 50 is nothing you cheapo.
 

SeymourCake

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I do not think he's taking pregnant ladies out for drinks and a shag dude.
Definitely a shag, and if anything goes wrong, she could end up pregnant.

What's your next response? Abortions and contraceptives?
 
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