Was I her beta orbiter? An example of why not to text?

[Comatozed]

I need some insight into this situation.

I will start by saying I should never have got into this spot as this girl lives an hour away and I should have aborted mission early doors.

I met her whilst staying with a friend, seen her a couple of times and she's always been keen to text in between.

Because of the distance, plus our schedules clashing and me (and potentially her) not being interested enough to alter schedules. I haven't got to see her for quite a while. Plus, I'm reluctant to go to her, I want her to come to me.

In light of this I've replied to her messages as this was no trouble to me and I thought (wrongly?) that it would help facilitate her coming to see me. (Bit of comfort/rapport etc).

So she messages me at midnight Saturday night, asking me to come to her city with a quite specific date idea but no specific date, though I assume she meant next weekend... I reply Sunday afternoon that I might do as I'm heading in that direction anyway and ask what are her plans, ie. are you busy/did you mean this weekend.

Then no response. It looks now like I was being used for validation. This would be the first time and it's pretty eye opening to think that even when chicks instigate and show interest.. it could well all be BS.

I also really need to stop texting girls. I think deep down I'm doing it to build comfort for my own benefit and this leads nowhere. I do KNOW not to text girls, and if she lived in my city were more regular meet-ups woulda been possible I wouldn't have text her anywhere near as much.

So yea, I've answered my own questions I think. Always try and put a girl in action cos her words mean nothing.

Moving forward I plan to just completely go ghost on her. Absolutely not go see her even if she asks again. Maybe ask her to come here but at this point it's highly unlikely. Lesson learnt and thankfully on a girl I'm not overly fussed about this time too. But I mean WTF man just respond with some BS excuse. (maybe she feels bad to give an excuse as she was the one to propose it but still, to just not reply at all? LOL she crazy).

Any thoughts?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Normally I'd give my whole "Texting KILLS relationship" speech (after all, a simple phone call could have handled this situation a lot faster instead of you having to wait 2+ days for a response), but in this case I'd say it's distance. Bottom line: if the girl isn't less than an hour away from being able to get to you, there's very little incentive for a relationship to grow. Nor is there incentive for her to build a connection with you when other guys live closer to her. Regardless, no response back is never a good thing, so in effect she's already gone ghost on YOU. Don't take it personally, just chalk it up to the game - and long distance, lol

 

[marmel75]

I think with long distance stuff there is more in play than this. I think it becomes "cool" to talk to someone in another place/city/state and get to know them, learn about them, and in some cases fantasize about what they are really like. But then when it comes down to actually meeting it can cause women to freak out because they start feeling the pressure of realizing this whole fantasy person they've dreamed up in their minds probably doesn't exist and the real you will be far less exciting/awesome/etc...

If they enjoy texting you it also can put them in a place of not really wanting to actually meet you despite what they may say because the know if you meet and don't have that connection or feeling for one another, then they will no longer will want to text you and will lose out on that fantasy person they have dreamed up in their head...

Personally, if I was in that situation I would be sure to let the woman know that you don't want her to feel pressured and that you have no expectations of anything happening, that you just think it would be cool to meet up and spend some time together. Obviously, you know in the back of your mind that you are damn well gonna try and make something happen, but you don't want her to feel that pressure because in situations like this, its easier for women to bail and its not necessarily because they aren't interested...

 

[Comatozed]

Hmm interesting take on it.

I agree largely about the fantasy idea. Girls often seem to project an image onto me based on not a lot. Like this one kept saying I was posh after literally 1 min of knowing me and has continued it ever since. I just kinda playfully deny it in a way I would do if I actually was posh. I'm not posh though. I just went to a good uni and was dressed well at the time.

The bad part is I can almost apply some of the girl bit stuff to me. Like, I do enjoy texting her, or else I wouldn't do it - and i do think my text game is better than in person, which needs addressing. And, if we meet again and it fizzles out that'd be a shame too but it's not to the point where i'd sooner just be her little text chum and never meet up.

Anyway, looks like I've been nexted. I think this girls really eager to find a bf due to what she's said about her friends etc. and has probably been seeing/texting quite a few people. No big deal. From now on, I'll stick to girls that are local and aim to only text sparingly so as not to become her friend.

 

[Comatozed]

There more I think about this the stranger it is.

This will sound like i'm clutching at straws, but I have had problems with whatsapp deleting messages during updates, which there has been recentley.. and for her to basically ask me out then ignore is strange.

I want to send a follow up.. how do I word it?

Last thing I said was basically a joke about her date idea and asking her when she was free.

I know some will say don't follow up, but it's too bizzare. I can't really think of what to say without appearing weak/needy though tbh.

'Did you get that last message?' or 'Oh' ?

Everything just gonna be embarrassing if she has infact just ignored me - but like I said wtf.

 

[jurry]

Stop chasing. Let it go.

 

[Comatozed]

So she replied without me following up.

Bla bla bla quite long, basic jist was if I am in her town to let her know, which i sure as hell won't be. I will not be going out of my way in the slightest to see her. Going to respond to her in a few days (I hate that obvious, reactive move) and invite her to my city.

That way I only continue with an interested girl and and no expense to me. She probably flake and that'll be that.

 

[mangotot]

Tell her you can't make it. And ask when she can come and see you.

 

[Comatozed]

She'll just say..but I came to you last time .. or something to that effect.

How to respond?

'So ****ing what come again bish' ?