Was I being too much of an assh0le?

[Konada]

So I set up a date off Tinder a few days ago and this happened on the day of the date.

Me: Yo see you at xxx at 715pm later.

HB: Okay! What are we gonna do? Like go where eat or what?

 Me: Just a simple coffee, dinner if we don't hate each other after coffee

 HB: Ehh, shouldn't we just do dinner straight? Cause I'll meet you without dinner and feeling hungry uh

 Me: Grab something small before that then

 HB: So you mean we can't have conversation over dinner?

 HB: You expect me to travel to town just to have coffee with you like this?

 Me: Look, we can have dinner after that if we can click. If you're not okay with this then perhaps its better to call it off

 HB: Alright, then I think we can just call it off.

 HB: You're being inflexible and weird.

 Me: Ok

Excuse the grammar because I'm not from the US. Decided to bin this one because she's acting b!tchy even before we meet.
I still do need honest opinion whether I was coming across as being an total assh0le for expressing that I wanted to test where it goes before investing further, certainly not blowing $20 on some chick I don't even know I like yet.

TL;DR
1. Suggested coffee and if we get along, dinner afterwards
2. Girl insists on dinner only
3. Breaks date because I didn't budge from my position.

 

[Bingo-Player]

i dont think you were being too much of an a$$hole

i just think you were being to awkward for no real reason

give and take bro

 

[Reykhel]

Nope

So I set up a date off Tinder a few days ago and this happened on the day of the date.

Me: Yo see you at xxx at 715pm later.

HB: Okay! What are we gonna do? Like go where eat or what?

 Me: Just a simple coffee, dinner if we don't hate each other after coffee IMO that was your only error. Why mention dinner?

 HB: Ehh, shouldn't we just do dinner straight? Cause I'll meet you without dinner and feeling hungry uh

 Me: Grab something small before that then

 HB: So you mean we can't have conversation over dinner?

 HB: You expect me to travel to town just to have coffee with you like this?

 Me: Look, we can have dinner after that if we can click. If you're not okay with this then perhaps its better to call it off

 HB: Alright, then I think we can just call it off.

 HB: You're being inflexible and weird. nice shaming byatch. She's trying to shame you into buying her a dinner

 Me: Ok good answer. not getting sucked in to defending yourself.

Excuse the grammar because I'm not from the US. Decided to bin this one because she's acting b!tchy even before we meet.
I still do need honest opinion whether I was coming across as being an total assh0le for expressing that I wanted to test where it goes before investing further, certainly not blowing $20 on some chick I don't even know I like yet.

No you weren't. I wouldn't want to go have dinner with someone that I was going to meet for the first time from the internet!!!

It's not even the money. I wouldn't want to sit through a meal with a stranger and possibly a stranger upon meeting I know that I don't like. Or worse, someone who is annoying. And yeah I suppose afterwards it would be the money too...and the time..

I think it would have been better to say "let's meet for a drink and we'll take it from there...."

and I would repeat this like a mantra if she asks anything like "what will we do after?" "will we eat after"

"let's meet for a drink and we'll take it from there...."

This should be self-explanitory and either she accepts that or she can fvck off.....

 

[Konada]

i dont think you were being too much of an a$$hole

i just think you were being to awkward for no real reason

give and take bro

Please explain

 

[Eph]

Eh, I don't think you were being an a$$hole, but (and some might disagree here) I do think you were being a little "trigger-happy" on nexting her (I'm assuming you nexted her after this). You basically canceled just because she asked a couple questions. You should have just said, "have a snack before you leave, and we'll see where a conversation over coffee takes us", or made a joke.

No you weren't. I wouldn't want to go have dinner with someone that I was going to meet for the first time from the internet!!! It's not even the money. I wouldn't want to sit through a meal with a stranger and possibly a stranger upon meeting I know that I don't like. Or worse, someone who is annoying. And yeah I suppose afterwards it would be the money too...and the time..

You do realize dinner with a stranger (regardless of how you met them) is the way men have been doing dates for a while now, right?

 

[Reykhel]

Eh, I don't think you were being an a$$hole, but (and some might disagree here) I do think you were being a little "trigger-happy" on nexting her (I'm assuming you nexted her after this). You basically canceled just because she asked a couple questions. You should have just said, "have a snack before you leave, and we'll see where a conversation over coffee takes us", or made a joke.


You do realize dinner with a stranger (regardless of how you met them) is the way men have been doing dates for a while now, right?

This is very black and white thinking. As if it was universally known that this was the way ALL MEN were "dating". WRONG.

see this thread and you'll find there are a few men who don't think that way and a few men who from their threads are successfull enough with women.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=228819&page=2

So what you're saying is if we arrange a date with lets say some chick from POF....the "date" should be going out for dinner? Because this is the way that all men have been doing dates for a while now? Is this what you're saying?

see this thread too: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=228859

 

[Konada]

Eh, I don't think you were being an a$$hole, but (and some might disagree here) I do think you were being a little "trigger-happy" on nexting her (I'm assuming you nexted her after this). You basically canceled just because she asked a couple questions. You should have just said, "have a snack before you leave, and we'll see where a conversation over coffee takes us", or made a joke.


You do realize dinner with a stranger (regardless of how you met them) is the way men have been doing dates for a while now, right?

Yeah I told her to have something small before coming over but apparently she had other ideas. I didn't mind having dinner after coffee if things went well. Perhaps I should have phrased it differently.

 

[zekko]

I don't know why so many guys are so against dinner these days. Don't you eat?

I can kind of understand it with online dating though, since these chicks are basically worth little to no investment. In fact, I'm disturbed that about 90% of the male/female interactions on the forum these days are through OLD. I know there are a lot of flaws with cold approaching, but damn, doesn't anybody meet anybody in real life anymore?

 

[blind_one]

Yeah I told her to have something small before coming over but apparently she had other ideas. I didn't mind having dinner after coffee if things went well. Perhaps I should have phrased it differently.

Do not beat yourself over it. Sounds like she was fishing for a free meal.

 

[guru1000]

I don't know why so many guys are so against dinner these days. Don't you eat?

I can kind of understand it with online dating though, since these chicks are basically worth little to no investment. In fact, I'm disturbed that about 90% of the male/female interactions on the forum these days are through OLD. I know there are a lot of flaws with cold approaching, but damn, doesn't anybody meet anybody in real life anymore?

I don't know about you Zekko, but I do not feel like fvcking after dinner. I feel like sleeping; maybe it's the age, lol.

Konada, you acted in accordance with your will. That's the victory, not the girl. Fvck her. Any online girl who pushes dinner on a first date can take a hike.

 

[Konada]

Do not beat yourself over it. Sounds like she was fishing for a free meal.

Could care less about the girl, just want critique on how I can improve the flaws in my game.

I don't know why so many guys are so against dinner these days. Don't you eat?

I can kind of understand it with online dating though, since these chicks are basically worth little to no investment. In fact, I'm disturbed that about 90% of the male/female interactions on the forum these days are through OLD. I know there are a lot of flaws with cold approaching, but damn, doesn't anybody meet anybody in real life anymore?

I guess it's just a personal preference. Easier to eject on 1st dates if I'm don't like what I see rather than endure an hour long meal with a girl you're not really into. That and also blowing extra $$ on something that isn't going to go far.

 

[zekko]

I guess it's just a personal preference. Easier to eject on 1st dates if I'm don't like what I see rather than endure an hour long meal with a girl you're not really into. That and also blowing extra $$ on something that isn't going to go far.

I agree coffee is preferable for a first date, I just don't see dinner as a deal breaker. That doesn't mean you have to pay her way (although she may have other ideas lol). I mean you're going to eat supper anyway, what's the harm in eating it with her.

Again though, I know most of these online chicks are probably skanks good for and seeking nothing more than a pump and dump, so I'm probably arguing out of context here.

 

[Konada]

I agree coffee is preferable for a first date, I just don't see dinner as a deal breaker. That doesn't mean you have to pay her way (although she may have other ideas lol). I mean you're going to eat supper anyway, what's the harm in eating it with her.

Again though, I know most of these online chicks are probably skanks good for and seeking nothing more than a pump and dump, so I'm probably arguing out of context here.

Yeah I always assume I'm going to pay when I ask girls out.

Am I hungry? Yes.
Did I want to have dinner? Yes.
Did I want to shell out $20 over a cheaper alternative of $8 to potentially find out this chick is not to my liking? No.

The dealbreaker here wasn't dinner but rather her insistence that we grab dinner over coffee (which I explicitly told her dinner is after if we get along fine) which led me to think:

1. She was just after a meal and wasn't really bothered to put in effort for something that may not even happen.
2. Too used to guys kissing her a$$ that she couldn't take 'maybe' for an answer.

 

[RangerMIke]

7:15 pm is dinner time, so yea, you were a bit of a **** and a little strange.

You should have told her up from what you guys were doing, "I'll meet you at XYZ, and 7:15pm for coffee.

Then when she pressed you some more, tell her "you'll have to go out with me to see."

You could have also made some sexual innuendo jokes when she mentioned 'eat'... I'll let you use your imagination, but you could go to some pretty funny places with that.

Because then you are funny and putting her in a sexual frame rather that being creepy stranger.

If you didn't want to spend money on someone you hadn't met yet, then you should have picked a different time.

Or you should have just told her that you had early dinner plans (which would have been true) that night already, and if she wanted to push it to later, maybe you could meet for drinks or desert.

 

[pyros]

OP I think you did fine.

This b-itch is too entitled. It seems she thought you were gonna feed her dinner (cause she's worth dinner, nothing less you cheap bastard lmao...) and when she realised you were gonna buy her a coffee she got offended cause you think she's just worth a coffee (her: how dares he??!)

I would have sent her to hell like you did, cause she thinks she's way above you so from her point of view, she's giving you the "opportunity" to mee her, and she also thinks you must "work" to get her. LMAO...!!
!

She's worth a load of cvm on her face, just that.

Stupid, entitled, trashy woman.

 

[Woodman]

Dude you were pretty reasonable and fair with your request of measuring things up before investing more $ and time.

 

[guru1000]

Another observation: In the context of the first few dates, the more women call you azzhole, the more you are doing everything right. I'm usually called azzhole at least once on the first date.

Azzhole =

 

[ubercat]

Zekko
I think OLD advantage is they re there to date. I approached 3 chicks on weekend - 2 bf s and one who gave me digits and then blew me off on the pH call. So end result no date. With OLD I used to get more dates I.e. more practice and no matter how bad yr game u d get it wet once in a while. Not saying only do OLD but I reckon its good for practice. Course that was 10 years ago. Putting up dome profs this weekend - yr mileage may vary.

 

[Eph]

This is very black and white thinking. As if it was universally known that this was the way ALL MEN were "dating". WRONG.

For most men (and women for that matter), up until the dawn of advanced tech, a date was almost synonymous with a conversation over dinner. Of course, there will always be out-of-the-box thinkers, but this is an undeniable fact.

see this thread and you'll find there are a few men who don't think that way and a few men who from their threads are successfull enough with women.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=228819&page=2

Your point?

So what you're saying is if we arrange a date with lets say some chick from POF....the "date" should be going out for dinner? Because this is the way that all men have been doing dates for a while now? Is this what you're saying?

see this thread too: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=228859

Anyone wanna chime in and tell me where I said this? Because I didn't. There's nothing wrong with taking her to dinner, if that's what you want. The fact that dinner is/was most guys' idea of a date also doesn't mean it's what you "should" be doing.

And who cares if you met your girl from online? I prefer meeting women out and about, but if online dating is your thing, go for it. And I don't know why you put "date" in quotation marks, that's exactly what it is.

 

[G_Govan]

OP I think you did fine.

This b-itch is too entitled. It seems she thought you were gonna feed her dinner (cause she's worth dinner, nothing less you cheap bastard lmao...) and when she realised you were gonna buy her a coffee she got offended cause you think she's just worth a coffee (her: how dares he??!)

I would have sent her to hell like you did, cause she thinks she's way above you so from her point of view, she's giving you the "opportunity" to mee her, and she also thinks you must "work" to get her. LMAO...!!
!

She's worth a load of cvm on her face, just that.

Stupid, entitled, trashy woman.

Gotta go with Pyros on this one.

I think SHE was the weird one.

Who the hell worries about how hungry they're going to be on a first date with someone they've never met before?

She seemed more excited about dinner then you. It's very telling that it became a deal breaker, as in, she was simply looking to be wined/dined more than sex.

I wouldn't change anything you did, I think it was perfect. You effectively weeded out a b-tch who most likely intended to use you.