Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Want to learn what I did wrong. Got physical a week later got hit with "Dont want to risk friendship" blah blah. Gone NC

isasda66

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2019
Messages
161
Reaction score
98
Age
24
Moving on was the best advice. Ive already got my sights on another girl who is way hotter and since Im no longer her emotional tampon she messaged asking why Im ignoring her etc. And she is really upset. I dont have time for these timewasters.

1 chick isnt the end of the world.

BEST POST EVER!
 

isasda66

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2019
Messages
161
Reaction score
98
Age
24
UPDATE: I need help on responding. Dont want her to get the upper hand. Unfortunately she mistakes kindness for weakness.

She sent a flirty message tagging me in our group chat and she then messaged a huge text wall last night. Multiple texts. In short she wants talk to know what she has done to upset me. She claims she doesnt want to hurt me with her eratic mood swings etc. and thats why the LJBF. Bull****. If its not a YES its a NO.

Ive stopped being her emotional tampon and messaging her. If she messages Ill send a short reply and keep it are the bare minimum. Ive made myself "scarce", by being busy declining group invites etc. She messaged once about me ignoring her but I laughed it off.

I did have to meet her in social settings 2/3 times. I acknowledged her spoke a bit but changed my attention elsewhere.

I know she is trying to keep me as her orbiter. I was planning on replying something light like "haha no clue what youre talking of. But I want whatever stash youre on"

Im not sure what she wants from me but if she expects me to be an orbiter thats not happening. I dont mind converting her to a plate. But if she wants a friendship, I'm really not gonna make any efforts to maintain it. I wont burn bridges like an AFC and tell her anything.
 

oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
1,087
Reaction score
1,892
Age
44
I haven't read everything you've said happened here but from what I've skimmed, you've done a better job than most at holding your ground.

Given that she's in your social group and she is playing these kinds of games, my suggestion is you stop considering anything sexual with her at all. I wouldn't worry about the classic advice of "I'm not interested in friendship, only romance, so it's romance or nothing." You don't really have that option here because you'll be seeing her all the time in your friend group so my advice is you friend-zone her. Be nice, but don't engage in the games, play things off with playful teasing, don't act weird around her, don't talk to other people about her, ignore gossip from friends about what she says about you, etc.

I was planning on replying something light like "haha no clue what youre talking of. But I want whatever stash youre on"
You have the right idea on brushing her craziness off to the side with humor but this is just a tad harsh. It would be ok for a girl you aren't going to see all the time in your social circle, but for this girl I'd be nicer in the teasing. Let her down easy.

So like:
Her, "Hey, my head is floating, I'm just in a weird place, I want to talk. I don't want you to be mad or hurt you. I know I have mood swings, blah blah blah"
Me, "lol you ok? Seems like you are taking this way too seriously"

Your frame with her should be: It's all good. Why are you freaking out? Good to hear from you but I have to run. See you sometime soon.
 

isasda66

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2019
Messages
161
Reaction score
98
Age
24
So like:
Her, "Hey, my head is floating, I'm just in a weird place, I want to talk. I don't want you to be mad or hurt you. I know I have mood swings, blah blah blah"
Me, "lol you ok? Seems like you are taking this way too seriously"

Your frame with her should be: It's all good. Why are you freaking out? Good to hear from you but I have to run. See you sometime soon.
Thanks a lot. Will try to keep it light. So no chance of plating her?

In 3 weeks I managed to only see her 2 or 3 times max. All times in group settings. Friendzoning her is good. But I really dont feel like hanging out with her. Though I know I'll have to as her best friend is dating my best friend.

Ive lost all respect for her. Especially because basically she "realised a week later Im too close a friend to lose" (ive known her for less than 6 months, though I was pretty AFC).

Im not her consolation prize or backup option. Im also a bit pissed since I feel played.
 

oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
1,087
Reaction score
1,892
Age
44
No chance of plating her due to the emotions you are expressing, your past AFC actions, the group dynamics, and her unsteady desire for you. I'd focus more on controlling your emotions toward her (anger, attraction, etc).

If you friendzone her, you aren't a consolation prize or backup option because if she comes back around to you looking to hookup, you aren't going to take her up on it. Your mindset needs to be you are setting the terms of your relationship with her, not the other way around, and your terms are "friendzone." Don't tell her that, don't even talk to her about your "relationship" or your "friendship". Simply dodge that kind of discussion with playful teasing and subject changes.... just brush it off.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

Clamslammer

Don Juan
Joined
May 6, 2018
Messages
134
Reaction score
164
Age
37
I already f@cked another girl but I still have some form of oneitis.

Girl got into core group. She used to be flirty but I didn't think much. (My first mistake not showing my intention). Only after a buddy revealed that while drunk she revealed to a small group that she fancied me. We used to message a bit but then ramped up the messages a lot. (My second mistake)

Got together with her. Week later she said she is freaking out blah blah if it was some stranger she would have said no etc. I suggested we forget this and move on she wanted time. Gave her time then she called and said "Dont want to risk friendship, I really value it even if you dont" I was just told her ok, cool. Cant force you to do sh1t you dont want to. (I found out she doesnt have a core group and is scared of being pshed out if sh1t doesnt go well)

Pulled back from her. She dm'ed asking whether I wanted to chill and then after I accepted it was posted for others to join us.

She's still flirty and tries to hold my arm/rest head on shoulder that typical bf/gf sh1t. I try to ignore it and but then amplified her actions (she hugs me I move my hand round her and then grab her ass).

At least I made one correct step and that is Ive stopped messaging her like before and apparently she is complaining to her gfs that Im annoying/bothering them by being "off" and "rude". One of her gf's is my bestfriends chick.

I want to understand where I went wrong. No point in trying to game her even though she claims she is still attracted. Not sure whether I can plate her.

But I genuinely want to know what I did wrong or what changed and learn so it doesn't happen in the future.
You basically became her gay male girlfriend and does not look at you in a sexual way. Next time you see a girl you like you walk up to her and make your intentions clear...she either blows you out or she comes along for the ride.

You are clearly interested romantically. Please do not contact her again, next time she contacts you invite her over for drinks and food.
 

AttackFormation

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 2, 2014
Messages
3,715
Reaction score
3,162
Age
27
Location
Sweden
As long as you keep thinking that there is a chance you could be sexual with her if only you "out-game" her, she may have lost you as a a eunuch attendant but she still has you thinking about her which is what she wants. The only way to win these games is to have a zero games policy, and not play. Pretend she is a male - acknowledge her as minimally as possible, don't care about explaining yourself, and don't try to "figure out" how to have sex with her.
 

isasda66

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2019
Messages
161
Reaction score
98
Age
24
Good thing is she seemed pretty pissed. I didnt get dragged down in her text conversations.

Hopefully she gets the message.

She bitched to her bestfriend about me being rude psycho blah blah and then her last statements were that more than rude im acting different.

People will talk so do I continue saying nothing is wrong its just that im busy so thats why she may be feeling like that or do I only tell a close friend or two?
 

oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
1,087
Reaction score
1,892
Age
44
You shouldn't want to piss her off. No point in that. ARE you being rude and psycho? Psycho is a pretty strong word that MOST girls wouldn't use to describe a guy who is just distancing himself from her and being indifferent, but if she herself is psycho she could be projecting.

And no, do not talk to friends about it. At MOST, if they ask you, you can say, "Odd, not sure what is up. Thought she and I agreed we make good friends. Anyway..... what's up this weekend?" and leave it at that.
 

isasda66

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2019
Messages
161
Reaction score
98
Age
24
but if she herself is psycho she could be projecting
She used to call me that playfully because I risked my life for a sports event. This time I think its her friends who weirdly enough asked her why she didnt want to hookup/date with me and now will follow whatever he says.

But I think she is projecting because I kept my message playfull and started brushing aside the whats bothering you friend topic.

Could she be frustrated at not knowing whether she has me as an orbiter?

you can say, "Odd, not sure what is up. Thought she and I agreed we make good friends. Anyway..... what's up this weekend?" and leave it at that.
Cool. I though of saying "All good. no clue why she blah blah " Just wasnt sure.
 

jaymbrs

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 27, 2017
Messages
1,212
Reaction score
972
Age
34
Good thing is she seemed pretty pissed. I didnt get dragged down in her text conversations.

Hopefully she gets the message.

She bitched to her bestfriend about me being rude psycho blah blah and then her last statements were that more than rude im acting different.

People will talk so do I continue saying nothing is wrong its just that im busy so thats why she may be feeling like that or do I only tell a close friend or two?
This says alot. This is a difficult situation since she's in your inner circle but she's trying to put you down to others just because she's not getting what she wants. I'd try and cut ties with this crazy ***** asap. Before you know, she'll have everyone thinking you're a bad person. Let your closest friend know about this and start getting people on your side before she does.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,997
Reaction score
10,308
Location
DFW, TX
True measurement of a woman’s attraction is compliance, not attention. Attention is breadcrumbs. She is just breadcrumbing you. As soon as you try to get some sexual compliance she ghosts. It’s a one sided relationship and will ruin your self esteem the longer you entertain her.

Soon even your family and friends will instinctively sh1t on you because you will be carrying a vibe of a pitiful person.
When we are low they will attempt to step on us. When we stand tall many will respect and treat with deference while others attempt to shoot down.
 

gettinit

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Sep 6, 2017
Messages
202
Reaction score
168
If you friendzone her, you aren't a consolation prize or backup option because if she comes back around to you looking to hookup, you aren't going to take her up on it. Your mindset needs to be you are setting the terms of your relationship with her, not the other way around, and your terms are "friendzone." Don't tell her that, don't even talk to her about your "relationship" or your "friendship". Simply dodge that kind of discussion with playful teasing and subject changes.... just brush it off.
This /\ /\

This is a fairly close parallel to to what I am dealing with right now, with the exception of the one off s*x and what you are dealing with is exactly what I was worried might happen in my social circle. Smear campaigns can be pretty diabolical and subtle if she tries to go that route to maintain her position in the group. Basically death by a thousand cuts. I am slowly backing away while maintaining a "friendly" demeanor and limiting text conversations and contact, just as you are. Treat her like she is a friendly neighbor, nothing special, yet not completely ignoring either. Otherwise, its will give anything bad she may say, credence. This course of action seems to be working out, for me anyway. She has set a nice little trap though, by asking to get together since she has something for me. Pretty difficult to avoid that one without coming across as a d*ck. I'll be sure to make it a group situation, be friendly and have an excuse leave ready if I feel the need. What I am getting at, is that there is always a solution if you keep a clear head and just chill. Take control of things, don't play into her hands and keep in mind that this will all soon be forgotten.
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
2,616
Reaction score
2,419
Just keep acting like you want to fvxk her and keep getting sexual towards her. Don't care whether she accepts or rejects...the more you act this way and don't care about her reactions the more the tables turn in your favor.
 

redskinsfan92

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 18, 2018
Messages
1,389
Reaction score
1,077
Age
28
Tell her friend WITH BENEFITS is fine with you. You value the benefits
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
5,640
Reaction score
3,685
She used to be flirty but I didn't think much
You said this...
Only after a buddy revealed that while drunk she revealed to a small group that she fancied me
And then this. Im thinking that you you might have missed her intetest at first. She flirted and you only responded after someone else told you she was interested then did you react.
This is hard for a frmale to overcome do to her self esteem level.
Im thinking hers is low because a low self esteem girl will want a man who raises it...
If she were high self esteem she would persue you harder do to this lack of interest ,"not thinking much of it" after her flirting. She would be feeling why isnt he into me?
I think she is not a good joice because of this... but maybe a plate..
She got kicked out of her other circle so something is up.
Be on guard with this chick but i say this outside what you did wrong too..which was inaction.
Slow to respond.
Girls dont directly flirt this strong at first. Some do... but when they do flirt its for a reason.
 

isasda66

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2019
Messages
161
Reaction score
98
Age
24
You said this...
And then this. Im thinking that you you might have missed her intetest at first. She flirted and you only responded after someone else told you she was interested then did you react.
This is hard for a frmale to overcome do to her self esteem level.
Im thinking hers is low because a low self esteem girl will want a man who raises it...
If she were high self esteem she would persue you harder do to this lack of interest ,"not thinking much of it" after her flirting. She would be feeling why isnt he into me?
I think she is not a good joice because of this... but maybe a plate..
She got kicked out of her other circle so something is up.
Be on guard with this chick but i say this outside what you did wrong too..which was inaction.
Slow to respond.
Girls dont directly flirt this strong at first. Some do... but when they do flirt its for a reason.
Lol I moved on from her. Brings back memories. I've come a long way in the last six months but I still have a long way to go.

Yeah I had a BP mentality of being nice and thinking girls are these pure creatures. Holy **** was I wrong. Now I rather get rejected and move on.

Girls dont directly flirt this strong at first. Some do... but when they do flirt its for a reason.
Whats the reason typically?
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
5,640
Reaction score
3,685
Lol I moved on from her. Brings back memories. I've come a long way in the last six months but I still have a long way to go.

Yeah I had a BP mentality of being nice and thinking girls are these pure creatures. Holy **** was I wrong. Now I rather get rejected and move on.


Whats the reason typically?
If she is engaging you directly in flirting she wants to get a feel for you. There is a wide range here bro. Anywhere from validation to "I want to fck now"
To anything in between.
Hard question to answer without context.
But on a subroutine level all high self worth girls are testing your masculine frame and your own self esteem after an initial attraction.
 

isasda66

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2019
Messages
161
Reaction score
98
Age
24
But on a subroutine level all high self worth girls are testing your masculine frame and your own self esteem after an initial attraction.
They always want to test whether they can get my commitment without anything sexual.

A guy who agrees to friends has shot himself. Because she knows that he wont bother with anyone else if he agrees to her terms.
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
2,265
Reaction score
2,656
Age
47
I already f@cked another girl but I still have some form of oneitis.

Girl got into core group. She used to be flirty but I didn't think much. (My first mistake not showing my intention). Only after a buddy revealed that while drunk she revealed to a small group that she fancied me. We used to message a bit but then ramped up the messages a lot. (My second mistake)

Got together with her. Week later she said she is freaking out blah blah if it was some stranger she would have said no etc. I suggested we forget this and move on she wanted time. Gave her time then she called and said "Dont want to risk friendship, I really value it even if you dont" I was just told her ok, cool. Cant force you to do sh1t you dont want to. (I found out she doesnt have a core group and is scared of being pshed out if sh1t doesnt go well)

Pulled back from her. She dm'ed asking whether I wanted to chill and then after I accepted it was posted for others to join us.

She's still flirty and tries to hold my arm/rest head on shoulder that typical bf/gf sh1t. I try to ignore it and but then amplified her actions (she hugs me I move my hand round her and then grab her ass).

At least I made one correct step and that is Ive stopped messaging her like before and apparently she is complaining to her gfs that Im annoying/bothering them by being "off" and "rude". One of her gf's is my bestfriends chick.

I want to understand where I went wrong. No point in trying to game her even though she claims she is still attracted. Not sure whether I can plate her.

But I genuinely want to know what I did wrong or what changed and learn so it doesn't happen in the future.
She sounds like a waste of time. She discloses to your group that she is interested in you then when you show interest she backs off and gives you the biggest BS line out there "i dont want to jeopardize the friend ship. Blah blah blah."

Backing off was perfect. She reacted and is now bitching you are 'off'. Of course you are. Her actions switched you off and now she is dealing with the consequences of her actions.

You didnt go wrong. She did. You are the prize and she is looking to waste your time. The ball is 100 % in her court to fix things. The problem is she is trying to play games for attention. She wants to be chased and dangle you from a string. You dont have time for that .
Go date other women. She knows exactly what she did wrong and is looking to get you to chase. Do not bite.
 
Top