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Waitress ignores me, not my friend

vudufixit

Don Juan
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Hmmm... here's one that's been bothering me a bit.
I suppose my friend is a lot better looking than I am,
because no matter which restaurant we go to, or
where the table is, or how we arrange seating
(in other words, I'm trying to account for issues
like glaring light, and comfortable standing position),
it seems waitresses pay far more attention
to my friend.
They'll ask him, if "there's anything else you want" or
otherwise act as if he's the only one at the table.
It's a bit annoying, and obviously different each time,
but I still have to wonder.
I'm not exactly horrible looking - I'm not fat or balding -
he's heavier than I am and getting heavier, and I don't
have any major skin problems or a sloppy facial hair
(almost always clean shaven).
Do I really look that bad compared to my friend?
Am I being concerned/resentful for no reason?
Although a person can't improve their looks too much
(outside of weight control and musculature), what
can they do to command a little more respect and
attention?

Anyone else encounter the same thing when they're out with
a friend or friends?

Thanks, guys...
 

One on One

Master Don Juan
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It's not your looks. He establishes himself as the Alpha Male. He probably leads the way to the table or is the first to speak up when the waitress asks something. It's just the general aura that he gives off is that of the Alpha Male. Stick around a while and you'll learn what this is all about and you'll become that Alpha Male.
 

bigforearms

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I agree. It has very little to do with your looks. It has to do with the way you're presenting yourself. You need to come off as the decision maker of the pair, or at least someone who can hold his own.

Do you ever hear yourself saying "I don't care" when your friend asks to split a plate of nachos? Don't. Have a definite opinion. Better yet, be the one who makes the first offer.

You need to be the first to speak, you need to speak loudly (not shouting), clearly, and to the point. Never mumble. If you don't know what you want when she asks, don't try to figure it out while she stands there--tell her to come back in a few minutes. Don't look down at the table, or around the restaurant nervously. Either look her in the eye, look at your menu (if you're genuinely looking for food), or look forward. Never say "umm" or "uhh".

When you're sitting in a booth or in a chair, sit up straight, with your shoulders slightly back and your head back. Slouching, drooping your shoulders, or holding your head down are all signs of a depressed/indecisive/Gamma male.

An underappreciated part of presenting yourself as an Alpha has to do with your face. A lot of your personality and current emotional state can be read in your eyes/eyebrows. When you're in public, watch the way Alphas have their eyes. It's either a serious or feisty look, depending on the personality. Next time you're feeling very triumphant for publicly conquering a challenge, think about how you're holding your face. That's the eye shape you want to have. Practice in front of a mirror making your eyes look more masculine. After you've got the eyes down, work on your mouth and jawline. If your friends say something like "what's wrong with your face?" you're overdoing it. Remember, you're not trying to look like a model, you're trying to look like you have confidence.

If you can pull it off, wearing bright colors, especially red and orange, will make you stand out more. They won't compensate for a bad face or posture, so this should be the last thing you should worry about.

Your friend will try to compensate by portraying more dominance characteristics if you get good. Some guys will just quit eventually, while some will keep going until you're basically having a fight everytime you're out together. This could hurt your friendship, or it could make him respect you more. Either way, it's better to lose a friend than be the ***** in the relationship.
 

vudufixit

Don Juan
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Thanks for the two informative posts.
There's never been any conflict between us,
but I do tend to sulk a bit after dinner when
I notice the disparity in treatment.
It's frustrating, because like I said, I know I'm
almost certainly not actually repulsive looking.
I'm just trying to understand where the
disparity in treatment comes from and what
I can or can't do to rectify it.
 

Kwah

Master Don Juan
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Why do you write everying in Haiku's? you dont have to hit enter ever 5 words, this isnt a typewriter.
 

image

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Ser_i

Don Juan
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stop thinking about your looks as if you are not good enough, I agree with the others, it's probably an Alpha thingie

change your attitude, take the initiative (spl?)

I have friends who look way better then me, but it is I who starts the conv. with women, it is I who starts talking with the waitress. and they just sit there smiling (AFC :D )


(yes I'm teaching them what I learn here)
 

MDgood

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Yeah, you have to throw yourself into the converstaion. Don't be shy. Smile to the waitresses.

I have a friend who is a really attractive guy, and everytime we go out to he always gets the first looks from the girls. I'm not ugly by a long shot, and when I'm in a group of guys I usually get the looks from the girls. But I'm just not anywhere nearly as attractive as he is. He, however, isn't much of a talker, doesn't make eye contact, etc., probably never learned to do it because he never needs to do it. But it leaves me the opportunity to shoot right in and take control.
 

BobbDobbs

Senior Don Juan
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The term "alpha male" seems a bit extreme. In a group of two or more people, someone is always a bit more dominant. It doesn't matter if it is two guys, two gals, or a guy and a gal. One of them is more likely to set the agenda.

This makes it a bit simpler to overcome. Just be a bit more assertive and involved when the target of interest is in range.
 

Royal-tiger

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Looks are getting too much attention

In my past thread relating to the mathematical flaw of Hot or Not I had emphasized that we tend to put emphasis on our looks rather than the personality.

I had concluded that instead of worrying about how others look it will be far more realistic and advantageous if we just feel (and incorporate) what we should radiate i.e., if you believe your persona is "9" the world around you will perceive the same.

Like others have suggested, downplay the "look" aspect (as it is not relevant). Focus on enhancing your personality. And you got the charisma. ;) Screw "following" and make your own way!
 
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