djapotheosis
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- Joined
- Feb 14, 2005
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G'day fellow DJ's! I'm just your run-of-the-mill lurker with a few questions about a certain predicament I've found myself in. Before I get into the nitty-gritty though, it's probably best if I introduce myself.
I was told about these forums by a friend roughly 4-5 years ago, and visited almost religiously for about a 2 year period of time. I've read most of the articles and tips (and threads!) from that time, and have found myself (imho) progress from an AFC to a more self-confident, budding DJ! I've been more confident with the ladies since then, and as a result, found myself looking more to instinct than the "search" feature on these forums over the years
But after going through about two LTR's (8 mo's and a year, respectively), I've come to find that though my confidence is still in check, my game has taken a bit of a hit. Guilty as charged of violating the 3s-rule on numerous occasions, and digging myself into friend zone after friend zone by showing rather than being. And here I find myself...
I met this girl in Chem lecture one day, checking up on problem sets. Cute, amazing personality, about an 8 on my scale. I introduced myself, small-talked about the problem set, got her name and screenname (AIM) and figured I'd get her number another time (rusty, as you can see!). I waited a few days, then IM'd her, suggesting we work on an upcoming problem set that weekend. She agreed, and in our meeting, I worked some kino into the small-talk and set myself up with some decent C&F. Eventually, some other people in our class came over and we all brainstormed till we were satisfied with our solutions, and one of the guys offered her a ride back up to her dorm (all the frosh live up campus, I'm a soph down west of campus). I offered that she COULD take the ride, or she could take an exhilarating walk back with yours truly. Sure enough, she turned down the ride and we walked back to her dorm. I dropped her off at the door to her building, but I've never been too good with closers. Like an AFC, I piped up, "so how does this work? shake? pound? hug?" We did all 3, and I left, unsatisfied, but on the high that every guy gets spending an evening with a fun, attractive girl.
Cut to recent times (about a week later). I've done a couple of AFC'ish things. I've IM'd her first two or three times in four days, although she always responded. I've let a phone conversation or two draw out and die out with small talk, with her leaving first one of those times. I skipped a class to walk with her to a class that was in some remote location across campus, saying I considered it "an adventure." I've also found out via a college friendster-type dealie that she has a boyfriend.
Come to think of it... she hasn't made any real disclosures in the time we've talked. She's talked about her family a few times, but she's the kind of girl with a quick wit and adept sense of humor that can provoke a laugh with an unseen wink. And so the conversation always stays light. I brought up frustration with females (via an ex-girlfriend of about a month) once to provoke some medium-quality disclosure, she retorted "ahh fresh wounds". I assured her there was no baggage!
Tonight I visited the dining hall she works at and waited till she took her break (about 30 minutes), bored out of my skull (which she saw, unfortunately). When I saw her heading over peripherally, I decided to take a trip to get some ice cream and turn the tables on the waiting game for a bit. When I returned, I saw and overheard her talking to a friend about Chemistry. I kept my cool, sat down and ate my ice cream until her friend left and she inquired "hey, do you want to go sit with my friends?" I replied that I was almost done and that it made no sense to move since I'd be leaving soon. I also suggested that she could go over if she desired (guilt trippy? eh). She sat with me and we small-talked, as usual, and I brought up seeing a movie with her tomorrow (Eternal Sunshine..) She said she didn't know what she was doing tomorrow and she'd call me to let me know. Of course, the DJ in me couldn't have that! I immediately responded, "Alright, tomorrow at 9 it is then." And she smiled and agreed.
So the date's set up. I didn't realize it was V-Day tomorrow though! Now... she said she'd be coming from a dinner commitment, so I'm assuming she means with her boyfriend. With the lack of disclosures so far (like the fact that she HAS a boyfriend) and thus intimacy so far, I have a feeling my chances are slim of getting anywhere. But she confirmed the movie plans, and I added in a trip down to collegetown for some tea to provide opportunity for some disclosures and the like. My questions are: how should I proceed with the date (pretty much going out for tea and then coming back to my dorm for a movie), what should I make of the situation I'm in, and should I keep up hope or shout NEXT?
-DJ apotheosis (getting there... )
I was told about these forums by a friend roughly 4-5 years ago, and visited almost religiously for about a 2 year period of time. I've read most of the articles and tips (and threads!) from that time, and have found myself (imho) progress from an AFC to a more self-confident, budding DJ! I've been more confident with the ladies since then, and as a result, found myself looking more to instinct than the "search" feature on these forums over the years
But after going through about two LTR's (8 mo's and a year, respectively), I've come to find that though my confidence is still in check, my game has taken a bit of a hit. Guilty as charged of violating the 3s-rule on numerous occasions, and digging myself into friend zone after friend zone by showing rather than being. And here I find myself...
I met this girl in Chem lecture one day, checking up on problem sets. Cute, amazing personality, about an 8 on my scale. I introduced myself, small-talked about the problem set, got her name and screenname (AIM) and figured I'd get her number another time (rusty, as you can see!). I waited a few days, then IM'd her, suggesting we work on an upcoming problem set that weekend. She agreed, and in our meeting, I worked some kino into the small-talk and set myself up with some decent C&F. Eventually, some other people in our class came over and we all brainstormed till we were satisfied with our solutions, and one of the guys offered her a ride back up to her dorm (all the frosh live up campus, I'm a soph down west of campus). I offered that she COULD take the ride, or she could take an exhilarating walk back with yours truly. Sure enough, she turned down the ride and we walked back to her dorm. I dropped her off at the door to her building, but I've never been too good with closers. Like an AFC, I piped up, "so how does this work? shake? pound? hug?" We did all 3, and I left, unsatisfied, but on the high that every guy gets spending an evening with a fun, attractive girl.
Cut to recent times (about a week later). I've done a couple of AFC'ish things. I've IM'd her first two or three times in four days, although she always responded. I've let a phone conversation or two draw out and die out with small talk, with her leaving first one of those times. I skipped a class to walk with her to a class that was in some remote location across campus, saying I considered it "an adventure." I've also found out via a college friendster-type dealie that she has a boyfriend.
Come to think of it... she hasn't made any real disclosures in the time we've talked. She's talked about her family a few times, but she's the kind of girl with a quick wit and adept sense of humor that can provoke a laugh with an unseen wink. And so the conversation always stays light. I brought up frustration with females (via an ex-girlfriend of about a month) once to provoke some medium-quality disclosure, she retorted "ahh fresh wounds". I assured her there was no baggage!
Tonight I visited the dining hall she works at and waited till she took her break (about 30 minutes), bored out of my skull (which she saw, unfortunately). When I saw her heading over peripherally, I decided to take a trip to get some ice cream and turn the tables on the waiting game for a bit. When I returned, I saw and overheard her talking to a friend about Chemistry. I kept my cool, sat down and ate my ice cream until her friend left and she inquired "hey, do you want to go sit with my friends?" I replied that I was almost done and that it made no sense to move since I'd be leaving soon. I also suggested that she could go over if she desired (guilt trippy? eh). She sat with me and we small-talked, as usual, and I brought up seeing a movie with her tomorrow (Eternal Sunshine..) She said she didn't know what she was doing tomorrow and she'd call me to let me know. Of course, the DJ in me couldn't have that! I immediately responded, "Alright, tomorrow at 9 it is then." And she smiled and agreed.
So the date's set up. I didn't realize it was V-Day tomorrow though! Now... she said she'd be coming from a dinner commitment, so I'm assuming she means with her boyfriend. With the lack of disclosures so far (like the fact that she HAS a boyfriend) and thus intimacy so far, I have a feeling my chances are slim of getting anywhere. But she confirmed the movie plans, and I added in a trip down to collegetown for some tea to provide opportunity for some disclosures and the like. My questions are: how should I proceed with the date (pretty much going out for tea and then coming back to my dorm for a movie), what should I make of the situation I'm in, and should I keep up hope or shout NEXT?
-DJ apotheosis (getting there...
)